Class Is Not Dismissed! (2 page)

Seconds later the VW bus jerked to a standstill and
the back door swung open, releasing a wobbly Theodore Bartholomew. The chubby brown-haired boy with glasses was dressed in
salmon golf shorts, a turquoise polo shirt, Top-Sider sailing shoes, and a plaid fanny pack. All in all, there was very little
that was redeeming about his outfit.

“I’m telling Mom and Dad, Joaquin!
Do you hear me?
You promised them you wouldn’t drive over forty miles an hour. And even with my life flashing before my eyes, I could see
that the speedometer was at fifty,” thirteen-year-old Theo shrieked at his older brother as he unloaded two bags.

Theo was a nervous New Yorker, a child who had grown up worrying that danger or even death was waiting for him and his family
around every bend. The youngest of seven children, Theo had exhausted his family with his theatrical displays of concern,
most notably his Dead or Alive tracking system. Prior to attending School of Fear, Theo had tracked his family relentlessly,
logging their status dead or alive, in his trusty notebook. He had also spent vast quantities of time writing letters to the
mayor of New York on ways to make the city safer. Much to Theo’s annoyance, the
mayor never responded—not even to his proposal for a citywide law requiring all residents to use antibacterial hand sanitizer
on an hourly basis. Theo had seen the slogan as something catchy yet firm: “The mayor says use Purell or we’ll lock you in
a cell.”

Under the blazing summer sun, Joaquin stared at his high-strung younger brother and sighed.

“Listen, grandpa,” Joaquin mumbled in response to Theo’s speeding accusation.

“Do not take our grandfather’s name in vain. And for the last time, this is
sportswear casual,
not retirement chic. And I will have you know, it’s very
in
this summer.”

“Can’t you ever just chill?” Joaquin remarked with obvious annoyance.

“Seriously, Theo, chill,” Lulu Punchalower seconded as she exited the front seat of the van dressed in an old tee shirt, denim
shorts, and a pair of black Converse sneakers. Thirteen-year-old Lulu’s strawberry blond hair had grown longer and wavier
in the year since she’d left School of Fear. However, the green eyes Lulu so often rolled back in her head still shone as
bright as ever among her sea of freckles.

On the surface the Providence, Rhode Island, native had changed very little since coming to School of Fear. Lulu remained
hardheaded, sarcastic, with more than a penchant for speaking her mind. However, if one looked closer, there were multiple
small yet important shifts. Lulu was now able to enjoy water and other beverages throughout the day, forgoing her ban on liquids
to avoid using restrooms without windows. Before School of Fear, Lulu had been a claustrophobic who would have done almost
anything to avoid confined spaces, including handcuffing herself to cars, toilets, and even the odd stranger. Thankfully Lulu
now left the job of carrying handcuffs to law-enforcement officers and a few overzealous mall cops.

“Chill,”
Theo repeated back to Lulu. “Don’t imitate Joaquin’s speech. He is a derelict. A true degenerate. Did you know that he is
currently in the process of repeating the twelfth grade? And they won’t even let the juvenile delinquents hang out with him
because they think
he’s
a bad influence on
them
. He was voted most likely to shoplift from Rite Aid. That is
not
a good thing!” Theo bellowed as his glasses steamed over from the intense humidity.

“Theo, don’t be jealous. Your brother’s just naturally cooler than you are.”

“See ya, Lu,” Joaquin said before offering Lulu a fist bump and heading back to the car.

“
Lu?
You gave her a nickname? What about me? I am your own flesh and blood, and I have been asking for a nickname for years!”

“Later, Theo,” Joaquin mumbled as he slammed the van door and started the engine.

“Don’t embarrass our DNA; give me a hug goodbye,” Theo shrieked as the van pulled away. “I should have been Italian; they
appreciate family… and pasta.”

“Lulu! Theo!” Madeleine exclaimed cheerfully as she ambled out from under the umbrella toward her friends.

“Now
this
is a proper reaction to seeing a friend,” Theo said judgmentally to Lulu before embracing Madeleine.

