Class Is Not Dismissed! (8 page)

“Get a grip, kid!” Lulu hollered through the door. “We’re coming out in a second, just chill, OK?”

“OK! Sure! Just come out soon,” Hyacinth whined. “Hurry!”

“I’m not going out there first,” Theo whispered to the others. “My hand is still cramping from that death grip she had it
in.”

“Fine, Theo. I’ll go out first, give you some time to massage your hand, maybe soak it in hot water,” Lulu said sarcastically
as she opened the door.

Much to Lulu’s surprise, the hallway was empty. After all the fanfare and hysterics, the child had disappeared. Lulu couldn’t
say she was disappointed. On the contrary, she was extremely relieved. She had been more than a little worried that Hyacinth
was going to try to hold her hand, or worse, hug her.

Lulu didn’t smell or hear anything—it was a silent, odorless offense, but a rather gross one nonetheless. It wasn’t until
the infraction had seeped through her shirt, wetting her shoulder, that Lulu realized something had landed on her. Something
very earthy; it was green and runny and about the size of a quarter.

L
ulu slowly rolled her head back, nervous about what she would find. If she hadn’t been at Summerstone, she might not have
given the greenish blob a second thought. But this was, after all, a residence with a B and B, a special “inn” dedicated to
creatures whose names begin with the letter
B
. Everything from barracudas to Brazilian biter snakes to bees to Bombay bats could be found in Mrs. Wellington’s B and B.
With that in mind, Lulu swallowed hard and forced herself to look. What
she saw was nothing short of a Cirque du Soleil performance. Hyacinth was hanging precariously upside down from the chandelier,
with the ferret perched on her arm.

“Was that ferret poop?” Lulu screamed as Hyacinth and Celery dropped from the chandelier, pinning the irate girl to the floor.

Hearing the ruckus, Madeleine, Garrison, and Theo rushed into the hallway.

“Oh Lulu, I’ve missed you sooo much!” Hyacinth howled as she hugged the furious strawberry-blond girl. “Let’s tie our wrists
together so we’re never separated again!”

“Get off me!” a red-faced Lulu hollered. “Get off me right now!”

“Don’t leave me!” Hyacinth whimpered intensely. “We’re besties forever! Besties in this life and the next!”

“Wow, she really expects a commitment. I don’t even know if I believe in the afterlife, and she’s already confirming friendships.
I’ve always admired planners,” Theo said to Madeleine and Garrison.

“Help me!” Lulu yelled. “Get this thing off me!”

“Lulu and Hyhy have merged into one, never to be undone! It’s going to be so much fun,”
Hyacinth sang in her usual flat tone.

“I think we’re going to have to pull Hyacinth off Lulu,” Garrison said to Madeleine.

“Perhaps Theo could aid you in that, seeing as he’s a boy. You must admit it does seem a more gentlemanly role.”

“Could somebody just help me!” Lulu screamed.

Madeleine and Garrison both turned to Theo, who frowned awkwardly.

“I can’t. My hand is still in recovery.”

After a few sighs and shakes of their heads, Madeleine and Garrison lifted Hyacinth and Celery off Lulu. The small child wiggled
and flipped her body around as they yanked her away. Within seconds a smiling Hyacinth had fastened herself to Garrison’s
arm.

Unmoved by Hyacinth’s sweet expression, Lulu pulled herself off the floor with steely-eyed focus and walked right up to the
petite child. “First your ferret pooped on me, and then you pinned me to the floor. What is wrong with you? This is not cool,
do you understand that?”

“I am so sorry that Celery pooped on you. But Celery
wants me to tell you that she’s not sorry, because apparently she doesn’t like you, since you abandoned me in the hallway.
However, it was pretty traumatic for me seeing a bestie get pooped on by another bestie. But you should know, Celery eats
only organic food.”

“Wow, what a relief! Because that’s what I was worried about, whether your ferret ate organically or not,” Lulu said, groaning.

“Lulu, go change your shirt for lunch,” Garrison said, before looking down at Hyacinth, still attached to his arm. “What were
you doing hanging from the chandelier?”

“Celery was changing a lightbulb,” Hyacinth said slowly.

“That’s so thoughtful,” Theo said genuinely. “I didn’t even know ferrets could change lightbulbs. Raccoons, sure, but ferrets,
who knew?”

“Theo, I highly doubt she’s serious,” Madeleine interjected. “Now we ought to get downstairs. It’s almost lunchtime, and you
know how Macaroni hates to be kept waiting…”

“He’s not the only one. I am
starving,
” Theo said, leading the procession to the dining room.

Madeleine trailed Theo in a state of total irritation. She knew Garrison couldn’t stand the aggravating child, but she couldn’t
help feeling envious. Oh, how Madeleine would love to walk arm in arm with Garrison. Simply thinking about it made the girl
blush.

Mrs. Wellington, Schmidty, and Macaroni were seated at the formal dining room table, which was covered in pink lace, dusty
candelabras, and rose-patterned china. Three paintings of English bulldogs, Macaroni’s predecessors, hung from the mint green
walls.

