Chasing Soma (2 page)

I smile as I finish the final sentence. I have finished writing another book. I send it to my editor and lean back in my chair. Tonight I tend bar in town. I probably will not need the money soon. The last book has finally taken off and now that the sequel is out, I have a feeling that it will do even better. I am looking forward to quitting the bar. I get tired of being hit on by these disgusting drunk guys that only come into town to drink and get laid. They will never get any from me. I have only ever been with one man.

I shake my head. I do not want to think about him. I broke his heart and my own in the process. I am not sure I will ever get it back. I have not dated, nor will I. There just doesn’t seem to be a point. There is nobody that can compare to him. Chase had my heart still even though he doesn’t want it. Who can blame him after I didn’t trust him? He showed me every day that he was a good guy and one tramp of a woman lies to me and I believe her over him.

I shake my head again. Damn it, I do not want to keep revisiting that. I jump out of my chair and go into the bathroom. I run a brush through my long hair. Chase loved my hair long and I still keep it that way. I can’t seem to let myself get it cut. The same way I can’t seem to let go and move on. I sent him a letter a year ago to come and see me. I know it is long over due but I had no idea he was in the military. He had always planned on going to college. I started looking there first. It took three years of searching to find him. He obviously doesn’t want to see me.

“Momma, Do I has to go to Sarah’s house?” My daughter asks. She pulls on my pants and looks up at me with her large blue eyes, so like her fathers.

“Yes, sweetie. I have to work tonight but if you’re a good girl I will take you for ice-cream tomorrow.” She bobs her head vigorously.

“I wills be good. Promise.” She says as she bounces on the balls of her feet. I grab her shoes and help her put them on. She has always been the bright light in my life. After I broke up with her father I was destroyed. I found out I was pregnant two weeks later. I couldn’t believe it. I thought we were always careful but obviously it didn’t matter. I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t know anything about children or pregnancies.

I waited until I was far enough along that I was not in danger of losing the baby anymore before I started searching for Chase. I never thought he would join the military. He never showed an interest in it. Sure he was in ROTC but he wasn’t serious about it. We talked about going to college together since our sophomore year.

I finally found him a year ago in the navy. I was shocked to say the least. It was difficult getting any information about him because he does classified missions or something like that. I had no idea how classified until Peter came home a week ago. He told me that Chase is a seal and does a lot of top secret stuff. I can’t imagine that with Chase. He must have changed a lot since I knew him. Peter comes over and brings Leah stuff she might need, almost every morning. It’s like he is taking it upon himself to take care of his best friend’s daughter.

I roll my eyes as I hear his truck pull up outside. I shouldn’t be surprised. He didn’t come this morning as he normally does. I figured he was taking the day off from his so called duties. Why he feels that we are his duty is beyond me. I hear the knock on the door and I go over and answer it. Peter smiles up at me as Leah clings to my leg.

“Hey, just thought I would drop by and see if I could take Leah for you tonight. My mom is dying to meet her.” He tells me and I can’t help but smile. I have known Peter since kindergarten and he has always been one of the sweetest guys in town. I love getting to see him again. The only problem is that it is bitter sweet, because he makes me miss Chase all the more.

“Sarah was going to keep her but I can call her and tell her that you are keeping her.” I tell him before I look down at Leah.

“Would you like to stay with Peter and go see his farm?” She smiles up and nods shyly. She is always shy around Peter, though I can tell she adores him. It drives home how much she is missing by not having her father. She craves male attention.

“Let me grab her car seat and her bag.” He picks up Leah as I turn and grab her bag. I lead them out to my car and grab her seat. I show him how to set it up in his car and how to use it with her. We get her in and I set her bag on the floor in front of her. I kiss her round cheek.

“Be a good girl.” She pats my cheek and smiles like she is trying to calm me down. I giggle at her.

“I will, momma.” She says as she shoves her thumb in her mouth. I pull her hand down.

“Remember, no more sucking your thumb. Big girls don’t suck their thumbs.” She nods her head again. I smile knowing she will be doing it again as soon as the car starts moving.

“Are you sure you’re up for this?” I ask Peter and he grins at me.

