Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (109 page)

I strained to smile through my recurring
suspicions, and alarmingly felt that I was playing with fire . . .
that this little girl was indeed older, wiser, and more callous
than her age would imply.

“Yes, I would like you to call me
Lillian.”

“I’m starving, aren’t you
Lill-i-an
?”
She emphasized my name by slowly sounding it out, using each
syllable at a time.

My smile faded as her blue eyes shot me a
stabbing look of malicious intent. I was right about her all along.
She was exactly what I’d believed her to be: a cunning, astute,
voluptuous young lady who knew what she wanted and just how to get
it.

With no appetite left, I declined to sit and
have breakfast with everyone. Instead, I stayed inside and ironed
Ayden’s shirts. I was grateful for the heavy rain, the dark, murky
day that was only good for staying indoors. Ayden slept the morning
away and James worked the light. The Cooper children remained in
their quarters, and I was relieved to have some quiet time to
myself, though my thoughts were overcome with concerns about Sylvia
and her intentions to capture all of Ayden’s attention. It seemed
ridiculous to be jealous of this young girl. How could she compete
with me - his wife, the woman he was born to love? Yes, she was
pretty, she possessed an eye-catching beauty much the same as mine.
The difference was that I didn’t flaunt it and tease men with my
curvy, voluptuous body the way she did. That only happened when I
was on stage, and then it was all an act. For Sylvia, this was real
life.

I took a deep breath, recalling the
conversation between Ayden and me. He told me it was silly to be
worried or jealous. “Of course Ayden is faithful to me,” I said
aloud, and smiled to myself. A wave of relief swept over me, and
for the remainder of the day I worked with a liberated smile that
came from letting go of all the harebrained worries I had let
beleaguer me.

When Ayden woke, he got straight to work,
after greeting me with an undemanding kiss, and took over for
James, who was set up in the fog signal house. The rain had
subsided only to let in a thick, soupy fog, which enclosed the
island. The children had escaped their quarters to play in the
dense fog just before supper - games of hide and seek, just as
Ayden and I used to play when we were children.

Hazel wasn’t feeling well; a bout of evening
sickness had her running to the outhouse to release the contents of
her stomach. I offered to complete the meal, and as I predicted,
she refused. “Ain’t nothing I’m not used to. Comes and goes. Should
disappear by the end of my third month,” she told me, while cooling
her brow with a freshly soaked cloth.

“Ayden’s mother, Opal, never had much
sickness when she was expecting,” I said.

“She’s one of the lucky ones,” Hazel grunted.
“Hope when your time comes you will be too.”

“Ayden and I don’t have any immediate plans
for children.”

“Why, girl, it’s nothing you plan for,” she
laughed, seeming amused at what she believed was my unawareness.
“When you lay with your man, a baby coming nine months later is
almost a sure thing.”

I thought about all the times men came to me
and loved me. There was never once a baby on the way, growing
inside me. Possibly there was something wrong with me. I welcomed
the idea.

“I’m sure hoping this is my last one. I’m
nearing the age where I can’t bear any more children,” Hazel said,
then called for Sylvia.

“That won’t make you just a little sad?”

“Ma is tired of having babies,” Sylvia chimed
in as she came to retrieve the bottle of milk set out for
Willard.

“That’s the truth,” Hazel added.

I refused to acknowledge Sylvia and went to
set the table, along with Mary and Lizzy. I gave the little
three-year-old the forks and showed her how to place them in proper
fashion, then handed Lizzy the spoons. As we worked together, their
eyes followed me, taking mental notes on how to properly set a
table. The dishes were plain and simple, nothing like the Van
Dorn’s fine antique Louis the XVI plates and bowls, but I managed
to set them up as if we were serving royalty that evening. The
girls were amazed how I made the napkins into the shapes of
swans.

“I learned this from the maids of one of the
wealthiest families in all the States,” I said, though I was aware
they didn’t quite understand what that meant.

“I stayed in the finest homes, some as grand
as the most elaborate European castles. There, everyone dressed in
pricey custom-tailored clothes and wore priceless jewels on their
ears and fingers. But no one was happy. All their money didn’t
bring them happiness,” I sighed.

