Blood of the Rainbow (5 page)

Sara was just about to the point of drifting off when her cell flashed. She picked it up and read the name on the display. She looked at the clock. Jared had been gone about forty-five minutes. She smiled and unlocked her cell. “Hello,” she said, in a loud whisper, trying hard not to sound anxious.

“
Oh no! I guess I woke you - sorry.
”

“No, it’s all right. I’m only whispering, because I don’t want to disturb Lucy. Her room is just across the hall from mine, and she sleeps with the door open. I’m in bed, but I hadn’t gone to sleep yet. I’m glad you called.”

“
Well, I got your text, and I just had to hear your voice again before I went to sleep. I’m in bed too. I started missing you the instant I realized it was time to take you home. I didn’t want to….”

Sara smiled. “Me either. I’ve never felt like this before, Jared. It’s like - I don’t know - like part of me is missing. I feel like I left half my heart with you.”

“
Me too…
.”

There was a long pause of silence as Sara listened to his breathing. She thought he’d fallen asleep.
Should I say anything? Or should I just let him sleep?
“You still there?”

He answered quickly. “
Yeah… I’m still here. I was just thinking about you, and tonight. How beautiful you are, and how lucky I am to have found you
.” His voice was dreamy.

“Ok, you can stop now – you’re making me blush.”

Jared laughed. “
You’re even prettier when you blush.
”

“I’m hanging up now….”

Jared was insistent. “
No Don’t! I’ll try to keep my fantasies to myself. I can’t be on much longer anyway – big day tomorrow – lots of sick people to heal. I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed tonight, and singing with you. You have a beautiful voice Sara, and you shouldn’t be worried about stage fright. A few more sessions in the studio, and I don’t think you’ll have the problem anymore.
”

Sara chastised him. “Jar-red.”

“
I gotta go now. See you soon. Bye Angel
.”

Sara opened her mouth to reply, but the phone was dead – he was gone.

Chapter 3

The next morning, while Lucy and Sara were sitting at the table having breakfast, Sara’s cell rang. She glanced at the name and couldn’t help but smile.

Lucy grinned. “Is it him?”
Of course, it’s him. Who else would call her this early in the morning? Unless it’s….

Sara nodded and unlocked her cell. “Hello again.”

“
I hardly got any sleep last night
!”

“Oh – why is that?” Sara fought to keep the smile from her voice.

“
I couldn’t get you off my mind.
”

“I’m sorry I disrupted your sleep….”

“
Hey, I don’t mind. I was on my way to work, and I needed to hear your voice again. Do you think I’m obsessed yet?
”

I know I am!
She smiled. “Probably. It’s nice to hear your voice again too. I had a really nice time last night.”

“
Me too. Listen, the reason I’m calling. I was wondering if the weather is nice, if you’d like to go with me for a bike ride. I have this secret place I want to show you – unless you have other plans.
”

Sara glanced up, feeling a pang of guilt. “Hang on. Let me see what Lucy has planned for tonight.”

Lucy smiled as she stood to put her bowl in the dishwasher.
I might as well start looking for a toy poodle.

“Lucy, Jared wants to take me for a bike ride this evening after he gets off work. Did you have anything
special
planned?”

Lucy laughed. “Go on, have a good time but be careful. If anything happened to you I would never forgive myself, and your mother would murder me.” Lucy grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder.

“I could stay with you….”

Lucy kissed the top of Sara’s head. “What, and have to watch you mope around the house all evening – not a chance. I gotta run. I’ll see you tonight –
sometime
.” Lucy left.

“Are you still there?”

Jared laughed.
She asks that a lot. Like I’m going to leave her!
“
Of course I’m still here. I love listening to your voice – even when you’re not talking to me. It reminds me of a sunny day. Go ahead and smile, because I know you’re blushing.
”

Sara could hear the smile in his voice. “Ok, well, anyway, she doesn’t have anything planned. Are you sure you want to see me again
this
soon?”

