Change of Heart (18 page)

“Have you ever fallen in love?” She shook her head again. He’d figured as much. “Falling is the easy part. The rest of it, the putting someone else’s needs and desires above your own, allowing yourself to trust another person enough that you relinquish control, that’s the hard part.”

“I can’t do that.” The admission quietly slipped out as her lashes fluttered closed, fanning on her cheeks.

“Leah, look at me.” She obliged, and he could see the yearning in her eyes. She might not think she could, but he could see she
wanted
to.

Trust and control, the two things she clung to with a death grip. But Gage could see a passion in her begging to be released, and he wanted to be the one to prove her wrong, to show her she
could
trust someone without getting hurt.

“Maybe you can’t, but I can.” His finger traced the line of her brow, down her cheek and over her jaw to her chin. “I trust you. You can take whatever you want, whatever you need, from me.”

Leah’s breath caught, and Gage lay his cheek on the top of her head, waiting. He couldn’t let his own yearning cloud his judgment, and this had to be her decision alone, not something she felt coerced into. She needed some time to make a choice out of her true desire, not one clouded by lust that she would regret. Gage refused to be something she would look back on with sorrow.

Leah hesitated and he could see the indecision in her eyes. Just as he saw the way her breath hitched as his fingers moved down the side of her neck. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to the racing pulse at her throat, inhaling the sweet scent of her.

“Tell me what you want,” he whispered against her skin.

“Just once, I want to know what it feels like to be loved instead of used.” She looked deeply into his eyes, her whiskey-colored eyes warm with raw emotion. “I want you.”

Gage had never heard sweeter words in his life.

Leah tugged on his hand, pulling him between the barns in order to get to his cabin around the corner faster. Once they arrived at the door, she turned toward him, her eyes warm and inviting as she waited for him to open it.

“Leah, are you sure you want this?”

Her hands landed against his waist, pressing him against the door, the worn planks biting into the center of his spine. Leah’s hands slid up to his shoulders and around his neck, pulling him toward her while his arms circled around her back with answering urgency.

She stood on her toes, pressing her mouth against his, hungry, needy, the sweet kisses they’d shared gone. Her hand skimmed over the back of his head, his short hair rasping against her palm as she slid her tongue into his mouth, tasting him, teasing, taking what he so willingly wanted to give her, and Gage knew there was no way he could refuse her. Leah would know what it felt like to be loved for the first time.

L
EAH REFUSED TO
allow her past to color what her body and her heart were demanding from her. If she allowed herself to think too much, to question the logic of her decision, her past would creep in and suffocate her. It was easier to just feel, to let Gage’s words wash over her, relieving her fears.

She
could
trust him. Hadn’t he proved that every day of the last week she’d spent with him? He wasn’t like any man she’d ever known. The mere fact that she’d allowed him this close to her proved that. He’d seen her worst: the dark, damaged, fearful girl inside the woman, but instead of casting her aside, he’d pulled her close. Leah didn’t want to consider what tomorrow might bring or even the consequences of this choice. Right now, she wanted to know what it felt like to have someone care, to feel a man’s gentle touch instead of a painful one. She wanted to know what it felt like to be made love to, even if it was only this one time.

Gage’s hand reached behind him and turned the doorknob, his other wrapped around her waist, keeping them from both falling into the room. He lifted her slightly, enough that he could move into the cabin with her and shut the door behind them, and she smiled slightly against his lips.

“That was sort of ‘cave man,’ don’t you think?”

He settled her back on her feet. Panic began to rise in her as she wondered if he’d just locked her inside, if she could get away if needed.

As if reading her mind, Gage released her and moved to sit on the arm of the sofa in the middle of the room. “We need to talk for a second. I want you to be sure.”

It was so surprising, so unlike anything she’d expected from a man who had a willing woman in his arms, that she took a step back. “Gage, I—”

He held up a hand. “Leah, I want to make love to you. You have no idea how much I want to make love to you.”

His voice was strained, and he closed his eyes for a moment. Leah saw his fingers digging into the leather, as if he was trying to hold onto his control. He shook his head, his chest still rising and falling with ragged breaths. “But I won’t take anything from you. I can’t. You’ve had too much demanded, forced upon, and taken from you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to . . . ” He ran a frustrated hand over his head. “I don’t want this to be something you look back on and regret.”

His words were so tender, so heartfelt and honest, that they settled over her like a warm blanket, wrapping around her heart and sheltering it from her doubts. She’d only had one person in her life who’d cared about how she felt, or thought beyond what she could do for them. To have Gage, the only man she’d let close enough to see the reason for the bitter shell she’d become, care for her was more than she could have dreamed to hope for. It was that realization that ignited the smoldering embers of her heart.

This was the difference between having sex and making love.

