Broken Dreams (55 page)

“I’m sorry you witnessed that. I’m going to help you, whether or not Claire is happy with it.”

She finished wrapping his hand. “Well, finish getting yourself cleaned up and get dressed. I’m going to go make breakfast.”

Addie turned and left Henry alone with his thoughts. He looked into the mirror, staring into his eyes. He clenched his jaw. The bitter feeling ran through his body like a shower of hot sparks. He had an intense desire to punch his reflection in the mirror, but he controlled it. He growled and walked out of the bathroom.

***

Addie walked into the kitchen. “Well, if someone would like to start a fire out in the grill, that would be wonderful. I’ll prepare the eggs. It’s out of propane so we’ll need a regular fire. There’s some dry kindling just inside the barn.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Nick was leaning up against the counter next to Claire. She touched his hand, showing some affection. Nick smiled at her, and his hand grazed across her lower abdomen. Addie handed him some matches. He pulled his gun out of the back of his pants just as he was walking out the door.

“I know it’s not my place, but I think you girls need to be easier on Henry. He’s in a lot of turmoil.”

“Believe me, I understand that better than anyone,” I said with confidence, but I still felt ashamed for my past behavior. It bothered me that she thought she knew enough about his situation to comment on it. No one knew the extent of his turmoil like I did.

“Well, he’s hurting.” I crossed my arms while listening to her lecture me about Henry. “I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t know how to get it out, other than aggression, and he’s trying to hide it with that bottle.” She pointed at the empty vodka bottle that sat in the sink. What we didn’t know was that Henry was standing just shy of the door, listening to the conversation.

“His pain goes way back, well into his childhood, but you don’t really know too much about his situation so, please, I ask you to leave it, Addie.”

“You’re right, Elaina. I don’t know much about his situation, but I can tell you Henry depends on people, on you, to keep him right.” Now that she said that, it made a little sense. “He needs you, and he needs this group to stand together to keep him on the straight and narrow. And, from my own personal experience, division isn’t what an emotionally weak person needs.” I began biting my lip, trying to keep my own emotions at bay. Addie took me by the hands. “It’s going to be okay.” I couldn’t look at her for fear that I would cry. I wanted my old strong exterior, which shattered ages ago.

I heard Henry’s heavy footsteps come into the kitchen. I glanced his way. His face was relaxed, and his eyes, his beautiful emerald eyes, sparkled. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled away, and I could feel that he was uncomfortable being in the same room as Claire.

“Henry, I would like to apologize to you.” He just looked at her with a blank stare. “I shouldn’t have punched you like that. I was just upset, and felt you were taking everyone’s life for granted so you could be the hero…yet again.”

“Well, that was a backhanded apology,” I mumbled.

“I don’t want to be a hero. I didn’t ask for this. It’s a burden that I carry, and I want to help Addie. It’s the least I can do for her since she has helped us with a place to stay and food. It’s my job, as the leader of this crew, to help when I see fit.”

“You barely know her!”

“Umm, Claire, she’s standing right in the room with us.” Addie grabbed the bowl with the eggs in it and walked out the back door.

“Why are you so resistant?” Henry asked, trying to control his temper. His good hand was clenched to the point that it was shaking.

“Have you forgotten what’s happened over the last couple months? You can’t save the world, Henry!”

“Yes, he can,” I murmured.

“Really, Elaina? Do you really think Henry can save the world?” I whipped around and glared at her. I swallowed hard, trying to push away the tongue lashing that I wanted to give her. I was unsuccessful.

“How dare you!” I glowered at her. “If it wasn’t for this man right here, we would be dead. Do you not understand that?!” I tried to keep my voice even. “If you don’t want to keep going then, by all means, go back. I have my doubts and my worries, but he’s what keeps me going. I want to marry him. I want to have a stable life with him. And I want a family with him.”

That made Claire pull in a sharp breath. “Do you think it’s easy, knowing that I could be bringing a baby into this fucked up world? Do you think I’m excited to be playing house with someone?” We heard the screen door close. Nick was standing there, and the hurt in his face was evident. He looked at Claire for a long moment, then stormed out of the kitchen. “Nick, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!”

