Authors: Renee Matteo
“You never did. That's why I was so hard on you.”
His voice was warm and calming to her. Being with him now, knowing he wasn’t hers made her heart ache and her body fill with subtle anger giving her the courage to quickly say what was on her mind. “I believe that everyone is meant to go through life with their soulmate. That’s what makes them whole.” Gina closed her eyes tight, wondering if she had gone too far.
“Wow. That's laying it on heavy.”
“Sorry, I am just being honest. My life is a bit incomplete. Maybe that is why I am not as happy as I could be.” She could feel herself beginning to ramble, “Things are good, and I know I have a good life but I can't and won't lie to myself. I spent too much time doing that before.”
A half smile came across Grant’s face. He had missed her, thought about her, dreamt about her, and now she was sitting in front of him feeling the same pain that had consumed his heart for the last six Yeahrs. “In that case, should we meet in Australia or London?” There was a slight chuckle in his voice.
Gina lost herself in fantasies of them jet-setting around the world to live in each other’s company. It warmed her heart. She exhaled, trying to relax, looking around the yard below them. “What about Sarah?” The reality of the circumstance they were in became quickly sobering.
“You're the best of the best. Adam would lose. Sarah would love again.”
His words squeezed her heart so tight she wasn't sure it would ever settle again. She could not believe what he was saying and how quick he was to fall back into sync with her. “You’re killing me Grant; I wanted you to tell me that you love Sarah and that we can never be together again.” Her mind was racing with thoughts of Adam and the idea of disruption that would take place if she continued to be as irresponsible with this conversation as she had thus far.
“I love Sarah. That's as far as I'm willing to go for right now.”
“I really tore the bag of worms open, huh?”
“The can Gina, not the bag,” he teased. “I don't think we ever closed it, which is probably why this isn't easy.”
“Very true.” She stopped, waiting for her thoughts to catch up with her mouth. Nothing came. She squirmed in her chair awaiting his next move.
“Let me check for flights.” He pulled out his iPhone disguising the seriousness of his proposition with laughter. He watched her face carefully; the confusion of what was upon them took over. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Talking to Grant made her feel like herself. Not who she was now, but rather who she was supposed to be. The person she lost when she met Adam. The banter empowered her. “Anything to London soon?”
Grant was silent, lost in his own thoughts now.
“Now what?”
“Good question?” He paused, “Am I supposed to have the answer?”
“I don't know.” Her mind raced trying to piece together how she had gotten to this moment. She stood up from her chair and walked to the other side of the deck peering off into the depths of the backyard. Gina turned back to look to Grant. “So now you move to Chicago with your fiancée and live the professional life you have always wanted and I carry on in Ohio with Adam. So it’s settled then. We go on. Just existing?”
“And there in lies the question. Which decisions do we make with our heads and which with our hearts? Who wins when there's a draw?”
She chewed on his words, thinking the unthinkable.
Her manner calmed. Gina walked back over to the table and stood next to him. “Is it impossible? Us. Are we impossible?”
“Nothing is impossible, didn't I teach you anything?” He stood from his chair keeping his stare fixed on her.
“I like your answer,” she paused, “Is it realistic?”
“Ah, that's the real question.” He put his arms around her and pulled her close.
She surrendered to the moment in his arms held tightly against his chest. She couldn't remember before what it felt like to be wrapped up in his arms, but now, being smothered into his chest, it was as if she had never left. His arms were strong and wrapped tight around her body. The scent of
Pleasures
cologne took over. This was what she remembered; this is what was so comfortable to her. This is the embrace that she longed for so many nights she lay in bed thinking of him. “Grant, I don’t think we should be doing this,” she said, breaking free from his arms.
“It’s easier than talking about the fact that we're still hopelessly in love.”
“Ouch.”
“That was a bit direct, my bad,” he replied.
“How could it be?” She asked retreating again to the other side of the deck making her best attempt to distance herself from the intensity of the moment.
“Maybe we were just that good.”
“No, I mean how could we ever be again?” Her voice grew louder.
“Hmm, yes, us, well and then there's that Adam thing.”
Gina snapped around peering through Grant. He hadn't moved. “I am in love with Adam, Grant, you need to know that!” She was pleading with him to believe her, or perhaps more accurately, pleading with herself.
“No you're not Gina.”
“I am Grant!” She shrieked. “You’re an ass! That is pretty hypocritical don’t you think? You say you love Sarah. How would you feel if I told you I didn’t think you did?”
“I did say I loved Sarah. That is true. But I am not in love with her Gina.” He paused his words, walking towards her. “I’m sorry.”
