Catastrophe Practice (15 page)

He jerks his hips forwards and holds his behind
.

Do you mind!

Norbert looks up at him
.

Harry looks at the Char. The Char looks at Harry. The Barman bends down to the radio: he shouts as if into it —

— How're you doin' Nob, all right?

He seems to listen to the radio
.

Then he shouts again —

— Wife and kids?

Geordie answers as if for Norbert
.

The Barman straightens. He moves back, walking ordinarily, to the machine at the right of the bar. He murmurs to Harry —

He touches the machine. A green light comes on
.

He turns to the audience
.

There are these particles, see, going through you all the time. Like seeds. Like parachutes —

He waits
.

He seems to quote —

— And where were you on the night of the thirteenth —

There are three flashes from the machine, as if it were taking photographs
.

The Barman waits
.

The Four, at the table, right, talk in turn into the radio — as if it were a microphone, and they were establishing through it, by code, a programme in a computer
.

After Norbert has spoken, it is as if the programme has been set
.

The Four move back slightly from the radio. The Barman, at the bar, speaks facing the audience —

Harry speaks watching the machine
.

The Char, at the table, left, bends down, and picks up off the floor the piece of paper from the machine that the Barman and Harry have earlier
discarded She seems to read it. Then puts it in her pocket
.

The Char seems to be trying to look under the table, right, where the Four have put their bags. Then the green light on the machine goes out. The Barman goes to it and takes from a slot what seems to be a set of photographs. He looks at them
.

The Barman comes to the counter. He pushes across to Harry what seems to be the set of photographs
.

Harry takes them: turns them this way and that. Then he stands, looks round on the floor. He speaks while he searches
.

He seems to be looking for the piece of paper he has earlier discarded
.

— Taffy Evans, Smudger Smith, Nobby Clark and Geordie —

He looks at the audience
.

— Also undercover agents, from the
liberation army —

He turns to the gothic doorway, left
.

— It was not known, at this stage, if the mysterious sixth person was with them —

The Char says to the Four at the table, right —

The Barman says to Harry —

Harry looks at the set of photographs he is holding
.

Not only did the negotiators go to their destination blindfold, but their wives were under the impression that they were making arrangements for divorce —

He throws the set of photographs on to the round. Then he looks at the Char
.

The Four at the table, right, have been acting as if with increasing tension
.

The Char gets up and goes over to them, carrying her chair. She sets her chair down by them. She seems to be trying to see under the table. She acts —

The Four have not made room for her. She is squashed up against them awkwardly
.

— He'd tell me of the great world outside. Of goblins, and dragons —

She seems to be groping, with her foot, for one of the bags under the table
.

The Barman has been watching her. After a time, he calls out to her —

— He laughs manically
.

Then he leaves the bar and comes to the front of the stage and looks at what the Char is doing. The Char has got hold of one of the bags with her foot
.

The Barman looks at the audience
.

She seems to be having difficulty in dragging the bag towards her
.

After a time the Barman acts, as if in panic —

He goes to the centre of the stage and begins to mime, violently, a waiter as if in a Charlie Chaplin film going in and out of swing doors in a restaurant carrying trays
.

He shouts —

This one — was this one's —

He stops, looking at the audience. He speaks as if in despair —

— this one —

Then he seems to avoid, just in time, someone coming the other way —

— in this one's —

He seems just to avoid the door again. Then it is as if a door hits him in the face. He staggers: collapses in front of, almost on top of, the table, right, where the Four and the Char are sitting. The Char, with a foot, manages to push the bag at her feet towards him so that it is in front of him when he falls
.

He speaks quietly, facing the audience —

— official residence!

Lying on his side, the Barman unzips the bag and feels inside quickly. Then he becomes still. He stares at the audience
.

Smudger begins to sing in a quiet voice —

He puts one of the briefcases by the radio on the table
.

Geordie stands
.

Waldorf moves towards the plate-glass door, singing quietly —

He stops by the plate-glass door
.

Smudger puts the other briefcase on the table
.

Smudger goes and joins Waldorf by the glass door
.

Geordie and Norbert have stood. They move towards the plate-glass door
.

They have left the case by the radio on the table. It is as if the case might contain a bomb, which might be about to be set off by the radio
.

The Barman erupts into activity. He hurls the bag that he is holding towards the door, right. Smudger catches it. Then the Barman hurls himself on the Char and knocks her off her chair and lies on top of her on the ground. Then he jumps up and takes the other bags and briefcases and throws them to the Four by the door. They catch them. Then the Barman picks up the radio. He looks around as if to see where to throw it. He turns to Harry. Harry has his back to him; he is watching the gothic door, left. The Barman acts
with decreasing assurance. After a time he puts the radio down at the very front of the stage. Then he lies on top of the Char again. The Four by the plate-glass window stand holding their suitcases
.

After a time Harry walks round the stage as if trying to re-establish the scene
.

He stops by the Barman and the Char
.

After a time the Barman stands up; dusts himself
.

Rats ran in their cages. Connections between the cortex and the ground —

Harry waits
.

The Char stands up: dusts herself
.

The sister was here. With her strong brown arms. For the crowds at the railway station. The seeds in the wind —

The Char goes and sits on a chair, left
.

Harry turns to the gothic door
.

The surgeon was here. Saw a gap in the clouds. Took aim —

He remains watching the gothic door
.

After a time —

And the students. The eternal trump cards. With their strings of sausages —

He turns to the Four by the plate-glass
.

After a time he continues —

Oh God, let it not have two arms, two heads —

He waits
.

Let it have three.

The gothic door opens, left, and the Hostess comes in. She leads by the hand Bert, a tall young man in white overalls. She is the younger, original Hostess. She leads Bert towards the
centre of the stage. Then she stretches up and kisses him. Then she looks at Harry
.

Harry watches her
.

The Barman has gone behind the bar. He tidies up bottles
.

After a time the Four by the window, right, seem to try out, tentatively, ways of establishing communication with Bert
.

Waldorf has pushed against the glass door, right
.

It seems locked

The Four move towards the wings, front right, as if they might be looking for somewhere to get out
.

Bert speaks facing the audience
.

Harry is looking at the Hostess
.

Bert is groping for the chair, centre, where the Char is sitting. He appears to be blind
.

The Char gets up. She joins the Barman behind the bar
.