Borrowed Magic (19 page)

…dress was beautiful, but it was too big.
Maren was afraid it would fall right off her.

“Why am I wearing someone else’s clothes?”
she asked the other woman in the room. Kira, she thought her name
was. “These are too big.”

Kira hesitated. “They’re yours, they’re
just…you’ve lost a lot of weight.”

Maren didn’t understand. The last time she
remembered looking in the mirror, everything had been the same. She
walked over to her dressing table and gasped at the image reflected
back at her. How could she not have noticed? How long did it take
to lose that much weight? Why didn’t she remember?

Kira came up behind her and put a hand on
her shoulder.

“It’s all right, Maren. Everything’s going
to be fine.”

Maren could feel Kira’s sadness. Something
wasn’t right…

…couldn’t move. Everything hurt so bad. She
rolled to her side and moaned. It was deep pain, in her very
bones.

“Maren, you have to get up.”

Something in her head tightened.

“Maren, you’re going to get out of that bed.
You’re going to ignore the pain and act like everything’s
fine.”

She pulled her blanket aside and slipped her
legs over the edge of the bed. Why? She wanted to stay. She pushed
herself up but despite the pain, she didn’t make a sound. At least
on the outside…

…backed away. She couldn’t talk to Philip.
She couldn’t look at him.

“Maren, please let me help. Tell me what
you’re afraid of.”

She glanced around in desperation. She had
to find Kern. He would tell her what to do. He would take her away
from Philip. If she did what he said, he wouldn’t hurt her
anymore…

…arms around her.

Maren only felt confused. This woman, Adare,
loved her.

“I don’t know what I can do,” Adare cried.
“It’s killing me. I can’t see you like this. I…”

…fingers laced through hers. She felt…not
safe, but less panicked. Kern was there. He would tell her what to
do. He would help her with all the people she didn’t really
recognize.

“Better?”

She nodded and tightened her grip on his
hand.

“Good, but you need to do more. Philip sees
more than most. He suspects something.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

He put a hand on her cheek. “Kiss me. Now.
While he’s watching.”

Something in her wanted to refuse. Instead,
she tiled her head up to meet his lips…

…coursed through her and she collapsed.

“I told you to stay away from Philip.”

“I did,” she sobbed. “He found me. He knew
you were gone.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” She wrapped her hands around her
head and rocked back and forth. “Nothing…”

“…
will look wonderful on
you.”

Maren tried to focus on…Kira.

“Tiege will have the most beautiful woman in
the room as his companion tonight. He’s a lucky man.”

Maren shivered. She didn’t want to be with
Kern. She wanted to be alone…

“…
to anyone. Act like
nothing’s wrong. You love me. You hate Philip. You won’t go near
him. You won’t even look at…”

…run away. No. Kern would find her. He’d
hurt her. She had to do what…

“…
the truth. Tell me what
you’re afraid of. Give me something to go on. Tell me where to
start.”

She struggled to…

…reached for Kern’s hand. He would tell her
what to do…

…could help her. He could tell her what was
going on. He could make Kern stop hurting her…

…king and queen loved her…

…pain…

…had to do what he said…

…Philip could…

…fear…

…confusion…

…pain…

Twenty

Maren wrapped her hands around
her knees and stared out across the pond. The wind gently brushed
at her hair. It was the most calm she’d felt during a day that felt
more like a dream. Familiar, but every time a thread of memory
seemed within reach, it disappeared before she could catch
it.

She leaned her forehead on her arms and
moaned. Every part of her hurt in a way that made her want to
scream. But she couldn’t. He’d told her she couldn’t.

A shadow moved in front of her, and she
looked up to see Kern.

“Stand up.”

She pushed herself onto her hands and knees,
but her body refused to move any further, and she fell back to the
ground. She tried again with the same results.

“Stand up, Maren.” His voice was harsher,
angrier, and something in her head compelled her.

But it was no use. She didn’t have any
strength. He dragged her to her feet.

She cried out but his hand clamped over her
mouth, muffling the sound.

