Billow (41 page)

Pain ripped through every part of my body and I staggered at the force of it.

"You already know where I am. I am everywhere. In every one of my children."

Struggling to stay upright, I pressed my back against the wall.

The denseness grew, coating and smothering me.

Breathe
.

Hand clenched my dagger.

"I'll find you."

Somewhere out there was a physical form. The mortal body he'd taken and the main source of all this horror and death.

"You'll find me when I want you to," it said coldly. "I know everything about you,
sondaleur
. I've watched you. Your entire life. I see you always. I know who you are."

"Then you know I'm the one who'll end you."

"Exactly." It sounded proud. "You're a killer. You delight in it. Revel in it. How many of my children have you taken so far? And at just seventeen."

My stomach turned. The night Ryder died. The Aquidae in the playground. In the Trident. Gilroy at the Silk bar.

The manic urge to make them bleed.

It knew. "Tell me you didn't feel the thrill as you cut them. Ripped into them. Tell me you didn't feel a deep satisfaction as you tore apart Arthur and little Gina."

"No." My voice shook.

"We are two sides of the same coin. Love turns to hate. Passion into obsession. Joy into pain.
"

I closed my eyes.

The energy thickened, the abomination increasing. Swallowing.

I held tight to his words.

You're so much more than this.

Eyes snapped open.

"We're not the same." My voice was steadier this time. "I'm free to choose my life."

"But you are not free. You never were," it taunted. "Do you think anything has been coincidence? You have always been a pawn. For your mother. Your grandmother. The elementals. A pawn for me."

Fear surged. "You don't control me."

"I knew you'd come tonight. I arranged that special demonstration for you to see how my children are born."

"You expect me to believe you sacrificed your men to show me something?"

"They can be replaced. There will always be more."

The cold, objective tone made me believe it.

"So why don't you kill me? Turn me now?"

Steeling myself, I straightened and shoved aside that choking oppression.

"Show yourself," I demanded.

"No. I'm not done yet. Not done seeing you in pain."

This was the evil that tortured. The soullessness that toyed with lives.

"Jourdain created you with ridiculous ideas and illusions." Venom snaked through every word. "Mortals are all slaves to the suffering you bring on yourselves."

Blood inched forward.

"It's more interesting to have you watch your aunt's life slowly seep away. Watch as your uncle suffers and your grandmother dies along with her. Your mother and friend died too quickly for me."

I wanted to shut it out. Claw that perversion off my skin, tear it out of my mind.

"I won't stop until I take everything from you,
sondaleur
," it continued relentlessly. "Until everyone and everything you care about is gone."

Pure malice sank into me like toxic fumes.

"Until I break you. And you realize I'm the only one that can both give and take away your pain."

The blood shifted and oozed. A gaping hole opened in the middle and waves of absence flowed off it.

Energy rebounded. Each time it exponentially swelled, suffocating my skin, my lungs.

Agonizing pain erupted, drowning me in complete emptiness.

I couldn't think. Couldn't feel. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't be…

"Kendra!" Tristan stood in the doorway, concern tightening his face. "We have to go."

Breath came in a hard rush. Awareness returned.

Metal screeched with strain as pressure continued to build. The ground shook slightly.

Blinking, I turned to Callan's body. The blood lay still.

He tugged my arm impatiently. "Come on."

I lurched back and we shot up the stairs. Mind struggled to catch up.

"The other prisoners —"

"Julian got them out."

"Why didn't you go with them?"

He opened the iron door to the main level. "I came back for you."

Before I could respond, an explosion rocked the floor. Losing my balance, I tipped forward and fell against him.

Hard arms gripped me tight. His hand slipped into mine. Warm palms, calloused fingers helped me forward.

Past the piles of dead Aquidae and scattered body parts. Over the red and black slicked floor. Out the main entrance into the cool, night air.

We met up with everyone near the tree line. Injured gardinels and chevaliers did their best to take care of one another until a Healer could get to them.

The children were safe, gathered under a tree a few yards away. Some cried silently. Others looked pale and shell-shocked.

Julian and two chevaliers herded the remaining human and elemental victims away from the factory.

I recognized a few of them from reports filed with the police.

Lydia, the blonde middle-aged nurse from the hospital. The university student who now had fading, yellowed bruises on his face.

A thin, unshaven man in tattered clothes. Tom.

Adrian was with a pretty young brunette I didn't know. He held her in his arms, eyes closed and profound relief on his face. I wondered if she was the reason behind his recent mood.

Familiar green eyes caught mine and my brain struggled to place him. The bartender from Club Axis. A Rogue demillir, Bastien. Cuts and bruises marked his face and he looked like he'd been roughed up. But he was alive.

My eyes continued to scan the others and relief faded.

There must be a mistake.

I did another thorough, careful sweep. Desperation and fear grew.

I shoved past the groups of injured and disoriented victims until I found him.

"Where's Aubrey and Ian?"

"They were here when we came out." Julian frowned. Blue eyes darted through the throngs of people. "I saw them earlier."

But they weren't here anymore.

With a horrible sinking feeling, I knew where they were. What he'd done.

I ran.

Strong arms lifted me.

"It's going to explode!" Tristan pinned me to his chest.

"No! Aubrey and Ian are still in there! Let me go!"

He swore. "Kendra —"

Eyes stayed on the factory entrance. The back of the building was already ablaze, orange flames licking up to the sky.

Please, please, please.

The door opened and two familiar figures came out.

A thundering boom reverberated.

They started running.

The sound amplified as if the earth splintered open.

"Hurry!"

"Get down!"

He shoved me to the ground.

Screams ripped through the night and the world exploded in blinding shards of white and yellow.

