Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (108 page)

“Where does she live, your momma? Does she
come and visit Jasper Island?” Sylvia asked. “If so, then we can
all get a taste of this celebrated pie she makes.”

“What is your ma’s name?” Polly, who was
sitting beside me, asked. “Is she as pretty as you?”

“She was very pretty. Unfortunately, she died
a long time ago,” I said, and dabbed my tears away.

“Oh, that’s so sad. What did she die of?”
Sylvia impolitely asked.

“Sylvia, you mind your manners!” her father
scolded.

“I was just wondering, Pa!”

“Please excuse me,” I said, and left the
table before my sobbing became uncontrollable.

Ayden came shortly after to find me in my
room. “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” I sniveled and blew my nose into the
handkerchief he kindly offered me.

“Will you come and join me tonight?”

“James will keep you more than occupied,
Ayden. I’m tired. After I help Hazel clean up supper, I think I
will get some sleep,” I said with my back toward him as I sat on
the bed.

“Hazel has Sylvia to help her with that
tonight. She was bad mannered, and her folks aren’t tolerating it.
I’m sure she won’t behave that way again. I think she has good
intentions. She really does seem like a nice girl.” Ayden reached
over and gently touched my hair, holding the silky strands for a
few silent moments, then left to spend his long night in the
tower.

I tossed and turned as the wind rattled my
window and moaned through the eaves of the house, scaring me
straight out of threatening dreams. The clock downstairs chimed two
times; I had only been asleep for three hours, yet the night
dragged on.

I made myself a cup of warm milk and went
back to bed. Still, I couldn’t sleep. I even tried reading, but my
eyes continually lifted from the pages and out the window. The
harbor in the distance was mostly dark, with the exception of the
small inlet area where the taverns stayed open all hours. There a
yellow glow traveled out toward Jasper Island, a signal to join
them - the sailors and loose women.

After another hour, as the clock chimed three
a.m., I decided to relinquish my quest for a good night sleep and
join Ayden after all. He only had a few hours before sunrise, but I
thought he would appreciate my company.

I took my time, holding onto the rail, making
sure my footing was accurate. Though I had climbed those same steps
since I was ten years old, I felt betrayed by them, as if they
didn’t welcome me any longer. When I reached the top, I stopped to
catch my breath. I was winded and tired, and my leg ached from the
tedious ascent.

I heard voices, and instead of interrupting,
I stayed back in the shadows, just the way I used to when Daddy and
Momma were up there.

It was Sylvia who now kept Ayden company,
entertained him with jokes, and brought him coffee. Something I
often did.

Ayden appeared amused and appreciative of the
company. My blood boiled, and I made an unexpected appearance.

“Lillian!” Ayden was surprised to see me.

“Where is James?” I sneered, looking straight
at Sylvia.

“He stepped out to get himself a late night
snack.”

“Don’t you think it’s past her bedtime?”

“That’s up to her father. She says she likes
staying up most of the night.”

“Pa says if I weren’t with him telling him
jokes, for certain he would fall asleep.”

“A keeper falling asleep while working the
light?” My disbelieving tone mocked her response.

“I guess I should be getting to bed. Ma needs
me up early to give Willard his bottle. Good night,” she sang and
smiled widely at Ayden, then threw me a nasty scowl. When she was
gone, I turned to Ayden.

“You came to see me after all,” he said and
brought me close, ignoring my frown.

“I didn’t expect to find you alone with
Sylvia.”

“She is really interested in the workings of
the light. She reminds me of you,” he said with undisguised
exuberance.

“I was never here with a stranger.” I
muttered. “She should have only her father teach her these
things.”

Ayden made me look up at him by placing his
finger under my chin and lifting my face to meet his, just the way
Daddy used to. “I’m not exactly a stranger. We are all like family
here. You know how it is.”

“You’re not old enough to have a voluptuous
thirteen-year-old daughter,” I said coolly.

“I could be her older brother,” he laughed.
“This is silly. Let’s talk about something else. Or better yet . .
.” Ayden began to kiss my neck, then worked his way down to the
open neckline of my nightgown before I pulled away.

Ayden shook his head out of frustration, then
coldly turned his attention back to the dark sea.