“Were you the fairy princess of the castle?”
Lizzy asked in her quiet, unobtrusive little voice.

“No, I was no princess,” I said solemnly.

“Lillian is the princess of Jasper Island,”
Heath announced as he casually strolled in, just in time for
supper. “She is as pretty as any princess I have ever seen. Don‘t
you agree, little Lizzy?”

Lizzy smiled up at me in clear agreement as
Heath lifted her and Mary both onto his lap.

“It will be a little while longer before
supper is served,” I said bashfully. Heath had never before
acknowledged that I was pretty.

“How about you and Mary bring me a book, and
we’ll read before supper,” he suggested.

The girls excitedly leapt off his lap and ran
together to retrieve a book.

“Lizzy reminds me of our Elizabeth,” I said,
without looking up from the last napkin I was shaping.

“Only she has straight hair and not
Elizabeth’s wildly curly hair.”

“Your wildly curly hair,” I said softly, and
flicked my eyes over to him.

“It’s rather tame now.” Heath chuckled,
red-faced, while patting it down with his gloved hands.

“We found this book, Doctor Heath!” Mary
chirped in her babyish manner.

“Ah, a Christmas book. You found this
upstairs?”

Lizzy nodded yes
.

“This used to be mine when I was a boy. It’s
called
The Night before Christmas
. One of my favorites,” he
said, and winked playfully at me.

“Mine as well. You girls know all about
Christmas, don’t you?”

The rest of the Coopers came in and sat down
just after Sylvia rang out the dinner bell.

“What about Christmas?” James, Jr. asked.

“Santa Claus. Has he visited you children
before?”

I stared directly over to Heath, thinking
years back to when I was just a little older than Lizzy. It was
Heath and Ayden who revealed that a jolly old man flew in a magical
sleigh driven by flying reindeers on Christmas Eve and delivered
presents to all good little girls and boys across the world. I had
never heard of such a tale before, never woken up on Christmas
morning to have presents left for especially me. That Christmas, I
believed for the first time that Santa Claus had come and left me a
beautiful dollhouse.

With our gazes locked, James, Jr. and the
other children described their Christmases in years past. I wasn’t
listening to the details, instead drawn into the mesmerizing stare
Heath and I shared from across the table. It was Sylvia’s loud
screech that brought us out of the unexpected trance. “Lizzy soiled
her dress again, and I’m not cleaning it up!” she protested.

Lizzy’s howls echoed throughout the house. In
a now typical Jasper Island ruckus, Lizzy was removed crying and
moaning in discomfort, while Hazel belted out orders. Ayden,
fortunately, was not there to be sickened by the sight. This time,
Heath was not splattered. He went to get some medicine to calm
Lizzy’s temperamental stomach. He returned shortly.

“Take Doctor Dalton up to Lizzy,” Hazel
ordered. Sylvia huffed and threw me an icy glare, as if it was
somehow my fault. Then, she stomped ahead, and Heath trailed behind
with a small medicine bottle in hand.

We managed to clean up the mess in record
time, then insisted everyone get back to eating. Lizzy’s brothers
and sisters were used to the vile smell and could eat through the
offensive, stomach-turning odor, but I couldn’t.

“I’ll take Ayden a plate of food, and James
as well.”

“Thank you kindly,” Hazel replied, and
plopped down on the chair, exhausted.

First I delivered the warm meal to James, who
was happy to see me. “Starving to death I am,” he said. He rang the
fog bell at the designated interval, then chowed down.

“I need to get this plate to Ayden.”

“Have James, Jr. come relieve me in an
hour.”

I approached Ayden with more prudence, since
we were still rather awkward with one another after the last
night’s conversation. I was happy when he smiled at me and welcomed
my arrival with a warm, tender hug, the kind that made me
appreciate I was truly home.

* * *

I spent the evening with Ayden, relaxed and
comfortable again with him. I stood by his side, not leaving the
lighthouse for a moment. His unspoken gratitude for my company was
evident in his soft-spoken voice, content expression, and relaxed
attitude. I told him about the fiasco at supper, which made him
chuckle. “Just happy I wasn’t there to witness it.”

