Change of Heart (7 page)

Anxiety burrowed deep into her chest, and she tried to hide it by taking another sip of coffee. She didn’t have the money to pay for her car repairs yet, let alone to buy anything for Puma. Her solitary credit card had been maxed out before she arrived, and she only had a few hundred dollars to her name, which the auto shop would wipe out easily. Maybe she should ask Jessie for an advance. Not a lot but enough to pay for the car repairs. She cringed at the thought of approaching her boss of a mere few days and asking for money.

That will make you look like a real winner.

Gage eyed her speculatively. “Go, get ready. I’ll take this little guy out to use the bathroom, and then I’ll buy you breakfast.”

“I don’t think—”

“Not asking you to think about it,” he interrupted, reaching for her shoulder to turn her around and press her toward the hallway. “Now, go before I change my mind and just take this little guy to breakfast instead.”

“Puma,” she said as she made her way back down the hall to her bedroom.

“Puma? They’re sleek, and he’s nothing but a cotton ball.”

“Yeah, well, let him attack your feet all night and see if you don’t change your tune.”

Leah heard the front door shut as Gage took the kitten outside and grabbed a towel before turning on the shower, trying to figure out the best way to sneak off to find Jessie without Gage realizing what she was doing. She could only imagine what he already thought of her. He already thought she was bitchy; she didn’t want to tell him she was broke, too.

Slipping under the warm spray, Leah tipped her head backward and lathered up her hair. She knew she shouldn’t care what Gage thought. He was a visitor at the ranch and only for a short time. In reality, he was more of a nomad than she was, and she found herself wondering what his story was.

He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d just hang out on a ranch for a month. He’d said he was here to visit his brother, and Jessie had mentioned that he was overseeing a new office opening in San Francisco, but so far, he hadn’t left the ranch long enough to even drive to the Bay Area, let alone oversee anything. Not that it was any of her business where he went. Nor was she going to let him know that she was watching his comings and goings.

In truth, she
was
watching for him, and that detail had her more than irritated with herself. Gage had stayed at her house until Justin left last night, well after nine, but even as she escorted him to the door, she found herself wanting to ask him to stay longer. As much as she wanted to deny it, she was having a difficult time keeping her guard up when Gage was around.

He was endearing in a way she thought she’d never feel about another person, let alone someone who was practically a stranger. But she liked that he didn’t press her to talk about her past when it came up. He seemed content to let her talk as much or as little as she chose to, which made her almost feel like she could open up to him without judgment—something she hadn’t felt since Nicole.

And he made her laugh, a genuine laugh. That was something she hadn’t done, hadn’t even felt the urge to do, since she was a very little girl. Back when she was young and naive, before she’d recognized her mother’s addiction and why the men were really coming around. Before they began to notice her.

“Leah, you might want to hurry up.”

She jumped at the sound of Gage’s voice from just outside her bedroom door. She’d locked it but it wasn’t like that would stop him if he decided he wanted to barge in. She felt a fearful shiver run down her spine.

“Stay out!” she yelled.

“I am, but we have a little . . . complication.”

Leah hurried to rinse and wrap herself in a towel. She knew she didn’t have to, but she edged to the door to make sure it was still locked before pulling on her clothes. She brushed her teeth quickly before running a hairbrush through the tangled wet mess of hair before giving up and letting her natural waves take over.

As she headed back into the kitchen, she could hear Gage talking to Puma. “What’s the problem now?”

“You don’t have a litterbox, so I took him outside and . . . ” Gage turned to face her, but it only took her a moment to realize that he wasn’t talking to Puma as she first thought. Gage held two kittens, one in each arm, trying to keep them from batting at one another.

“Someone made a friend.”

Leah felt her heart skip a beat. Never, in her life, had she ever seen anything as heart-wrenchingly seductive as this muscle-bound man playing referee for two tiny kittens.

“Oh!” She reached forward and took the newest addition, running her hand over the darker stripes in the cream-colored fur. This one was just as fluffy but had what appeared to be a reverse mustache on its face. The kitten instantly began to purr in her hands, rolling onto its back while she rubbed its chin.

“Meet Lynx. I’m guessing this must be a sibling. She crawled out from under the house while I was outside.”

“She?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “He, she . . . does it matter? Now you have
two
kittens.”

“Two? I barely got any sleep with one.”

