BUTTERFLIES FLY AWAY (2 page)

“I’m sure it’s been a simple mistake Carrie, I think
you are possibly getting upset over nothing” Fiona tried to be the pacifier
now.

“I don’t think so  ... I’ve just listened to a
character assassination my by ‘so-called colleagues’ Eh comparing being a widow
to winning the lottery.  Is that what you all think?  Is
it?   That I should be so bloody lucky that my bank balance has a few
more pounds? Mortgage Free?  I LOVED my husband.   I miss him
every day.  You know NOTHING... NOTHING... I’d give everything I own to
see my husband one more time but I guess you lot wouldn’t understand anything
like that.  You would only see the pound signs.” she shouted, uncaring
that their racket was drawing the attention of everyone else in the office.

“Carrie, look lets go find a meeting room  ...
it’s time to calm down  ... get you some water and we can talk things
through” Fiona tried to put her hand on her elbow but she shrugged it away.

“Calm down, me calm down!   I think
we
are
past that.  I’m out of here.  I am finished with being treated like a
leper because my husband died.  It’s not catching you know!”

Her heart was racing again but for the first time in
months she felt alive and a little bit of the ‘old’ Carrie started to emerge
from her cocoon of the last year. 

This time it was her footsteps that stomped across
the office carpet but her stride was determined and she made it there in a few
steps.

She picked up the cardboard box that she had
assembled earlier that morning in her attempt to tidy her desk – even had the
paper cut to prove it and began to pack up her personal items. The top drawer
was pulled out and emptied in full.  Oops the stapler fell into the box –
oh well if they wanted it back they could sue her for it!  She had
faithfully added her initials in tippex 4 years ago when she joined the company
CR to claim it for her own.  When she married Rob she added the initial D
– it was hers.  The property of Carrie Reynolds-Davies.  Not to be
confused with any another office stapler.  Pens with fuzzy tops – one that
Rob had bought her after a disastrous hair do that was more hair don’t than do.
 The little stuffed tiger that he bought as a reminder of a calamitous
attempt at home tanning.  Her brass name plate – Carrie Reynolds-Davies –
Office Supervisor.

A sob began to rise in her throat.  All at once
the memories of so many good times and mementoes began to assault her numb
brain.  And finally, that silver picture frame, their last New Year.

Fumbling through her bag she couldn’t find the car
keys, of bugger, bugger, bugger... get me out of here!  Panic started to
rise again as the bravado of the exchange of words was wearing off. 

“Look Carrie, there’s no need to be hasty, let’s
talk about this.  I think Human Resources would like to speak to you and
we can discuss this further”

“Fiona with the best of intentions why don’t you
just shove your job!” She took the box of paper tissues from the top of her
jumble of possessions. “Oh and Tina tell Lisa to blow her nose it’s a
disgusting habit to leave her snot on any available surface.  YUK!  I
though with your high standards YOU would have brought her up better than
that.  This should help” She flung the box of tissues in Tina’s direction.
“Oh and another thing, make sure Mr Groves gets his order out in time.  I
wouldn’t want there to be any more mistakes, not on my watch anyway.  I’m
not a tittle tattle but I think you will find that last error had nothing to do
with me.  Check the order again.  It was processed when I was on
leave.  Isn’t that right Tina?”

With a final stomp across the carpet and a gratifying
slam of the door for good measure; she was gone.

They had lived in a lovely cul-de-sac where
neighbours really did know each other, looked out for one and other.  They
watched out for new faces that were suspicious or otherwise.  Cut the
grass when a neighbour was poorly or took in parcels if no one was home. 
Street BBQ’s on summer days and competitions at Christmas for the best light
show was a must.  It was a desirable estate to live in but not just for
the catchment to the best schools in the area, people wanted to live
there. 

Number six Bluebell Gardens was what would be
described by estate agents as the perfect family home.  A small estate of
around a dozen homes which had all been snapped up within days of going on the
market.  They had picked a detached four bedroom house with cream carpets
throughout it had bathrooms, cloak rooms, reception space, and utility
room.  A large open plan living room, kitchen and dining area.  It
ticked all the boxes for the modern family.  It even had a large
garden.  They had only looked at a couple of houses before Carrie had
fallen in love with their house.  It was going to be their forever
home.  They had lived together in Rob’s city centre bachelor flat for a
year or so before they got married and Carrie knew what she wanted.  But
now it was time to move on from city centre living and head for the
suburbs. 

“What were you thinking girl by getting cream
carpets?” her Mum had bemoaned. 

“Its’ just the two of us so it’s not like it’s going
to get that dirty” she justified the choice.

