Borrowed Magic (21 page)

She hadn’t been trying. She didn’t even know
how she’d done it, but she had. Maybe she could do it again.

Her heart jumped. Maybe… No, it wasn’t
possible. Whatever magic Kern had left inside her wasn’t powerful
enough to fight against him. She had a fraction of his magic. He
had an entire lifetime of it. And she couldn’t even try using it
anywhere around Kern. He’d sensed it that first time. She was sure
of that.

Not to mention the fact that using it
obviously took its toll.

But maybe she could find a way to control
the magic inside her enough to ease her own pain until she could
find a way to stop him.

Twenty-two

Maren headed
for the stables, a place she often met Kern after his morning ride.
Whatever had happened in the market yesterday was better, but she
still needed Kern to take away the pain until she could figure out
how to use his magic – which she hadn’t had the chance to do. Adare
had refused to leave her side all morning.

She made it to the grand hall with only a
few stops to catch her breath and grabbed her cloak. As she wrapped
it around herself, however, the world started to spin. She leaned
back against the wall and waited. The dizziness was fairly new, but
it usually passed after a few seconds.

When she dared open her eyes again, the
world was still. She took a hesitant step away from the wall, and
when she didn’t fall over, headed out the main doors. The stables
were a short walk to her left, and a minute later she inhaled the
smell of hay and horses.

“You seem to be doing better.”

She spun around to see Philip leading his
horse into the stables.

“I am, thank you. I was just waiting for
Teige. But I could use some fresh air.” She tried to step around
him, but her dizziness from earlier was triggered by the movement,
and she grabbed the bars of a stall for support, cringing as her
knees hit against the wooden door.

Philip put a hand on her arm. “Are you all
right?”

Her heart hammered in her chest. They hadn’t
been this close in months. “Yes.” She couldn’t even keep her voice
steady. “I just lost my balance.”

Her attempt at a smile died as Philip’s hand
brushed against her skin and she shivered. This was bad. Really
bad. She tried to stand but only collapsed back against the door
when her knees were too shaky to support her.

“Here, let me.” His hand slipped around her
waist, and her entire body reacted, first going stiff and then
wanting nothing more than to sink deeper into his arms. Her face
burned, and she was relieved when they reached a nearby bench.

“Thank you,” she managed, unable to meet his
eyes, instead focusing on a beautiful black horse in the stall
across from her.

Philip walked over and ran his hand along
the animal’s head. “I noticed you didn’t ride him that day we went
to the lake. It was strange to see you on another horse. The two of
you used to be inseparable.”

She stared at her hands, the only safe place
to look right now. “His leg was injured when a cannonball hit the
stables. He can’t be ridden anymore.”

Philip turned back to the horse, his eyes
distant. “Do you remember the day you got him? You were fourteen
and your father thought he was too big.”

“And you convinced him I could handle a big
horse.”

Philip smiled. “You could handle
anything.”

Silence descended and his eyes bore into
hers as she shifted uncomfortably. He needed to walk away. Kern
would be back any minute. Not to mention they were much too close,
and her heart threatened to give her away. But Philip wasn’t
moving.

“Maren?” He sat down next to her, and she
folded her hands in her lap. “Yesterday, when you…” He considered
his words. “When we all thought you might die, I realized
something.”

She knew he was waiting for her to ask what,
but she couldn’t.

He shifted closer. “I realized I’m tired of
being noble and stepping aside for my friend.” He took her hand. “I
need you to know that no matter what you decide, or what happens
between you and Teige, I still love you. I always have. I always
will.”

She forced herself not look at him, to see
the sincerity in his eyes she knew she couldn’t resist.

“And I know you love me, not Teige. I saw it
in your eyes.”

“Why would I be with someone I don’t love?”
she countered.

“I don’t know, and no matter how hard I try
to figure it out, I can’t.” The words sounded as if they were
ripped from his very soul. When she didn’t respond, he took a deep
breath. “I see the way you look at Teige. Whatever you feel for
him, it’s not love, at least not the right kind of love. Not the
kind we used to have.”