“My apologies,” Madeleine said politely upon entering the dining room, “but we had a slight incident with Hyacinth.”

Garrison led Hyacinth to the chair next to Theo and gently nudged her to take a seat, much to Theo’s displeasure.

“Gee, Gary, you sure you don’t want to keep Hyhy next to you for lunch?”

“No, that’s all right. I don’t want to be greedy.”

Hyacinth immediately pulled her chair right next to Theo’s and smiled brightly. She then placed Celery on her shoulder and
leaned toward the ferret. “Mad Mad?” Hyacinth called kindly across the table. “Celery wanted
me to thank you for throwing us under the bus for being late to lunch.”

“I’d be careful, or I may throw your ferret under an actual bus,” Lulu said with a glare as she took the seat across from
Hyacinth.

Hyacinth again leaned toward her ferret and listened. Without any warning she stood, grabbed her plate full of food, and smashed
it on the floor.

“Sandwich killer,” Theo whispered as he inched away.

“How dare you?” Mrs. Wellington wailed. “That china is older than Schmidty!”

“Celery made me do it,” Hyacinth offered meekly. “She thinks Lulu poisoned our food.”

“Wow, that sounds a lot like a Theo story,” Lulu interjected.

“In other words,” Garrison explained, “totally made up.”

“Let the record show, I take offense at that,” Theo said indignantly.

“What is this record you keep referring to?” Madeleine wondered aloud.

“Hyacinth, you are a most insufferable child. Now sit
down,” Mrs. Wellington said with crimson lips. “I was already at my wits’ end with those annoying Knapps, leaving flyers for
canine acupuncture in the letterbox. And now you’ve robbed me of owning a complete set of china. You are not to be trusted
with any more dishes; you will simply have to eat off the tablecloth from now on.”

“Hasn’t Mrs. Wellington suffered enough? She’s down to her last wig, and now she doesn’t have a complete set of china,” Theo
murmured to Hyacinth.

“Absolutely appalling behavior,” Madeleine seconded angrily.

“Celery made me do it. It wasn’t my fault,” Hyacinth shamefacedly responded.

“Now for Grace,” Mrs. Wellington said as she reached for the centerpiece. But to her shock and dismay, the shell of Grace
the turtle was missing. In honor of her having once saved Schmidty’s life, all residents of Summerstone knocked on Grace’s
shell three times before eating.

“The burglar has taken Grace,” Mrs. Wellington mumbled as she stood up from the table.

“I’ve lost my appetite,” Schmidty babbled with
tear-filled eyes as he waddled out of the dining room after Mrs. Wellington.

Without any regard for the emotional upheaval, Hyacinth began feeding Celery, who was perched on her shoulder. Rather surprisingly,
the ferret easily ate off a fork and even closed her mouth while chewing.

“If I ever develop an allergy, I am going to make Macaroni my food tester,” Theo said while watching the ferret chew delicately.
“But I’m not going to let him sit on my shoulder.”

“If I may inquire, how, precisely, did you train Celery to alert you to peanut products?” Madeleine asked sensibly.

“Well, it turns out she’s deathly allergic to peanuts, so if she dies, I’ll know there’s peanuts in there.”

“What kind of a pet owner are you?” Theo screamed. “Someone call PETA!”

“It’s a dangerous job, but someone’s got to do it…”

“Does Celery know she has this job? Because from the looks of it, I’m pretty sure she just thinks she’s a pet,” an agitated
Theo said, embracing his role as animal protector.

Hyacinth yet again leaned toward Celery and listened,
or pretended to listen, or whatever it was that she was doing.

“Celery says she is aware of the danger, but she’s up for the challenge, because I am her number one bestie. She also wanted
me to tell you that she is sorry she called you a marshmallow, and that she thanks you for looking out for her.”

“Well, I am a hall monitor. It’s a rough gig, but as the principal says, I’m the only
man
for the job.”

“The only
boy
for the job,” Lulu interjected loudly.

“In Judaism a boy becomes a man at thirteen, and I am thirteen, Lulu.”

“Yes, but you’re not Jewish.”

“Yet! I haven’t decided on any one religion as of now. I’m keeping my options open, so if you’ll excuse me, I am in the middle
of taking a compliment from a ferret.”

“Fine. We can discuss your potential conversion to Judaism later, but I should tell you that if you’re planning on having
a bar mitzvah, I’m not getting you a gift.”

“Lulu,” Madeleine asked, “is that really necessary?”

“Fine, Theo, I’ll get you a gift.”

“Celery doesn’t think you should invite Lulu to your hypothetical bar mitzvah.”

“Tell your ferret to sleep with one eye open,” Lulu snapped back at Hyacinth.

“She always does. That way she can alert me if someone tries to leave the room while I am sleeping.”

“I’m awfully sorry, but I do not believe that it is possible for a ferret to sleep with one eye open,” Madeleine said firmly.

Hyacinth again leaned toward Celery, nodding her head every few seconds.

“Celery says that just because you have an accent doesn’t mean you have a veterinary degree, so back off.”

“Your ferret could use a lesson in manners,” Madeleine responded harshly.