Blood of the Rainbow (38 page)

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The bright Arizona sun woke Sara the next morning. She started to lift her head off the pillow. It felt like a herd of stampeding buffalo were running from one side to the other, bouncing off her skull. Sara wondered why she felt so miserable and empty, and then she remembered last night. What a living nightmare, nothing had gone right. Trying to drown her troubles didn’t solve anything. This morning proved that. Last night must have been the biggest fight she and Jared had since they’d met.

Sara thought back. God she’d said some nasty things to Jared, but then he said some to her.
What could I have?
Then as tears quickly filled her eyes, Sara remembered. She shuttered and squeezed her eyes shut as tears streamed down her cheeks. The argument resounded in her throbbing head.

‘You’re getting this all wrong Sara!’

‘Am I? I don’t think I am Jared! I’ve had just about all of your on-off-on love – if it can be called love – than I can handle. I’m tired of being set on fire and having to watch you walk away from me. At Wisteria Hall, you promised it wouldn’t be this way. I don’t need that shit Jared! You’ve obviously made love with Eve, but you won’t with me. Do I need to start wearing mini-skirts and showing my ass to create enough lust in you to make you do something? To take me seriously?’

‘No – I don’t want you to be like – I am taking you seriously. I love you Sara. I’ve promised to marry you, to spend my life with you.’

‘Like you did her Jared? Like your whore? I’ve had enough Jared. Take your secrets, your stupid stories and legends about perfect matches and shove them up your Navajo ass! I don’t love you anymore Jared. What you call love is just childish frustration. I’m asking Myra to take me to the airport tomorrow. I’m going home!’

‘Are you going back to Lucy’s?’

‘No Jared. I’m going home – home to Crooked Creek with my tail between my legs, because I’m not your perfect match, and I’m obviously not good enough!’

‘You know what Sara – fine – I think you’re right. I think you should go home. I think this whole thing was my stupid mistake. I’m sorry I crossed the road Sara! I’m sorry I bothered to love you. You obviously don’t want my love, and it’s probably better for you in the long run. But, you don’t need to ask Myra. Pack your things tonight. I’ll take you to the airport after breakfast. Call your mother. Tell her to pick you up at Shreveport.’

Sara ran her hands through her hair. “Oh my God why on Earth did I say that? How could I get mad enough to call off our engagement? Did I honestly tell him, I didn’t love him anymore? That I was going home, not to Shreveport, but to Crooked Creek? Why in the hell would I do that? I’d rather run the gauntlet than go home to Mother! Get drunk again stupid! It won’t matter. You’ve already destroyed your future.” Tears streamed down Sara’s face again.

She wanted to pull away. Boy did she do it last night. She not only pulled
away,
but she’d pushed Jared away so hard he’d stormed out of her room. No, wait, she’d thrown him out of
her
bedroom. Sara’s body racked with silent tears. She stood in front of the mirror, trying to brush her teeth, trying to stop crying, trying to convince herself that this was what she wanted - what Jared wanted. She felt awful, not just because of her pounding head and churning stomach, but for what she’d said and done to Jared. She’d been thoroughly vitriolic, and Jared had been searing. It was over between them now. It had to be! He would never forgive her. Why should he?

She looked in the mirror, talking to herself. “Well, you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”
Didn’t
she? This was what she wanted, w
asn’t
it? She’d tried to pull away slowly, but that hurt way too much. Sara guessed something must have snapped last night – in her
and
Jared. Maybe it was better this way. It hurt like hell, but it was over and done now; no more hiding her tears, no more pretending. If, she could just hold out until he took her to the airport. Until she was on the plane. Until she could get back to Shreveport, Sara could move back in with Lucy, while she decided what she wanted to do.

Sara narrowed her eyes at her reflection, contorting her face in masochistic anger. “No you idiot! This is not what you want! You want him! You want Jared!”

Then do something about it now before it’s too late!

“What?” Sara whirled, scanning the room. “Who said that?”

Don’t be so naive Sara! Who do you think you’re kidding? Get off your sanctimonious ass and apologize to the man or regret it for the rest of your life!