He gently lifted her chin, and no matter how
hard she tried to avoid looking at him, it was impossible.

“Tell me why you’re
with
him,” he begged. “Is it
because….because what you told me that day was the truth? Is he
holding something over you?”

His soul stared into hers, and she could see
all his pain laid bare. She couldn’t lie. Neither could she tell
him the truth. At least with her mouth. Her eyes were another thing
all together, and they must have betrayed her.

Before she even realized what he was going
to do, his lips met hers. She tried to pull away, but his arms only
tightened around her, and she couldn’t think straight. Nothing
mattered except this one moment, knowing Philip loved her, knowing
he wanted her. He pulled her even closer and threaded his fingers
into her hair, breaking through any resistance she still clung
to.

For a few dangerous moments, she didn’t care
about anything else. And then she heard the horses. Fear surged
through her, and she pushed against Philip as hard as she
could.

He stared back in shock and
disbelief, but then something clicked in his eyes, and he grabbed
her hands. “You
are
afraid.”

She tried to pull away, but he was too
strong.

“Tell me what he’s doing to you.”

She shook her head and bit her lip so hard
it hurt. Even if he did believe her this time, if Kern found out,
he’d take her memories again, and she couldn’t bear that.

“I know you love me, Maren. I bet you’ve
never kissed Teige like that.”

She pulled her hands away again as she heard
someone approaching. “Please, Philip,” she begged. “Trust me. I’m
dying. Let it go.”

He went so still she wondered if he was even
breathing. “No,” he whispered. “I can’t.”

“You must.” Then she fled the other
direction.

Twenty-three

Maren sat
in her father’s study and rubbed her temples, trying to relieve the
headache that was partly from the fact she hadn’t seen Kern for
hours and partly from the strain of trying to access his
magic.

There’d been a few times when she’d felt the
magic burn inside her, and for a fraction of a second the pain was
gone. Then, just as quickly, it retreated beyond her grasp, like
the faded memory of a dream.

She thought of everything she knew about
magic, everything she’d learned during the siege, and what was in
her father’s books.

Spells.

It was the one thing she hadn’t tried. But
what spell could she use? There were spells of defense, of attack,
of healing, and too many other things to count.

She grabbed the closest of her father’s
books and randomly opened to a page. A spell of removal stared up
at her.

What could it hurt?

She began reciting the words, trying to
focus on the magic in her shoulder, but nothing happened. She tried
another spell. Again, nothing. And another. All with the same
result.

Maybe they were the wrong spells. She
thought about the three times she’d been able to use Kern’s magic
and tried to find a commonality.

Protection.

From Kern. For Daric. From the people in
town.

She flipped through the book again, stopping
when a spell titled “General Protection” stared up at her. For a
long time she just looked at it. What if it didn’t work? What if
there was no hope?

Looking at it wasn’t going to give her any
answers.

She memorized the spell and then closed her
eyes. And began.

Almost immediately, warmth spread down her
arm and her pain receded. She laughed out loud, and tried it
again.

The connection to the magic didn’t fail, and
neither did her joy at knowing she’d used Kern’s own magic to work
against him.

She picked the book back up and headed for
her favorite chair, wanting to see if there might be other
protection spells she could access, when the sight in front of her
stopped her cold. Philip leaned against the door frame, his eyes
glued to her.

“How long have you been there?”

“Long enough.” He stepped into the room and
shut the door. Then he turned the key in the lock until it
clicked.

She backed away, fear and uncertainty
warring within her. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure we’re not interrupted.”

Not good.
Not
good. He shouldn’t
be here. They shouldn’t be alone. If Kern even knew they’d talked,
he’d…

Philip stepped away from the door and moved
towards her. She stayed where she was, keeping the sofa between
them.

“You just used magic, Maren. And you are no
mage. No more avoiding me. I want answers. I’m not leaving until I
get them.” He moved to the right and she countered, circling the
opposite direction.

