Beyond Tantra: Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex (16 page)

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Yoni Massage – Mieke’s Story

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great help. I started feeling muscles in my thighs I did not know I had. My muscles were not used to being touched in this way either. The massage of inner lips, clitoris and G-spot were also new sensations to me. I was starting to relax more, and so I could enjoy it more. I felt as if my whole pubic area was opening up, becoming alive again, becoming an important part of my body. Because the massage was slow, I was able to be with the feelings, and take them inside; I was not rushing ahead, because I did not really know what to expect. It was all so new and exciting!

Yoni Massage Exercise

Goals

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One to two hours

What you’ll need

Your Sacred Sex Space together with your oil and your music etc. By the end of the book you’ll probably have a complete Sacred Sex box with all of your bits and pieces!

Lots of clean towels.

You may also want to buy some water-based lubricant. We really like Liquid Silk (you can order it online) but there are others that also work well. If you and your partner use condoms, make sure you always use water-based lubricant as Latex does not like oil. Using condoms is a good idea until you have both made sure you are free of STDs and, if you are not in a monogamous relationship, you should always practise safe sex.

The man needs to make sure that he has clean hands and trimmed finger-nails with no loose skin.

The woman might want to take a shower beforehand to feel clean and relaxed.

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex
Description

In the Yoni Massage the woman is the Receiver and the man is the Giver.

Yoni is the Sanskrit term for the female sexual organs. I like the word ‘Yoni’ as it has such a nice, soft feel to it – just like a Yoni.

This exercise has a long, detailed description and is divided into seven stages.

I suggest you read all the way through it first before actually starting. At the end of the description is a quick reference that summarizes the entire massage.

STAGE 1: GATHERING THE QI

The Taoists observed that a woman’s Sexual Qi is diffused through her whole body. This means that to get a woman’s Sexual Qi flowing you need to ‘gather’

the energy in her body from her extremities towards her centre.

Both partners:
Start your session with the Greeting Ritual. If you want you can extend the ritual with a short meditation. To do this, you sit facing each other, close your eyes, and still your minds. The idea is to stop thinking for a minute and simply be present. One excellent way to do this is to focus on your breathing. If you can slow your breathing down and deepen your breaths so that they come from your belly, that is even better. As you sit you’ll notice that you become calmer and more present. After a few minutes (two or three is fine to start with) one partner or the other lightly squeezes the other’s hand. If you’re unsure as to who should do the squeezing you can agree ahead of time.

Woman:
Lie down on your stomach and make yourself comfortable. Put a cushion under your head if you prefer. Relax. Breath slowly and deeply from your belly. Let your attention flow out of your head and into your body.

Man:
Take fifteen minutes or so and give your partner a ‘Gathering the Qi’

warm-up massage. One way of doing this is to imagine that your partner has a very fine layer of gold dust covering her entire body. Your job is to gather every bit of the dust into a little heap that sits on the triangle at the base of her spine.

Work slowly and methodically. Some of the dust may be a bit ‘stuck’ so you may have to release it gently with a bit of massage as you move along. First, do this on the back of your partner’s body and then gently turn her over and collect the gold dust on the front of her body into a little pile on top of her Yoni.

Woman:
During the Gathering the Qi exercise you may feel that your body begins to sensitize and even tingle a bit. Breathe into any part of your body that starts to awaken in this way. ‘Breathe into’ means that you take a deep breath and when you exhale you direct your attention to a specific area of your body. This helps you to relax and open.

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You can gently circulate your Qi if you feel that you are becoming at all aroused.

STAGE 2: HONOUR YOUR PARTNER AND CONNECT THE CIRCUIT

According to Taoist energy-work theory, what we think and feel is just as important, if not more so, than what we do. Sexual Qi can be a raw, blasting force or it can be a gentle, subtle and yet incredibly powerful surge. The difference between the two manifestations of Sexual Qi is totally up to you and your partner’s thoughts, attitudes and actions. Respect, honour, tenderness and gentleness are the key qualities to remember. These qualities, in our experience, need to be in place before the sexual touching starts.

Man:
Begin by ensuring your partner is comfortable. Have lots of cushions and a light blanket available so you can cover her if she gets chilled. You may also need some cushions for under your elbows. A few of them may get oily and you might want to use pillowcases on them that you can wash later on. Place some clean towels under your partner’s lower body. Move into the position as illustrated below and ensure that your partner has her head and shoulders up high enough to be able to look at you without having to bend her neck.

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Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex Start by making sure your hands are nice and warm by rubbing your palms vigorously together. Now ‘honour’ the woman by gently placing one hand on her heart (the space between her breasts) and the other gently over her Yoni. Use slow, gentle movements at all times. Look into each other’s eyes while you synchronize your breathing with your partner.

Now imagine that you have an electrical circuit that starts in the palm of your left hand, runs up your left arm, through your left shoulder, across to your right shoulder, down your right arm and to the palm of your right hand.

Complete this circuit by imagining that your right palm connects to your left palm through your partner’s body. In other words let the flow of energy move between your hands. This helps your partner’s heart connect with her Yoni. The flow direction is important as some Taoist texts indicate that you should always use your right hand to send energy and your left hand to receive it.

Hold this position for a few minutes until you both feel fully connected with each other.

Woman:
It’s perfectly OK and helpful to wiggle your hips or pelvis a bit to loosen up your spine while being held this way as this helps to relax the body.

Man:
Stop for a second and observe the situation. Your partner is in a very vulnerable position. She’s on her back, her legs are parted and you’re holding her in a very intimate way. This is a Gift. This is really quite a special offering that you are privileged to receive. Just pause for a second and let that sink in inside yourself.

Woman:
Stay present and aware of your body. If there is any tension in your body, keep breathing into it to help it to relax. Keep regular eye contact with your partner.

STAGE 3: LEG AND THIGH MASSAGE

Most women do not like to be grabbed or touched quickly on their sexual organs without prior warning. This is different from men who usually don’t mind at all if you just reach out and touch their Jade Stalk. Instead, it’s important to work in gradually towards Yoni almost as if Yoni is a gate that needs to be gently unlocked from the inside before it opens.

Man:
Move both of your hands down and start to gently massage the thighs and upper legs of your partner, keeping both hands in contact with your partner’s body at all times. Try to sense where any tension or stiffness might be and give a little bit of gentle extra attention to try and loosen up any knots. Tip: to loosen up a knot, it’s better to repeat one gentle stroke twenty times than to give a single hard squeeze. It’s important that you use movements that are relaxing and soothing at all times. Watch your partner’s face even when she has her eyes

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closed. If she winces or frowns, that’s a pretty good indication that you need to be a bit gentler. Continue massaging for five minutes or so or until you feel that her legs and thighs are loose and relaxed.

Woman:
If your partner does something that is uncomfortable, give positive, directional feedback. The massage is all about generating nice, pleasant sensations. You can help your partner do this by telling him exactly what you need.

STAGE 4: APPROACH YONI AND ASK PERMISSION

Why would a man ask for permission to touch his partner, especially if they are in a long-term, committed relationship? Well, many women have had less-than-respectful experiences of men touching their bodies. This can have taken the form of unwanted or uninvited sexual touching or touch that was too hard or rough. It also happens that a woman wants to be touched but has not been completely clear about exactly what is, and what is not, OK. The man proceeds, does the ‘wrong’ thing and both the man and the woman end up feeling unhappy and less trusting.