“I feel so guilty, Grant. I feel stupid for even being here," she lowered her head, running her fingers through her hair,
shaking her head with
disapproval of her own actions. “The thing is. I love Adam. He is a great fiancé, a good friend. He does nothing wrong. He is supportive and encouraging. He makes me laugh.” She paused, taking a step down the stairs, turning to look back at him. “The only problem is, he isn’t you.” Her face grabbed his eyes as he watched a single tear fall off her cheek.
“I love you, Gina. I wish we could have us again.”
“Don’t say that, Grant.”
“I mean it.” He raised his hands to her face, moving into her. Slowly he lowered his head, brushing his lips up against hers.
“Grant, no,” she whispered. Gina stood still, her face
still close to his. She went back up the step she had taken the moment before and cautiously leaned herself into him, allowing their lips to meet again.
They both fell short for breath as they pulled back from the kiss they had waited over half a decade for.
Gina went to speak, but before she could get a word out, Grant picked her up like a small child and squeezed her in his arms carrying her across the deck and into the guesthouse.
He walked into the bedroom and laid her down sideways on the bed without saying a word. Climbing on top of her, his lips found their way first to her neckline, then onto the shallow of her chest. Grant trailed down her chest down to her stomach, softly kissing his way to the waistline of her jeans.
Gina accepted the defeat of any possible resistance. She cleared her mind of all other thoughts leaving her focus solely in the moment. As if on cue, directed from somewhere outside of her conscious, Gina pulled her hand from Grant's hip and unbuttoned the top of her pants.
He slid her pants down and pulled them free from her body. He gently took her arms pulling her up to him lifting her shirt free from her body and tossing it to the side. He pulled off his own t-shirt, throwing it across the room and leaned down, pressing his bare chest against hers. “Hang on,” he whispered.
Gina wrapped her arms around his neck as he slid his hand to the small of her back and gently lifted and turned her to the center of the bed. She laid her head back against the plush pillow that was at the top of the bed.
Grant's body stayed pressed against hers as he began skimming the contour of her face with his lips. His hand left the small of her back and released her bra gently pulling it out from under her back.
They locked in a kiss both long and hard, each of them searching for time lost.
“Out of shape,” she teased in a whisper, noting Grant's shallow breaths.
Grant ignored the comment, pressing his lips to hers once again. He rolled to the side keeping their bodies tightly locked together.
Gina ran her fingers down his bare chest, remembering the familiar landscape of his body. She circled his stomach with her fingertips before moving down to his jeans and unbuttoning them.
Grant reached down, pulling them off and kicked them clear of the bed before scrambling to remove the black lace bikini cut that covered her. He slowly rolled himself back on top of her and pulled free from their kiss. He looked deep into her eyes, reaching down and easing himself inside of her. “I love you Gina,” he whispered.
“I love you too.”
He kept his eyes locked into hers for a moment before closing them tight and tilting his head back. He began making love to her, slow at first, then faster and harder with every passing moment.
Gina squeezed her arms tightly around his body, looking up to him as he made love to her.
He opened his eyes, staring into her, as a look of disbelief made its way across his face. “Still amazing,” he whispered as he lowered his body back down.
Gina closed her eyes again realizing his hands about her as he remained inside of her. She tightly pressed her lips together cutting her breaths short. Numbness began to consume parts of her legs as her insides started to tremble. Heat rose up between her legs and into the rest of her body as she let out a slight moan of contention.
He leaned in, watching her eyes piece into his before closing again in a moment of sheer pleasure. Parts of his body went numb as his mind trailed only to the warmth inside of her.
Gina could feel herself struggling to catch her breath as they continued to make love beyond their disregard for the reality of the moment. It was then, in a seemingly silent climax, that they released themselves into one another.
Grant rolled to the side, laying next to Gina in exhaustion. Both motionless, other than the rise and fall of their chest, as they got lost in empty thoughts while they looked up with blank stares at the ceiling. Minutes passed before they caught their breath. Gina rolled to her side letting her eyes dance up and down the contour of his naked body.
“What, not enough?”
Gina began to laugh. “Wow, you really are getting old.”
“Ha! More?”
“Yeah. I mean, when we were younger, you used to just go for hours.” She referenced jokingly and began laughing at Grant who replied with fast fingers tickling her skin lightly.
“It’s hot in here,” she said quietly as they settled
Grant stood up and walked to the window flipping the latch and pulling the bottom of the window up.
A cool breeze blew in finding its way across Gina’s naked body.
“Thank you.”
Grant got back into the bed, again folding Gina into his arms and holding her tightly. “Remember how we used to lay in bed for hours? Making love, sleeping in each others arms, making love again,” he whispered. Grant used the fingertips of his left hand to trace the lines of her body.
“I do. We never seemed to get out of bed.”
“Yep and when we did, we would only make it as far as the door before we started all over again,” he laughed.