Leah moved forward, reaching for his hand and slipping her body between his thighs. “Gage, I won’t regret this.” She wrapped his arm around her back, cupping his jaw and tipping his face so he would look into her eyes. “I told you. When I’m with you, it’s not like before. You don’t take, you give.” She kissed his forehead and felt his other hand on her thigh, heat bursting white-hot in her belly. “You’ve been giving to me since you saw me stranded.”

Leah ducked her head and kissed him then, letting go of the restraint she’d been clinging to. Gage’s palm slid up her thigh to curve around her rear as he stood, his fingers gripping her, the friction of his chest brushing against hers stoking a fire in her that she’d never experienced before. She swept her tongue into his mouth, desperate for more of him, tugging at his shirt in an effort to get it off.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” Gage pulled her hands together at his chest before kissing the knuckles of one hand. “In every way that matters, this is your first time. I want this to be special, not rushed.”

He silently drew her with him into his room, stopping at the edge of the massive bed and turning on the bedside lamp before tugging at the back of his shirt, pulling it off, and casting it aside. The man standing in front of her made her mouth water. He was perfect. His caramel skin was flawlessly sculpted muscle and flesh. Every inch of him practically glowed in the soft light, and she reached her hands to his chest, allowing herself a moment to finally relish the experience of his skin under her palms as they slid up to his shoulders.

“Leah,” he growled deep in his throat, both plea and warning. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”

“Is it anything like what you’re doing to me?” He stared down at her, and she could see the concern in his eyes. She ran her thumb along the edge of his bottom lip. “Whatever is making you worry, stop. I want this, with you.”

Gage caught her hand and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist. His eyes, so expressive, were filled with hunger for her, and she wanted him to know she felt the same way. Leah slid her hand from his and began unbuttoning her shirt, revealing herself to him, something she’d never done before.

As much as she wanted to shut out her past from their present, she couldn’t help but acknowledge the differences. With Gage, she wanted him to see her, all of her, to be open and vulnerable with him. She wanted to give all of herself because she trusted him not to take from her anything she didn’t willingly offer.

His earlier words about falling in love rang through her clearly. She hadn’t thought she could trust anyone enough to let go, didn’t think she could care about anyone enough to put their desires above her own. But she wanted to with Gage. She’d fallen for him, in spite of her adamant unwillingness, and for the first time, she felt desire to be with a man. Not just any man. Gage.

Gage watched her slip the shirt from her shoulders, his eyes so dark they were almost black, but it was easy to read the longing in his face. His fingers moved to her collarbone, tracing the line of her bra strap to where her breast swelled, aching for his touch.

“You’re so beautiful. It almost makes me hurt.”

She reached behind her and unclasped the hooks, letting the garment slide down her arms and fall to the floor. “Gage?”

Leah reached for him, desperate to touch him, and sighed as her hands landed on his chest. She pressed a kiss to the muscled wall, the heat of his body scorching her, making her want more. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body into his, her breasts crushing against him, feverish with yearning.

Instead of laying her down on the bed, Gage wrapped his arms around her and turned so he sat on the mattress with her between his thighs, his hands on her hips, and he looked up at her. Pressing a kiss in the valley between her breasts, Gage slid one hand up, tracing the curve before his thumb brushed over the sensitive peak. She gasped as pleasure shot through her, making her knees weak and her limbs liquid. His thumbs stroked her belly, and she whimpered at his touch.

“Please?”

The word fell from her lips, unbidden, as her head dropped forward and she reached for the button on her jeans. Gage smiled slightly as he brushed her hands aside and worked the button himself. His breath was moist and hot against her skin, causing a shiver to break out over her. He took her breast into his mouth before letting his tongue swirl over her. Leah gasped as his hands slid her jeans from her hips, dragging her underwear off as well, as he ran his fingers inside the denim material and down her thighs. Gage pressed kisses to her stomach as he helped her out of her pants, letting his fingers brush up the back of her thighs, holding her steady when her body wanted to collapse in the maelstrom of heady desire making her feel faint.

When he slid a finger into her core, where her need burned hottest, Leah cried out, clinging to his shoulders as he caressed her. Her body arched against him as he found the center of her desire, stroking it into a flaming inferno until she cried out again, her nails digging into his shoulders as her release washed over her, leaving her spent and limp in his arms.

Gage rose, laying her onto the bed and jerking the rest of his clothing off in one swift motion. Her eyes slid over him, taking in every hard ridge and taut muscle. As he lay beside her, his finger traced the curve of her thigh, over her hipbone, skimmed her waist, and settled over her ribs. As much as she loved his hands on her, she wanted to touch him. Leah pressed him onto his back, leaning over him.

The corner of his mouth tipped up in a grin. “What are you doing?”