“Will you relax? I’m not much of a hugger. Big deal,” Lulu snapped back while offering her fist to Madeleine.

“I’m terribly sorry, Lulu, but what exactly do you expect me to do with that? Is it like rock, paper, scissors?”

“Guys, this is how
cool
people say hello. They bump fists.
Joaq
taught it to me; apparently
everyone
does it, even Obama.”

“All right,” Madeleine said cheerfully before bumping fists with Lulu. “I do enjoy learning how dignitaries greet people.”

Theo cleared his throat loudly while shooting daggers at Lulu.

“What?” Lulu asked with a shrug of the shoulders.

“Not only did you not hug me…”

“I bumped fists with you. Same thing, Theo. Even Maddie knows that, and she’s from
England
.”

“There are a multitude of manners to greet someone, Theo. We shouldn’t be critical of which one Lulu prefers,” Madeleine said
calmly. “In Japan people bow, and in France they kiss each other on the cheeks.”

“She
punched
me!” Theo yelled with sweat dribbling off his eyebrows, down his glasses, and onto his red chipmunkesque cheeks.

“No! You
fell
on my fist, which makes it totally your fault,” Lulu passionately explained.

“
Fell on your fist?
If this were a court of law, the judge would laugh in your face. Perhaps even spit in
your eye,” Theo said as he attempted to wipe his forehead on his sleeve. “Does anyone have a handkerchief? I’m drowning here.”

“Miss Lulu, Mister Theo, I’m terribly sorry to interrupt, but—”

“Oh, Schmidty,” Theo whimpered sweetly as he waddled with open arms toward the old man. “I’ve missed you so. There were even
days when I almost missed the Casu Frazigu, and please note I said
almost,
so don’t put any of it in my food.”

“Dear Mister Theo, I don’t know what to say. I’m terribly touched that you’ve thought of me, and Madame’s fondness for maggot
cheese, at all.”

“
Schm,
you and I are like family, only we’re not related,” Theo said dramatically. “If there weren’t a variety of serious health
risks, I’d prick my finger and make you my blood brother.”

“Did you just call him
Schm?
” Lulu asked harshly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, do you and
Joaq
have a monopoly on nicknames?” Theo hit back.

“How I’ve missed the endless and pointless arguments of Miss Lulu and Mister Theo,” Schmidty muttered to himself.

“Hey, Schmidty,” Lulu said warmly while putting out her fist, which Schmidty willingly bumped.

To reinforce the fact that even Schmidty knew how to fist-bump, Lulu shot Theo an unmistakably victorious glare, which he
pretended not to see. And when Theo purported not to see something, he shot his eyes dramatically from right to left, then
from sky to ground. He had never been very adept at subtlety.

“Macaroni. Oh, Macaroni,” Theo uttered joyfully as he dropped next to the panting dog. “You really are man’s best friend—not
that anyone would have ever mistaken Lulu for that.”

Lulu looked at Schmidty and Madeleine with an exasperated expression. “I’ve been stuck with him for almost five hours,” she
said, “which is four hours and fifty-five minutes over my limit.”

“Miss Lulu, I must inquire how and why the two of you wound up in the same car.”

“That was Theo’s idea. Plus my parents didn’t really want to make the drive again. They said they’d rather play golf.”

“That’s the thanks I get for saving the planet,” Theo
said before taking a long pause.
“Carpooling is not a crime; it’s an environmentally good time.”

“He wrote that himself,” Lulu deadpanned.

“I did,” Theo said proudly. “I see
big
things for that slogan, B-I-G.”

“Why do you feel the need to spell
big?
We all know how to spell
big,
Theo,” Lulu said with cresting annoyance.

“The important thing is that you’re both here. I’ve been so keen to see you and hear about your terms,” Madeleine interjected
in a rather obvious attempt to break the tension.

“I totally forgot how you use weird English words like
keen.
” Lulu smirked. “It’s not a bad thing, I had just totally forgotten until now.”

“Ah, the underhanded Lulu insult. Bet you’ve missed that,” Theo said loudly to Madeleine.

