Broken (10 page)

Chapter 17

Wednesday was finally here. Nick’s driver would be picking me up at 6:30 to take me to
Nobu
in Tribeca to meet Nick and his friend. I tried on about a hundred different outfits, feeling lost because Jack wasn’t there. He was working a new job, which he got to supplement his bouncer’s job, at a Jewish bakery down the street. Where he found time to do all that and go to auditions was beyond me. He was a real dynamo.

I looked at every outfit skeptically. Thank god Jack made me buy some more dinnerish outfits when we went thrift store shopping, or else I wouldn’t have anything at all in my closet.

But nothing looked right. I definitely didn’t want to show cleavage, so anything plunging was out of the question. I didn’t want to show off my legs, so anything short was out of the question. Which left out all my bar outfits, because, in order to get tips, I wore plunging shirts and short skirts. If I didn’t, my tips dried up.

I felt like crying.
Jack, where are you when I need you? My own personal Clinton Kelly needs to be here.
I started to feel slightly frantic. Hair up or down? What color of lipstick? How much makeup? The black shirt or the colorful one? Skirt or slacks?

Relax, Scotty, this isn’t even a date. It’s more of a business dinner.
But, if it were a date, it would be my first one, ever, so maybe that was why I was feeling so out of sorts.

I finally settled on a black sweater, jeans and boots. I hoped that I wasn’t under-dressed for this place. But my outfit looked casual enough to make it look like I wasn’t trying too hard, and also that I didn’t assume that this was a date. I put my hair up, and decided on coral lipstick. I didn’t wear mascara, mainly because I didn’t really need it, as my eyelashes were dark enough. But I put on some copper eye shadow that I felt accentuated my green eyes. I even wore foundation to even out my slightly ruddy complexion.

The driver, Charlie, came right at 6:30. I had already had a couple of glasses of wine to calm me down. Because to say that I was nervous understated the matter. I took deep breaths in the back of the limousine as we made our way to Tribeca and
Nobu.
I looked at my phone, looking up the menu for the restaurant, trying to decide what I wanted to order before I got there. I still wanted to not be extravagant in my ordering, as I always felt bad for taking advantage of somebody’s kindness in buying me meals, so I looked for something that was somewhat reasonable. I settled on the $12 shrimp skewers. Everything else looked way too expensive. Maybe get some tempura with it.

Then I arrived at the restaurant. I felt like I wanted the sidewalk to swallow me up whole, I was so nervous.

I walked in, and there was Nick and a stunningly handsome dark-haired guy who absolutely took my breath away. He was as beautiful as Nick was, and, when the two men stood up, I saw that he was as tall as Nick as well. The guy had dark wavy hair, magnificent green eyes and a smile that would light up the entire city. He also had a very friendly demeanor. I could tell just by looking at him.

Two intimidatingly beautiful men in one restaurant? Boy, did I feel out of place.

I walked up to them, and Nick got up to meet me and take my coat. “Scotty. This is my best buddy from Kansas City. Ryan.”

I held out my hand to Ryan, but he gave me a hug instead of shaking it. “Glad to meet you,” he said.

I willed myself not to stiffen up when he hugged me, but I felt myself feeling surprisingly relaxed. Maybe I was turning a corner?

We all sat down, and Nick had a bottle of sake for me at the ready. “Hope you don’t mind that I ordered sake for you.”

“No, no, of course not. I love sake.”

“And I went ahead and ordered for you too,” Nick said. “Scallops with spicy garlic sauce.”

That was a $32 item. I understood why he would order for me. He knew that I would order the least expensive thing otherwise.

It was a sweet gesture, really.

“Thanks,” I said. Then I addressed Ryan. “So, you’re here in town for how long?”

“Just a few days. I’m starting an animal shelter back home, and I’m interviewing people out here to come and run it. My wife is at home with my daughter.”

“An animal shelter? That’s so amazing! You’re such a good person for doing that.”

“Yeah. It was something that I promised my wife that I would do with her, so I had to make good on it.”

