Change of Heart (11 page)

She didn’t want him to stay anyway. At least that was what she’d keep telling herself. But the ache in her chest felt an awful lot like rejection.

Or regret.

G
AGE NEEDED TO
get out. He needed a breath of fresh air, something to give him a moment of perspective on what Leah had just revealed to him. He could see the emotions roiling in her, slowly boiling her alive, could feel her anger seething below the surface, almost palpable, and he wondered how she continued to control it. Or why she was trying to pretend it didn’t exist.

Maybe he could see it because he’d seen his brother try to hide his own rage for so long. Maybe it was because he’d been abused in his own childhood, although from what he could ascertain from what she had shared, his experience had been a comparative walk in the park. Gage ran a hand over his shaved head, letting the rasp draw him back to the current predicament. Leah was hurting and angry, as lost as those kittens were, and as much as he needed to focus on his own troubles, he couldn’t turn his back on her. It just wasn’t who he was.

Walking to the cabin, he picked up the plastic case from on top of the DVD player and headed back to Leah’s. He opened the door without knocking.

He could see Leah from the doorway, curled in the same corner of the couch she’d been earlier, and he felt the empathy slam into his chest, painfully digging into his heart. He caught his breath again. How could someone have looked at that face as a child, with her slightly upturned nose and her pink cheeks, and hurt her? His eyes skimmed over her thin limbs and her petite frame. How could someone have deliberately injured her?

Her head jerked up as the door clicked shut behind him, and he could see the shock register in her eyes. “Movie?” he asked, holding up the plastic case.

“You came back?” The words slipped from her lips quietly, and he could see by her wide eyes, she hadn’t meant to say them aloud.

He walked to the television and slid the movie into the DVD player, grabbing the remote from the table as he walked past and settling himself in the corner of the couch opposite of her. He’d have loved to sit closer, to pull her into his arms and let her release the anguish he knew she was holding inside, but he could see she wasn’t ready for that yet. She might have trusted him enough to tell him some of her past but not enough to dig at that festering wound. Until she was ready, if that ever happened, he’d be her friend. She needed one more than anyone he’d ever known.

“You’re going to have to do more than break a few dishes to get rid of me.” He kicked his shoes off and crossed his ankles in front of him, lifting the remote. “I hope you’re in the mood for a comedy because it’s pretty slim pickings in the cabin.”

She stared at him for a moment before she arched a brow. “Depends on which one. I’m more in the mood for an action movie.”

“
21 Jump Street
. I think that should cover your desires.” Gage cursed his poor choice in words.

“Mmm, Channing Tatum? I think I can manage.” She sighed, ignoring his slip or, he hoped, not even noticing it. She reached for the afghan folded on the back of the couch and tucked her knees to one side before covering herself, struggling to get it over her feet.

Gage reached for the end of the blanket and pulled it over her toes, tucking it under. “There. Bet Channing Tatum wouldn’t do
that
for you.”

She smiled sweetly at him. “I bet he would.”

Gage chuckled quietly as the movie began. He was glad to see she had returned to their earlier friendly rapport, but it worried him that she could so quickly slip from one emotion to the next, disguising her pain so quickly. It made him suspicious what else she was hiding behind those whiskey-colored eyes.

L
EAH FELT THE
rumble against her cheek before she heard the quiet snore. She rubbed one hand against her face, wiping it over her eyes and trying to discern where she was. The disorientation alone should have been enough to send her into a panic attack, and she tried to figure out why it wasn’t. She blinked, trying to clear the fog from her barely conscious mind, and moved to push herself into a seated position when her hand landed on a wall of solid muscle. It gave way but only slightly, and she couldn’t move with the pair of massive biceps protectively curled around her.

Gage.

How had she ended up asleep in Gage’s arms? The last thing she remembered was them laughing at a particularly funny scene then leaning her head against the back of the couch so that she could rub her cheek against Puma’s soft fur. She must have fallen asleep facing him.