“Of course I am. I will show her the pigs and the chickens.” He says and Leah exclaims loudly. She loves animals.

“You know my mom always thought of Chase as another son. This is like her granddaughter. She is very excited to meet her. Between the two of us, she is in great hands.” I smile at him but it is bitter sweet. I wish it was Chase that was showing an interest in his child.

“He doesn’t know yet. He has been on a mission for over a year now. Of course I have no idea what the mission is but it must be a big one.” He tells me. I wonder if he telling me this to make me feel better. Could it be true? Probably not. I love that he would lie to make me feel better.

“She goes to bed at eight and will not sleep without her bear. It’s in the bag. There are several changes of clothes for her. She can be very messy when she eats.” I give her one last kiss before I shut the door and wave as they back out of the driveway.

I go back inside and finish getting ready. Now that I have more time to get ready I use it to do the things I normally do not have time for. I do my makeup with care and even spray on a little perfume. It gives me a boost in my confidence that I have been sorely lacking. I should take the time to do this more often. I check myself in the mirror and smile. Unfortunately the smile dies when I think about who I have to impress. That’s a big fat nobody.

I step off of the plane and take a deep breath. It is good to be back in Colorado. The state where I left my heart. The place I never thought I would return. Life is full of surprises though. I never thought in a million years that Soma would write to me and apologize for doubting me. I am not sure how I feel about that. I still love her and that is the kicker. If I didn’t care it wouldn’t bother me. I wish that she would have listened to me four years ago. My life would be very different right now. I would probably be coming home to a wife and kids now.

Four years ago just the thought of her would send me off into a depression. These days I fantasize about still being in her arms when I am in an uncomfortable situation. I remember the smell of her hair, the softness of her skin and the sounds she would make when we made love. She is the only woman I have ever slept with. I know it sounds strange to most men. When you meet that one woman who completes you in every way, it’s hard to move on and find someone else.

She has my heart and I am not sure I will ever get it back. Not sure I want it without her. I remember being so hot and miserable in the desert as we waited for our mark to appear. I was miserable. I thought for sure I would die of heat exhaustion. The only thing that kept me grounded, the thing that kept me alive, was thoughts of her.

I walk down the platform and into the main airport. I flew into Grand Junction instead of Denver, that way I wouldn’t have to drive as far. I walk up to the desk to rent my car and the woman flirts with me. If I hadn’t already given my heart and had any desire to be with a woman, I might have been tempted. I wasn’t in the least bit. It really is sad that it has been four years and I can’t drum up any desire for any other woman. Not that I try too hard.

I climb into the car that smells brand new. I am sure artificially scented that way. I head east to the small town of Silverthorne. It is where I grew up. It is where I had all of my firsts, and it will probably have my lasts as I plan to retire here eventually. I have saved every penny I have made in the service and have made wise investments that have tripled what I put in. I have enough to do whatever I want when the time comes.

The drive is easy, thankfully it is still summer and do not have snow to contend with. The snows up here can be torturous. I have missed them, as crazy as that sounds. It’s one of those things where you miss what you can’t have. I have been stationed in San Diego for the four years I have been in the service. It does not snow there. It is always the same temperature. The coldest it has ever been was in the fifties. That isn’t cold when you are used to Colorado winters.

I pull up at the familiar farm. The farm that felt like home after my mother passed away. I didn’t tell Peter I was coming. He is used to my spontaneity though. I am sure he knows I will be coming eventually. Eventually just turned into today. I smile as a woman steps out on the porch. The surprising thing is that she has a little girl in her arms with very red hair. Red hair that reminds me of Soma.

I put the car in park and climb out. Momma Sammy looks very surprised to see me, if her chin that is now touching her chest is any way of discerning. She recovers quickly and climbs down the steps with the beautiful child still in her arms. She is a beautiful little girl. She reminds me of Soma only her eyes are blue. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of her as they get closer. Why do I feel so drawn to this child? Is it because she reminds me of the woman I have loved for so long?

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Momma Sammy exclaims as she wraps one arm around me. I kiss her cheek that is remarkably still wrinkle free.

“Hi Momma Sammy. Who is this pretty lady?” I ask about the beautiful little girl. Momma Sammy looks like a ghost just walked over her grave for a moment.