Unsure how to defuse the situation, Madeleine decided it was best to smile. As the young girl grinned, a light creepy-crawly
sensation tickled her left arm. Without thinking, Madeleine jumped while simultaneously slapping herself.

“Oh, sorry, I thought I felt something on my arm. Not a spider, of course. Not that it would have bothered me, because I’m
rather fond of spiders now. I was only concerned that it was an aggressive hummingbird, but it turns out it was just a strand
of hair; it’s rather easy to confuse the two.”

“Why are we still outside?” Theo moaned.

“It
is
awfully humid,” Madeleine acquiesced unsteadily. “I recently learned that two types of North American beetles like to lay
eggs when it’s humid. Isn’t that interesting?”

“I’ve already lost two pounds in water weight. I’m beginning to feel like a model on the runway, all skin and bones,” Theo
grunted, completely ignoring Madeleine’s observation.

“Well, not to worry, Theo. You certainly don’t look like a model,” Lulu retorted quietly.

“I’ll have you know I’ve done some modeling in my time,” Theo said while puffing out his chest with false bravado.

Lulu buckled over with laughter for a good thirty seconds before she could even manage to speak. “That is
such
a lie!
You
… as… a… model. Ha!”

“It’s true!” Theo shot back defensively.

“Oh, really? Then please tell me who you modeled for.”

“It was for an article in a children’s magazine. I believe the title of the story was ‘Bagel Boys: The True Tale of Children
Addicted to Carbohydrates,’ ” Theo said softly, before Lulu erupted again in laughter. “It still counts as modeling!”

“Schmidty, please tell me that Garrison’s returning for the summer,” Madeleine pleaded while watching Theo and Lulu bicker.

M
adeleine, Lulu, Theo, Schmidty, and Macaroni all indulged in a grimace as they waited impatiently for fourteen-year-old Garrison
Feldman’s arrival. Although the boy was technically only ten minutes late, the robust humidity made it feel more like an hour.
While waiting, Theo had squeezed his way onto Macaroni’s lawn chair, mimicking the dog’s position on his back with his arms
and legs up in the air.

Just as Lulu prepared to launch into a critique of Theo’s
inane behavior, a Jeep convertible pumping reggae music rounded the corner, with none other than Garrison Feldman in the front
seat. Much as one would expect to see at the cinema, the sunlight perfectly silhouetted Garrison as he exited the car. He
had grown taller and a great deal more tanned in the year since Lulu, Madeleine, and Theo had last seen him. His once neatly
groomed blond locks now hung in a shaggy mess around his face.

Even dressed in surfer shorts, an old tee shirt, and flip-flops, there was simply no denying it: the boy was gorgeous. Fourteen-year-old
Garrison grabbed his bag and boogie board, then cracked a magnetic smile at the group, instantly mesmerizing everyone. Even
Theo was captivated by his striking appearance, or perhaps it was due to the fact that Garrison’s glistening skin reminded
him of a McDonald’s French fry.

“What’s up?” Garrison said warmly as he held out his hand for Schmidty to shake.

“Welcome back, Mister Garrison,” Schmidty said with a smile.

Garrison returned the smile before extending his hand to Theo, who charged full force, engulfing him in a mammoth bear hug.

“My man, Gary! The boys are back together! Let the bro-mance continue!”

“Don’t call me Gary,” Garrison said as he pushed away a perspiring Theo. “And definitely don’t use the word
bro-mance
. Ever. Not even when you’re alone.”

“Eww, you left a face print on his shirt,” Lulu exclaimed, pointing to the sweat silhouette Theo had left behind.

Luckily, Garrison didn’t notice, having already moved on to Madeleine, who was as red as beetroot, absolutely blushing with
anticipation. While she hadn’t admitted it to anyone, Madeleine often thought of Garrison fondly, especially on cold, gray
London days. But now that he was standing in front of her, she was absolutely overwhelmed by the sensation of her crush.

“Maddie…”

“Hello, Garrison. Did you have a relaxing journey from Miami?” Madeleine asked nervously, speaking at an exceptionally fast
speed.