Catastrophe Practice (14 page)

Geordie comes and stands behind him
.

Waldorf faces front. He acts as if he has had a cue, and is lecturing —

He breaks off as if he is uncertain that he has done the right thing
.

Harry picks up the piece of paper and sits at one of the tables, left, reading it
.

The Hostess, who has been watching him, goes out of the gothic door, left
.

Then Harry screws the piece of paper up and throws it on to the floor again
.

The Char comes and sits at the table, left, with Harry
.

Harry shouts —

Geordie, standing behind Waldorf as if he were a hairdresser, has been watching Harry and the Char
.

After a time —

The machine makes a whirring sound, as if it were a fruit machine. Then it is silent
.

The Barman has remained standing, in front of it
.

Then he murmurs —

The Barman yells like a fielder in a cricket match —

Then he turns to the audience
.

Some team, I think. On Sundays.

He squats down, with his hands out towards the audience, like a wicket-keeper. Behind him the machine makes a loud tinkling noise, as if coins were pouring out
.

Geordie, behind Waldorf at the table, right, brushes at Waldorf's collar and straightens his hair
.

He looks at the audience as if it were a mirror. The Char speaks to Harry
.

The Barman, crouching, makes a noise, as if he were imitating music, or a machine gun —

The char seems to change her tune
.

The boys with their little tails going!

Their drums like bells! —

The Barman straightens and looks at the flies
.

He waits. He looks at the audience
.

Leaping up the waterfalls. Breaking down the walls.

Then he goes behind the bar. He acts —

— Good evening, sir, and what can I do for you? I hear you've got some Pakistanis on your billiard table. You won't be able to get into your own pockets next —

He laughs
.

Harry gets up from the table, left, and goes and sits at the bar
.

Geordie speaks over Waldorf's head, facing the audience
.

He mimes wiping the corner of Waldorf's mouth with a handkerchief. He puts his hands on Waldorf's shoulders
.

Got your umbrella?

Geordie takes a newspaper from one of the briefcases and rolls it up and puts it under Waldorf's arm. Waldorf'stands. Then Geordie leads Waldorf to the back of the stage on the right. He seems to be posing him there
.

Harry looks round
.

The Barman, behind the bar, takes a plug and wire and plugs the wire into a socket on the wall at the back
.

Then he comes from behind the bar and sits on a stool in front, by Harry, watching the machine as if it were television
.

The glass door opens, right, and a woman in the
dress of the Hostess comes in. She stands looking down at her papers
.

Harry turns to her: seems about to speak: then stops
.

There come in through the glass door, right, Smudger and Norbert, an older and a younger man. They are dressed in holiday clothes. They carry travelling bags and a radio. It is possible that one of them might be a woman. They walk one behind the other. They act —

They put down their bags and radio on the table, right They look round the room Waldorf is posed with the newspaper under his arm. Geordie is standing looking at him as if he were a statue. The woman like the Hostess looks up at Harry. She is older than the original Hostess
.

The Hostess puts her head in her hands
.

Smudger goes and looks at Waldorf's feet, as if he were a statue and there were an inscription there. He seems to read —

He looks up at Waldorf
.

— Slowly our forefathers moved down the Mall —

Norbert watches Smudger
.

He breaks off. It is as if he and Smudger had been trying out some code
.

The Hostess looks up at Harry
.

The Barman leans forward and gives the machine a bang
.

Geordie has been watching Smudger and Norbert
.

Smudger and Norbert look at Waldorf
.

Harry speaks to the Hostess
.

The Hostess turns towards the gothic doorway, left. Then she looks back at Harry
.

Smudger holds his hand out to Waldorf
.

Waldorf relaxes: takes his hand
.

Smudger turns to introduce Norbert
.

Norbert holds out his hand to Waldorf who comes forward and takes it
.

He turns to Geordie —

Geordie —

Geordie comes up and holds out his hand
.

Geordie takes Smudger's hand: then Norbert's —

They wait
.

The Barman leans forward and gives the machine a bang
.

The Hostess moves towards the gothic door; then stops and looks back at Harry
.

Waldorf, Geordie, Smudger and Norbert have settled down round the table, right. They repeat, as if jokingly —

They stop
.

There is suddenly deafening music (a military march) from the machine as if it were a juke box. Harry puts his hands over his ears
.

The Hostess goes out through the gothic door, left
.

The Four sit round their table, right, and seem to confer, quickly, amongst themselves, under cover of the music
.

The Barman has gone behind the bar. He pulls the electric plug out
.

The music stops
.

The Four at the table stop talking
.

Harry remains with his hands over his ears. After a time the Four at the table, right, speak as if in a comic routine they have learned
.

Norbert lifts the radio from the floor on to the table. He pulls up the aerial, carefully. The Four continue to talk as if in obviously assumed voices
.

Norbert has put an ear to the radio. He seems to be tuning it
.

The Barman has been watching the Four at the table. He glances at the Char, who has turned to look at him
.

Harry takes his hands away from his ears. He looks at the Barman
.

After a time the Barman begins to shake up and down as if he were on a train. He comes from behind the bar as if moving down a corridor. He takes a pad and pencil from his pocket and stands by the table, right
.

He watches Norbert who seems to be tuning the radio. He seems to be trying to see what Norbert is doing
.