Conflicted (6 page)

“I see,” he said. I looked up at his nameplate. It read Harris. I wondered what his first name was. Damn me and my twenty questions for
everything.

“Do you know why I stopped you?”
he asked, knowing I already knew the damn answer. He just wanted me to have to say it.

“Was I speeding?” I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes.
“If I was, I blame the car.”

“Yes, you were going three times the speed limit. Do you have any speeding tickets on your record?”

I shook my head no. “I’m not from around here, and this is my first time driving his car,” I lied, batting my eyelashes again. “I’m real sorry. It won’t happen again, I assure you.”

He let out a heavy sigh before handing me my paperwork back. “Don’t let me catch you again.”

“You won’t,” I promised.

He seemed to be standing there hesitating about something.

“One more thing, will you accompany me to dinner tonight?”

Shit
, what a predicament.

“I’d love to…” It came out before I could even give it a second thought.

I put my hand out to take the papers back and his fingertips grazed mine.

“Todd. Meet me at
Milo’s around seven.” He winked and I melted.

Dammit, I was going to have to go home and break my agreement with Derek. I didn’t want to pass up other options when Derek wasn’t willing to give me more than sex.

I headed to my first and only destination - the salon. I needed a Brazilian wax and a mani/pedi - stat.

After getting thoroughly tortured, I headed back home
and Derek was exactly where I’d left him, banging on his drums. He tossed his sticks aside and approached me, with sweat dripping down his forehead. I glanced up into his eyes and felt torn. I didn’t want to give up what we had going on, but I didn’t want to give up on other opportunities either. I was too young for that shit.

“Did you miss me?”

He breathed into my ear, making a familiar chill travel up my spine. I gave a meek nod. I had kind of missed him. Okay, I’m lying. I’d missed him more than I should have, which was just another reason that I needed to go out tonight. He was becoming such a big part of my life in such a short span of time that I needed a little breathing room.

“I was thinking we could go out tonight. Just the two of us.” He sounded hopeful.

Fuck! No, Joss. You cannot go down that road,
my conscience screamed at me. My heart was screaming,
say yes
, while my brain was running in the opposite direction. I knew that it wasn’t going to end well for either of us if we let it move past what it was. Just sex.

“
Tonight’s not going to work. I was actually going to talk to you about that.” I bit down on my lip, causing him to raise an eyebrow in question. “See, I kind of got pulled over earlier and the cop asked me to dinner. I may have said yes,” I said guiltily.

He looked a little taken aback
and I may have seen a glimpse of vulnerability before he put his mask firmly back in place. “Okay, I guess I’ll go at it alone then.”

I
’d hurt him and I knew it. In that moment, I wanted to have a redo of walking in the door. It wasn’t going to happen, though. It was what was best for both of us.

“I’m sorry, Derek
,” I said, holding back the tears that were coming on.

“Save it,” he said
and walked away.

So much for no strings attached…

CHAPTER SIX

I WON’T SEE YOU TONIGHT

DEREK

Fucking-A! Everything I
’d promised myself had just gone right out the damn window. I’d told myself not to get attached and look where it had landed me. More than anything, I wished I could find a way to make her not go out tonight. Even though we’d had a mutual agreement, I wasn’t going to be the one holding her back. She didn’t know everything about me, or all the baggage that I harbored deep down inside. My hands were tied. I wasn’t going to taint her with my fucked up life.

Walking up to my room, I headed straight into the shower and turned the water on as hot as it would go, allowing it to loosen up my stiff, aching muscles. Fuck her
; I was going out tonight, too. Maybe we both needed a little breather. We’d spent the last week cooped up inside the house, barely leaving the bed, let alone coming up for air.

I picked out a pair of dark denim jeans and a baby blue fitted t-shirt. I rifled through my closet until I found a plaid button up that matched and dressed in a hurry. I didn’t want to be there when she left. I knew there was no way I’d be able to stop myself from begging her not to go after I saw whatever voodoo she was upstairs performing. I yelled out a goodbye and headed to
Milo’s, a new bar/bistro that had opened downtown.

Swallowing my pride, I ordered a beer from the bar and went to take up some real estate near the corner. It was times like this when I missed my wingman. I
was debating looking for a quick hookup, or if I should just go home and call it a night, when I saw her walk in the door looking like sin. Figures that we’d end up at the same fucking place. Her short black dress clung to her every curve. Her hair was curled and flowing like some sort of fucking goddess. My eyes traced down her legs and I spotted a pair of red, sky-high stilettos. My dick twitched in my pants and my jealousy level spiked off the charts. She was supposed to be mine. I felt like the kid in the sandbox when you’re little. Yeah, you know, the one who doesn’t want to share.

