Breaking Shaun (46 page)

The room erupted in laughs, and a few people clapped.

Laughing with them, I watched as Asia looked up at Marcus.

“Marcus and Asia wanted to make sure that the people who mean the most to them were here to help celebrate their love and commitment to each other. They have both prepared their own vows.”

Marcus cleared his throat before looking over at the crowd gathered in his house. He turned back, meeting Asia’s gaze again, as they faced each other. Everyone grew quiet.

“Asia, your love saved me from the depths of my own darkness and showed me just how bright our future can be. From this moment on, I pledge to give you all of me. I promise to love you unconditionally every day until forever because not even death would stop me.”

Marcus paused as people in the audience chuckled, and Asia smiled up at him with tears welling in her eyes. For the first time since Rachel had come to see me at the shop, I wasn’t thinking about her pregnancy or how scared I was to become a father. I was too busy listening to Marcus’s words and feeling like I finally understood them.

“I promise to be loyal and faithful. I promise to always stand beside you, no matter what life brings, and I promise to love you forever and always.”

Hailey sniffed from her spot behind Asia and wiped tears from her eyes. Turning my head, I looked at Natalie and saw her watching the ceremony with sincere awe.

“Marcus, your love helped set me free. You taught me that being in love means more than giving yourself to someone. It means believing that you have something worth giving and that you deserve the love that’s received in return. Your love is the light that guides me and the anchor that tethers me, and it’s as endless as the night’s sky. I promise to love you forever, through the good times and the bad, through sickness and health, through darkness and light. I pledge my heart to you on this night and for every moment until the end of time. I am forever yours.”

I stood there, my eyes fixed on Natalie, as Asia recited her vows. I could see that, just like every woman in the room, she wanted a love like theirs. She wanted someone to love her the way Marcus loved Asia, and I wanted to be that man for her. My palms started to sweat, and my heart was beating faster in my chest as the realization hit me.

I love her.

Deep down, I thought I’d known that I loved her all along, but it wasn’t until that moment that I was willing to admit it to myself. No woman had ever affected me the way Natalie did. For the first time, someone else’s happiness meant more to me than my own.

When Asia finished, I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear anything the pastor was saying. Asia and Marcus kissed, everyone started cheering, and I snapped out of it. That was also when Natalie’s eyes met mine. She could probably see the conflict in my expression as I watched her, but I tried to hide it with a grin.

Natalie deserved a man who could give her all of him.
How can I do that when I have someone else coming into my life who will need me, too?
We’d never talked about our futures and whether or not we wanted children.
Does she love me? And if she does, will she love me enough to stay
?

I could feel the time between us slowly slipping away as I stood there surrounded by the noise in my head.

I saw Natalie get up, smiling at people as they greeted her.

If letting Natalie go is the best thing I can do for her, why is imagining it so fucking hard?

I could feel Shaun’s eyes on me as I smiled and talked with Nick and Hailey. The energy in the room was high with excitement as people got up from their chairs, eager to congratulate Asia and Marcus.

“I can’t believe they did this! How long did you know, Nick?” Hailey asked as she pulled John closer to her side.

“She just called me this morning and asked me to come over. I didn’t know until she was throwing decorations at me and showing me her dress. I guess Asia and Marcus came up with the idea on their trip. She said they wrote their vows on the plane ride home.”

“It’s beautiful,” I said, looking around at all the lit candles.

It wasn’t too fancy or overdone. It was perfect. As my eyes roamed the room, I watched over Nick’s shoulder as Shaun hugged Asia. He was smiling down at her, and he said something to make her laugh. Marcus came to stand behind her, and he wrapped an arm around Asia’s waist. They were a gorgeous couple, and the smiles beaming on their faces said it all. They were happy and in love.