“
I do Sara! I’ll pick you up around four. Wear something… durable. Something that you don’t care for getting dirty. It might be a little muddy where we’re going.”
His conversation became rushed.
“Oh, and, if you like taking pictures, you might want to bring your digital camera, or phone or something.
Listen, Love, I gotta run - angry patients waiting for me. See you this evening, bye.
”

“Bye,” Sara said, but like last night, Jared had already ended the call. Sara sat for a while, concentrating on his last few words.
Did he just call me… Love?
Wow!
That was it. Sara was so keyed up for the rest of the day she couldn’t sit still.

Sara re-arranged her room, and then did some general housework. Lucy wasn’t the best housekeeper in the world. Sara tried to find some music to listen to while she worked, but Lucy’s CDs were so mixed up, it had taken her a long time before she found something. Classical was mixed in with Hip Hop. Sara re-organized them.

Later on in the day, Sara decided to watch a film. Lucy’s DVDs were in worse shape. She re-organized those, and when she’d finished,
what the hell
? she thought. She categorized Lucy’s book collection according to the Dewey Decimal system. Lucy would probably throw a fit, but Sara didn’t care – she needed something to do.

Lucy likely wouldn’t thank her, but Sara rearranged Lucy’s desk, so Lucy could work more efficiently. Sara figured Lucy would probably form a lynching party for her later, but Sara couldn’t help it, she was too hyper.

------------

Time seemed to be crawling. Sara tried everything to keep her mind off him, but Jared’s penetrating eyes kept sneaking back into her mind. Every song she listened to reminded her of him, even the ones that
didn’t
make sense.
What has this man done to me?
They’d only met yesterday, and already Sara felt lost without him. She’d never been this obsessed with
anyone
before. How could he have such a hold on her?

Further in the day, doubt seeped in. Sara started to wonder if this was for real – if
Jared
were for real. Old feelings and fears got the best of her. Suddenly, she was afraid she’d read too much into one date. But, did last night actually count as a date?

Sara had been alone with Jared for a while, on two occasions, and they
did
kiss, twice – no wait – three times. Did that make it a date? This evening would certainly qualify as their ‘
official’
first date. Was Sara getting ahead of herself? Did Jared feel as strongly about Sara as she did about him? She’d been wrong before. Maybe she was being impulsive. Maybe she’d
assumed
Jared felt the same. Sara desperately wanted to call him, or send him a text – anything to create a connection with him.
What if my feelings aren’t genuine?

------------

Sara sat down to Lucy’s upright piano, and just started playing whatever felt right. Suddenly, the melody started to take shape. Sara played through it a couple more times, and decided she liked it. She grabbed her laptop, and made a quick recording of the piano part, using her composing program. She also made a quick harmony recording of herself, singing backup.

She played her guitar, recorded it with the other two tracks, and then made a recording of her voice, mixing the tracks together. She used different effects to tweak the sound, and then made a quick recording on her USB key. She put it around her neck, intent on sharing it with Jared later,
if
she got the chance, and
if
he showed up.

That was a terrible idea - thinking about Jared. All her doubts and fears came flooding back, and her semi-happy mood turned dark. Sara didn’t have the heart to work anymore. She needed an escape - a way to express what she was feeling inside. The emptiness was eating away at her like cancer, slowly eroding her confidence. Only one song could express her feelings. One artist that would allow her to
feel
her pain.

Sara had already worked out the chords and chord changes for this special song, ‘
My Immortal
’ by ‘Evanescence’. She grabbed her laptop and guitar and went into the back yard. Leaning her back against the big tree, she started her accompaniment program, and began working through her feelings, using her music. Music was her way of dealing with her doubts and fears. A way of expressing what she was too scared to act upon.

------------

Sara closed her eyes, and started strumming her guitar. Soon she was in a world of her own. As always, she got so wrapped up in her music, she lost track of time, and didn’t hear Jared when he rang the doorbell. When Sara didn’t answer, Jared walked around and came through the side gate.

Sara’s eyes were shut; still lost to the real world. Suddenly she became aware of another presence, a new vibration in the air around her. One of those urges you can’t ignore. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked up.

Jared was standing there, perfectly still, not making a sound. His face was twisted with an odd expression, almost like pain.

