Broken Dreams (54 page)

“I understand. I, too, have done unforgivable things. A lot of unforgivable things.” Henry could commiserate. He knew all too well what it was like to do things that were unforgivable, and the emotional baggage that came with it. “Is the school close by?”

“Oh, about three miles down the road there.” Henry began plotting in his mind.

He walked around a little and scoped out the area. He was surprised at the lack of undeads roaming. Then he came up to a large pile of decaying bodies, all of which bore the obvious signs of being undead.

“Henry! Dinner,” Addie yelled out. She didn’t see him, but she headed back in the house with the chicken.

***

When Addie walked back in, the mouthwatering scent of the grilled chicken was the best thing that I had smelled in a long time. Canned tomatoes and peaches were getting a bit boring. Not that I was complaining because it was better than no food at all.

“Oh, this smells divine,” I said. Claire looked a little greener than she did when we started the whole meal.

“Are you going to be able to eat this? You should at least try.” Addie was insistent. She plated up the chicken for everyone. Then Henry came strolling in. He flashed a slight smile at me, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to smile back.

We polished off the entire chicken and the salad. Well, not everyone. Claire just picked at her meal. Nick took over her plate and divided up the rest of her food between himself, Thomas, and Henry. I was too stuffed to be able to ingest another morsel. It felt amazing to have a full stomach. That hadn’t happened in a long time.

“Thank you so much for this meal.” I sat there in an almost euphoric state.

Henry stood up, and I heard him rummaging through the boxes. He came back with a jar. “It’s the last one. Is it okay?” he asked me.

“Yes. I know how to make it. Someday, maybe, I’ll be able to make it for us.” Henry handed Addie the very last jar of my mom’s famous apple butter.

“Oh, I can’t accept this.”

“Yes, you can, and you will,” Henry said with his stern voice.

She smiled. “Well, I can’t eat it all myself so we will have it with breakfast. I have some fresh eggs I can make you.” She stood up and began picking up the dishes.

I got up to help. “Oh no, we won’t accept another meal,” I said. “You’ve already done too much for us.”

“I insist. You need a good meal to start your day before you head out.” There was no arguing with her. We were staying for breakfast.

***

Seeing as we were all exhausted, we went to bed not too long after dinner. Claire and Nick took the spare bedroom, Thomas took the comfy couch, and Henry and I cuddled up on the hard floor. I laid there for a long time, listening to the outside noises, but Thomas’ snoring was drowning it out.

“Are you asleep?” Henry whispered to me. I rolled over and faced him. “I saw a pile of undeads out back. I would assume she made them true dead.” I shuddered. He snickered.

“Not funny.” I squinted at him.

“Oh, but it is funny. I would think you would be used to it by now. Anyway, her daughter never came home from school. She said she couldn’t get into the school to see if she was there. She checked all the homes where she thought she could be.”

“Henry…,” I said in a warning tone.

“What?” He was pretending to be innocent. He didn’t play that card very well.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“I have to at least try.”

“It’s way too dangerous, and we don’t have a ton of ammo left. Or gas,” I whispered, louder than I should have.

“Shh… Keep your voice down. I have to try. I’ll take Nick and Thomas, and…”

“No. No, you won’t.” And then the tears arrived…because I was that girl.

“You can stay here. She said it’s only about three miles down the road.”

“No.” Tears ran down my cheeks. “It’s far too dangerous.”

“We have to try to help her. Look what she has done for us. I’m not asking for your permission, love. If they don’t go with me, I’ll go alone.” My breath hitched.

“Henry…” He kissed me on my forehead and wiped my tears off my face. I curled up into him. “Please. I can’t handle you being out there on your own. What if something happens?” My thoughts were racing.

“Love, I will be fine.” He was adamant, and I was a giant fucking mess. No matter how he acted, there was no way I could live without him. “Is there any way I can draw a couple vials from you first thing in the morning?” I nodded into his cool, firm chest. He kissed the top of my head. “Thank you. I love you so much. I can’t express that enough.”

At that moment, I needed to be one with him. I snaked my arms up around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. I knew Thomas was there, but he was sleeping. I could be quiet, and I hoped that Henry could, as well.

He returned my soft kisses with more passionate ones. I reached down under the blankets and grabbed on to his hardening length. A small groan escaped his throat. I slithered my way under the blanket and pulled down his pants. I dragged my tongue up his thick shaft.

“Fuck,” he barked out as quiet as he could. I smirked at his response. He fisted my hair with both hands, as I took him in my mouth. I dragged my teeth up him and he growled, “Christ.” He grabbed me under my arms and dragged me up to his face. “You have no idea what you do to me.” I smiled at him. Oh, yes, I did.