I couldn’t help the pang of jealousy in my gut. I wanted what they had. I’d spent so much time denying it, convincing myself that kind of love didn’t exist. But now, I saw it everywhere—the way John’s arms wrapped around Hailey as she smiled up at him while talking, Luke’s hand holding Nick’s as they spoke to some guests, Samantha smiling at Robert as he watched his daughter on her wedding day. I was surrounded by examples of love, and although none of them knew what the future held, they were all willing to take a chance. For the first time in a while, I felt out of place again and like I didn’t belong. Even though I was standing in the aisle, with people all around me, I felt completely alone.

I heard Asia yell, “Natalie!”

Snapping out of my daze, I looked up to see Asia and Marcus smiling at me. Shaun was standing beside them, watching as I approached. Taking a deep breath, I told myself to get it together as I continued my path toward them.

I plastered on a big smile. “Congrats, you guys! I was so surprised! I had no idea you were doing this.”

Asia smiled and peeked up at Marcus. “That was the plan.”

Her eyes moved to Shaun before coming back to me. “I was starting to stress out about planning this crazy big wedding, and Marcus suggested we just have something small and intimate, so we came up with this,” she said, looking at the room around her.

“It worked out perfectly, if you ask me,” Marcus said before leaning down to kiss Asia’s neck from behind.

I grinned and glanced at Shaun, who was still standing silently beside me.

“It was beautiful.” I looked back at Asia and gave her another enthusiastic smile.

Her eyes moved between Shaun and me, and I knew she could sense something was off. She gave me a sympathetic grin.

“Mr. and Mrs. Avery, please make your way to the center of the dance floor,” someone announced from a DJ stand that had been set up in the dining room.

Asia and Marcus both looked, and a circle had been cleared in the middle of the living room floor. They both smiled as “All of Me” started playing over the speakers, and the smooth sound of John Legend’s voice washed over the room.

Marcus guided Asia to the center of the floor, and everyone watched as they started their first dance together as a married couple. They seemed lost in their own world.

I felt Shaun move beside me, and I turned to look at him as he offered me his hand. My gaze moved to it, and I bit my bottom lip as I gently placed my hand in his. Shaun pulled me in close, and we began to dance. I could feel my heart squeezing in my chest as I rested my cheek against his shoulder.

There were so many things I wished I could say to him. I wondered if he knew how much my life had changed since he became a part of it. For the first time, I had hope, and he was the one who had given it to me.

Shaun and I were in his car, and he was driving me home. He had been unusually quiet most of the night, and I’d tried to give him the distance he seemed to need.

“Well, that was pretty crazy, huh?” I asked, peering over at him as he drove.

“Yeah,” he muttered, giving me a small smile.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was losing him. I could sense the conflict in his eyes as he looked at me, and I felt helpless against it.

“So, I was thinking, since I found a new apartment and already made the deposit, maybe we could start restoring my car.”

I was reaching now, hoping to see a spark of excitement or at least have him confirm that we weren’t over.

“I’ll have to talk to my dad about using his garage again. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know when we can start.”

I nodded, turning my gaze to the window beside me. “Is everything okay?” I asked, turning back to face him, unable to bite my tongue anymore.

“Yeah, Killer. Everything’s fine.”

Asia and Marcus’s wedding had completely fucked with my head. Being surrounded by words like
forever
and
always
had made me second-guess everything. I’d like to believe that if Natalie and I both loved each other, we could conquer anything together, just like Marcus and Asia had, but maybe I was being naive.

Women like me break men like you.

Those words Natalie had said to me months ago still echoed in my mind, and as time had gone on, I was beginning to believe them. She was breaking my resolve. She was turning me into someone I didn’t recognize anymore.
How long do I have before she breaks my heart, too?

I parked my car in front of Natalie’s apartment building and watched as she unfastened her seat belt and fumbled with her purse. A few things spilled onto the floor, and we both reached down at the same time to retrieve them.

“I’ve got it,” she murmured as she hurriedly shoved her things back in.

As much as I’d tried to act normal, I knew Natalie could sense my apprehension. I moved my hand back to my lap, and Natalie pushed her hair behind her shoulder before placing her purse strap on it.