“Why not?  Do you now hover instead of walking
like the rest of us?  Carrie for twenty four years you lived with
us.  I give those cream carpets a month before there is a disaster of some
sort”

They had decorated the house in cool, clean, modern
tones that they liked.  A large L shaped cream leather sofa with lots of
soft cushions that Carrie contrasted with touches of red in the main living
area.  Twenty three cushions in total that she shook and smoothed back
into place every night.  She had a fluffy deep rug across the space
between the sofas and a moulded plastic effect coffee table always accompanied
with her stack of magazines.  The smooth edges of the table was even
family friendly when Harry was visiting.  The large flat screen TV took up
most of the space opposite the sofas along with all the remote controls for the
gadgets that Rob had.  The living area led off to the large dining table
that could easily seat ten or more and they had on occasion squeezed in a lot
more than that.  Folding french doors opened up to give the room more
space onto decking and the outdoor area of the back garden.  Lastly again
the kitchen was decorated in glossy white with the cabinets concealing the
dishwasher and fridge.  A small utility room to the side containing all
the washing essentials.  An island station with the hob but room enough to
sit around on the bar stools as they did many a morning to have their coffee or
read the weekend newspapers.  It was a sociable kitchen.  A space
where they could entertain but not lose the flow of the conversation with their
guests.   Carrie had her own TV room downstairs to retreat to when
Rob was watching sports or just when she wanted to catch up on a book or a
little me time.  This room reflected more of her personality decorated in
a French provincial style of creams, greys and white.  The sofa you could
sink into with a small foot stool that ran the length of the sofa.  A
large window gave views of the back garden, lending light into the room in the
spring and summer.  When Rob travelled she would sit in this room rather
than the large living area.  On the bureau she had an assortment of
photographs displayed.  A visual timeline of their life, well so
far.  

Rob was a sales director at AGM and one of the
founding members of the company she had now left or was that fired from? 
She hadn’t figured that bit out yet.  They met at a training day of all
things and she thought him, sporty, a bit arrogant and just a little bit too
old for her.  At 5ft 6’ she was average height neither petite nor tall,
long brown hair that she wore poker straight with a blunt fringe and clear grey
eyes.  But he told her later that she had curves in all the right
places.  They were quite opposites.  Not her usual type at all.

He was stocky built from playing rugby towered above
her at 6ft 4’ tall.  Her head would rest on his broad chest and he would
wrap his arms around her.  He had muscular arms that made her feel so safe
and secure.  She missed that feeling so much.

She had only been working with the company for a few
months and didn’t know who everyone was.  People looked different from the
company profile pictures dressed in their casual clothes.  At break time
she grabbed a coffee and sat at one of the tables unaware that she was sitting
in the ‘management zone’ and chatted away with the directors.  Completely
oblivious to the looks being given in her direction by the rest of her
team. 

She didn’t know but back then Tina had marked her
card “Watch that one … thinks she’s better than us … sitting over there with
the big bosses.  Not a look in our way.  Does she think she’s too
good to sit with us?”

Team Building events were hellish and after trying
to build egg box towers and debate who you would rescue first in the event of a
moon crash landing she was ready to go home and soak in the bath.  Somehow
she ended up agreeing to a date with Rob.  They had made a connection over
egg box towers whilst she had tried to glue drinking straws together to make a
raft and avoid gluing their fingers together.  How this contributed to
team building she never knew.  She looked into his blue eyes, eyes that
were always smiling and said yes to a date.   There was no going back
from then.

She liked going out with her friends, getting
glammed for the evening attired with fake bake, nails and even lashes. 
She only wore one layer of lashes as she didn’t want to look like two spiders
had landed on her face despite the attempts of her friends to add more.
 But she was only 23 years old almost 24 and he was ancient to her in her
reasoning; well 35 when they met.  But there was something about him that
made her feel giddy even more so than normal if that was possible.  Somehow
they clicked and very soon Carrie and Rob were an official grown up
couple.  The real deal was the general consensus from everyone.  His
job as the sales director gave opportunities to travel and they shared this
interest.  Carries Aunts job in hospitality had given the Reynolds family
plenty of travel opportunities too throughout the years.  After dating a
few weeks she introduced him to her family.  A bit wary of her Dad’s
reaction to the age difference but she couldn’t have been more wrong.  He
was welcomed into the Reynolds brood and a mutual love of rugby sealed the
deal.

He told everyone at their wedding that he fell in
love with her smile and that wasn’t artificial. Those gleaming white teeth were
the product of hours of brushing and flossing having a dentist for a
father.  No cavities were acceptable in the Reynolds household. 
Marriage matured her in her behaviour as she cut back on the girly partying and
focussed on trying to be her version of the perfect wife.  Her mum took
her aside and taught her a few basics as her cooking efforts weren’t quite up
to scratch. 

“Rob loves to cook but sometimes I want to make
something other than the ‘ping’ noise from the microwave or a meal for two from
the supermarket when it’s my turn”

Cooking disaster number 1 - Mum’s Shepherd’s Pie

“I followed the recipe to the letter but it doesn’t
look right”

The phone in the crook of her neck whilst she tried
to rescue dinner and spoke with her Mum.  Pots and pans cluttering every
kitchen surface.  Flour streaks on her face and hair.  She quickly
put the phone onto hands free.

