Catching Serenity (39 page)

Elise wrung her hands. Jumping to her feet, she began to pace.
“I didn’t know what else to do. The body count in my family was already at one, and I couldn’t risk it going any higher. Liam was this beautiful baby boy, so tiny and innocent. He shouldn’t have to pay for the sins of his father.” Her cheeks wet, Elise brushed the back of her hand over them. “I loved Danny, too, but he couldn’t see how he was putting his family at risk. The irony? That poor, misguided boy thought he was doing a good thing for them, making a better life. I’d have given my own life in exchange for Liam or Serenity’s, and don’t think I didn’t offer.” Her eyes met his. “Whatever it took. I’d have done anything.”

“
I’m not judging you, Elise,” Jackson said. “It’s okay if I call you that?”

The welcome hint of a smile surfaced on Elise
’s face, relaxing her features. “It’s preferable to some other names you might want to call me right now.”

“
I can see where Serenity gets her strength.” He glanced at Clinton. “No offense intended, sir. She also got a lot of great qualities from you.”

Clinton grunted.
“None taken. Always appreciated your diplomacy, son. I freely admit I’m thankful my girl got more of her mama than me.”

Jackson focused on Elise as she sat beside Clinton again.
“How’d you get away?”

“
The old man died a couple of months ago, and my contract, so to speak, was released. That was our deal. I’d paid off Danny’s debt. I have it in writing no harm will come to Liam, Serenity, me or Clinton. Not that a piece of paper means much.” She looked away and swallowed. “In five years, I saw a lot of people come and go. I stayed quiet, out of the way and never asked questions. I didn’t say much, and I focused on taking care of the old man and keeping Liam safe. The entire time, I kept thinking about the day I’d reunite Serenity with her son, and that’s what kept me going. Once she gets over the initial shock, I hope she’ll accept what I did, even if she doesn’t understand.”

“
You’ve done a wonderful job with him. He’s a great kid, and probably one of the more well-adjusted patients I’ve ever seen in my practice.” He met Elise’s bright gaze. “Especially now that I know the truth.”

“
I documented every milestone in his life for Serenity—every birthday, his first steps, first words, all of it, some on video and I took tons of pictures. They went through every one of them to make sure I didn’t have photographs of anyone in the family. But they let me keep them. I can’t give Serenity those years she missed with her son, but it’s the best I can do, given the circumstances.”

Jackson nodded.
“Thank you. Those will be precious for her.” He paused a moment. “I had an interesting rendezvous this afternoon with a man in a suit at the hardware store,” Jackson said, directing the question to Elise. “He’s the same man who showed up at Inner Serenity one afternoon and stared at your photo. Who is he?”

“
He’s hired by...the family.” There was no mistaking her meaning. This whole thing made him feel like he was in another dimension. “He’s making sure everything’s in place and no one followed me here.”

“
Who else would follow you?”

“
You ask a lot of questions, Dr. Ross.”

“
Call me a pest. Answer me, please.”

Elise
’s lips upturned. “Does Serenity know you’re so bossy?”

“
Yes, and I like to think she adores me for it. Trust me,” Jackson said, allowing a small smile of his own, “she keeps me sharp. Your daughter is incredibly intelligent and intuitive.”

“
And I’m sure she adores
you
, too,” Elise said. Clinton put his arm around her shoulders. Drawing her close, he kissed her cheek.

Jackson waited as Elise appeared to gather her thoughts.
“You must understand there’s always a rival family watching, ready to pounce. The way I look at it, it’s only by the grace of God that I was allowed to keep Liam and come back home again. Respect for their elders is revered and the wishes of the family patriarch is paramount. In his own way, the old man protected me. And his son is doing that for me now. For that, I am—and will always be—eternally grateful.”

Jackson rubbed his hand over his face.
“He reciprocated your loyalty. So, how long is Mr. Suit going to be hanging around town? I have to say, he makes me nervous.” He already knew he’d be icing his arm when he got home.

“
He’ll be gone in a couple more days. Then we’re on our own.”

“
And Carmen?”

“
She works for a private surveillance agency. Even though I had the old man’s word no harm would come to us, I had to make sure I wasn’t followed and that no one was in danger. Carmen was hired to keep an eye on Serenity, Clinton and...you, too, Jackson.”

