Break Your Heart (18 page)

   
“Umm.  Well, I found your number and I wanted to say hello.” She said casually. “So...hi?” She was at a total loss for how to allow the honesty inside her to fall out.

   
He was staring back to her like a parent looking at a lying child. 

             
She let out an awkward laugh giving way for the truth she felt to surface. “Okay, well, I needed to see if it was still there.”

             
“What?”

             
“The feelings I had pent up inside of me for six Yeahrs. I had to figure out why and how I could still feel in love with someone I had not seen or been with in so long.” She exhaled the breath she was holding, turning her head up to the sky. The weight of the world seemed to lift off of her with the confession of her thoughts.
That was bold!
“I don't know that you can ever get closure on what we had, can we?

             
“Not a chance in hell, Gina. You know that. I know that.”

             
“You know I seriously thought you would show up at my house one day, I actually look for you sometimes, isn't that pathetic?” 

             
Grant took her hand once again and continued their walk through the woods. “I’ve actually thought about coming, isn't that pathetic?” He smiled. “You know, you've got a lot of nerve letting some other man marry my wife.”

             
He spoke so confidently that Gina couldn’t help but fall back into sync with him. The tension had subsided and the nerves that had accompanied her curiosity of the day, and of Grant, were slowly being replaced by warmth.
Gina, you’re engaged.
She reminded herself but quickly dismissed those thoughts. The Angel and Devil Gina seemed to battle out the best possible way to continue this conversation. “Yeah, well we both had a lot of nerve being with other people in the first place.”

             
“You broke first. I just went with the backup plan.”

             
She smiled politely, ignoring his comment. As they reached the driveway, he bent down, plucking a daisy out of the ground and handed it to her.

             
“Thanks. So…you’re going back to Chicago. I loved Chicago.” She was trying to be as casual as she could, pushing away the thoughts and words she realized were digging her a deep hole.

             
“Yep, Chicago. I loved you in Chicago.”

             
“I loved us in Chicago,” she whispered.

             
“I loved us everywhere.” His eyes burned into her as he spoke. The intensity of what was before them began to surface once more. “So how are the Buckeyes looking for next Yeahr? Who's the new quarterback?”

             
“Nice change, or should I say nice try!” She lightly pushed him as she followed him back up the stairs to the deck. Gina took a seat in the chair she sat in earlier as Grant cleared their plates and disappeared back into the house. 

Fourteen

              “Cream and sugar for you, black for me," Grant set down two over-sized white coffee cups on the table.  He looked through her, deep in thought, as he took his seat at the table.  He leaned back in his chair watching Gina who seemed to be lost in the day around her.

             
“It’s getting warm,” her soft voice folded the silence.

             
He nodded in agreement and watched carefully as she slowly removed the cardigan she wore, exposing a form fitting cami and threw the sweater on the back of the chair. Grant studied the soft and flawless skin that wrapped her arms, trailing his eyes down to her tiny wrist and the bracelet that surrounded it.  He sat alert, staring at the women before him, wondering when she became this way. It was subtle, though obvious that there had been change during their time apart. The allure he had felt that first night atop his truck, now amplified before him. He compared her to a celebrity you might see working a red carpet and questioned whether this woman before him was not more captivating. He shifted in his seat as he continued to eye her.

             
“What?” she asked.

             
“What, What?” He replied, still keeping his eyes fixed on her.

             
“You’re staring.”

             
“I am.”

             
She bit the bottom of her lip as a small smile formed across her face. 

             
He smiled back at her, almost laughing at how uncomfortable it made her. 

             
Gina rolled her eyes playfully before picking up her coffee cup and taking a sip. She swallowed slowly, enjoying the trail the warm liquid made through her body.

             
“Oh, I met your nephew-to-be, Kaelib the other day.” She set down her cup with a bit of a thud. She laughed inside, realizing how casually she was speaking about an encounter that had affected her with such greatness.

             
“Really?” He took a careful sip of his coffee before settling it on his knee.  He continued his stare as if he hadn’t heard a word. Gina had expected the news to grab more of his attention, but his answer was filled with composer.

             
“Turns out Kaelib is friends with one of my students.  I ran into him a few weeks back in town.”

             
“Kaelib's a good kid and happy about the move to Ohio” He was monotone and calculated as he kept his eyes locked on her.

             
“Yep.  He’s the one who told me you were engaged.” She raised her eyebrows. Her eyes wide, her tone a bit cynical.

             
“Really?” Finally, his tone broke.

             
“Yep. Imagine my surprise.” 

             
“Interesting.” 

             
“What’s so interesting?”