As she looked around the bar, I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. Her eyes landed at a table
on the other side. She smiled and made her way over to some bald tool in a black dress shirt and jeans. Great, he looked like a fucking cop too.

Do not punch a cop,
I told myself repeatedly.

Finishing the rest of my beer in one sip, I quickly ordered another. I was going to need it. She ordered some frilly pink drink, even though she wasn’t old enough. Surely, Officer
Awesomepants already knew that since he’d seen her license earlier. He reached over and put his hand on her thigh.

I’d seen enough. I couldn’t take it anymore. Quickly chugging half of my new beer, I stood up and made my way over to their table. I was probably going to make a
huge ass out of myself, but at this point, I couldn’t care less.

Her eyes got wide as I approached. I could see her pulse hammering in her slender neck.
Yeah sweetheart, I know the effect I have on you.

“Joss, fancy seeing you here,” I said slyly. I was getting a little too much satisfaction knowing the discomfort she was experiencing.

“Did you follow me here?” She stammered, looking a delicious shade of pink.

“No sweetheart, I was here first.” I pointed over to the corner where I
’d just came from.

“Oh- well, oh.” She was speechless. “This is Todd, my date for the evening.” She put her hand out, gesturing toward him.

He turned to face me with a smug look on his face. “Nice to meet you…”

“Derek.” I wanted to bang on my chest and growl, or punch him in the face. The latter was my first
choice. I had no idea where these feelings were coming from, but they were unsettling the shit out of me. I scowled at him. “You know your date there isn’t twenty-one yet, right?”

Joss glared at me, looking hurt and embarrassed. It
sort of made me wish I could erase the stupid shit I say, knowing that I was the one acting like an irrational asshole. I wasn’t really sorry, but it’s the thought that counts.

“Yeah, I know. It’s just one drink. Calm down, killer,” he teased, making my blood boil.

Feeling like I was about to lose my shit, I walked out of the bar, pushing open the heavy wooden door and making my way to my car. After fumbling with my keys and punching my steering wheel a handful of times, I started it and headed back home. I knew I couldn’t let myself get attached to Joss, or anyone for that matter. The fact that she was Blake’s sister just made it an even bigger no-no, since I’d be looking at the beat down of the century for hurting her if it went that far. It was already teetering on very dangerous ground. Deep down, I knew I was going to have to make some tough decisions and distancing myself from Joss was going to the top of that list.

JOSS

After dinner and drinks, Todd asked if I wanted to go back to his place. Since our conversation flowed easily and there was no denying there was some connection between us, I agreed. I also knew with a thousand percent certainty that Derek was going to be beyond pissed off at me and he needed time to cool off. The last option was completely out of the question because there was no way in hell that I was showing up on Blake’s doorstep at two in the morning, letting him think that I was incapable of looking after myself.

As we made our way to the parking lot,
Todd stopped at a huge, black truck and opened the passenger side door. As he helped hoist me up, the size of the truck should have been a red flag that there was a strong chance he was compensating for something.

He had a
nice apartment not far from the bar. It was small, but clean for being a bachelor pad. Todd excused himself and came out a few minutes later shirtless, in a pair of gym shorts that hung low on his ripped waist. He had an impressive set of washboard abs that rested between his sculpted V and a killer grin to boot. Although I felt slightly guilty for fucking things up with Derek, I still doubted the best way to fix the situation was by going home.

“Hey,” Todd said, breaking my train of thought. “Earth to Joss, what
’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“Sorry, just thinking,” I lied.

“Care to share?” He flashed me a megawatt smile.

“No, I’m good,” I lied, again.

I stood there feeling torn about what to do, until Todd took control of the situation, placing his hand in mine and leading me over to the couch. He gently tugged me, so I was sitting next to him. Lacing his hand into my hair, he leaned in and kissed me. The kiss was soft and gentle, with a hint of spice. I couldn’t help but compare his kiss to Derek’s, whose kisses were always filled with desire and need. Before I could stop myself, I straddled Todd’s waist, wanting more.

His
lust filled eyes told me what I needed to know. He wanted me. Bad.

He got to his feet with me still wrapped around him and
we moved down the short hallway to his bedroom without breaking the kiss. He stopped to turn on the light, dimly lighting the small green bedroom with just a full size bed and a dresser. I noticed a picture of whom I assumed were his parents. Grown men shouldn’t have pictures of their parents facing their beds; it’s just creepy. A tiny voice in the back of my head said maybe I should leave, but I was frozen in place.

Taking a deep breath to help ease the little bit of tension I was feeling,
I sat with Todd on the edge of his bed. I placed my hands in my lap feeling unsure and Todd bent down, kissing me tenderly. Again, his lips were soft and sensual against mine. He slowly dipped his tongue into my mouth, swiping it against mine, sending lightning bolts to my core.