That was news, but not much could surprise him after what he
’d just heard. “Any idea how or when you’ll tell Serenity?”

“
That’s what we’re trying to figure out,” Elise said. “I first came to see you because you were the new psychologist in town. Then when I saw Arnie on your bookshelf, I knew you were important to Serenity. My daughter wouldn’t give Arnie to anyone who expressed an interest in him. That little giraffe is priceless to me and she knew it.”

“
She’s an amazing woman...and so are you,” Jackson said. An hour ago, he couldn’t have guessed he’d be sitting with her now and saying these things. But it was the truth.

“
Thank you.” Elise lowered her head. “My poor baby. What she must have gone through.”

“
You’ve suffered every bit as much,” Clinton said, his voice quiet.

“
Yes, you have,” Jackson said. Clinton shot him a grateful glance. “It might take her a while to recover from the shock of it all, but in time, I’m sure Serenity will understand. Does Justin know his real first name is Liam?”

Elise shook her head.
“No. It’s his middle name, and I’ve called him that to minimize complications. He knows his last name is Kincaid, and he only learned in the last few weeks that my last name
isn’t
Johnson.”

Jackson moved his gaze to Clinton.
“If I may ask, sir, how long have you known?”

“
Only a week,” Elise answered for her husband. “I got a letter in the mail this week from the son of...my patient, and he’s now the new head of the family. He thanked me for services rendered and again assured me I was released from any further obligations to the family. Said I’d meant a lot to the old man and earned his trust. Knowing whom they can trust and family loyalty means everything to them.”

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye.
“I found great solace in reading a Bible I’d taken with me to New York. I was never much of a ‘God’ person, but somehow I knew I might need it.” Wiping away another tear, Elise managed a small smile. “I was raised in the church, but I’d turned away from it. Funny how those things I’d learned as a child came back to me. In a way, it was like I was in a prison, and I took comfort in reading the letters written by Paul when he was imprisoned. Even tortured and chained, he found joy and peace in the midst of unspeakable pain. There’s a verse in Second Corinthians that says,
When I am weak, then I am strong
, and that hit home for me. In my weakness, my faith in the Lord kept me going. He sustains.”

When Elise hesitated, Clinton brushed away her tears with the pad of his thumb. Jackson shifted in the chair, feeling like he was an intruder in their private moment.

“I knew God had a plan in what happened,” Elise continued. “I even tried to share with my patient one day, but he wouldn’t listen. Said he was too far gone in this life. I told him no one was beyond redemption and insisted it was never too late. He listened to what I told him, though, but only God Himself knows a man’s soul.” Lifting her shoulders, she shot a helpless glance his way.

Rising from his chair, Jackson walked across the room. When he looked at Clinton, he nodded, as if sensing what he was about to do. Pulling Elise to her feet, Jackson kissed her cheek and drew her into a hug.
“Thank you for coming home again. Thank you for giving Serenity her life back even though she doesn’t know it yet.”

~
CHAPTER 40~

Jackson smiled as he opened the door to the cottage.
“You came.”

Serenity
’s soft laugh enchanted him all over again. Sexy and sweet. Great way to start the evening. On the other hand, he was probably in big trouble.

“
No, I’m a figment of your overactive imagination. I enjoyed a nice brisk walk, so I’ve worked up an appetite.”

“
Come in.”

“
Don’t mind if I do.” She shoved a bottle of something cold in his hands and walked across the threshold. “Put me to work.” She seemed happy and more animated than he’d ever seen her. He glanced at the label on the bottle. Sparkling grape juice.

He watched as she marched straight into his kitchen, all that long blonde hair swinging and bouncing with a life
all its own. In her blue jeans and simple white top, this woman did things to his heart rate that were unprecedented. Standing rooted to the floor like an idiot, one hand still on the front door, he stared at her. Consciously closing his open mouth, he pushed the front door closed and followed her into the kitchen.

Above all, he needed to try and relax so she wouldn
’t suspect anything was wrong. Not give anything away to make her suspect her life was about to change in a completely unexpected and shocking way. Now that he knew the truth, he wanted to get it out in the open so they could move past it and get on with their lives. He wanted Serenity beside him as his wife, and the sooner the better.