“I is Leah.” The pretty baby girl says with a smile and dimples just like mine pop out on her cheeks.

“Hi Leah, my name is Chase.” Momma Sammy lets out a little cry and I see tears in her eyes. I cock my head to the side as if that would help me figure out why Momma is in tears.

“Mommy says I’s have a daddy named Chase.” I stop and stare at the child as everything in my world seems to fall in on me. She has red hair like Soma but my blue eyes. She even has my dimples. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Is your mommy named Soma?” I ask her and her little head nods vigorously. Now, the letters make since. This is why both Soma and Peter wanted to talk in person. This beautiful child is mine. I created the most perfect little human being with the woman who still owns my heart.

I lift her out of Momma’s arms and enjoy the weight and feel of holding my daughter for the first time. She is truly the most beautiful child in the world and I am not just saying that. She looks so much like her mother yet you can definitely see me mixed in with her.

“I am your daddy.” I tell her quietly as I kiss her soft cheek. She smiles up at me, showing me her dimples again and Momma Sammy lets out a sob. Hell I think that there are tears sliding down my cheeks too. I never thought about how incomplete I felt until this moment with my child in my arms.

“Holy shit.” A voice says from behind me. I turn to see Peter standing there. His eyes are practically bugging out of his head. I glare at him and cover my baby girl’s ears.

“Watch your mouth.” I tell him. He throws back his head and laughs. I ignore him as I absorb the way my daughter feels in my arms. I kiss the top of her head and then her cheek again as she stares up at me with interest.

“You my daddy?” She asks in awe. Her pudgy hand comes up and touches my cheek.

“Yeah, baby girl. I’m your daddy.” I tell her as I run my hand down her hair. I can’t believe that I am a father. I thought Soma and I had been extremely careful. I remember the night of graduation. We were standing around getting our pictures taken and she leans in to tell me that she isn’t wearing panties. My cock had been hard throughout the remainder of our time at the stadium.

That night we didn’t even make it out of the car. I had her dress hiked up around her waist as she rode me in the front seat. I didn’t realize I hadn’t used a condom until afterward. I meant to bring it up and let her know that I forgot, but then she removed her dress afterward and my cock instantly hardened again. Next thing I know I am laying her down and fucking her again across the seat this time. At least I remembered a condom that time.

It was always like that with Soma. I could never get enough of her. I was insatiable and thankfully so was she. I look down at what we created that night and I do not regret it one bit. My only regret was leaving. I should have stayed and fought for her. I should have thrown her over my shoulder and taken her with me. Damn my pride for screwing up the most important thing in my life.

I fall to my knees still holding my daughter.

“I will never leave you again. I promise baby girl, I will be a good daddy.” I pledge to my daughter. I will make this right if it is the last thing I do. Soma doesn’t have to do this alone anymore.

“Where is she?” I say as I look over at Peter. He smiles.

“She is working at the bar tonight.” He tells me. I stand up and hand Leah back to Momma Sammy.

“Hell no.” I say as I turn toward Peter. What the fuck is she doing working where every drunk dick within a hundred miles goes?

“She just needs a boost in income until her book is finished.” Soma is writing like she always dreamed of doing. I couldn’t be prouder of her. Though I want to put her over my knee for working at that dump.

“Can you watch Leah for us tonight? I think I need to work some things out with Soma.” I ask Momma Sammy. She smiles and nods her head.

“You know I do not mind watching my granddaughter.” She says with a smirk. It hits home again that I have a family now. I have a daughter. I kiss both girls on the cheek before climbing into the car. Peter climbs in the other side. I raise an eyebrow at him.

“You think I am going to let you go alone.” It’s his turn to raise a brow. I laugh. I should have known better.

Soma and I have a lot to talk about. She may not want me in her life but I will be damned if I am not going to try and not just for my daughter. I am also doing it because I still love her and now more than ever. She gave me a precious gift and I regret not being here every step of the way. I can’t change the past but I can sure as hell make sure that the future is different. Soma and Leah need a strong man to help support them and cherish them. I am that man.