Henry rolled me over, reached down into my pants, and pushed his palm against my heat. He kissed me while massaging. After a minute, he grabbed my pants and pulled them down.

We skipped most of the hanky panky foreplay that we normally enjoy. He pushed my legs further apart with his thigh, and he settled himself in between. He eased himself into me. I wasn’t quite ready for him so I latched onto his shoulder, biting into his cool skin, trying to stifle any moan or groan that could have escaped.

Henry rocked me to the edge, working at a steady, quiet rhythm. The intense pressure to be quiet made it that much better.

He saw that I was right at the peak so he pulled my head into his chest, trying to keep me from waking Thomas. My body pulsated furiously around him, and the feeling sucked him in. He let go, and his face contorted like he was in immense pain, but I knew it was pleasure. His jaw slacked and his eyes rolled. He fell limp on top of me for a minute, trying to catch his breath before he rolled off. I drifted off into a deep sleep, while Henry held me and played with my hair.

Chapter 34

t was one horrible dream after another. I woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up. Henry jumped up. “What? What’s wrong?” Before I realized what was going on, he had already put his jeans on.

“Nightmares,” I whispered. There was so much sadness in my nightmares that I couldn’t even speak about them anymore. I shook them out of my mind.

I saw that the sun was rising. He kneeled down next to me. My anxiety kicked in full force and my heart skipped a few beats. Henry stroked my cheek.

“Love, it’s going to be alright. Soon enough, we will settle down and we’ll get married somehow. Okay?” I nodded, and he rubbed my jaw with his thumb. “I’m going to wake Nick up, then we can go out to the truck and perform a draw.” I nodded again. I would have given Henry my life if it meant saving his. I sounded like one of those sappy love songs. Barf.

I looked over at Thomas when I realized I didn’t hear him snoring anymore. He was awake, staring at the ceiling. “Thomas?”

“Hmm?”

“How come you hardly ever have anything to say? You’re just so quiet all of the time.”

“No one ever asks. Besides, I’m only fourteen. No one would listen to wha’ I have ta say.” He rolled over and looked at me.

“Did you have a bad childhood?”

“No. It was alrigh’. Nothin’ special; just typical, I guess. I kinda always been quiet and stuck to myself.” He had a nice smile. I could see the love in his heart as he reminisced. He really was a good kid.

“I’m happy you had a nice childhood. Leaves good memories for you.”

Nick and Henry came back out into the living room. Nick was rubbing his eyes, and wasn’t quite steady on his feet yet. Henry pulled his pack up out of one of the boxes, looked at me, and motioned his head to the door. I got up and followed him out. Nick stayed inside, trying to wake up before he followed behind us.

“Get in the passenger side.”

“Did you tell Nick what your plan is?”

“Yeah.” We both got into the truck. He opened his pack and pulled out the necessary equipment.

“He’s fine with it?”

“He said he’s fine with it. He thought it was a good idea.” Henry stuck the needle in my arm and I winced. “Sorry, love.” I sat back, allowing the blood to drain from my body. I closed my eyes, trying to relax and not think about what was about to happen.

“How did Claire take it?”

“About as well as you did. Maybe a little worse. And here she comes now. Shit.” I popped my eyes open, and saw Claire on the warpath.

“Henry! Get out here now,” Claire growled. She was spitting mad. He got out of the truck. Maybe I should have warned him not to get out. He met her halfway between the front porch and his truck. “How dare you!” Then she punched him in the mouth.

I should have gotten out to defend Henry’s honor, or maybe I should have joined in. I was still a little conflicted over him trying to find Addie’s daughter. Anyway, I couldn’t get out and risk Addie seeing me hooked up for a draw.

“Arg! What the fuck, Claire?” He spit out what looked to be a mouthful of blood. Just what I wanted to see...more blood.

“You don’t just go around making decisions on your own! You have to speak with everyone. Didn’t we agree that you needed to listen to everyone’s opinions?!” I saw Henry keep wiping his mouth with his bandaged hand. Then I looked down and saw the vial was near full. I was brave, and popped it off and plugged in the next one.

“Keep your voice down, damn it!” Blood was spraying from his mouth when he spoke.

“I will speak in whatever volume I damn well want to!” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“I’m trying to do something for Addie. I want to see if I can find her daughter for her.” Henry spoke with his jaw clenched, blood dribbling down his chin. Nick joined them.