“When I tell you to do something, you do
it.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to
him.

“I tried,” she whispered. “I can’t. I—”

He grabbed her chin and tilted it up until
their eyes met. “In a few minutes, everyone else is going to be
done with their meal and they’ll join us. I want to make you a
deal. You kiss me back, right in front of Philip, like you mean it,
like you’re in love with me, and I’ll take away the pain.”

No pain. She’d do anything for that.

He glanced over her shoulder. “They’re
coming.” He waited until they could actually hear voices and then
bent down and kissed her.

The pain was gone almost immediately.
Completely gone, as if it had never been there. She felt stronger.
She—

His lips left hers and agony rushed over
her. She groaned and felt his body shake with silent laughter.

“You can do much better than that, Maren.
The deal was that you’d kiss me back. Philip’s never going to
believe you don’t love him, that everything is truly over between
the two of you, if you kiss me like that.” He brushed a strand of
hair off her face. “Should we try again?”

“Yes,” she begged. “Just take away the pain.
Make it stop.”

At first, she
made
herself kiss him
back, relishing in the absence of pain. But the longer it was gone,
the more desperate she was that it would stay away. When she felt
his body shift, she panicked, afraid he was going to stop, and she
slid her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. He immediately
slipped a hand up her back.

His lips demanded more and she didn’t
hesitate to give it. All she knew was that she felt nothing but his
mouth against hers and his arm around her. She didn’t want it to
stop. She didn’t want to go back to the hurt. She would do anything
to keep it away.

Her arms tightened around his neck, trying
to pull him closer, to—

Faint images swam through her head. Memories
of the past. Daric, Adare, Kira, her father, and Philip. She
gasped. She knew who she was, and the realization made her cling
even tighter to Kern, desperate not to forget again. Then a
different set of images came, hazy and grey, as if she were seeing
them from a distance. Confusion, pain, fear, Kern’s absolute
control over her every action. Horror like she’d never felt before
consumed her. Kern had kept her like that for weeks. He hadn’t
given her one day of freedom. Until today. Because Philip was still
too suspicious. And because what Kern had done was killing her even
faster. She could feel it in her own physical weakness and in the
tiny thread of life that wove through her consciousness. That’s why
he’d finally released the spell. He needed her alive. She was still
useful to him.

She pulled her hands back as if they’d been
burned and pushed against his chest.

His arms tightened around her and a wicked
smile tugged at his mouth. “Now that was much better, my dear. Up
until the end.”

She struggled to break free but couldn’t
move. She tried to scream, but it was cut off as he pushed his lips
against hers again, this time allowing the tendrils of magic to
weave their way into her mind.

“No,” she begged, close to hysteria. “I’ll
do anything. I’ll make Philip hate me. I’ll be cruel. But you’re
hurting him, your own son. Can’t you see that? And your revenge on
me is more than sufficient already.”

“Sacrifices have to made,” was his only
answer. “And Philip is a mage, no matter how untrained or weak. I
don’t have the same control over him I have over everyone else. And
he cares for you. He sees what others don’t. I can’t have him
getting in the way of his own destiny. Besides,” he ran a finger
along her cheek, “I’ve started to enjoy our time together.”

His voice was seductive and without even
thinking, she tried to take a step back. He only pulled her closer,
his fingers digging into her back.

“You’re beautiful and I can make you into
anything I want.” He stroked the side of her cheek. “I’m going to
need a queen, and you are the perfect choice. The people respect
you; they know you. And you won’t be around long. When you die, it
might even earn me a little sympathy.”

She couldn’t breathe. The thought of being
Kern’s wife, of having him touch her, of having him own her… “No.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I won’t. I—”

He ran a finger along the edge of her cheek.
“Yes, you will. In exchange, I’ll allow you moments where the pain
is gone and your mind is your own.” He paused. “If not, then
everything will go back to how it was.”

Her eyes closed in defeat and surrender,
hating herself. And when his lips met hers, she kissed him back,
allowing him to take away the pain and almost wishing he’d take the
memory of what she’d done along with it.