He turned around when he got to the door and faced Henry. “I’m ready whenever you are.” Henry nodded, and Nick stormed off out front.

“Nick, please! Wait!” Claire stopped when the front door slammed before she could get to it. She began crying. I wanted to run to her and comfort her, but she had been a royal hormonal bitch to everyone. I was having trouble forgiving her for being the hypocrite that she was. My heart was breaking for my brother.

“I better go talk to him,” I said to Henry.

“Okay. Be careful.” He brushed my cheek with his lips. Claire was sitting on the floor in front of the door with her head in her lap, sobbing. Thomas was sitting on the couch, looking unsure as to what he should be doing, or where he should be looking. As I opened the door to the outside, he got up and guided Claire to the couch.

***

Nick was sitting on the dilapidated front steps, picking up tiny pebbles and throwing them haphazardly toward the old country road. I sat down beside him. There was nothing across the road from Addie’s house but an empty wheat field.

“Mind if I join in?”

“It’s of your choosing,” he mumbled. I began searching for some pebbles to throw. We were silent for a few minutes. I didn’t want to push the conversation. I wanted him to lead it.

“Elaina, where have I gone wrong with her? I don’t understand.” He sounded heartbroken.

“I think she’s just scared, and sometimes when that happens, shit flies out of her mouth.”

He shook his head, fighting the ache that was filling him. “When Jenna died, I was crushed. But interacting with Claire made me realize that what I truly wanted had been in front of me for years. I thought my insecurities were put to rest when she came back with my guitar. She risked her life just to see me smile! I don’t understand where I went wrong.” He was beating himself up for no reason.

“I don’t know what’s going on with her. I think she’s scared to death. She’s subconsciously pushing us all away. Her hormones are probably all out of whack or something.”

Nick smiled and shook his head a little. “You have a way with words, Elaina. What am I going to do? Am I ready to be a father in this madness?”

“You’re going to be an excellent father. I can’t imagine it any other way. I’ve never seen you in so deep with someone. You can’t let her push you away. She needs you.”

“I don’t know how to bring her back to me. She wouldn’t even talk to me this morning after Henry barged in, telling me what we were going to do. Then when she came out and decked Henry…and, might I add, that was a killer punch…” I smiled, “I thought she was alright with me. That she accepted my fate, you know?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what’s going on inside of her head. I can’t take any more of this arguing and division, though. I can’t, Nick. I need Henry as my husband, you as my brother, Claire as my best friend, and Thomas…well, as a younger brother. I just want us to be a happy family, being there for one another without all of this bickering.”

“I want to work toward that again. It’s just so difficult with all of these fucking things.” He pointed up, and there was an undead staggering toward us. I sighed. Nick held up his Sig and took the poor savage out. We continued talking, like shooting a former living person was no big deal. I found that a bit odd.

“Do you feel sorry for them?” I asked.

“Them?”

“The undeads. Do you feel sorry for them?”

“For the most part. They didn’t ask for this to happen to them.” I was waiting for it. “Like me.” And there it was.

“I know. It’s killing Henry inside. It really is. I’ve been woken up in the middle of the night by him talking in his sleep. He’s so tortured. He’s apologizing to everyone, calling for his mother, sometimes crying… I can’t imagine living with what he does. He’s a like a nuclear bomb, waiting to go off, a finger hovering over the big red button.”

“I understand, but he officially changed my life.” He grabbed his arm where Henry bit him.

“Does it still hurt?” I touched his arm.

“Sometimes. I try to ignore the pain. I have better things to think about.” The door opened behind us, and Henry stepped out onto the porch.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt. I heard a gunshot. Everything okay?” He saw the undead laying in the middle of the road. “Ah. Addie said breakfast is ready.”

“Thanks, Henry.” I smiled at him. The worry began to rush through me. He shut the door quietly behind him. I looked at Nick, and he saw the flood coming.

“Hey… hey. Listen. He’ll be fine.” I couldn’t speak. My tears were pushing their way through. “Elaina, listen to me. I’ll do everything I can to protect him, as he would me. I don’t want you to lose him. As much as he pisses me off, I know how much you love each other.” He embraced me. “Come on. Let’s eat some breakfast.”