             
“Nothing, it’s just interesting.”  His expression offered no further explanation.

             
Gina couldn't help but be amused by his puzzling de-

meanor
. Grant was still, as he had always been, a bit mysterious. It had frustrated and intrigued her in the most insane way, as it continued to do now. “I guess,” Gina paused, taking a moment to look around her.  “I know this sounds corny, but I felt like it was a sign.”

             
“A sign?”

             
“Yeah. To call you.”

             
“Oh…”

             
“Are you making fun of me?”

             
“I would never!” He winked.  Grant leaned in close to her, his eyes now fixed on her neck. Gina quickly fumbled through the memories in her mind of the times she spent with him. His smile always made her squirm. His arms wrapped around her made her feel safe. His words and conversations were not only entertaining but thought provoking and witty. She was amazed by the person he was and had continued to become. Her admiration was at its highest when she would lay on the couch as he played songs on his guitar and sing to her for as long as she would make requests. Her heart stung as she realized those days were far behind her. 

“What’s that?”

              Gina followed his stare and raised her hand to her chest, grasping the chain she wore that now was in plain view.  Her face went flush.

             
“Is that
the
ring?”

             
“Uh, well, yes it is,” she replied, again feeling the intensity of her emotions just as she had the night she pulled it from the box in her basement.  Panic set in, but quickly turned to a feeling she couldn’t place.  He was watching her mind race for the right words to say.
Do I owe him an explanation?
Is it really a big deal that I am wearing it?
It is a pretty ring that someone who loved me gave to me. Is it strange that I am wearing it?
She attempted to defend her thoughts before returning to the reality that she had a ring around her neck that her ex-boyfriend had given her.   The ex-boyfriend whom she couldn’t find a way to ever let go of. The ex-boyfriend who was engaged. The ex-boyfriend that was now sitting across the table from her.
Easy Gina, easy.
“I found it a while back.” She paused, taking in a long, deep breath trying to compose herself. “And, well, I thought I had lost it.  You can imagine my surprise when I found it at the bottom of the box.”

             
“The box?”

             
“Yeahh, the Grant box…” she cut her words quickly, but it was too late.  Her face was burning now.  She lowered her head into her hands.

             
“It’s okay, babe,” he took a deep breath. “I have a box too.”

             
“You do?” She looked up from her huddle. 

             
“Did you think I was going to throw out a perfectly good black Victoria’s Secret thong?” His grin was wide as a slight chuckle left his lips.

             
Gina smirked at him, half with relief, and half with amusement.

             
Grant continued to laugh at his immaturity. “So, what’s it doing around you neck?” 

             
“Good question,” Gina replied slowly. She paused, trying to find the words to explain her actions.  “Did you think I was going to throw out a perfectly good diamond ring?” She smiled at her own wit.

             
“No, but I am not wearing your thong around my neck.”

             
“Now that would be interesting,” she teased. “I didn’t want to lose it again, so I put it on an old chain.”

             
“And then around your neck?”

             
“Well, Yeah. No safer place than my body.” She patted her hand against the ring, taking a deep breath, feeling in the clear.

             
“I wouldn't be so sure about that.”

             
His brashness caught a strong and paralyzing hold of her body. She knew this moment would be big and out of her comfort zone, for Grant and everything that surrounds him and their relationship was a feeling she could never place and words she could never put together. 

             
“Oh boy.  What do we do about this?”  She asked,

letting
out a large sigh.

             
Grant was calm.  He leaned forward with confidence and assurance as he took her hands in his.  He raised his stare up from the ground and met her eyes with his.  He peered into her for a moment before saying anything.  “I love you Gina,” he began. “I always have, always will...I’m okay with that.”

             
“You’re okay with being with Sarah for the rest of your life? Not even that, you’re okay with never being with me again?” Her voice was soft and low.
I can’t believe you just said that.  Shut up Gina.

             
“You don't need me Gina.” He hadn't broken his composure, which intensified her frustration.

             
“How do you know what I need?” She snapped back allowing the anger that she felt for the situation to run out with her words.

             
“Because I was there when you became you.”

             
“That’s such an excuse Grant!”

             
“What else do I have? I'm trying. Truth knocks at the door and you say, go away I'm looking for the truth...and it does.”

             
“You’re so profound,” she mocked, rolling her eyes. “Things are good with me, but I know the truth of it all.”

             
“And what's the truth of it all?” His tone mocked the amusement he found in the conversation before him.

             
“You don't know?”

             
“You don't need anybody but yourself Gina. You have everything you need inside of you,” he said, pausing to allow her to ponder his words.

             
“I don't believe that.”