Sara scanned the room again, scratching her head. She sighed, remembering the voice she’d heard when she left Shreveport, running from Jared. It was the same voice she’d just heard. Her subconscious mind. “You’re right! You’re absolutely right. I’ll do it!”

Convinced, Sara got dressed and did her hair. She took a deep breath and walked toward Jared’s bedroom. The door was closed. She knocked - no answer. “Jared, are you in there?” No answer. Slowly she turned the doorknob. “Jared, I need to talk to you.” She pushed the door back. His bed was made – it hadn’t been slept in. It didn’t look like he’d even been in his bedroom.

Sara listened for the shower – nothing. Her newfound courage dissolved. “It’s already too late,” she cried as she sank on the foot of his bed, hugging his pillow in her arms. Silently, she willed Jared to be downstairs, but her gut said he wouldn’t be.
Oh God! Is he truly gone? What if he’d had enough?
Had he changed his mind and decided to go back to Shreveport without her? Something grabbed Sara, squeezing her chest. She started to cry again. She couldn’t do this. This wasn’t what she wanted. “Maybe Eve had made a mistake by leaving Jared.”

But now you’ve made the same mistake….

“No!” Sara wiped her eyes, composed herself and went downstairs.

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Tom was sitting in front of the large screen TV, watching a news program. He glanced at Sara as she passed through to the kitchen. Myra was sitting at the table, working on her essay for a late evening.

“Where’s Jared?” Myra raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “Your Mom? Myra silently pointed toward the back yard with her pencil, engrossed in her studies. Sara stepped out of the air-conditioned house and felt the full force of the Arizona sun. It was hot – boy was it hot – and dry. It was so dry you could be near heat stroke and never know it. She walked to the back of the yard where Nadine was stooped over her prized roses, busily snipping the spent blossoms and the occasional brown leaf with her pruning shears. She stood as Sara approached her.

“Hi, Sweetie, are you feeling better?”

“Not really… where’s Jared? It didn’t look as if he’d slept in his bed.”

“He didn’t Honey. He slept on the sofa in the lounge. He was still on it when I came down to make coffee.”

“Was he still upset?”

“I’m not sure Sara. Jared bottles things up a lot. It’s hard to read him. He’s my son, but that doesn’t mean I always understand everything he says and does.”

Sara laughed nervously. “It wasn’t hard to tell last night. He was furious with me. He’ll never forgive me.”

Nadine chuckled. “I doubt that, but I do think he was still upset.”

“Do you know where he went?”

She continued to tend her roses. “Riding, I think….”

“How long has he been gone?”

“All morning. He didn’t eat breakfast. I think he might be gone a while. He had packed some food and water in his backpack before he left. When I asked him how long he would be gone, he said, he’d come back when he felt like it.
If
he felt like it.”

Sara sighed. “Nada, it seems the closer we get the more we argue with each other. I’m not sure I’m what he needs.” She sighed again and pinched off a spent blossom.

Nadine causally turned back to her pruning. “What makes you think that?”

Sara was despondent. “I love Jared, and even though he says he loves me, I’m not sure if he feels as
strongly
as I do. I think I might be trying to
make
him love me, and he just doesn’t.”

“Ouch!” Nadine laughed. “You know, I love these roses. I prune them. I feed them. I water them and they bloom for me. Still, they have sharp teeth that snag me now and then,” she said, showing Sara the droplet of blood on her thumb. “Just because they bite once, doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate what I do for them.”

“Why not just pull off the thorns?”

Nadine turned to Sara. “Because… the thorns protect the tender stems from nasty bugs that would suck the life out of them. They don’t
want
to hurt me, they’re just protecting themselves, and I know that. I’ve seen some people rip these beautiful things to shreds because they pricked their finger on its thorn. It’s the same with love Sara. Anything, that’s worth anything, comes with trial and pain. The more the worth, the bigger the trial, the stronger the pain. Sara, I think you’re
exactly
what Jared needs. He knows that too, but he’s afraid of losing it.”

“Why, Nada?” Sara begged. “If you know why – please tell me?”

Nadine softly laughed again and moved to her next rosebush. “I can only offer you advice Sara. I can’t give you the solution. If you want answers to those questions, you’ll have to ask Jared.”