“Ayden . . .” I whispered with his back
toward me.

“What, Lillian?” His tone was sharp.

“I love you . . . love you with all my
heart,” I choked out. “I want to, I really do. It’s just . . .”

“It’s just what? I’m not good enough for you,
not handsome enough? I’m not as dashing or debonair as Richard
Parker?” he flared, spinning around and confronting me with eyes
full of anger.

“Of course not! You are just as handsome, if
not more so.”

Ayden grabbed me, pulled me against him, and
demanded an explanation as to why I wouldn’t allow him to have me,
his own wife. I began to whimper softly from his hostile
interrogation.

“We have been married for months now, and you
hide away. What do you expect from me? I have wants and needs like
any healthy man! All I do is chase time; days and nights melt into
one as I wait. Wait for storms, wait for you.”

“Does that mean you want to take a younger
girl? Is that really what you are waiting for?”

Ayden’s face twisted with anger and he locked
his fingers tightly around my arms. “I’m not interested in her. She
is a kid for God‘s sake!”

“She is a flirtatious and precocious child.
It’s obvious what she is after. She has only been here a short time
and is enticing you. I know girls like her; I see the kind of women
they grow up to be.”

“The kind you were?” he fired back.

I snatched my arms away in disbelief and
shock, infuriated at his crude remark. Ayden quickly regretted what
he’d said and came to me, this time with warm affection instead of
hostile animosity. “Can’t we stop all this foolishness? Don’t you
trust me? I trust you, after all,” he whispered breathlessly into
my hair as my head rested against his chest. “Don’t you think I get
jealous, too?”

“Jealous of what?” I sobbed.

“Of your past loves, of Heath,” he
murmured.

I ducked my head to stare up at him. Ayden’s
pain was obvious; his hurt over my former infatuation for his
brother still lingered.

“As you have told me, all of that is in the
past. I have pledged my love to you. There is no other man whom I
want or need. You believe me, don’t you Ayden?”

“I do believe you. Just understand that it’s
hard to think of you with other men, especially since you deny me.”
Oh, how painful it was to hurt Ayden; how selfish I was for denying
him his rights as my husband. I was shameful, a sorry excuse for a
wife, and I knew it.

Putting my promise to recapture my purity
aside, forgetting about the young girl who infuriated me because
she was attractive and fascinated with Ayden, I decided to give in
and please Ayden in every way, to fulfill my duties and secure that
he would never want or need any woman but me.

As he held me and brushed my tears away, I
worked my lips up from his neck to his face, whispering how sorry I
was, telling him that he was the most handsome man I had ever
known. I slid my hands under his coat and unhooked one button at a
time. Ayden stood stiff and uncomfortable; he didn’t respond the
way I wanted him to. He wasn’t receptive to the advances he had
been begging for earlier.

“I love you. I just want to make you happy,”
I whispered as I brought my hand lower, to touch him intimately for
the first time, when he snatched hold of my hand and abruptly
stopped me. “Not like this; not this way,” he said hoarsely.

I stepped back and lowered my head in shame.
Ayden was right. When the time was right, when the setting was
proper, not after an argument. Then we would come together as
husband and wife and consummate our marriage.

Intimacy, for me, had always been used after
an argument, or as a tool to get what I wanted. It had never been
for the purest form of love. It shouldn’t have been an ugly thing,
as I had been accustomed to. I realized that when Ayden looked at
me with tearful eyes. I could see that it all came together for
him. It finally made sense. His expression told me he understood
that I wasn’t holding out because I didn’t love him or want him. It
was because I needed a fight, to be provoked, and to feel
obligated. Ayden must have pitied me, just as all the other men
before him had.

I ran from him and hurried down the stairs,
risking a terrible fall, but I didn’t care. Just as I came near the
bottom, I saw a fleeting shadow, Sylvia’s shadow, exiting a moment
before me. She had been eavesdropping. She’d heard everything!

Day arrived to noises of children playing
outside and Hazel’s booming voice shouting orders from the stoop.
“Owen and Oliver, stay out of the water
now
! Get up here and
sit down for breakfast! Polly, tend to Mary, would you? Have to get
the food on the table. Don’t have time to be chasing after all you
kids.
Sylvia, Sylvia
!”