I pull up at the bar and cut the engine. I have no idea what I will say or do but I have to do something. I climb out of the car and follow Peter inside the crowded bar. People are dancing and some are playing pool. Peter goes up to the bar.

“Oh my god, is she okay?” A worried Soma says as Peter approaches. He shakes his head and steps to the side. Our eyes meet for the first time in four years and it’s as though the world stops moving. It’s just the two of us. Nothing has changed and yet so many things have. Her hair is longer, her body is a little different but not much. She is still fucking gorgeous. She doesn’t look like she had a kid. Her breasts are a little larger and so are her hips. She looks even better now. She is a woman now.

“Chase.” She whispers. I can’t hear it over the cacophony of sound, though I am able to read it on her lips. Neither of us move as we look the other one over. It has been so long yet seems like yesterday. My heart is racing and my cock is rock hard. She still makes me respond so viscerally. I would like nothing more than to bend her over the bar and fuck her into next week. She has always been the only girl for me and that hasn’t changed a bit.

I had forgotten how much she affects me. This is why no other woman could ever do. It always had to be her. Always.

“We need to talk.” I tell her when I finally meet her eyes again. She looks as though she is going to faint. I am sure she knows that I know about Leah. I still can’t believe that I have a daughter and how fortuitous was it that she happened to be at Peter’s house when I got there.

“Charlie!” She calls over her shoulder. A woman with a whole lot of curves steps out from the back room. I look over in time to see Peter’s look of rapt interest in the curvy woman. He likes his women thick. He didn’t when we were in high school but that changed when we joined the military. I smirk at him as he practically drools on himself, not that I am much better off.

“Charlie, can you cover the rest of my shift?” Soma asks the woman. Charlie, what a strange name for a woman.

“Sure, I could use the extra money right now.” She tells Soma.

“Thanks, I owe you one.” Soma tells Charlie who waves her off. Soma comes around the bar and I get to see her more clearly as she walks toward me. How did I ever walk away last time? I know my pride was too strong then. Now, I would not leave. I would stand my ground. I would plead and continue to pursue until I took my last breath. That is the difference between being a man and being a boy.

She walks over to me and then past me. I turn and follow her out of the noisy bar that I hope she never steps foot inside again, unless she is on my arm. I know how it sounds. That’s how I feel. I feel possessive of her in a way I didn’t before. I want to own her. I want her to know who she belongs to and never doubt me again. I try to shake it off but it rides me hard as she leads me down the block.

“Where are we going?” I ask her. She doesn’t turn around to look at me as she talks.

“My house is only up a block from here.” I follow her silently after that. I can’t keep my eyes off of her body as she walks in front of me. Her hips sway and her round ass moves with every step. Her ass has definitely improved. It is rounder and I bet you could bounce a quarter off of it. You can tell she takes care of herself. She didn’t let having a baby make her too soft and my mouth is watering for a taste.

She stops in front of a small house that has seen better days. Already I see repairs that need to be made.

“So I take it you met Leah?” She asks as she crosses her arms over her chest like she does when she is feeling unsure of herself.

“Yes, she is beautiful. Why didn’t you look for me sooner?” I ask her. It is the one thing that keeps me from wrapping her in my arms right now. I can’t help but feel cheated of my time with my daughter.

“I tried. I searched all of the universities for you. I had no idea that you were going into the military. I wish you would have told me. It would have saved me time and money. I ran out of money and my parents kicked me out when I told them I was pregnant. The money I saved for a car was all that saved me.” She tells me. I pull her into my arms and hold her close to me. She heaves a big sigh and I kiss the top of her head like I had my daughter earlier.

“We have made so many mistakes and yet we made a baby girl that is so perfect.” I whisper to her as I rock her.

“She is perfect, isn’t she?” She asks as she looks up at me with her large green eyes and my heart stutters like it used to every time she looked at me, only now it is stronger. I feel the difference in my feelings now. I loved her like a boy then and now it is as a man. The difference is astounding. The intensity is stronger now. I want to throw her over my shoulder and take her to my cave like a cave man. I want her to beg me to make her mine.

I grab her hair and pull her head back so that she can’t move her head. I take her mouth with all the passion that feels as though it is boiling out of me.