I had a hard time looking at Nick. I was feeling butterflies just thinking about him, so being in his presence was making me very anxious. So, I had to concentrate on talking to Ryan. I felt comfortable with him because I knew that there wouldn’t be anything between the two of us. He represented safety and low stakes.

But Nick didn’t allow the conversation to stay just between Ryan and me, and he interjected a lot, so the three of us ended up talking comfortably until our food came. I sensed Ryan studying me carefully while we talked. At the same time, even though he was a very nice and friendly guy, and he seemed really happy, there was something else below the surface. I recognized it. I could feel it.

Something told me that Ryan and I had something in common.

I wondered if I imagined that I was in the presence of another sexual abuse survivor.

Then I wondered if he saw the same thing about me.

If that was the case, maybe I didn’t have to tell Nick my story. Maybe Ryan could sense it in me, and he would tell him. After all, I felt like this entire meeting was set up so that Ryan could give Nick advice about me. I thought for a time that Ryan was supposed to be assessing me for how good I would be at my internship job. Now, I was thinking that there was a different ulterior motive.

Perhaps Jack was right. Maybe Nick really was interested in me.

That reality made me terrified and elated all at once.

The food came, and Ryan said “So, Scotty. How do you like Columbia?”

“What’s not to love? I’m just so happy that I would get into such a prestigious school. I never thought that I could.”

“Why not?” Nick asked, curious.

Because I lived in a car for about a year.
“Well, you know, it’s just such an honor. It’s so selective, I’m just lucky.”

“You are hardly lucky,” Nick said. “Wildly talented and intelligent, yes.
You wouldn’t be working on your master’s at an Ivy League school if you weren’t. Luck had nothing to do with it.”

I felt shy again when he said that.

The night wore on, and I started to relax with every bottle of sake I had. The two guys were keeping up with me and drinking even more. They seemed to be having a great time, and I could tell how much they liked each other. Kinda like me and Jack.

Finally, the restaurant was about to close. I had class in the morning, so I felt that I had to be getting home. It was a fun time, and I was able to relax through drinking alcohol, but I wondered if I could ever relax around Nick without it.

I still wasn’t entirely sure that Nick was interested in me romantically. Perhaps I was dreaming when I thought that maybe Nick and I could be more. I certainly hoped not, because Jack was absolutely correct. I wasn’t always going to be able lean on him like I currently did. There would come a time when Jack would have his own life, and I didn’t want to feel lost and alone.

That night I went to bed dreaming about the beautiful man that I had dinner with tonight, and fantasized about what it would be like to be with him without fear.

Chapter 18

Nick

Ryan and I made our way back to my loft, where Ryan would be staying in my guest bedroom. This was his first time visiting me here, so he was having a good time looking around the place. “This is a cool place, Nick. It’s very you, much more than that mansion in Mission Hills. That place is beautiful, but a little stuffy.”

“Yeah, well, Rielle was most of the reason why my old place looked the way that it did. If it was up to me, I would’ve had a downtown loft in Kansas City as well.” Rielle got that mansion we owned in Mission Hills, and all of its contents, in our divorce. I got everything else, including all the cash, the house in Lake Como, and most of the paintings. She also didn't get maintenance. Turned out that they didn't call my attorney “the Miracle Worker” for nothing, considering how much she had been demanding from me.

I had to work the next day, of course, but it had been so long since I had seen the guy, I thought that I could stay up and talk with him. So I made us both some scotches, and we had a seat on the couch.

“Okay,” I said. “I want to hear everything about what is going on back in KC, but I have to get this out of the way. What did you think of Scotty?”

“Scotty,” he began. “Beautiful girl. Smart. Seems very down-to-earth. A real sweety. I mean, you said that you had to order for her, because if you didn’t she would consciously try to get something small and inexpensive. So, right there, she’s more quality than anybody else you’ve dated. She doesn’t strike me as somebody who wants you for your money. So, yeah, I like her. I like her a lot. A lot.”

“Ok. But…”

He took a deep breath. “What do you know about her background?”

“Not much. I know that her mother has problems. I happened to be in her bar on a Saturday night, and her mother was in there, completely sloshed. And she had left a two-year-old boy at home alone. I took care of that for her. So, I would imagine that her mother has problems. But that’s all I really know about her, outside of stuff about her education and design talents.” I took another sip of my scotch. “You have reservations, I can tell. What are they?”