Gage sighed in his sleep, his breath fanning over the top of her hair where her head was tucked under his chin. She was practically curled in his lap with her arms wrapped around him. This wasn’t like her. She didn’t need to be touched, didn’t crave the intimacy of a caress. Just the thought usually sent her backpedaling. To some, it made her seem cold or callous, but it made her a good clinician.

Move away, now,
her mind warned.

She tried to obey, even splayed her hand over his stomach to slip out of his arms, but her body wouldn’t cooperate. This felt good. Instead of panic, she felt completely at peace, secure and content. She felt safe with Gage, and she didn’t want to move for fear that the feeling would dissipate like morning fog.

Longing slid through her veins slowly, like a drug, leaving warmth in its wake, pooling in her stomach. Leah had avoided men whenever possible. Logically, after all of her years in psychological medicine, she knew what happened to her wasn’t her fault, but it had tainted her view of sex and men. She scorned the needful weakness and loss of control that lust encouraged.

But, right now, in Gage’s arms, she felt like she’d been missing some vital piece of a puzzle. She wasn’t feeling weak as desire moved in her, heating her blood. She let it dance through her veins, twirling and twisting, relegating the voices in her head telling her she was a dirty whore to the furthest recesses of her mind.

She wanted to be like other women, to know what it felt like to love and be loved. She wanted to feel passion, to touch and be touched, but more than anything else, she needed to feel safe. Gage made her feel that way.

Unlike the others in her life, he hadn’t rejected her. Even when she thought he’d walked away, Gage came back, and for that, she couldn’t begin to express her gratitude. That meant more to her than paying for her car repairs or rescuing her on the side of the road. Just the simple act of returning last night had indebted her to him in ways she could never repay.

Leah felt the strong, steady beat of Gage’s heart under her ear, and her fingers curled slightly into the muscles at his waist before sliding up his ribs. He sighed softly in his sleep and curiosity overpowered her fear. She felt his hands move over her back and lifted her eyes to his face. His jaw was dusted with stubble, and her fingers itched to touch it, to feel the rasp over her palm. His full lips were slightly parted, and she wondered how a man so solidly muscular and with such chiseled features could have lips that looked so soft.

Gage dipped his face down farther and, through her lashes she could see him looking down at her, his eyes almost black.

“Leah?” he whispered, his voice still husky with sleep.

She wanted to kiss him. She’d never wanted to actually kiss a man before. She had always been forced to tolerate their touch, but this time, she wanted to see what it would be like when she wanted it. But she wasn’t sure he would welcome the kiss. Gage brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear with his finger, letting it trail over the outer shell and sending butterfly wings of longing to flutter in her belly. It was enough to jolt her from her indecision.

Leah slid her hand up, curling around the back of Gage’s neck and pulled him toward her. Relief flooded her when he came willingly. As his lips met hers, she gasped at the sheer pleasure of the touch, inhaling his breath as her own. His hands froze, one at her shoulder and the other at her waist, as if he was afraid any movement from him might scare her away. She brushed her lips over his slowly, and Gage seemed content to let her set the tone. He let her take as much as she wanted from him, allowing her to explore and decide where her boundaries were.

Leah realized she’d been right about two things: his lips were as soft as they looked, and Gage was safe.

Instead of making her feel good, that only made her more afraid. Safe meant she would be more likely to let down her guard. Safe meant he could break down the walls she’d built. Safe meant, for the first time, her heart was in danger.

B
EING KISSED BY
Leah was like entering heaven when he knew he didn’t belong, but Gage wasn’t foolish enough to try to stop it. He couldn’t deny the attraction he’d felt from the moment he’d seen her stranded on the side of the road, in spite of what he might have told her. When her lips met his, she sucked in a soft, sweet intake of breath and stole his will to resist her. He’d been able to endure when she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder in the middle of the movie, in spite of the heady scent of her perfume that surrounded him. When she curled against his chest, he’d been content to hold her, knowing he would never cross a line she’d drawn. But waking to find her watching him, with those amber eyes practically glowing with yearning, he didn’t have the strength to deny himself a taste of those lips.