“I’ll tell you what. Let’s lock these two in the bathroom so they can’t cause any damage to the house, and we’ll talk about what to do with them on the way into town.” He scooped the second kitten into his large hand and carried them both to the hall bathroom while she got them food and water.

She narrowed her gaze at his back as they walked to his car. “Why do I get the feeling I’m about to be conned?”

“By who, me?” Gage chucked but the mischievous glint in his eyes did nothing to dispel her skepticism.

She’d seen first-hand the way he could lay it on thick when he wanted to. However, instead of the annoyance that usually rose in her chest, she found herself curious about his proposition. Leah bit the corner of her lip nervously, trying to force herself back to a place of annoyance with him. Any sort of warming to him was a dangerous change—one she’d need to nip in the bud.

L
EAH STARED OUT
the window, avoiding conversation, as Gage barreled down the two-lane stretch of highway into town. The roar of the engine as he gunned it drew the corner of her mouth up slightly in an amused grin. His Challenger was nice, but even he knew it didn’t compare to power in her GTO. He felt a quick sense of camaraderie at their shared interest in muscle cars and almost asked how she’d developed such a keen sense of car taste when she spoke up.

“You’re being awfully secretive about this plan for the kittens.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to split the pair up again.”

“Obviously, neither of us meant to the first time.”

She sounded defensive and that wasn’t his intention. She’d just begun to warm up to him last night, and he didn’t want to go back to the blatant antagonism she’d had for him when he found her on the highway.

“Right, and we can’t turn them back outside. I don’t know if you heard them last night but there’s a pack of coyotes nearby.”

He saw her pale a bit when she realized what that would mean for two helpless kittens.

“But I can’t keep them both unless I lock them out of the bedroom at night. One pouncing on me was bad enough. I can’t imagine the trouble two might cause.” She twisted her mouth to one side, thoughtfully. “And then there’s the fact that I’m going to be working with kids soon for sessions in the office, so I can’t exactly keep them in there.”

“True.”

“Maybe you should just take them both. It’s not fair for me to keep them when they obviously like you better.”

Gage didn’t miss the note of sorrow in her voice as she made the suggestion. He’d seen the way she’d lit up when she played with Puma last night and again when Lynx curled against her. He wanted to see that look on her face more often and would do whatever he could to make it happen.

He laughed. “Leah, they’re kittens. They like anyone who gives them attention. Lynx didn’t stop purring until you put her down. My suggestion is that we keep them at your house with you during the day, and I’ll take them at night. Then you can still sleep.” He cleared his throat. “At least until I leave.”

“What about you? You don’t need to sleep?”

“For now, I have the freedom of sleeping whenever I want.”

The unfortunate fact was that he was going to need to make a decision soon. If he continued to keep hiding the truth of his failure from his brother, he was bound to find out the truth and be even more disappointed in Gage. Dylan had already asked him about the security breach when he’d seen it reported on the news, but Gage had been able to put him off by changing the subject. But it was just a matter of time before Dylan figured out he was to blame.

“Are you trying to worm your way into my house by way of a pair of kittens? Is this just another one of your cheesy pickup methods?”

“You’re not one to mince words, are you, Leah?” Gage smiled at her. “No. I’m not. We’ve already established that you’re not my type, remember? I like my women to be less—”

“Intelligent? Confident, dignified?” she supplied with an arch of her brow, as if daring him to finish his sentence.

“Blunt,” he answered with a laugh. “But you definitely fit the bill for all of those. Like I said, you’re a different kind of woman, Leah.”

“Different.” Her tone made it sound more like an insult.

“I don’t know how to explain it.” He took the exit that would lead them into town. “I guess it’s because you seem wise and naive at the same time. You’re what people would call an old soul, but there’s a guilelessness about you. You’re kind of an enigma.” He glanced away from the road and saw confusion in her eyes, as if she wasn’t sure whether he was insulting her or giving her a compliment. “That’s a good thing, Leah.”

“Old soul, huh?” He saw a mask slip over her face as she tried to hide her irritation and turned toward the window. “You have no idea.”

Gage looked at her. He recognized that tone. He’d heard it often enough after Dylan had returned from Afghanistan, when his brother had tried to give up, to give in to the nightmarish memories. There was pain in her voice, the agony of trauma held silent for too long. He knew everyone fought demons, but the thought that something in her past had wounded her so deeply made him physically ill.