“Please, don’t do this,” she whispered, eyes
darting to the door, expecting Kern to walk in at any moment. “We
can’t…I can’t…you don’t know…”

“Then tell me!” he yelled.

She flinched in fear of being overheard and
once again checked the door.

“Except for the servants, we’re alone,”
Philip said more gently. “Daric took everyone out riding. We won’t
be interrupted.” He sat down and motioned for her to join him. “Why
don’t you start with how you can use magic? And why you would.
Don’t you know what it can do? What it has done?”

His last words came out harsher than she’d
heard in a long time, as if they were wrenched from him by
force.

It only made her angry. “I have no choice!”
she yelled back. “It’s the only way to save—” She stopped short,
realizing she should have kept her mouth shut as she watched his
eyes grow wide.

For a moment, silence spread between them
like a barrier. Then he sat down and put his head in his hands. “I
didn’t handle that right. Can we pretend none of that was ever
said? Can we start over?”

She hesitated. He might believe her now.
Things were different than they were before. But Kern still held
all the power. He could hurt Adare. He could control her again.

“I can’t,” she whispered, desperately hoping
for him to let it go. To leave her alone. She was already miserable
enough. “I can’t put you in danger.” She choked on the words.
“You’re life is worth too much.”

He groaned. “And what about yours? Is it
worth nothing?”

“I have no life! I’m dying!” He flinched,
but she kept going. “Daric’s life, Adare’s, everyone’s, they all
matter more. It doesn’t matter what happens to me as long as no one
else has to die.”

He stood and paced across the room, and then
he put both hands on the back of the sofa and leaned against it,
his head dropping towards his chest. He looked defeated, and as
much as it hurt to see him like that, she hoped she’d finally
gotten through, that he’d given up.

Until he raised his eyes to hers. “You told
me the truth about Teige, didn’t you? And I wouldn’t listen.”

“Philip, don’t. Please.”

“No.” He straightened, with a determined set
to his jaw that didn’t bode well. “I have to know.”

For a second they just stood there, eyes
locked, at an impasse. And then Philip leapt over the sofa before
she even realized what he was going to do and clamped a hand around
each of her arms.

“I’m not going to give up, Maren.”

“But—”

“I’m going to help you. We’re going to save
Daric. And then we’re going to save you.” He ran a hand along her
cheek. “My life doesn’t matter without you.”

Her breath caught, and she forced her eyes
away from his.

“You’re still not going to tell me, are
you?”

She shook her head, imagining herself a
captive of Kern’s magic again. She could do this by herself,
without getting Philip involved.

“Then let me tell you a few things. Maybe it
will change your mind.” He still didn’t let go of her, though. It
was like he was afraid if he did, he’d never be able to touch her
again. “A few months ago, when you first told me Teige wanted to
hurt Daric, I didn’t believe it. I knew Teige. He was my best
friend. He helped defeat Kern. I’d never seen any evidence he was
other than what he claimed.” He paused. “Until I started truly
watching the two of you together.”

Maren shivered.

“At first, I thought it was all in my
imagination, that I was taking what you said and letting my
jealousy fill in all the blanks. But the more I watched, the more I
worried. You didn’t remember things. It was almost as if you,
Maren, disappeared.” He ran a hand across his face. “I still don’t
understand it all, but I know Teige has something to do with
it.”

He was getting too close to the truth, and
she struggled to break free of his grasp, but his hands only
tightened.

“And you don’t love him. When you look at
him, it’s more like desperation I see in your eyes. Teige has some
kind of hold over you. I want to know what it is. What has you so
terrified you can’t tell anyone?”

Her entire body sagged in defeat, and she
didn’t even resist when Philip pulled her into his arms.

“It’s time to ask for help.” His hand
stroked her hair and his lips brushed against her forehead. “I
promise to trust you this time, no matter how hard it might be to
believe. I want to know everything.”