“It’s sinking Mum … the potatoes are sinking!” panic
rising in her voice.

Later that night, Rob good naturedly shuffled dinner
around the plate.

“So what’s this called Luv?”

“It’s my Shepherd’s Pie  ... Can’t you tell?”

“That’s what I thought it was”

But home baking was a different story.  As a
child she had stood side by side with her Mum baking fairy cakes and making
lots of messy time’s memories.  It was the best of fun.  She had a
love of baking and a surprizing light touch when it came to making birthday
cakes or cupcakes.  She had been known to even bake bread.  Although
sometimes the kitchen would look worse for wear after her baking chaos; the
results more than made up for that.   Every birthday for her sister
she made her red velvet cupcakes, Claire’s favourite.  It was their
tradition.  

It wasn’t difficult working for the same
company.  With Rob’s job he travelled frequently and day to day in the
workplace their paths rarely crossed.  They had discussed it when their
relationship was getting serious but she still wanted to stay in her job not
change companies.  If things got awkward between her colleagues then she
would look for another position.  But for the moment things remained the
same.  She could still go out with her work colleagues and just be Carrie;
not Rob from sales wife.  Her customers loved her, she had built a rapport
with them and they knew she was married to one of the directors but could never
quite believe that it wasn’t some sort of joke because she was one of
them.  No airs and graces as a directors wife; she was just Carrie.

They hadn’t been living in the house for more than
two months eating their breakfast and talking about their plans for the day.
“We have the McMasters Dance tonight.  The tickets have been on the board
for the last month.”  It was a company do and was more or less compulsory
for all the execs to go to with their partners or plus 1’s. ”But I can’t go...
I’ve not got my fake bake done!  I am as pale as a ghost.” she panicked.

He glared at her in response.  “Bloody hell
Carrie, I think you can go to this without looking like you fell out of a tin
of Ronseal”

Without time to go to the salon Carrie opened the home
tanning products that she had used with ease hundreds of times in the
past.  But this time it was with disastrous results.  She had picked
up the wrong bottle and had selected the tan for darker skin. Her skin had a
base colour left over from their honeymoon and with the darker product it was
starting to streak the colour of treacle.  She forgot all about the cream
carpets and later brown foot prints would appear as they developed in colour as
she ran from room to room in panic looking for something to rescue her
skin.  An hour later she emerged from the shower a wrinkled mess but still
the tan remained on her legs.  Then she noticed the footprint indents in
the carpet that was starting to develop.

“Mummmmm…. I need your help!”

Her Mum to the rescue but no amount of bleach could
save the carpets or dilute the effects of the tanning product.

Rob predictably hit the roof.

But his anger faded when he saw the patchwork streak
of tanning product all over her legs.

“Hey Tiger!” he nicknamed her for her legs had an
affinity for a certain breakfast character.

She sobbed and sobbed “I can’t go out looking like
this!”  The classic little black dress she had planned on wearing mocked
her from the hanger and she rummaged through her wardrobe for something more
suitable.  So that was the year she wore a tuxedo to a black tie
event.  Legs covered in black satin trousers to hide the ‘tiger’ streaks.
 The jacket she wore with a very sparkly necklace and nothing else. 

“Can I take your jacket Madam?”  They asked at
the cloak room.

“You’d better not or they will arrest me for public
indecency”

Rob had bought her the little stuffed tiger as a
memento of that home tanning effort.  The cream carpets where slowly
replaced throughout the house for more suitable flooring – a more Carrie
friendly flooring.

Carrie and Rob had a big house so most family
parties, BBQ’s were held there.  The house was always full friends
dropping over for any sporting occasion on the TV like football, tennis, and
rugby.  They had even watched the super bowl final.  On paper it
looked like Carrie had it all the husband, the house, the fancy car and a job
she wanted to do.  But she wanted more.  She wanted a family.  A
little baby Rob or Carrie.  They had been married two years when she first
broached the subject.  Rob would put her off – “Not now Carrie, we’ve got
plenty of time”

It didn’t stop her feeling gut wrenchingly happy but
jealous when her sister announced she was pregnant with Harry.  There was
a time when her sister and Ryan had even considered IVF as they had been
‘trying’ for a few years to have a family.  Carrie felt the pain for her
sister as her own desire to have a child increased.  She knew it would
take some time to turn Rob around into making it a priority for them. 
Naturally they were asked to be godparents to baby Harry and Carrie thought
this was when Rob began to waver on waiting for the right time.

New Year’s Eve 2012 and all the family gathered for
a big party.  Rob had bought a bottle of her favourite champagne and they
sneaked off into the garden.  They could hear the countdown from the TV
linked to Big Ben.

10... 9  ... 8... 7... they clinked glasses
ready to toast in 2013... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1