“Hero Henry saves the day again. However, all the while, you’re putting others in danger!”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do!” His fists were clenched at his sides.

“Can I ask why you’re snarling at Claire?”

Henry looked stunned that Nick was even questioning his reactions. He pointed at his mouth. “She punched me in the mouth. Knocked out my tooth!”

“You probably deserved it.” Nick winked at Claire. He was proud of her.

“Fuck off. Both of you.” Henry turned around and began walking back to the truck. I was surprised to see the amount of blood that was all over his chin and shirt. He pulled off his shirt, using it to wipe his chin off. He got back into the truck.

“Look!” He pointed at his jaw. “She knocked out my fucking tooth!” He grumbled something unintelligible. He reached over and began unhooking me.

“I’m sorry, but I can understand why she’s mad.” He glared at me. “You can’t understand it?”

“What do you want me to say?” He grabbed the two vials and drank one. He contemplated drinking the second one, but he summoned Nick over instead.

“She doesn’t want you to risk Nick’s life, and probably Thomas’ and yours, as well!”

“You don’t understand. I need to do this.”

“Why? So you can get a hero’s welcome back? If you want a pat on the back, I’ll surely give you one for getting us as far as you have.”

“No! That’s not why I want to do this!” He held the shirt to his mouth, trying to stop the bleeding.

“Henry, don’t start with the ‘this is all my fault’ bullshit again.”

Nick opened my door. “What?” Nick growled. Henry handed him the vial. “Thank you,” he snapped.

“I could have drank that, and you would have had to beg Thomas for some.” Speak of the devil, Thomas came strolling out. “Oh, what the fuck? Everyone get in!” Henry yelled out of the window. Claire walked over at a snail’s pace. Henry was steaming hot while everyone hopped into the truck.

“First of all, thank you, Claire. I’m now missing a tooth.”

“You’re welcome,” she said with a self-satisfied grin.

“Thomas, I talked to Nick and thought we could go to the school and look for Addie’s daughter. She has checked everywhere she can think of. The last place she was at was school, and she couldn’t get in there.”

“We, as in…?” Thomas asked.

“The three of us.” Thomas didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“I’m in.”

“Thank you. So you see what I’m trying to do?”

“Yeah. Addie helped us, and you wan’ to give back. I don’ see anythin’ wrong wit’ that.” I heard Claire sigh.

“I don’t mind going.”

“What?!” Claire immediately jumped on Nick.

“I’m not going to let them go on their own. No one will be able to change his mind so we might as well go.” Nick was one hundred and ten percent correct.

“Nick, this is foolish. You three may not come back!” Claire was really pissed.

“I’ll come back. I promise you that. I have a lot to live for, and I won’t give up.” He laid his hand on her stomach.

“Addie is looking out the door,” I whispered.

“After breakfast, the three of us are going. You two girls stay here with Addie, and pack our stuff so we’re ready to go.”

“Aye, aye, captain.” Claire wasn’t going to let up. We climbed out of the truck, one by one, and silently walked back up to the front porch.

“What happened to you?” Addie grabbed Henry by the arm and dragged him inside.

“I’m fine. I tripped over something in the lawn, knocked out a tooth.”

“Why are you so cold? Are you getting sick?”

“No, ma’am. I’m fine. I’m always cool for some reason.”

“Alright. Well, come on then. I can get you cleaned up and check out your mouth.” Henry looked back at me and shrugged.

“Addie? Would you like Claire and me to start breakfast?”

“Sure, that would nice. Go ahead and slice up the vegetables in the basket. Once I get Henry taken care of, we can start a fire so I can cook breakfast.”

As soon as Claire and I made it into the kitchen, I slapped a pepper into her hand.

“I shouldn’t have done it,” she said.

“You think?” I didn’t look at her as I was slicing another pepper.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a little on edge right now.”

I slammed the knife down onto the old butcher block countertop. “That’s no excuse!” I was trying to whisper, but it wasn’t working out that way. “How many times have you yelled at him for losing control? But there you are, socking my man in the face! Which is not the first time, I might add! You are being a fucking hypocrite!” I could see tears forming in her eyes.

“I can’t lose Nick, too. Especially because…of the baby.” She said it under her breath, and I wondered if she wished it weren’t true.

“Do you think I’m overly thrilled about this? Do you think I could handle losing Henry, or my brother? No, I can’t, and I don’t want them to go, either. But I have to accept it because that is Henry. This is what he does. This is how he is. There’s no changing him.”

“He’s putting the others in jeopardy.” The tears were rolling down her pink cheeks.