Without having had a wink of sleep, I made my
way into the kitchen and apologized for not assisting with
breakfast.

“Oh, it’s no big thing. You’re a newlywed;
you want to spend time with your man up in the tower. Used to be
the same with James and me. Not for long though. Had Sylvia nine
months to the day after we were married. Ever since, been having
more babies and giving them all my attention. Except for those
nights James won’t take no for an answer.” She spoke
matter-of-factly, not fazed in the least by divulging such personal
details of their marriage. I realized that’s where Sylvia learned
to be so exceptionally precocious for her years. She had most
likely witnessed the makings of all her brothers and sisters.

“Where in heaven’s sake is Sylvia?” she
grumbled, changing the subject with her next breath.

“She doesn’t want to get out of bed,” James,
Jr. said, and sat down with the others. He had been up before dawn
milking the cows.

“Polly, go wake your sister. That girl has no
business sleeping in. I know she’s been up all night following her
pa around. She’s a real night owl. Thinks she is going to be a
keeper one day. Ain’t no life for a girl, I tell her. She needs to
find her a good man, get married, and stay far away from the sea,
where men wash up dead ashore more times than I can count.”

My heart sank. Perhaps Sylvia’s intentions
for spending time up in the tower weren’t to flirt with Ayden like
I’d thought. Maybe she had a genuine interest, as I did at her age,
just as Ayden tried to explain. I had spoken before I knew the
facts, said things about her I now regretted. She’d overheard me
telling Ayden that she was a vixen. The poor girl, no wonder she
ran off.

I had to make amends, ask for her forgiveness
right away. She was only a child. She didn’t intend to steal my
things or my husband. Curious was all. About me, Momma, the
lighthouse. It was all just innocent curiosity! How ridiculous was
I?

“I will fetch her,” I volunteered.

“That’s kind of you. Say thank you to Mrs.
Dalton,” she ordered Polly.

“Thank you, ma’am,” she replied with a sweet
smile.

Sylvia was just rising when I came in. She
had been sleeping on the floor in one of the makeshift beds. There
was a large white sheet strung across the whole length of the room
to separate the boys from the girls, and blankets were carelessly
scattered about the floor. Clothes were thrown in makeshift piles,
and the room smelt stale. I hadn’t knocked, but entered after
easing the door open to make certain she was decent.

“Sylvia, it’s me, Mrs. Dalton,” I announced
and waited for her to invite me in. She was stringing up her
corset, struggling to get it tied. The corset was at least two
sizes too small.

“Can I help you?” I offered.

“Yes, thank you,” she said in an unusually
polite manner. I grabbed the strings and pulled them in, taking
away most of her breath.

“I have a corset that might just fit you. You
can have it if you would like,” I said with a genuine smile.

“That’s kind of you to offer. I suppose I
could use another one more my size. Ma says all she does is let out
the hem in all my dresses, and that my breasts are the largest ones
she has ever seen, even on a grown woman.”

“There, all done. Your mother is calling for
you to eat.” I said, and chose not to give my opinion, which she
seemed to be seeking.

Sylvia allowed me to help her lower her dress
over her head, then she stepped before the small tabletop mirror
and hastily brushed her long silky hair.

As she brushed, the reflection revealed that
her eyes had locked onto me and followed me to the door.

“I think you and I can be good friends, don’t
you Sylvia? I can help you with schoolwork and teach you how to
bake, if your mother hasn’t already. And your mother says you have
ambitions to be a keeper one day, like your father,” I said with
lifted spirit.

I caught sight of her smirk, which caused me
a sudden chill. Then she spun around, her expression cold and
detached. “Sounds like you and I will be close friends, Lillian.
Can I call you Lillian?” Sylvia asked in a hushed voice. “I never
had a girl kind of friend before. Most of my friends were
boyfriends. Not beaux, though they wanted to be. Teased them all
the time but never gave in, ’cause Pa won’t hear of it; says I
can’t have a beau until I’m at least fourteen. Then again, what Pa
doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” she cynically laughed to herself.