Breaking Shaun (49 page)

I have to move on.

Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, my breath caught in my throat when I heard my phone chime. Reaching behind me, my palm started to sweat as I turned my phone over. It was a text from Shaun.

Will you meet me at the beach after my lessons? I have something I need to tell you. Please?

I checked my clock. It was noon. That meant I had two hours to decide if I wanted to meet him.

But I already knew the answer. No matter how angry I was, my love for Shaun would always be stronger, and I hated it.

I sat in the back of the cab, staring out at the beach. I saw Shaun sitting on the sand, watching the water. After contemplating leaving a hundred times, I blew out a breath and handed the driver my money. It was going to be hard to face Shaun after professing my love for him. No matter how he’d treated me, he knew he had the upper hand because it held my heart.

I slipped my sandals off my feet before stepping onto the hot sand and making my way toward him with the strong wind blowing my hair behind me. I focused on the cross tattoo on his back as I approached. When I got closer, Shaun turned to look at me, and my steps faltered when I saw his face. He had circles under his eyes, looking like he hadn’t slept for days, and the light green color of his irises was replaced with a dark hazel. I felt my fear quickly slipping into concern.

The corner of Shaun’s mouth lifted in an attempt to smile, and he rubbed his hand over his hair before looking back out at the ocean. “Do I look that bad?”

“No worse than me, I guess,” I muttered as I watched seagulls flying over the horizon.

Shaun’s head turned, and our eyes met for a few tense seconds.

“You always look beautiful,” he responded.

What is going on?
This wasn’t the direction I’d expected this conversation to go.

Clearing my throat, I broke my gaze away from Shaun’s and straightened my back. “So, what did you need to tell me?”

“I’m sorry.”

My eyes quickly moved back, and Shaun’s were still on me.

“No matter what happened between you and…that guy…you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. We never made any promises to each other. We never said we’d—”

“I was with him before you and I got together,” I said, cutting Shaun off.

His eyes studied mine for a few seconds. I knew he believed me when his posture relaxed, and he blew out another breath.

Shaun ran his hand through his wet hair as he turned his gaze back to the water. “You were right. I was scared.”

My heart began a frantic tattoo in my chest as his words sank in. I sat down on the sand next to him, resting my hands in my lap. He moved his hand to take one of my mine, and he held on. The meaning behind his touch had me fighting the tears threatening to expose me. We sat there for a while, holding hands, as we watched the endless push and pull of the ocean in front of us.

“I got a girl pregnant,” Shaun said, turning his head to face me.

I sucked in a breath as I felt my heart plummet down into my stomach. His hand tightened around me, and I could see the intensity in his eyes as they searched mine.

“I was with her before you, and I…well, she came to the shop on Thursday and said she was giving it up for adoption.”

I pulled my hand out of his grasp and moved my eyes back to the ocean as I felt more tears coming.

Shaun sighed as he moved his hand away. “I can’t let her do that. I told her that I’d take the baby.”

What?

I turned back to face Shaun, and he met my gaze.

“I’m sorry, Natalie.”

I wasn’t sure what hurt more—that he’d kept this from me or that he’d given me exactly what I wanted and then taken it away before I even had a chance to enjoy it.

I watched Natalie as my words sank in, and I waited to see what she would do. I’d put it all out there, and now, I had to prepare to fight. I had to fight to keep her with me, to convince her not to leave.

“I wish I could take it back. I wish I could change it. But I can’t.”

Natalie sat silently beside me, her eyes drifting off, as she soaked in everything I had said. I could feel her slipping away. Moving until I was kneeling in front of her, I took Natalie’s hands back in mine, hoping she wouldn’t feel them shaking, and I urged her to look at me.

“I love you, Natalie. I know I can’t expect you to stay with me. Shit, I’ve even thought about running away. I don’t know anything about being a father.”

I searched Natalie’s face for clues. I needed to know what she was thinking, but she wasn’t saying anything, and it was killing me. I let my head fall forward as I sighed. I felt her move one of her hands out of my grasp, and I held my breath, waiting for her reaction. That was when her fingers slid through my hair.

Lifting my head, I looked at her and saw tears rimming her eyes.

“You love me?”

“Yes. God, yes. I love you so much that it fucking hurts.”

Natalie bit her bottom lip, and her wet eyes studied mine for what felt like hours.

“My father left my mother before I was born. I never knew him, and every day of my life, I wish I had. What you’re doing…” Natalie paused as her breath hitched, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

I squeezed her hand in mine and waited for her to finish.

“This baby…your baby is lucky to have you as a father.”

“And what about us?”

Natalie looked away as more tears rolled down her cheeks. She took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m not sure. I love you, Shaun. I do. But this changes things. You’ve got a baby to worry about now. What if things don’t work out between us? What if I grow attached…” Her breath hitched again, and her chin quivered as she tried to finish, “I want a family, Shaun. All I’ve ever wanted was a place where I belonged. What if I fall in love with that baby and things between us don’t work? I don’t know if my heart could take it.”

I sat there on my knees in front of Natalie, and all I could do was stare at her. I couldn’t believe what she was saying or that she was talking to me at all. I had expected her to yell at me, hit me, or leave. I’d known she was different, but I’d had no idea just how different she was from all the other women I’d been with until now. She was in a completely different league, and I wasn’t sure that I deserved her.

“Natalie, I don’t know what will happen, and I can’t promise things won’t go wrong. But I love you, and I want you in my life. You’ve got my heart in your hands, and I plan to leave it there. There’s no point in giving it back. It’ll be useless without you.”

She gave me a small smile before sniffing and wiping her face with her hands.

“The baby isn’t due for another eight months. Just give me eight months to convince you to stay. Please?”

Natalie started rubbing her lips together, and I held my breath as I waited for her answer. She looked down at our hands in her lap, and she nodded. I swore I could feel my heart leaping in my chest.

“Is that a yes?” My eyes widened as I tried to contain my excitement.

A small smile tugged at her lips. “Yes.”

I knew I should have been more upset with Shaun after what he’d told me—especially since he’d chosen to tell me he’d gotten another woman pregnant with his child at the same time as admitting that he loved me. It definitely hadn’t been the best timing.
Then again, when would be?
I knew all about making mistakes. After all, I’d made quite a few in my life.

Maybe I was being naive and refusing to see the trouble ahead of us, but I wanted to believe that we could make things work. I wanted so much to be a part of Shaun’s life, and I respected his decision to become a single father. That alone had kept me from giving up on him, on us.

We had eight months before Shaun’s life would be turned upside down and before we had to decide if we would want to take that ride together. My biggest concern wasn’t the other woman or the fact that she was carrying Shaun’s baby inside of her. It was whether or not I could be a mother to a child who wasn’t mine. I’d only just fallen in love with Shaun. Knowing a baby was on the way only added pressure to an already overwhelming and scary situation.

I was trying really hard to focus on our relationship and not worry about the things coming, but I couldn’t help feeling like I no longer had control. My heart was already involved, and there was no taking it back. I would just have to hold on tight and hope I wouldn’t fall.