“Everything is dangerous, Claire. Picking veggies is dangerous. What can we do? This is it. This is what it is right now, and we have to learn to deal with it.”

“I don’t want to.”

I threw my arms up in the air. “Me, either, but I don’t have a choice. He has enough guilt stacked on him. If he doesn’t try, it would add more weight until it crushed him completely.”

“It’s his choosing!”

“Some of it is. Claire, he’s a mess. Haven’t you figured that out? He is a goddamn mess. If it makes him feel good about himself, then he needs to do it. I don’t want him to, but I can’t stop him. Do you have any idea what he said to me back at that townhouse in Jersey, when he melted down about Sophie?” My voice cracked.

“No…”

“He told me that if he didn’t have me, he would have put a bullet in his head right next to her. I have a feeling he almost did, and that’s why he screamed at us to get to the trucks.” Because of what he carried on the inside, I felt guilty for being so hard on him. I picked up the knife and continued cutting up the vegetables in silence, tears running down my face. Claire had nothing else to say after that.

***

Addie dragged Henry into the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and found some gauze pads. “Have a seat and put this in your mouth. I’m going to go get some salt water for you to rinse with.” Henry pushed the shower curtain to the side, and settled down on the edge of the tub.

When Addie walked out of the room, he thought, Was this what having a mother felt like? He sat there for a moment, trying to remember a moment like this with his own mother. All that he could see, in his mind’s eye, was his mother getting beaten and raped. It sent a chill up his spine.

Addie came back in with a cup of salt water before his downward spiral of self-loathing began again. “The girls are practically at each other’s throats. They didn’t even see me go into the kitchen.”

Henry chuckled when he took the cup from her. “What’s new? We all fight way too much. Probably because we all spend way too much time cooped up together.”

“Y’all should remember that each day alive is a blessing. Tomorrow may never happen.”

“Yes, you are correct, Addie.” He flashed back to seeing Sophie true dead on the side of the highway. He shivered again.

“Let me have a look.” Henry bent over at the sink with his mouth open. Addie looked at him with a curiosity that made him nervous. “Your eyes are really green. They almost sparkle. I wonder why I didn’t notice that yesterday.” She was able to pull herself away from his glance. “Well, anyway, I’m sure that’s how you won over Elaina. A handsome man with those eyes, and your accent...” Henry smiled, feeling relief that she didn’t question him over his eyes. “It looks okay. Just be careful with it for a day or two. Keep rinsing with salt water after you eat anything.”

“I surely didn’t win her over with my stunning personality.”

“Aw, come on. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a nice guy deep down. I can see that.”

“I try. It’s hard for me. I have been through a lot.”

“Yes, as have we all.”

Henry looked at her. “We were supposed to be married the day this madness started. The pastor… We’ve lost…” Henry shook his head. “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.” His face flushed, and he feared he might become emotional. Addie put her hand on his cool shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Addie… I want to help you.”

“With what?” She was confused.

“I want to go to the school and see if your daughter is alive.”

“No,” she quipped. “Absolutely not.”

“Yes.” Henry gave her tone right back to her.

“Henry, you haven’t seen the school. It’s overrun. I’m sure she must be one of them.” Her voice got quieter as she spoke.

“Addie, listen, I understand what’s out there. You’ve helped us by opening your home and feeding us. I want to help you. I’m going to go, whether you want me to or not.”

She chose to ignore him for the moment. “How did you hurt your hand?” Addie picked up his bandaged hand. Henry swallowed hard. He didn’t want to relive Sophie’s death once again.

“I broke it,” he said in a near whisper.

“How?” She was genuinely curious and concerned.

“I was angry.”

“You have to learn to control that. You’re going to tear yourself up if you keep letting all that rage fly around.”

“I know. But… I don’t want to talk about it.” Addie unwrapped his hand. She could see how much emotional pain it caused Henry to even see it. She was confused, but she knew there must have been a good reason for his reaction. She was as gentle as possible, but he winced when she touched it. It was still tender, but the bruising was gone.

“There’s some swelling. I’m going to rewrap it with a different bandage, and hopefully it will help.”

“Thank you,” Henry muttered. The pain in his hand reminded him of how his emotions exploded when he made Sophie true dead. It also continued to remind him that he was still alive.

Addie left and came back to the bathroom in less than a minute.

“By the way, I saw Claire punch you.” Henry looked down at his bare chest. There were a few drops of blood on it. “I heard some of what she was saying. And some of what the girls were carrying on about in the kitchen. Your wanting to help me is causing some tension. I don’t want this to divide you.”