“I know you want this to be slow and special, but I need to touch you.”

She ran her fingers down the ridges of his abs, feeling them flex as she moved her hand lower and she bent toward him, her lips hovering just above his. His fingers clenched against the rounded curve of her rear. “I need
you.”

Gage buried his hand into the mass of waves falling around their faces like a curtain, sheltering them from everything around them. Right now, there were no doubts, no fears, no past, and no future. He kissed her, a groan of sweet agony slipping deliciously into her mouth as her fingers wrapped around him, stroking him to the same heights he’d taken her.

Gage reached for her hand, stilling it and breaking their kiss. “Enough.” He rolled her beneath him, hovering over her. “I’ll be right back.”

He headed into the bathroom. She heard a cabinet close before he returned. Then he tore open the foil packet between his fingers and sheathed himself. His gaze skimmed over her, so hot and intense, she could feel herself growing warm all over again.

“Are you staring at my chest?” she asked, holding his jaw in her hands as he slid up the length of her body, pressing kisses along the way and making her squirm with delight beneath his ministrations.

A wicked grin tipped the corner of his mouth, and she felt her heart skip a beat. “No, I’m staring at your heart.”

Laughter fell from her lips but died on a sigh when his tongue circled the peak of her left breast. Her fingers dug into the muscles in his back, and she arched into him. Gage was solid and strong, his body cradled between her thighs. Leah opened beneath him, wrapping her legs around him and urging him closer. He didn’t withhold anything from her, pressing himself into her, and she couldn’t stop the sound of pure bliss that escaped her.

“Gage,” she whispered against his shoulder, as she buried her face into him.

He paused, his body filling her. “Don’t hide from me, Leah. I want to see every bit of what you feel in your eyes.” His voice was a growl, and she knew he was fighting for the same control over his desire.

His hand slid down to grip her thigh and drag it up to his hip, inching himself deeper into her. What little control Leah had over her passion snapped. She bucked beneath him, rising up to meet each thrust, driving her closer to the brink of ecstasy, until she crested the pinnacle with him. She drew him down for a deep kiss as her climax burst within her, afraid that he would see more than she wanted him to in her eyes. Afraid he would see how deeply she’d come to care for the one man who had shown her what it was to be loved.

G
AGE LAY SPENT
with Leah lying against his chest. A fine sheen of sweat still covered them both, but he didn’t want to move. Her fingers played over his heart where his pulse was finally slowing. Making love to her had been incredible, and far more devastating than he’d expected.

It had nearly killed him to try to hold back, to keep from letting his feelings for her consume him, but in the end, it had been useless. Leah had reached inside him and gripped his heart with both hands, marking him forever as hers. And she had no idea what she’d done. She would figure it out if he stayed though, and he couldn’t have that. Not yet. Not before he’d told her everything.

What he should do was put some distance between them, to get into his car and get his ass to San Francisco. He needed to get his own life settled. Then he could come back and tell her the truth about who he was and what he could offer her. Once he had this mess with his partners settled, he could be free of the chokehold his mistakes had over him and take the first steps toward his future, with Leah. A fresh start with a woman who needed him. But until then . . .

His fingers trailed over her back, running along the curve of her shoulder blade, the silken smooth skin, as her breathing slowed and steadied. Her hand had stilled, curled under her chin, and he was almost certain she’d fallen asleep. Yet his brain still couldn’t quite convince his body to move, something that had never happened to him before.

Gage wasn’t the kind of guy to sleep around just to get his rocks off, but he also wasn’t the kind of guy to commit himself to anything too serious. He’d seen the disaster that had been his parents’ marriage, and he wasn’t about to fall into that trap either.

But Leah made him want to stay here, to let the rest of the world continue to turn without his involvement, to remain in this bed with her letting her heart beat in time with his own. She made him want to create a safe place where nothing from the outside could reach them, where her past and his present troubles couldn’t touch them.

She stirred slightly, curling closer to him, sighing softly. The sweet scent of her shampoo seemed to envelop him, making his chest ache. He wasn’t sure exactly what he felt for Leah, but it was a more powerful passionate attachment than he’d ever felt with any other woman.

That’s called love, you idiot.

Shock seemed to ripple through him. He couldn’t possibly be in love with Leah; he barely knew her. But this wasn’t the first time the word
love
had run through his mind in connection with Leah.

He may have only met her a little more than a week ago, but spending almost every moment together had a way of throwing a monkey wrench into the normal dating experience. He knew she’d shared more with him in the last week than she probably had ever shared before.

Guilt slid into his chest, twisting and coiling around his lungs. He owed her the same. Especially if he cared about her as much as he claimed. But he didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes. He wanted to fix the situation first so that when he told her, he’d see admiration instead.