“That poor little girl. She can’t keep much
of anything down.”

Ayden adjusted the vents, then motioned for
me to climb back to the lantern room.

“Heath has given her some medicine for her
upset stomach. And he even saw to Mrs. Makson when we were in the
village the other day. Perhaps He’ll reconsider and practice
medicine again.”

Ayden trimmed the wick while shaking his head
in objection. “I don’t think he has his sights set on staying a
doctor. From what he told me, most of his hand was paralyzed from
the fire. Said there was damage to the nerve.”

“That means he isn’t able to use that
hand?”

“That’s what he said. It’s all too bad. Heath
was a fine doctor.”

I was undecided whether to reveal the fact
that Heath could indeed use both his hands and was only pretending
at times. Why it was that Heath only allowed me to see and no one
else, I wondered. Was it his way of testing my loyalty? What did I
have to lose by divulging Heath’s secrets to Ayden anyway, I asked
myself. Or better yet, what did I have to gain?

The sun rose that morning and chased away the
dense fog. The Coopers announced early that they were leaving for
church, taking both rowboats. They stopped along the way to the
boathouse to ask if Ayden and I wanted to join them.

“No, thank you, Hazel. We worship at home,” I
lied. We hadn’t even opened the Bible since I’d arrived back on the
island. “Did you ask Heath?”

“No, didn’t see him this morning. We’re going
to have a picnic afterwards. It’s a brilliant fall day. Are you
sure you and Ayden won’t join us?”

I didn’t want to confess that I had no desire
to either attend Sunday services or deal with the children this
morning. I was tired from the night and longed for a nap. Then I
planned to get straight to my daily chores.

Hazel lifted the picnic basket up around her
arm, and said earnestly, “Perhaps next week.”

“Possibly. Have a good day. Enjoy your
picnic.”

“Where are they going?” Ayden asked when he
came in to wash up for breakfast. Hazel had left two plates out on
the stove for us.

“Church and a picnic. She invited us along,
but I declined.”

“Sounds like it would have been a nice time.
We should really think about attending services. Seems unnatural to
sleep, then get up to do chores on the Lord’s day. Your momma
wouldn’t have stood for it.”

I looked over to her piano where every
Sunday, before she became too ill, mentally and physically, she
sang hymns for hours, and I knew Ayden was right. The one thing
Momma was adamant about was being a worthy Christian. I just didn’t
feel any need to sit in church where I was inclined to question all
God had put me through and where he was taking me. Instead of
praying, I might lash out at him for taking Momma away from me at
such a young age and allowing my daddy to lose his senses and
unmercifully forsake me to a woman who might as well have been the
devil. And even though I finally made it back to the lighthouse
station where Ayden proclaimed his love for me, and my world seemed
to be at peace, perhaps with his holy guidance, maybe it was really
just an illusion. Was God looking to take it all away the minute I
was truly happy because I in no way deserved it? Was it I who was
chosen to pay for the sins of my mother and my uncle, since all of
Momma’s praying and repenting didn’t seem to appease God?

“Let’s eat. We can talk about this another
time.” I sighed heavily and went into the kitchen to bring out the
plates while he washed up. We didn’t talk much while we sat across
from one another. I think we were both enjoying the peace and
quiet, relishing the tranquility that had been lost since the
Coopers’ arrival on Jasper Island. When occasionally I glanced over
at Ayden, I realized how fortunate I was to have him. Although our
marriage didn’t contain the magical spark I’d witnessed between
Momma and Daddy, Ayden and I did have something special. We shared
a past, a childhood, and a love for the sea. That’s what I felt
drew us together; that’s what made me feel close to him. I longed
to recapture the memories of our early days and the magical moments
we’d found together as children.

“The children will be starting school
tomorrow. Do you think they are excited?” I asked.

Ayden shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows?
Maybe James, Jr. will be. He is sort of like Heath - real smart.
The others will probably protest, like I did.”

“Oh, Ayden, I don’t believe you hated school
as much as you let on,” I replied with a smile.

Ayden appeared annoyed at my suggestion.
“What makes you say that?”