Sara was getting exasperated. Silent tears filled her eyes. “But he won’t tell me, Nada. I’ve tried! After last night, he’ll probably never speak to me again! Nobody will tell me, and it’s driving me insane!”

“Jared
will
tell you Sara. He’s like the wolf spirit in him - you just have to corner him. He’s afraid, and as long as he can run, he’ll run. Get him in a situation where he can’t run anymore and he’ll tell you, trust me.”

“How do I do that?”

“He’s out there now. Go to him. Talk to him. Ask him. He’ll either tell you or leave you out there by yourself. I don’t think he would
ever
do anything to put you in harm’s way.”

“But, Nada I don’t even know which way he went. Where he is?” Sara wasn’t being entirely truthful. She had an idea, and she didn’t like it.
Oh God, please, don’t let him be where I think he is. I’m as good as dead!

Nadine looked at Sara and smiled. “Yes you do. Listen to your inner self. It’s where you’re both still connected. You always have been. Jared will never be able to run from that. Listen to your heart, and I’ll bet it will lead you
straight
to him.”

“You really think I should go out there, and try to talk to him?”

“Yes, but do it right. Take plenty of water with you. Wear a hat to keep the sun off your head. Take a map and compass, and your cell phone, in case you need help. Jared knows this place like the back of his hand. You might need a little help. Come on,” she said, walking toward the kitchen.

Nadine opened a drawer in the kitchen cabinet and pulled out a battered looking leather bag. The type used for making moccasins. Fringe hung from the bottom, and burned in the surface, was a wolf baying at the moon - a white wolf.

Sara rubbed her fingers over the wolf. “Who’s was this Nada?”

Nadine smiled and studied Sara’s eyes. “It was Jared’s. His grandmother made it for him when his grandfather helped Jared find his Spirit Guide,” she said, glancing at the wolf on the front, then back at Sara.

Nadine took some cereal bars from the cabinet and put them in a backpack. She also stuffed some pieces of beef jerky and a packet of trail mix in there too. Then she filled a large canteen with cold water from the refrigerator and handed it to Sara. “Now you’re prepared,” she grinned, pulling a chair out. “Sit here and wait while I go talk to Myra. She’ll take you out to the barn.”

Sara sat there for a few minutes, fidgeting. If she were going to do this, she wanted to get started. She got up and walked toward the living room until she heard Myra and Nadine having a heated discussion on the stairs.

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“I know Myra, but it’s not Sara’s fault, and it’s not for us to decide! The future is a spider’s web Myra. With every broken thread, the whole design of the web changes and we can’t control that!”

“No, I know it’s not Sara’s fault, and I know we can’t control the future. This is my stupid, pig-headed brother’s fault. Why doesn’t he just tell her what he knows?”

“It’s not for us to say. Today the sky may be clear. Tomorrow, it might be covered with clouds. Based on day-to-day actions, the future changes Myra.”

“If you ask me, Jared already screwed up. He changed the future, and now nothing will turn out the way it was supposed to. He has to fix it, Mother!”

“Myra, settle! Your brother and Sara are capable of deciding their own futures without our interference. Whatever future they have is based on the decisions
they
make. We can’t steer them in the right direction for our own personal gain, and you know that. Now leave it. I don’t want to see them break up, but we have to let them work through it. Your brother is not stupid, Myra. He loves Sara, more than I’ve ever seen him love anyone – even me. I’m sure he’ll do the right thing in the end. We just have to be patient and let this thing play out.”

“But that’s just it! It already has. The future has been altered already because my brother is a coward. He won’t admit his mistakes! He runs from them!”

“Yes, he runs, but your brother is
not
a coward Myra. He knows what could happen, and he can’t come to grips with losing her – even under those circumstances. We just have to trust his judgment. If it’s meant to be – it will be, no matter what path is taken, the future is waiting at the end. It may not be the one we want, but that’s something we can’t control. One wrong word – one wrong move, that’s all it takes. Now I want you to take her out there. Don’t ask her any questions, and don’t offer her any advice unless she asks for it. If she decides to go after him, let her. Don’t say something you know you’ll regret – understood.”

“Yes, mother!” Myra stormed down the stairs.

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