“I might not be a therapist, but if you ever want someone to talk to, Leah, I’d be happy to listen.”

She turned toward him slowly, her eyes filled with bitterness. “Talking about a wound doesn’t always heal it.”

“Odd thing for a therapist to say.”

“Or maybe I just understand the limitations of my profession.”

W
HAT IN THE
hell was wrong with her? Leah had never felt this burning urge to tell someone about her past—never. Not her own therapist, not any of her foster parents. Even Nicole had been forced to pry every detail from her, and she’d actually come as close to loving Nicole as a person could without coming out and saying the words.

Love.

What a pathetic waste of a breath. The idea was nothing more than a fantasy that kept weak people happily believing in fairy tales and hoping for someone who would actually give a shit about them when life got tough. Love was a hopeless waste of energy. She’d rather spend her time caring.

Caring about someone was active. It required action and proof. It involved a decision on her part. She wasn’t helpless, prone to some whim of fate to fall for some person, regardless of any choice she might make. She’d spent enough time unable to dictate the course of her life. She wasn’t about to let some nonsense about
love
steal any more control from her.

Gage pulled the car to a stop in the parking lot of a small strip mall and turned to face her, twining his fingers with hers. Leah tried to ignore the wave of warmth that began at her fingertips and worked up her arms before flooding her veins. It spread slowly, heating as it traveled to her chest, relaxing her like a drug. And it scared her.

This wasn’t the butterflies in her stomach or the sharp jolt of lust she’d heard so many women talk about. She’d never felt any sort of attraction to a man, had never been given that opportunity. But this wasn’t the hunger she’d heard others describe when talking about a man.

There was something sweet and tender in Gage’s touch, something gentle and filled with promise but in no way demanding. She’d never been touched by a man in a way that didn’t lead to sex. But Gage’s warm hand, covering hers, was supportive and comforting rather than insistent and domineering. She wasn’t sure how to react, but she knew she was uncomfortable, nervous even, and she slid her hand from his grasp, wiping her palm on her pant leg in an effort to erase the slow burn of longing.

“Maybe you just need to practice what you preach?” he suggested, eyeing her hand against her thigh.

“Maybe you need to mind your own business.”

The corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile. “Probably.”

He let the conversation drop, which surprised her. Most people would have pushed for more information. Gage turned toward the pet store in front of them.

“Breakfast first or cat supplies?”

She frowned across the car at him. “Look, Gage, I don’t know what you’re trying to do but—”

“I’m not trying to do anything, Leah.” He let out a long sigh. “I guess I just assumed that you might need a helping hand. Between the car repair and moving somewhere new . . . I told you. I’m just trying to do something nice.”

He slid out of the car and slammed the door shut, heading for the pet store without her.

“Wait a minute.” She jumped out of the car and ran after him, reaching for his arm.

“What? Do you want to scold me for bringing you coffee this morning, too? No matter what I do, I can’t win with you. I swear, you are the most disagreeable woman I’ve ever met.”

Leah crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze at him. “Thanks.”

“Just calling it like I see it.”

“Right, because everyone offers to pay a thousand dollar repair bill on a stranger’s car. Not to mention buy them groceries and take them to breakfast.” She dipped her chin, not caring if he saw her skepticism. “Not without expecting
something
in return.”

“I guess that says a lot about the people you’re accustomed to, doesn’t it?”

“What is it with you? Some overblown need to be a knight in shining armor?”

“For someone who listens for a living, you sure don’t hear very well.” He shook his head and shoved his way through the doors, leaving her standing on the sidewalk, watching his departing back.

Leah clenched her jaw. Maybe he
was
just being nice. Jessie said he was some bigwig IT CEO, so maybe he had money to throw around. Hell, for all she knew, he was planning to write it off as a charitable donation.

But the gnawing doubt in her gut said this was more, that he had some ulterior motive for helping her. The simple fact was that she had little choice other than accepting his generosity. She hadn’t been able bring herself to ask Jessie for a loan, and she certainly didn’t have the cash to pay for her car repairs. Right now, Gage’s offer was the only viable option she had, but she’d be damned if she was going to backtrack and start paying for anything with her body again.