I nodded, still unable to speak. He helped me stand. My knees were weak.

“Lainy…” That was the first time he called me that since we were kids. He guided me to the door. “Take a few deep breaths.” I did. The first breath burned, but I managed to get a few in before I put my hand on the door handle. It took all of my strength to open the door.

I walked in and saw Claire sitting on the couch, staring out the side window. “Go on. Go sit down at the table. I’ll be there in a few.” He gently pushed me off toward the kitchen.

***

Nick sat down next to Claire. She looked down at her interlaced fingers sitting in her lap. He watched the tears drip from her eyes and hit her hands. After several long minutes of silence, Claire whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Saying ‘playing house’… It was like a knife in my heart. I don’t know what I have to do to prove that my heart is with you. I thought you felt the same.”

“I do,” she whispered again.

“Then why say such hurtful things? You’re pushing everyone away. Do you realize that?”

She nodded. “I do now.” Her voice was so soft that it was almost inaudible. Nick grabbed her face with his chilled hands. He forced her to look into his brilliant eyes.

“I cannot walk this earth knowing that you wish us…this,” he gestured between them, “didn’t happen. I live for you and our little one.” He rested his hand on her stomach. “I know this is scary, but I’m here for you. I’ll do my damnedest to stay alive to make this work.” He pulled her chin up. “I refuse to give up on you, or us. I don’t care if there’s a war going on around us. We must walk through the fire together, hand-in-hand. It doesn’t change because of what’s happening right now, in this moment.”

“But it could. At any moment, you could be ripped from my arms. And with a baby… How am I going to do it?”

“We will make it work, okay? Please, Claire, you have got to stop pushing everyone away because of your fears. We have to live in the now, and try to look forward. It may look bleak, but the sun will rise for us again. It has to.” He leaned in and kissed Claire on the cheek. “Come on. You need to eat. You have barely eaten lately.” He took her hand and walked her into the kitchen.

***

When they walked in, everyone stopped eating and looked at them. He pulled out a chair for Claire and made her sit down. Addie started to stand up, but Nick motioned her to sit. Claire sat still, quiet and full of shame. He fixed Claire and himself a plate of food, and quietly sat down between her and Henry.

The tension filled the room. The only sounds were metal forks clinking against glass plates and chewing. I pushed my eggs around my plate.

“Addie,” Henry was the first to break the uncomfortable silence, “I was wondering if you had a small picture of your daughter that we can take with us.”

“Henry, I don’t want you to do this.”

“I know, but I’m going with or without your blessing.” Addie sighed as she rose from the table and grabbed a small picture off of the fridge. “Thank you.” Henry laid it next to his plate and studied it for a minute. “She’s beautiful.”

“Thank you. Her name is Rosa. Rosa MacEntyre.”

“I will do my best to bring your Rosa home to you.” Addie nodded. As I saw Henry take the last bite of food on his plate, I dropped my fork. Everyone looked at me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. Henry stood up and I inhaled. It was impossible to exhale.

“I’m going to go rinse out real quick, then get everything ready that we will need.” He picked up his plate and put it on the counter. He walked out of the kitchen, and I finally exhaled. Nick was watching me as he chewed his food.

“Lainy, eat,” he demanded as he pointed his fork at me. I nodded and continued to pick at my food. Thomas finished and got up. It was happening sooner than I could handle. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Thomas headed out to help Henry pack up.

“Claire, eat,” Nick said in a firmer tone. I looked up at Claire, who was picking at her food. I took a bite of my food before Nick could say anything else to me. Claire took a couple more bites and pushed her plate away. I gave in, then stood up.

“Thank you, Addie.” I picked up my plate and sat it on the counter. I went out to where Henry and Thomas were picking through what they thought would be useful.

Henry held up a long-handled, double-sided axe. He smiled. “Remember this? You nearly took my head off with it a couple of times.” He looked up at me. I was far from smiling. I wasn’t reacting to his attempt at humor. He set the axe down and walked to me. “You alright, love?”

I shook my head. “This may be the last time I get to look at you. I have to soak all of you in.”