That look must mean he has something unpleasant to do. Something he’s not looking forward to. He’s changed his mind about me! He’s come to tell me he doesn’t want to see me anymore!
Sara’s heart jumped in her throat.
Here it comes. He’s come to end it. To let me off easy.
She felt as if something was cutting off her air.

Sara tried to control her breathing, so she wouldn’t hyperventilate. She waited for Jared to say something. Do something, make some kind of move. She was afraid to think or assume
anything
.

Jared stood there, staring at her, an empty and lost look in his eyes. He knelt down on one knee, leaned closer and brushed the loose hairs behind her ear.

Anticipation was killing Sara. His closeness was driving her to near madness. She thought her heart was going to stop beating.
What are you doing? Why are you stalling?
Oh God! Why don’t you just get it over with?
She bit her lip, and closed her eyes to hold back her tears. She was dying inside, but she was determined to be brave. Maybe this was what Jared wanted. Maybe he
didn’t
want her.
“Just say what you have to say.” Sara waited.

Jared didn’t say anything. His lips touched her forehead and lingered against her skin for several seconds. He pulled back and looked at her again. Tears were starting to gloss Sara’s eyes. She couldn’t fight them. “What’s wrong Sara? Why are you so sad?” he softly asked.

Sara’s voice broke. “Because I’m not sure I’m ready to hear what you’re going to tell me.”

Jared furrowed his brow in confusion. “What did you
think
I was going to say?”

Sara swallowed the lump in her throat. “That… that you… don’t want… that you’ve had time to think and…”
This isn’t getting me anywhere.
She couldn’t hold the tears back, or keep the quaver from her voice. “That you don’t want to see me anymore!” she blurted out.

Jared smiled into her eyes. “I was going to say, your song was beautiful, but I hope it isn’t about me. If it is, then I haven’t made my feelings clear. Sara… I can’t bear to leave you.”

Sara didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to do, or how to feel. She stared into his eyes, hoping some moment of inspiration would come out of the blue, and eliminate her doubts. How was she
supposed
to behave? How was she
supposed
to feel? Should she thrust herself into his arms, and kiss him? Where was her silent muse when she needed her?

There was a long pause, while Jared patiently waited for Sara to find her voice. When she did, it was a loud whisper. She kept her head lowered, and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “I’m scared Jared….”

Putting his index finger under her chin, Jared slowly lifted it until their eyes met again. It wasn’t easy for Sara to hide her feelings from Jared. It was as if he was already a part of her. His penetrating gaze saw right through to her heart.

He was surprised and hurt. “Scared? Of what - me? Of what I just said?”

Sara sighed and sniffed. “I’m a little confused, and overwhelmed. I don’t think I’m in control of my feelings anymore. I’m starting to think I’m part of some elaborate plan that’s been weaving my life, and pushing me in this direction – pushing me closer… to you. I’m not sure I know how to take this.” She sighed. Sara desperately wanted to look away. She needed to focus. She needed to find clarity.

Jared wouldn’t
let
her look away. He kept staring into her eyes, waiting, giving her his undivided attention. Reluctantly, Sara continued. “I’ve lived my life, mostly on absolutions, and logic. What’s been going on between us, well… it doesn’t fall under any of those categories.”

Jared’s eyes went dark, serious, filled with sorrow. “Am I… moving too fast for you Sara? Do you want me… to back off?”

“No!” Sara almost shouted. “I don’t want you to back off, and
that’s
what scares me. I’m afraid I’ve reached a point of no return, and if this ends… if
we
end, I’m headed for one hell of a fall. If I’ve been living in a fantasy world… I’m afraid it won’t end like Cinderella.”

Jared smiled, and his mood changed. “It’s
not
a fantasy Sara – it’s real. I spent the last two hours, cleaning my office. My desk is spotless. My office is spotless, and my secretary has nothing to do. She thinks I’ve gone mad. It isn’t
normal
for me to clean my desk
or
my office, but I had to find something to do. Then, about half an hour ago, I started feeling so lost and empty. If I’d given in to that feeling, I would have started crying. I could think of only one thing, that would make me feel that way, and it was you. I
had
to know you were all right.”