THIRTY-THREE

The clock ticked.

We used numbers and rigid systems to fit time into containers we could understand.

But like Nexa said, it was immeasurable. A fluid river no logical structure could hold.

A moment could have the power of years. And years could pass in a moment.

The only thing that forever remained true about time was it never stopped moving forward.

Even when it seemed as if every second was an hour. Even when it seemed as if it stood still.

It slowed when Daniel explained they fixed the burns on her back, but Aubrey's arm injury was too severe for Healers to mend.

It slowed further when he described the amputation process that would remove her right forearm.

And it almost ground to a halt through her surgery.

But time didn't stop.

People came and went. Tristan. Julian. Cam. Alex. Chloe.

They said things to me I didn't hear.

Cam, Chloe, and Alex went in first. Then her guardians, Lydia and Henry Rossay. They didn't stay long. And then Ian.

My eyes remained on that clock as it ticked forward, each second relentlessly taking me into a changed future.

The door opened and Ian came out. Dark hair hung limply around his pale face. Nix healing magic left no physical scars on his body.

But the pain carved into every line of his face was an injury I knew was permanent.

He entered the waiting area and slumped in the chair next to mine.

We sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

"I needed to see him," he finally said. "I had to make sure."

He'd gone back to see his father's body. The father I'd killed. What was there to say?

"I just…" he choked out. "After all this time, I needed to see if…"

"If some part of him was still left."

And to say goodbye.

Fingers clenched in his lap. "She came with me. Wouldn't let me go through it alone."

"I know."

He leaned forward. "Does it ever go away?"

For a moment, I considered lying to him. Telling him that yes, eventually the pain and guilt would disappear.

But I knew I couldn't.

"No," I murmured. "But you learn to live with it. Accept it."

It was time.

I got up and entered her room.

The flimsy hospital gown made her look more slender than usual. Bandages covered the remains of her arm. Daniel said she'd soon be fitted with a prosthetic.

All I could see was what should've been there, but wasn't anymore.

The hand that touched my arm. The palm that slid into Ian's.

I took a deep breath and walked over to her side.

"Aubrey."

Emerald eyes lit up and she gave a small smile. "It's like Freaky Friday. Cam and Chloe are acting like they're still together. My aunt and uncle bring me chocolate. And now, we're in the wrong place. I'm usually standing there and you're lying here."

She was cracking a joke.

I almost lost her.

"Kendra."

Body trembled.

"I'm still here." Her tone was gentle.

Just like with Chloe, I couldn't get the words out. Couldn't say the right things to make this better.

"Why?" I finally croaked.

Why did she put herself at such risk? Why didn't she stay outside?

"I couldn't let him go alone. If I had to do it all over again, I'd do the exact same thing. What would you have done if Prince Belicoux went back in?"

"What?"

Those clever eyes turned sharp. "We don't need Virtues to see."

Weariness washed over me and I sat on the edge of her bed.

You can't keep punishing yourself because people care.

It wasn't only about my choice. It was about all our choices.

They pushed and shifted against each other, like the way air constantly vibrated and moved with energy. Changing and affecting those around us in continuous waves.

Whether it was Ryder, my mother, or Aubrey.

"I would've done the same thing," I admitted. "But understanding why you did it doesn't make it easier to see you hurt."

"I know," she said. "It's how I feel every time you're lying here."

I gave a stiff nod. "I'll try not to do that so much."

"Glad to hear it." Her expression turned thoughtful. "You think I'll be able to hack my new prosthetic? I can be like Bionic Woman."

A reluctant smile tugged at my lips. "You're already thinking of tech specs?"

"Maybe Ian can help outfit it so it's like a badass machine gun."

My smile faded a little. She was still in danger. All of us were.

There would be more moments like this. Moments where Aubrey, Chloe, Cam, or Alex might get hurt. Or worse.

Safety no longer existed. Not until the
sondaleur
ended this war.

"Hey." Her left hand poked me. "We won, Kendra. We saved the others and shut down the auction."

That was true. We took out a large amount of Aquidae and saved more from being turned.

But it was also true the war continued. There'd be more consequences the Shadow had promised.

And as I took in her shining eyes, I realized something else was true.

She and Ian accomplished something no elemental ever thought possible. An ondine and nix brought down an Aquidae trafficking ring.

That pride now radiated off every inch of her, even as she lay in the hospital bed.

It was clear what I had to say.

"Yeah," I said softly. "We won."

We chatted lightly for a few more minutes and I left so she could get her rest.

I had another visit to make. One I'd been avoiding for far too long.

I headed down the corridor to the last room in the hallway. The place where my mother spent six months of her life. The room I was conceived in.

The door was open. Gabe held Marcella's hand on top of the sheet. A monitor showed the steady blip of her pulse.

"You going to stand there forever?" His voice was emotionless.

Peeling myself away from the wall, I forced myself to walk forward. An IV was attached to Marcella's arm and tubes brought oxygen in through her nose.

Raven hair starkly contrasted with the white of the hospital sheets. She was thinner. More fragile. But her beautiful face was calm.

My fingers tentatively reached out, brushed a strand of that hair.

Marcella thinks of you as her younger sister.

I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted her back.

"Did you get them?" He didn't bother looking at me.

I wondered if things could ever be the same between us. "I got them."

Silence.

"Good." His eyes didn't leave Marcella.

I watched the two of them for a moment longer then turned and left.

The waiting room was empty.

"The guy sitting here. Do you know where he went?"

The middle-aged nurse behind the counter looked up from the computer. "He went back to Ms. Rossay's room."

Probably the best thing for both of them.

"Thanks."