“Well, let’s see. How do I put
this. You’ve told me that she seems scared of you sometimes?”

“Yeah. All the time, really.”

“I see it too. It’s in her body language and facial expressions. The girl is terrified.”

“Okay. So, what do I do?”

“You’re not going to like this.”

“Go on.”

He took another deep breath. “I don’t want to talk out of turn, but….”

“Come on. Stop beating around the bush. Out with it.”

A deeper breath and a long pause. “She’s been sexually abused. I’m almost sure of it.”

That stunned me. “What? How do you-“

“We always recognize each other. It has become a part of my DNA, so I can almost always spot it in others.”

Sexually abused. Well, that would explain everything.

“So, how do I….What do I….”

“You’re really interested in this girl?”

I took a deep breath. “I’ve never felt like this about anybody else in my entire life.”

He nodded. “I’m happy for you. Really happy for you. But you’re going to have tread gently. You remember how I was at her age. How self-destructive I was. How much pain I carried around with me. You know how long it took me to come out of all that. I really only just now did. Just now. I mean, my life is extraordinary, and I have the greatest relationship with Iris and Dalilah. But look at what it took to get there.”

“Well, you guys had special circumstances.”
To say the least.

“True,” he said. “Of course, I know that you’ve had your own share of devastating losses. Abrianna and Michelle. I suspect that you’re afraid of being hurt yourself. Just don’t close yourself off like you have all this time. You can only be happy if you can let yourself really feel vulnerable. It’s scary, but if you can do that, and open yourself up, you can find happiness beyond your wildest dreams. Speaking from experience.”

Michelle. My sister. Probably my greatest tragedy of my entire life. Until my daughter Abrianna. Ryan was right - I
was
closed off. I had been ever since I was a teenager, really. Michelle’s death really affected me - I loved her so much, and losing her made me want to never make myself vulnerable again. Abrianna’s death at the age of 7 cemented for me that vulnerability could be devastating.

Hence my brick wall.

Leave it to Ryan to figure it all out.

Now here was Scotty. Scotty was going to be a complicated case, if Ryan’s hunch was right. Scotty would make me even more vulnerable. Yet, there was an overwhelming need for me to get past my own misgivings about the situation and see where it might lead.

I sighed. “She’s going to be a complicated case, then. But I’m up for the challenge. I just need to know how to go about it.”

“Well, you remember when Iris was raped, right? For the longest time, I couldn’t touch her at all. At all, at all. I’d put my arm around her, and she would completely stiffen up. She got intensive therapy, and things were ok for awhile. Until the Nat situation, of course. I’d imagine that Scotty probably hasn’t been through any therapy, considering her financial situation. So, yeah, it’s going to be difficult, but not impossible. If she means something to you, then it will be worth pursuing in the end.”

It was then that I realized just how much Scotty did mean to me. I had only known her a short period of time, but I was inexorably drawn to her. She was a complicated woman, but she was also very kind and obviously not money-hungry. She was sexy, beautiful and smart. And her vulnerability was so very appealing to me.

“She does. She does mean something to me. It’s hard to explain, but I’m crazy about her.”

“Then find a way to make her yours. But you have to go slow, and go with her cues. If you make any sudden movements, she’ll disappear into the night.”

“Well, she sure beats the hell out of Penelope,” I said, shaking my head. “God, that woman put Rielle to shame for being a total beyotch, and Alexis to shame for being just plum crazy. But, it was fun while it lasted.”

We talked for a little while longer about what was going on in his life. Turned out that he felt on top of the world. And why shouldn’t he, after the life he had led, and after everything that had happened to him in the past couple of years? Not to mention all that had happened to poor Iris. Anybody would be cray-cray after being put into a coma by a crazy woman, being raped, then seeing one’s husband being shot and almost killed. Yet, Iris seemed to come through it all pretty much no worse for the wear after all was said and done, and I admired that thoroughly.

Ryan got a good one, and he deserved every bit of happiness.

He got his happy ending. Now it was my turn.