Authors: Andy Griffiths
Treasure Fever!
Andy Griffiths is one of Australia's funniest and most successful writers. His books have sold over 3 million copies worldwide, have featured on the New York Times bestseller lists, and have won over 30 Australian children's choice awards.
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ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
AND ILLUSTRATED BY TERRY DENTON
Just Tricking!
Just Annoying!
Just Stupid!
Just Crazy!
Just Disgusting!
Just Shocking!
The Bad Book
The Cat on the Mat is Flat
What Bumosaur is That?
ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
The Day My Bum Went Psycho
Zombie Bums From Uranus
Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict
Pan Macmillan Australia
The characters and events in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
First published 2008 in Pan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Limited
1 Market Street, Sydney
Copyright © Backyard Stories Pty Ltd 2008
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Griffiths, Andy, 1961â
Treasure fever! / author, Andy Griffiths.
Sydney : Pan Macmillan, 2008.
978 0 330 42389 2 (pbk.)
Schooling around; no. 1
Griffiths, Andy, 1961â Schooling around
For children.
Humorous stories, Australian.
Children's stories, Australian.
A823.4
Illustration by Nathan Jurevicius
Typeset in 12/16 pt New Aster by Post Pre-press Group
Printed in Australia by McPherson's Printing Group
Papers used by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.
These electronic editions published in 2008 by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd
1 Market Street, Sydney
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the publisher.
Schooling Around 1: Treasure Fever!
Andy Griffiths
Adobe eReader format: 978-1-74198-175-9
Online format: 978-1-74198-178-0
EPUB format: 978-1-74262-213-2
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4: What you should know about Principal Greenbeard
10: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 1
11: A man, a goat, a wolf and a cabbage
12: The exact number of people in the world who care more about lollipops than me
17: Principal Greenbeard's office
22: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 2
26: The buried-treasure detector
30: Dirty double-double crosser
31: How to make a fake treasure map
34: How to make friends with a banana
35: Mr Brainfright's important lesson no. 3
37: What to do with a banana peel
38: Mrs Cross gets REALLY cross
39: Mrs Cross gets even crosser, maybe even the crossest she's ever been
49: What we EXPECTED to see in the treasure chest
50: What we ACTUALLY saw in the treasure chest
51: How to disrespect a Durkin
56: Mr Brainfright's last really important lesson
For Miss S
Once upon a time
Once upon a time there wasâand still isâa school called Northwest Southeast Central School.
Northwest Southeast Central School is located in the southeast of a town called Northwest, which is located to the northwest of a big city called Central City.
You don't need to know where Central City is, because it's not important. What
is
important is the school. In this school there is a classroom. And in that classroom there is a fifth-grade class. Most important of all, in that class of fifth-grade students there is a student named Henry McThrottle who likes telling stories.
That's where I come in.
I'm Henry McThrottle . . . and this is my latest story.
A very unusual morning
It all started one morning when our teacher, Mrs Chalkboard, was late for class.
Now you might not think that's so remarkable, but believe me, it was for Mrs Chalkboard. Because Mrs Chalkboard was
never
late. She was usually there on the dot at 8.36 am, but that particular morning 8.36 am came and went and there was still no Mrs Chalkboard.
Not that anybody seemed to mind very much.
Clive Durkin was amusing himself by chewing up little bits of paper and flicking them at people.
Jack Japes was bent over his desk drawing cartoons. Jack was always drawing cartoons. He's the best drawer in the class.
Gretel Armstrong, the strongest girl in the school, was arm wrestling with herself. She had to do this because nobody else would arm wrestle with her. Jenny Friendly was cheering her on. It
seemed like Gretel's left arm was winning.
Grant Gadget was madly pushing buttons on some sort of electronic device. Grant Gadget was
always
pushing buttons on some sort of electronic device.
Gina and Penny Palomino were grooming the long rainbow-coloured manes of their toy horses. Gina and Penny were
always
grooming their toy horses. And if they weren't doing that they were riding imaginary horses around the school. Gina and Penny
loved
horses.
The rest of the class was engaged in activities of more or less importance. Mostly less.
The only people who seemed at all worried by Mrs Chalkboard's non-arrival were the class captains, Fiona McBrain and David Worthy. David kept looking anxiously at his watch and checking it against the clock on the wall. Fiona was standing at the door of the classroom and peering down the corridor. âStill not here!' she said. âI can't believe Mrs Chalkboard is
still
not here!'
Suddenly, Jenny grabbed my arm. âHenry!' she said. âSomething's wrong with Newton!'
I looked across at Newton Hooton. He was clutching his desk as if it was going to float away if he didn't hold it to the ground. His face was white. His eyes were shut tight. I could see that he was on the verge of a panic attack.
Now the thing you've got to understand about Newton Hooton is that this wasn't particularly unusual. Newton was pretty much
always
on the verge of a panic attack.
Newton, you see, was scared of, well, everything! Spiders, busy roads, heights, lightning, cotton buds, butterflies . . . you name it, he was scared of it. I wasn't sure what had made him so scared this time. All I knew was that he was more scared than I'd ever seen him.