His mind went back to what Elise said earlier in the afternoon. Although not
hing like her circumstances and what she’d endured, he was stuck between the freedom of telling Serenity the truth and the prison of upholding his sworn duty to his patient. Not an enviable position, to be sure. God would have to see it through because he sure didn’t know how it’d play out. If he stopped to think about it, he’d groan. On the one hand, the heaviness in his heart had lifted. On the other, a sense of foreboding threatened to overwhelm him.

You haven
’t even told her you love her yet.
He’d need to remedy that soon, too, although she had to know. They’d pretty much said it in every way except with actual words. But he couldn’t tell her. Not yet. First, she needed to know about Elise and Liam. Then he needed to give her time to absorb the truth. Then hope and pray she wouldn’t harbor feelings of resentment or betrayal against him. If that happened, he’d die a slow death. But he’d wait it out. Serenity was worth fighting for, worth waiting for. No matter how long it took.

Lord, be with us.

Serenity watched as he put the bottle on the table. “That’s the next best thing to alcohol. It’s fizzy and goes up your nose. Always makes me sneeze.” Her smile lit up his house, his world. “But it’s really good.”

“
That it is. Thanks,” he said, turning around to go check on the food. “I trust you like linguini.” His mind sprinted in a hundred different directions, all fighting for precedence.

“
Mmm, I love linguini. Smells wonderful.”

S
omeone was definitely in a flirty, playful mood. When Serenity moved away, she left behind a wonderful scent. Normally he didn’t like perfume on a woman, but this was something light, fun and entirely Serenity. It lingered in the air, and he suspected it would linger in his mind a whole lot longer. She could have no idea of the emotions coursing through him like a tidal wave.

“
Is there a salad in the fridge? Need me to chop or dice anything?”

For whatever reason, her question struck him as amusing, but he managed to keep a straight face.
“Second shelf. There’s homemade ranch dressing in the blue container beside it. Croutons are in the pantry.” He angled his head toward the side wall.

A minute later, she stood by the counter and tossed the mixed green salad.
“Do you have something to put the dressing in? Not that I’m fancy. We can leave it in the container.”

“
Nothing but the best.” Wiping his hands on the dish towel, he walked around the corner to the small hutch and pulled out a crystal pitcher. “Here, this should do the trick.” When he handed it to her, their fingers touched, shooting awareness of her through every inch of his body.

Taking it from him,
Serenity gave him a curious look. “Thanks. Are you okay? You seem...I don’t know, sort of bothered.”

This is why he could never earn a di
me from acting. He stunk at it.

“
I’m hoping you like my cooking.” Not a total lie.

She smiled.
“I don’t think you have to worry about that. It’s a very romantic thing to do.”

He almost groaned with those words. They
’d eat and then he’d take her away from the cottage. Take a walk on the beach with Freud. Drive somewhere.

Perhaps it wasn
’t the smartest idea to have her in the cottage for dinner, especially after what he’d learned earlier in the day. Not that he’d had any idea when he’d issued the invitation. The better option might have been to change their plans and take her to a public place. The intimacy of being alone with her appealed to him on many levels and spending time with Serenity was top priority. But his common sense should prevail over his need for privacy. Faire Kingdom had been safe enough since it was loud with lots of people around. When he’d sat beside her in her bedroom, he’d almost lost his composure when she talked about Liam and opened that box with his baby things. And that was
before
he knew the story.

She peeked at the bread wrapper on the counter.
“Sourdough. How’d you know it’s my favorite?”

His pulse increased.
“Maybe I had a little help.” She’d probably assume from her dad.

“
And what sauce have you prepared for us tonight, Chef Ross?”

“
Clam with white wine.” Good. She didn’t seem to pick up on anything amiss. “All the flavor but not enough to get us drunk.”

“
Right. Drinking might make us lose our inhibitions. We couldn’t have that.” When she lowered her lids, the look she gave him was nothing short of alluring.

Was she testing him?
Father, I could be so weak with this woman. Help me be strong.
He stilled the spoon in the sauce. What he felt for Serenity was so much more than physical desire, although there was certainly that element to their relationship. He needed to concentrate on anything other than how beautiful she was, how tempting her eyes, her lips, her
everything
.