G
AGE IGNORED THE
urge to turn around and see if Leah was following him inside. He was tired of fighting with her, of trying to convince her that he had pure intentions, when she was bound to continue assuming the worst about him. Being a nice guy, willing to help someone out, wasn’t a bad thing, regardless of how she made it sound. It didn’t mean he had some need to be a hero. But there was a part of him that knew he was lying to himself. He did want to see her look at him with gratitude.

No, that wasn’t exactly it either. There was something about Leah, something fragile beneath the shell, even if she denied it, but it was there and made him want to be protective, to take care of her, to be her rescuer. It didn’t make sense since he barely knew her, but he’d seen that hollow emptiness in her eyes, and he wanted to show her that the void could be filled.

“Gage?”

Leah’s voice was quiet from the end of the aisle, and he looked away from the litter pans to see her walking toward him. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just projecting my past experiences on my current situation, and you got caught in the crossfire.”

Her words sounded like something she would have asked a patient to recite, like the words had come from her mouth many times and held little, if any, emotion. It sounded rehearsed, like a role she was playing, and he wasn’t buying it, but he also didn’t want to antagonize her further. He wasn’t sure how to respond.

“Did you hear me?”

“I did.” He quickly decided that the best tactic would be to ignore her outburst. “Why don’t you pick out some toys for the kids?” He walked back to the litter pans and dropped two into the cart, looking over the broad selection of litter. “How do I even know what kind to get?” he complained.

“Want me to ask someone for help?”

Gage rolled his eyes at her. “You’re a therapist and I have an IQ of one-sixty. I think we can put our heads together and figure it out.”

“So sorry, Einstein.” She held up her hands dramatically. “I didn’t realize I was coparenting with a genius.”

Leah turned back toward the cat toys, pulling some sort of feathered wand off the wall. “Once you figure out the litter, how about a little help over here? I have no idea what they would like.”

“Yeah,” he muttered as he scanned the twenty different types of litter on the shelves. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed over here, too. I don’t know whether we need litter for multiple cats, or this one with scent-blocking. Maybe this natural one? Or natural pellets?” He held up the bag for her to judge.

“Natural cat litter? Face it, smarty-pants, we’re both pretty much out of our league here.”

He threw his hands into the air. “How would I know? I’ve never had a cat before.”

Leah spotted a clerk walking past and reached for her arm. “Can you help us? I just found two kittens, and I have no clue what I’m doing or what we need to buy.”

The clerk, a young girl who looked fresh out of high school, smiled. “Aw, I love kittens.” She glanced down the aisle at Gage. “Are you two together?”

Maybe, if we could ever seem to see eye to eye.

Gage knew the clerk was asking if they were shopping for items together, but he couldn’t help but relate the question to his relationship with Leah so far. He was trying so hard to find some sort of common ground with her, but she seemed to balk at every turn, pushing away every olive branch he extended in her direction. It was exhausting.

“Yes,” Leah answered without waiting for him to respond. “We just aren’t sure what we need for the pair of rascals.”

The clerk smiled and bounced down the aisle. “Well, you’ve got litter boxes, but I’d suggest getting one of the automatic ones, unless you like cleaning it, a lot. With two kittens, you’re going to need two, too.”

Gage stepped back from the selection of cat litter. “Have at it. Whatever they need.”

The clerk’s smile brightened by several watts, and Gage wondered if she wasn’t working on commission. She looked like a kid on Christmas morning when he’d practically told her money was no object. The girl lifted the litter box he’d selected from the cart and replaced it with two new automatically cleaning litter boxes. Then she proceeded to pluck several bags of litter from the shelf.

“You need this specific kind to go with this box,” she explained. “And you’ll need an extra filter for each. What kind of kittens are they?”

Leah looked at Gage as if she expected him to know.

“Our vet said they’re part Siamese.”

The girl giggled at him. “No, I mean, are they long-haired or short-haired?”

“Oh, they’re both pretty fluffy,” Leah answered.

“Okay, then you’ll need a brush and nail clippers.” She pulled a few more items from the shelf. “Why don’t you pick out a few toys?”

“Um.” Leah hesitated. “I’m not sure what to get.”

“Oh, anything from there. I don’t think there’s anything on that wall kittens
won’t
play with.” She looked at Gage, her gaze skimming him quickly. “And you need to come with me so we can pick out some sort of scratching post for your two angels.”