Todd could kiss.

Reaching my hands around his neck, I grabbed onto his biceps and scooted back further on the bed, pulling him with me. His hand slowly caressed up my leg, past the hem of my skirt and toward my thigh, until he reached my wetness. His finger lightly grazed my clit, making me gasp. After kissing his way down my neck, he pulled the halter part of my dress down, completely exposing me.

“Okay?”
he asked.

Biting my lip, I nodded. He took my nipple in his mouth, swirling and gently biting down with his teeth. This was going way better than expected. He lifted my bottom so he could remove my dress the rest of the way.

“Can we leave the shoes on? They make your legs look incredible,” he groaned, running a fingertip over the red patent leather.

I stifled
a giggle. “If you want.”

I
’d never had a one-night stand and curiosity, stubbornness, stupidity, and being twenty got the best of me. I wanted the chance to feel adventurous and free. Here I was, about to have a one-night stand with a cop of all people. Sure, I liked sex. It was an empowerment thing for me, but I wasn’t the girl who just fell into bed with random strangers either. I felt like I needed to prove a point to myself, to prove that the thing I had with Derek was nothing more than sex, that there was nothing emotional about it. I didn’t want emotional. I wanted freedom.

Todd started kissing down my stomach at a leisurely pace,
but when he reached my core things went south.
Fast.

“What the fuck are you doing down there? It’s not a piece of bubblegum!” I shrieked. “Do yourself a favor and practice on a mango before you
maul my lady parts!”

I’ve had
bad oral before, but Todd took the fucking cake.

A shocked look crossed his face and all I wanted to do was
go home. I quickly moved out from under him and collected my clothes. Making my way into the bathroom, I dressed quickly, looking in the mirror and felt horrible about myself. Smoothing my hair so it looked less like a haystack, I turned to see him staring at me.

“Tonight
was amazing,” he said, leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom.

“Yep, it sure was,” I grumbled, feeling
very unsatisfied.

“You’re leaving? I thought you’d want to spend the night,” he said, sounding genuinely disappointed.

“Sorry, I have plans early tomorrow. Thanks for tonight.”

What? It’s all I could muster.

He leaned in and I gave him a quick peck on the lips before practically sprinting to the front door, only to realize that my car was at the bar. FUCK! I really didn’t want to walk all the way back in my killer heels. Letting out an exasperated sigh, he came up behind me, still shirtless, with keys in hand.

“Come on, I’ll take you.”

Biting the inside of my cheek, I promised myself that I could have a good cry when I got to the safety of my own car. We drove in awkward silence back to the bar. As soon as he was at a complete stop, I was out of there.

Tears pricked my eyes before I even had the key in the ignition as it came crashing down on me that I shouldn’t have gone home with
Todd. I shouldn’t have gone out with him in the first place. I just wanted to live a little, which was hard when you had an overprotective dad and an overbearing brother watching your every move.

DEREK

After stripping down to my boxers, I climbed into bed and stared out the window, facing the driveway. I couldn’t keep myself from wondering if Joss was going to come back here tonight, or if she was going to go home with Officer Big Douche.

My answer came at four in the morning when there was a dip in the bed.

“Hey,” she whispered. I could tell that she’d been crying, but after staying up worrying about her, I finally got pissed off enough that I managed to fall asleep. There was no way I was playing her games tonight. So what if my body was screaming to touch her?

“Get out of my bed,” I yelled, pulling a pillow over my face. “I’m not playing these fucking head games with you, Joss. I’m serious
; get out of my bed!”

I could tell she was pouting. “Don’t you want to know how it went?”

“Are you being fucking serious right now? No, I don’t give a flying fuck how it went. It obviously went pretty good if you’re just coming home. You even smell like him so get the fuck out of my bed!” 

“If it makes you feel any better, it was horrible, Derek. I fucked up, big time.”

“Joss, it’s the middle of the night, you go off with some stranger, and then think that you can come climb into my bed. You’re out of your fucking mind!” It took every ounce of self-restraint I had not to toss her off the bed.

“I guess I deserve it, but you need me just as much as I need you. I saw it in your eyes earlier.”

Sitting up, I looked her square in the eye. “I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone! Just go, Joss.”

Calm down
, dude. She’s just a girl. 

She climbed out of bed with a defeated look on her face, but I didn’t give two shits about how she felt. I wasn’t going to turn into her plaything
and I didn’t want my emotions to become deeper than they already were.

I knew that I
’d had feelings for Joss for a long time now. It probably had something to do with the fact that I’d been the one to take her v-card when she was eighteen. It just ended up happening one night and, if Blake ever found out, there was a good chance he’d never talk to me again. I couldn’t risk that at the time so I kept it to myself, and obviously since I’m still breathing, she did too.