He cleared his throat.
“You don’t have to worry about me in that way.” The Lord knew it took all his fortitude to say those words.

Her blue eyes widened, drinking him in.
“A bottle of cheap wine was all it took when I was younger.”

“
I’m not Danny.”

“
Trust me, I know that. I don’t expect you to be Danny. I want—”

“
Shh,” he said, putting two fingers over her lips. Best if he didn’t hear the rest of that sentence with his defenses already lowered. He put the spoon on the counter and gathered his thoughts. Taking Serenity by the hand, he led her away from the stove and to the middle of the room. “You are an incredibly beautiful woman, and guys are…well, guys. Most of them are going to try and push the limit, at least a little. I suspect Spencer what’s-his-name tried something.” Maybe he
was
fishing with that one.

“
He did, but I wasn’t taking the bait,” she said. “Not when I’d already found the best.”

He almost staggered
. With those words, she’d blessed him. The unasked question flickered in her eyes. It wasn’t a challenge, but he sensed her deep need to know his answer.

Jackson
’s gaze melded into hers. “Being completely honest here? If I hadn’t become a Christian, I wouldn’t want to end this evening tonight.” He couldn’t say what he wanted to say without touching her, right or wrong. Closing the distance between them, he slid his hands around her small waist. She came willingly and rested her hands on his arms. The touch of her fingers on his skin was warm.

“
It’d carry over into the morning…down the hall,” he said, not surprised by the huskiness in his own voice. “If that’s what
you
wanted, because sure as anything, guaranteed it’s what I’d want.” He heard the slight hitch in her breath, saw her lips part. “But,” he said, relishing the look in her eyes, “
because
I’m a Christian, and a man of honor and have all the respect in the world for you, sweet Serenity, I won’t tempt either one of us.” Touching her hair, he smiled. “And you are, without a doubt, the most tempting woman I’ve ever known.”

“
Thank you for respecting me enough,” she whispered. “You are truly a prince among men.”

“
It’s also about respecting yourself,” he said. “You’ve beaten yourself up over getting pregnant when you were young. You think you’re not worthy in some way.”

Easing out
of his arms, Serenity’s cheeks grew flushed and she lowered her gaze. “I never said that.”

“
You didn’t have to.” Cupping her cheeks between his hands, he raised her face, caressing her. “You did nothing wrong other than give your heart to a man who squandered that love. Nothing you did caused any of those other things that happened and in no way was it God’s punishment.”

As he suspected, she withdrew
again, leaving him bereft. “I was thinking that very thing last night. The Lord’s working on me, but I’ve got a lot to learn.” She crossed her arms over her middle and turned in the opposite direction. “I think you know me as well as I know myself, Jackson. As comforting as that can be, it’s also a very scary thing.”

Lord, I can
’t stay away from her now.
Moving behind her, Jackson brought his arms around her. “That’s what happens when you care about someone, baby. You want to understand them so you can help them resolve or get over whatever makes them sad.” He turned her around again, relieved when she didn’t fight. “You deserve happiness. You deserve love.”

When Serenity finally met his eyes, he saw the tears glistening as one tear coursed its way down her cheek.
“I’m not sure I deserve
you
, and I hate to say this, but I think your sauce is burning.”

As he
walked Serenity to her door, Jackson thought over the events of the evening. She’d been quiet through dinner, but it was a comfortable silence, just as it was now. She’d devoured two pieces of the sourdough bread and a full plate of the linguini, claiming it was the best she’d ever eaten. Even though it was only cooking a meal, he wanted to please her and bring that gorgeous smile to her beautiful face.

More importantly, he
’d managed to crack through her armor. She’d been through so much and, as he’d told Elise, accepting the truth might take some time. How long would depend on Serenity. Some people might never get over what had happened to her, but she’d proven she was stronger than most. He suspected she didn’t know how strong she was.

He
’d seen the power of prayer work in the lives of a number of his patients and their families, and that’s what he’d do for Serenity. It was the
best
thing he could do. That, and love her—from the sidelines, if that’s what she wanted. He’d cover them all—Serenity, Elise, Justin, Clinton—in a blanket of prayer.
Lord, help me be her friend even if she doesn’t want me to be once she finds out the truth.