Leah had somehow reached inside him and grasped hold of the honorable man he’d once believed himself to be, a man who would protect innocents and do the right thing. A man who would right wrongs, including his own. When he was with her, he could forget that he was fallible, capable of making million dollar mistakes because he’d been too concerned with investor pressure instead of his scruples. The more he got to know her, the more attracted he was, but after what she’d confessed last night, a kiss was the last thing he’d imagined happening between them, the last thing she needed. Leah made him feel like a superhero, and he wanted to be
that
man. That meant thinking about her needs, even over his own burning desires. A kiss was something he couldn’t allow to continue.

Gage drew back, running his hand over the back of her hair and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. His heart throbbed painfully against his chest at the denial, and he ignored the other body parts aching for release. He wouldn’t be another man who hurt her and betrayed her trust.

“Leah,” he whispered, laying his cheek at the top of her head and inhaling the honeyed scent of her, letting it flow through him. Her hand slid down to rest against his chest, and he tried to ignore his body’s needful yearning. “I should probably go home.”

He felt her stiffen in his arms and wondered if it was from the kiss or his suggestion.

“Why?”

Gage closed his eyes. He didn’t dare hope that she’d want him to stay. He wanted nothing more than to remain on her couch with her in his arms all day. Lynx moved along the back of the couch, bumping his arm with her head, and he lifted his wrist to look at his watch.

“It’s nearly six a.m. Doesn’t Jessie have a group coming this morning?”

She sighed and nodded against his chest. He hoped that sigh encompassed the same disappointment he felt. Just when they’d started to make some progress, the real world would be butting in. Now he wouldn’t have her undivided attention. He couldn’t just stop by, unannounced, to steal her away. She would have sessions and cases. Plus, she had her car again, so she had little need for him at all. Other than helping with the kittens. He ran his hand over Lynx, who attempted to climb onto Leah’s shoulder and curl up.

Gage knew he should apologize to Leah, but try as he might, the words wouldn’t come. He wasn’t sorry he kissed her. He would only be sorry if it drove a wedge between them.

“What time are they coming?” he asked when she made no attempt to move away from him.

Her breath fanned over his chest, heating more than his skin. He ached with need, and he prayed she wouldn’t notice the distinctive bulge in his jeans as he tried to convince his body to behave.

“Chase is supposed to bring them around nine.”

Gage traced the line of her cheekbone with his thumb, not wanting to let her go but knowing it was inevitable. Leah tipped her head up, looking him in the face, her eyes questioning but not filled with the regret he expected to see. Even with her hair mussed, her makeup slightly smeared under her eyes, and her cheeks flushed, there was a vulnerability in her face he’d never seen before. She’d never looked more beautiful to him.

Her lips parted slightly just before she bit the corner of her lower lip, and Gage couldn’t help himself. He slid his hand through her hair, cupping the back of her head and drawing her closer so he could brush his lips over hers again. Her hand moved up his neck, sending his senses reeling and his hunger into hyperdrive as she pressed herself into his embrace. He swept his tongue against hers, teasing.

If their first kiss had been like heaven, this was pure ecstasy. Leah tasted like honey, a delicate sweetness he hadn’t expected from someone as indifferent as she’d tried to act, and he wanted to hold onto everything she would offer.

But he wouldn’t let himself accept it, not yet. Not until she was ready to let go of all her secrets, not until he’d told her his own.

Gage heard his cell phone vibrate on the side table where he’d left it during the movie. Reality reared its head as he realized there were only three people who would call him this early—any of his three partners demanding he make a decision about his share of the company he was single-handedly dragging through the mud. Gage ended the kiss slowly, wanting it to last as long as possible but knowing it couldn’t. Leah gave a slight whimper as he pulled away, her fingers curling against the back of his neck in protest.

He pressed his forehead against hers. “I have to take this,” he said against her lips. “I’ll be right back.”

Gage knew he could ignore the call, like he’d been doing most of the week, but if he didn’t put some space between him and Leah now, he was going to forget his commitment to be her friend and move too close to being her lover. He was drowning in enough regrets without hurting her.