Captivated (22 page)

Lilli laughed, "I had better try to get some sleep so I can enjoy tomorrow."

"Lilli?" he called before she rose from the couch.

"Yes?"

"I am very glad you came to tell me about Katie," he said hesitantly, "you know I've been curious, but I can't help but wonder why you did. You've been so persistent about keeping your distance..."

Lilli sighed, searching her own mind for the answer, "I know. I guess it's because I knew you wanted to know as badly as I did. When I read your letters, I always scanned them for news about Katie and her secret romance. I don't know why I was so interested, but I was. Seeing them tonight got me so excited that I woke you before really thinking about it. You're the only one that would understand," she said, playing with her fingers nervously as she spoke. She looked up at Sam for just a moment before refocusing her gaze on her lap and breathed, "And because I miss you."

"Did you just say you miss me?" he said, almost in a yell.

"Would you be quiet! Other people are sleeping you know. And yes, I think I do. I miss reading your letters, it was like talking to you but on paper. So, when I see you, part of me wants to talk to you, because we used to have the most wonderful conversations..."

"Lilli, you've always been the one that has wanted me to stay away. I would love for us to start talking again, to say I've missed you is an understatement."

Lilli sat quietly for a moment, not entirely sure of what to say next, but knowing she was not ready to plunge back into a relationship with the man who had wounded her trust so badly. She took a breath, then spoke, "I think I am ready to hear your explanation of all that happened, but not tonight. I'm tired, and with Christmas being tomorrow, I'd like to wake up with some semblance of energy. It is one of my favorite days you know."

"Yes, I know." he said, a grin on his lips.

"So, for tonight, I'm going to go back to my bedroll, and when we have some time, you can give me your explanation, and we'll take things from there." She got up from the couch, moving around the back side when Sam called her name softly. She turned to face him, melting at the earnest look on his face.

"Sleep well, I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night," she managed, her heart in her throat. Moving faster now, she walked straight to the girls bedroom and settled down. Somehow she managed to fall asleep quickly, perhaps she would have been less able to relax if she knew that the next day would bring the explanation that she had long been afraid to hear.

Chapter 22

December 25, 1944

Sam woke feeling more wonderful than he had in months. He didn't notice at all the stiffness in his leg from being curled up on the couch all night. Lilli had come to talk to him all on her own, and while it wasn't an admission of feelings, it was certainly a step in the right direction. He rose from the couch and folded the quilts neatly, leaving them in the corner. After checking the state of the room, he went to the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee, something he knew the adults in the house would appreciate when the children woke them.

He was only alone for a minute before Annie shuffled into the kitchen, her hands balled into fists, rubbing her eyes. "Merry Christmas!" Sam smiled, giving her a giant squeeze.

"Merry Christmas!" she smiled, suddenly very awake. "Where is everyone else? Katie is usually awake before me."

Sam laughed, "Katie had a bit of a late night."

Annie just stared at him, not comprehending his statement, and Sam was not about to elaborate, not yet. He poured them both coffee and settled beside her at the kitchen table. Annie guessed at what might be under the tree for her until they were joined by Lilli, Sarah and Grace. Sam ventured a glance at Lilli and found her smiling shyly at him, which made his heart soar, it was a wonderful Christmas gift.

It wasn't too much longer before the house erupted with the pounding feet of younger cousins. Sam's parents, aunts and uncles followed them down the stairs and as soon as all of their mugs were filled with coffee, and the rest of the family was called, gift opening commenced.

Sam couldn't help but look at Lilli, her eyes wide with delight as she watched the wrapping paper fly from the boxes. Tears came to her eyes as she was presented with her own gifts. Annie and Kate got her a beautiful navy dress, Sam imagined that it would look wonderful on her. Grace gave her a cream colored sweater and Sarah had wrapped a framed picture of Lilli and Grace, that made a few of her tears spill. Her last gift was from his parents, a pair of silver earrings that would dangle once in her ears.

After opening all the presents, the children were pried away from their new toys to eat a large breakfast of pancakes and french toast. Sam, feeling like it was his turn to meddle, made sure he sat beside Kate.

"Why didn't you invite Wes?" he asked easily between syrup covered bites.

"Why would I invite one of your friends on Christmas Day?" she asked, keeping her voice perfectly calm, making it sound like he was insane.

"I don't know why you would invite one of my friends, but it would make perfect sense for you to invite your boyfriend." Sam's eyes sparked with teasing as her face turned bright red.

"When have I ever mentioned a boyfriend?" she stuttered, focusing all of her attention on the french toast in front of her.

"You haven't, but that doesn't mean you don't have one, and I happen to think it's Wes."

"Oh Sam!" she cried. "We've been seeing each other since two weeks before you left for the war. We wrote letters, and I fell in love with him, and he loves me too. Are you angry?"

Sam couldn't control his laugh, "No I'm not angry at all. But, I do wonder why you didn't tell me."