Maren heard the
soft knock on her door. “Come in.”

Kira walked in carrying an armful of
dresses. “Lord Teige wanted to know if you liked any of these.” She
dropped them in a pile on the bed and then held up one of cream
satin overlaid with intricate lace.

Maren shook her head. Cream reminded her too
much of her presentation ball.

Kira searched through the pile and pulled
out one that was dusty green. “How about this? It would bring out
your eyes.”

Maren reached for it and held it up before
facing the mirror. It did look pretty and brought a little color to
her cheeks. She turned back to Kira and paused, unsure of how to
ask what she wanted to know.

“I don’t understand why you’re here,” she
finally said.

Kira’s brows wrinkled in confusion. “What do
you mean? I’m here to help you.”

“I know, but why? Why you? We haven’t
exactly been friends.” She struggled to organize her thoughts. “And
yet you helped me when I was…unwell. I remember. Not very much, but
enough to know you were there those weeks when I wasn’t myself.
Why?”

Kira appeared to struggle for an answer.
“That night, when I helped you to your bed, when I saw your injury,
something changed for me. Suddenly you weren’t just the girl who’d
stolen Philip from me.” She shook her head. “Not that you ever had.
He was always yours. I was just too blind to realize it. Even then,
I probably wouldn’t have done what I have. But when the queen came
to me, asking if I’d be willing to help you, I said yes. It was as
much a shock to the queen as it was to me. And when I asked her why
she chose me, she said Lord Teige had suggested it. I don’t know
why me, but I haven’t regretted my decision.” She looked down at
her hands. “I’m glad I’ve been able to help.”

Of all the ladies Kern could have chosen,
he’d requested Kira. He probably thought Kira was the one she was
the most unlikely to confide in, the one she wouldn’t trust.

But there was a problem with his plan. Kira
had changed. She’d seen Maren vulnerable and realized some things
weren’t as important as she’d thought. And that small act, Kira’s
willingness to put aside the past and help, gave Maren a semblance
of hope. Kern, in all his hate and revenge, couldn’t have foreseen
that a kind of friendship might develop between her and Kira. And
no matter what else happened, no matter that her life was in chaos,
that she couldn’t help Daric or prevent Kern from destroying the
kingdom, at least she’d made a friend.

Twenty-one

Maren pulled
the hood of her cloak closer around her face and glanced back over
her shoulder before ducking down a small alley. She shouldn’t be
here. But as soon as Kern was otherwise occupied she’d come
anyway.

She could think again and had to find a way
to stop Kern. He hadn’t let the pain get too overwhelming – as long
as she stayed away from Philip, who hadn’t once tried to talk to
her since Kern released her from the darkness – but every time
Maren thought about what Kern planned, every time she looked at
Daric or Adare, every time she saw their relief that she was more
herself, her determination grew. And this was the one place she
might find what she needed.

Inching down the alley, she emerged onto
another street. It was very unlike the more populated parts of the
city. The street was narrow with rickety buildings on either side
that shut out most of the sun. It was dark. And not just literally.
The entire atmosphere pressed in on her. She wrapped her arms
around herself and continued down the street.

To her left, two old hags huddled over a
large cauldron. Every minute or so, a wisp of grey smoke spiraled
into the air. Shivering, she stepped away, only to run into a man
so tall she barely came to his chest. His eyes were the color of
coal with a mouth so thin it could have been painted on. She
mumbled an apology before hurrying in the opposite direction. What
had she been thinking?

Knowing she was watched, she walked faster,
stealing glances to either side, searching for the building she
needed. Unfortunately, she’d only been here twice. The first time
had been with her father when she was very young, before Daric was
king. The second time she’d been ten, and the other boys had dared
her to walk down the street alone. They’d all waited in the alley,
watching as she stepped out onto the cobblestones. She’d stood
there for two full seconds before the heavy atmosphere tugged at
her fears and she ran away crying. They’d teased her for weeks. All
except Philip. Her father had found out, and she’d never seen him
more angry. He made her promise she’d never come again.