Beyond Tantra: Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex (19 page)

Woman:
You may become very orgasmic as your partner stimulates you and helps you to release your Sexual Qi. If orgasmic energy does start to wash over you, breath deeply, touch the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth and circulate your Qi. On your exhalations, open your throat wide and make noise!

Please note that if you have not had a lot of orgasmic energy in your life recently, you may find that not much happens other than a deep relaxation.

That’s fine, as that is a crucial step towards allowing your Sexual Qi to flow. Each Yoni Massage will allow a little bit more energy to flow. Simply relax and know that it will all come exactly when it needs to and, most often, when you least expect it.

Man:
Check with your partner to see if she wants to continue or whether she has had enough for this session. She’ll know!

Both partners:
At the end of the Yoni Massage, move into the ‘Honouring’

position and feel the Sexual Qi circulating through your bodies. Visualize it being stored in both of your Tan Tiens. The man might be quite surprised at how energized he feels afterwards, even though he was the one giving the massage.

When you’ve both relaxed, you might want to lie down side-by-side and hug and cuddle a bit. A whispered ‘Thank You’ from the woman is a nice way to complete the Yoni Massage exchange as well.

Yoni Massage Quick Reference

Remember to ask for permission between each stage.

• Gather Diffused Qi (15 min)

• Honour Your Partner and Connect the Circuit (2 min)

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex

• Leg and Thigh Massage (5 min)

• Approach Yoni and Ask Permission (2 min)

• Massage Outer and Inner Lips while Receiving Feedback (10 min)

• Massage and Tease the Clitoris (10–15 min)

• Massage G-Spot and Double Stroke (10+ min)

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The Understanding

What the caterpillar calls the end,

the rest of the world calls a butterfly

—Lao Tzu

Men can learn to choose if and when to ejaculate, how to separate orgasm from ejaculation and how to direct Sexual Qi throughout their body. This learning often requires a willingness to change at a deep level. Women can help men learn these skills by providing sensitive, loving and knowledgeable support.

The Background

When a young man starts to explore sex with a young woman, he often finds that they is ‘fumbling in the dark’ with little knowledge of how to consciously use Sexual Qi. Since Sexual Qi in a young man is usually very powerful (most reach their prime at the age of nineteen), it’s not uncommon for a young man to ejaculate within minutes, or even seconds, of entering a woman. This means that the woman has not had much of a chance to warm up, so the entire experience is a bit one-sided. If men don’t learn how to pace themselves, they may find that their sexual partners are not satisfied.

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex Many ‘primitive’ cultures had an excellent solution to this unsatisfactory scenario. They simply sent the young men off, before they got married, to older women who taught them how to satisfy a woman. In fact, one African culture even made it a requirement that a boy had to be able to demonstrate that he knew how to bring a woman to orgasm before he was allowed to marry. Just imagine what our society would look like if that requirement were still in place.

Maybe those cultures weren’t so primitive after all! In stark contrast to this enlightened policy most modern ‘developed’ societies do not teach boys how to handle their Sexual Qi at all. Well, the good news is that it is never too late to learn. But what exactly is it that men can learn? Two things to start with:
Manage your ejaculations

The Taoists observed that men lose Qi through ejaculation. The fact that so many men just turn over and fall asleep after an ejaculation is certainly a pretty convincing proof of that observation! The Taoists also believed that excessive ejaculation, in the long-term, was bad for your health.

Whether excessive Qi-loss through ejaculation is good or bad for you is something that each man needs to figure out for himself through a process of experimentation and observation. Most couples would agree, however, that a man who can manage to ‘last longer’ is going to discover very soon that a woman with whom he is practising Dual Cultivation will be most delighted. Remember, we’re not talking about going from thirty seconds to two minutes; we’re talking about the ability to last for hours!

Separate your orgasms from your ejaculations
In the section of chapter three titled ‘A Western Scientific Explanation for Sacred Sex’, I mention Dr. Lilly’s work on the different pleasure-parts of the brain. The fact that the portions of the brain that are responsible for orgasm and ejaculation are not one and the same was a well-known fact to Taoists and Tantrics. The implications of this are, of course, quite an eye-opener for many men. Imagine being able to have multiple orgasms and not ejaculate! The good news is that this is not only possible but, in fact, is not all that difficult to learn.

It just needs a willingness to cast aside some old beliefs as well as some dedicated practice.

So, should a man ejaculate at all if he loses so much energy from it? This is, not surprisingly, one of the most hotly-discussed topics when it comes to the practice of Dual Cultivation. Some of the most detailed advice in the Taoist

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Jade Stalk Massage – The Background

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literature does suggest reducing ejaculation frequency during the winter and allowing it to increase in the summer when there is more energy available in our environment. There are also guidelines which state that the older a man gets, the less he should ejaculate. However, I recently read an article from a (living) Chinese Taoist adept who explained that semen retention is no longer as important as it was. His explanation was that our diet has improved so much in the last hundred years that we no longer need to be as worried about losing vital life-energy since we have access to all of the nutrition we need now. This does assume that people are eating a healthy diet, of course!

My own experience is that, if you delay your ejaculation and raise the energy level of your Sexual Qi by circulating your energy, when you do finally ejaculate, you feel much less depleted. At the end of the day, each man can experiment to discover exactly what works for him. The important thing is that it is very useful to be able to make conscious choices about when, or if, to ejaculate.

Mieke’s Story

So now it was time for the Jade Stalk Massage! We had been focusing a lot of our attention on me in our sessions, but now it was time for Stephan to be on the receiving end.

I read the instructions for the Jade Stalk Massage carefully. I tried to memo-rize it, as I did not want to sit there with the book next to me. It would take the flow out of it. The first time I tried, the massage did not flow very well, partly because it was new for me and partly because Stephan reached out to touch my nipples and my clitoris. It distracted me and I couldn’t give him my full attention, which was necessary to make a success out of this exercise to give Stephan the experience of receiving, of allowing the energy to rise, of relaxing into it and letting it rise again.

I suppose men are different, but I still wanted him to have the experience I had had in many sessions before. It did not work out very well this time, but I told myself, ‘we’re learning, and there is always another opportunity to try again!’.

So, one night I told Stephan: ‘Tonight I’m in charge. You just make yourself comfortable. Lie here; you are not allowed to do anything! It seems to me that when you are busy ‘doing’ you can’t be with yourself in full awareness’. The game was for me to give a Jade Stalk Massage and then test Stephan on his ability to refrain from ejaculating, but in a playful way. He does like a challenge once in a while so he said ‘yes’ to my idea and it turned out to be great fun.

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex The Jade Stalk Massage flowed much better this time. I reminded Stephan regularly to breath deeply, to relax his pelvis, to do his circulation, etc. I found I could work better when I wasn’t being fondled; I could pay better attention to Stephan. It took my full awareness to feel when to stimulate and when to slow down a bit. The aim of the exercise was to stimulate close to the point of no return and to delay ejaculation. I stopped worrying about following the book and tried all the things that I knew have stimulated Stephan in the past. I needed to watch his reactions very carefully. One of the signs I could rely on was that his eyes would widen when the excitement got strong. After a while, I noticed that Stephan was becoming a bit stiff since he was working hard on keeping himself from touching me. I told him to move his arms and legs a bit to loosen up again.