"Goodness, this is going to sound ridiculous now. I had a crush on Wes, probably for about a year before you left for the war. Then, when we found out your shipping date, I discovered the courage to tell Wes that I liked him. Turns out, he liked me too but never said anything because of how protective you are, especially since you were leaving. He kept asking to tell you when he wrote, but I didn't know how serious he was, and I didn't want to ruin your friendship if we broke up.

"We've been sneaking to see each other since you've been back. Just the other day he told me that he loved me, and that he would never let me go. He wanted to tell you, knowing that it would truly be forever, but," her voice fell to a whisper, "with everything going on, I didn't want to shove it in your face."

"Thanks Katie, but you could have told me. I'm happy for you both."

"How did you find out?"

Sam's eyes gleamed at the question, "Lilli saw you on the porch last night, she woke me up to tell me."

Kate's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in surprise and excitement. Sam, continuing to whisper, explained. "When we were writing, I told her that Sarah told me you were acting lovesick. I couldn't imagine why, and Lilli was always asking if I had found anything out. So, when she saw you two last night and figured it out, she woke me right up to tell me."

"Oh Sam, I'm so excited for you!"

"Thanks, but enough about that, go call that boy of yours and ask him for lunch!"

Kate was out of her seat in a flash and slipped into the kitchen. Sam could hear her on the telephone, "Hi Wes? Yes Merry Christmas to you too, but that's not why I'm calling. Can you come over here? Yes, I know it's Christmas, I want you to come for lunch. To introduce you! He already knows! No he's not angry at all. Ok, I'll see you soon. Love you too!"

Sam smiled as she re-joined the table, beaming from ear to ear. He looked up to find Lilli smiling too. It amazed him that they were sharing a secret from across the table. Her eyes showed her amusement and her tightened lips told him that she was fighting laughter. With breakfast almost over, Sam made plans to get Lilli alone to talk, but first he went out to the porch to meet his best friend.

Sam was alone with his thoughts for about ten minutes before Wes' truck pulled up the drive. Wes walked slowly toward Sam, an uncertain look on his face. He began to talk before he reached the top step, "I really love her Sam. I know you've always been protective, and believe me, I'm glad you were, but I won't hurt her, I want to protect her too."

"I can tell you love her Wes, and I'm happy for you. Truth is, I should have picked up on it a while ago, what with all those 'I'm a great guy' discussions." Sam laughed, pulling him into a hug. "And, I'm pretty excited about having my best friend for a brother in law."

"We're not married yet."

"No, but you will be," Sam said dryly.

"If I had anything to say about it, we'd have been married three weeks ago."

"Don't push it, I'm alright with you dating my sister, not quite ready to give her up yet though." Sam laughed and ushered Wes into the house, where he was introduced as Kate's beau. Everyone erupted with excitement and Sam saw his opportunity. Lilli was sitting on the sofa with Sarah, Grace and Annie, paying rapt attention to the details Kate was describing when Sam came from behind, tapping her shoulder.

"Could I take you for a walk?"

"Now?"

"Yeah, everyone is occupied and they won't be suspicious if we're both missing."

. . .

Lilli stared up at him, unable to answer. When she had told him last night that she was ready to hear his explanation, she never imagined he would try to pull her away on Christmas Day. After gawking for a minute, she nodded her head, now was as good a time as any and she wanted to get it over with. In what seemed like an instant, she was up, her coat was on, scarf around her neck and she was out the door.

Sam directed her to the left but kept his distance, which made Lilli a little less uncomfortable. They had walked for five minutes in silence when Sam began to speak.

"I had no right to deceive you, and I see now that that is exactly what I did. Joe had been writing to six girls before he was killed, and it was my job to write a condolence letter to each of them. When I pulled your letters from the bunch, I had to read them. They smelled like home, not like paper drowned in musty perfume, and you were so sincere. I read all of your letters at once, and I think I was in love with you before my pen hit the paper. I thought of writing you to ask if you would write to me, but thought your experience with Joe had been a terrible one , and you wouldn't want to write another soldier. So, I just wrote you a letter, and then, I couldn't manage to sign my name, but I couldn't pretend to be Joe either.

"I thought, if I lost you while I was in the war, I wouldn't be able to fix it. So I continued to keep my name from the bottom of the letters, but everything I wrote was me, as I'm sure you've figured out. I know what I did was terrible, but I hope you can forgive me, because I need you."

Lilli began to walk, not sure what else she could do with her nervousness. Her mind raced, her heart and mind telling her two different things. The first told her to turn around and run into his arms, while the second reasoned that she move slowly. Having her decision ready, she turned, only to find Sam behind her with a beautifully wrapped gift.

"Sam, I can't accept that..."

"Yes you can, I buy the perfect gift for everyone, so you should know that this gift can only be opened by you. But, I would feel better if you opened it later, once you're home."