Beyond Repair (Broken Girl Book 1) (11 page)

“How much?”

The woman at the stall glances from the vase to me several times before referring to a small square of paper she has on the table in front of her. I can see her confusion at a young girl wanting to buy an ugly ass vase, I can even understand it, but right now it’s the only thing keeping me from running over to Callum and humping his goddamn leg. Why the hell did I kiss him?
Because he was looking at you like he was really seeing you.
That’s the whole problem. I can’t have him looking at me like that. I can’t have him thinking we can be close, because we can’t be.
Can we?
No. It wouldn’t work. Not ever.

“Five bucks,” the woman finally replies.

I pull the cash from my back pocket and hand it to her. She places the vase in my hand with a crooked smile and I leave. Kitty casts me a skeptical look when she sees the hideous glass in my hand. I force a wide smile and hand it to her.

“What the hell, Lyds?”

“I thought it would look nice in your lounge,” I lie. The only place that thing would look nice is in the trash. But hey, you never know.

“Yeah, okay,” she laughs.

I walk away from her and over to another stall selling beaded bracelets. I begin to finger them, looking through the assorted colors.

“Are you okay?”

I glance to my left and smile at Kitty. She’s such an awesome friend. I missed doing this with her. Flea markets were something we did almost monthly before I went away. We’d hitch a ride or catch the bus to one and spend the entire day looking for something special among the garbage. Some of my favorite things come from markets. I tried doing this in New York, but it just wasn’t the same without her by my side. I don’t know how I’ll cope when I eventually leave again.

We both know I’m not here for good, we just don’t ever talk about it. Just like I won’t be talking to her about what happened in my kitchen with her damn cousin. It will make things awkward, and things are only just starting to level out. She was shocked when she found out that Callum and I called a truce and are all friendly and shit. I know it makes her happy though, and that’s how I like her. She deserves to be happy. The happiest. No one deserves it more actually. Kitty has been through a lot and it’s about time things go her way. I all but begged her to get away from Park Bay years ago, but she wanted to stay. She refuses to let what happened in high school push her away from home. I wish I could be that strong. I wish I could have been that strong back then. Maybe if things had gone differently, then I wouldn’t be as messed up as I am now.

“Who me?” I reply, ignoring the tightrope of emotions I’m suddenly balancing on. “I’m peachy keen.”

I throw my arm over her shoulder and pull her close, “I love you to the moon and back, Kitty. Now let’s go buy useless crap.”

I spend more than I probably should at the market, but you just never know when you’ll need a straw hat or an ice cream maker. Joe pulls his truck into the diner carpark and cuts the engine. I don’t really want to be here, but the others suggested it, and I’m not about to be the reason why we can’t eat here. I got this. Sort of. I haven’t been in here since I saw my father, and I’m hoping to not be in that situation again. I tend to stay out of the main town as much as I can, and usually Kitty is with me on that. Never mind, maybe she fancies the pancakes.

I climb from the truck and walk around to join them near the diner doors where Callum is waiting. He left his truck here this morning so he can head straight off to his loser friend’s after we’re done here. Luckily, I’ve only had limited run-ins with those assholes. They’re just as annoying as they were when we were all kids and they were trying to get a sneaky look through Kate’s bedroom door whilst we were changing. Creeps. I can smell the grease from the diner and my stomach rumbles in response, shunning out all thoughts of a past best forgotten. Okay, maybe this isn’t too much of a bad idea. I mean, I am hungry.

Gayle beams when we stroll in and I try to suppress my cringe when I notice all the stains down her apron.
Oh Lord.
We pile into a booth at the back, Callum opposite me. I avoid his eyes and turn almost fully to face Kitty. That’s been my tactic for the entire day – avoidance. I’ve felt him looking at me but for the sake of both our sanities, I’ve ignored it. He doesn’t want to get too close to all my crazy, his clueless ass wouldn’t handle it. I can barely handle it and I’ve been dealing with this shit for over six years. 

“What can I get you kids?” Gayle asks.

We each take turns ordering, and the second my coffee hits the table I snatch it up as though it’s going to be taken away again. I let the scalding liquid burn down my throat and almost sigh in content. My conversation from the morning I woke up with Callum in my apartment comes back to me, and I have to fight a foreign giggle.

“So you like it hot, huh?”

I turn in time to see Callum forcing back his own smile. That about does it. The laugh rips from me, then in turn I hear his own bubbling to the surface. I just know that Kate and Joe are looking at us as though we’re insane, but I can’t stop it. The nerves inside me that have been frayed all day loosen with every giggle and soon I’m left feeling a whole lot lighter.

“What the hell have we just missed?” Kate asks when we’ve both calmed down.

“Nothing,” we answer in unison.

Joe shakes his head then casts an imploring look at Kitty. Oh, what’s happening here? I turn my attention to her as well and she releases a slow breath.

“Okay, so we want to tell you both something,” Her hand reached across the table to take her husband’s and the love there almost floors me. “We have some news.”

Oh no.

“Joe and I are going to have a baby. I’m pregnant.”

Jaw. Hits. Floor.

My Kitty, my best friend, is going to be mommy. Is this planned? Is this what she wants? Callum claps Joe on the back and expresses his congratulations, but Kate keeps her eyes on me. She looks worried and I hate it. Is she worried about having a baby? Or is she worried about telling me? No that just won’t do. I’m a big girl, sort of. I can’t have her worrying about me depending on her, when soon she’ll have an entirely new human being to drain all her mental strength. I’ve got to get my shit fixed for real now. I clear my throat and throw my arms around her neck, squeezing her tightly.

“You’re going to be the most amazing mama bear ever, and I’m so damn happy for you,” I whisper into her ear.

“And you’re going to be the best aunt there is.”

I smile in reply then pull away to drink more coffee. Instant fatigue washes over me, a crappy side effect of the pills that Tyde has be popping like candy. It’s a small price to pay for sanity, I suppose. Plus, now I’m going to need all the sanity I can get. I cast a glance to Kitty who’s now busy gushing about scans and crap to Joe and Callum. My eyes fall to her stomach, both amazed and completely grossed out of the idea that she has a tiny human being growing in there. I squash the urge to touch her stomach, deciding that’s probably a step in the wrong direction. I can’t see her being okay with that. Maybe when she’s got one of those beach ball bumps she’ll be more up for the idea. I move my gaze over to Joe. She hasn’t noticed because she’s still talking to Callum, but the way he’s looking at her almost has me fainting. So much love there, right there in his eyes.
No one will ever look at me that way.

Crazy and love don’t mix very well together, it’s a universal fact. I came to terms with the fact that I’m probably going to die alone a long time ago. Doesn’t mean it sucked any less though. I take another big gulp of my coffee, my mood sinking further. I’m just tired.
Sure, keep telling yourself that Lyds.

We’re in there for almost an hour, but the heaviness in my eyes and the latest arrival to the diner has me deciding to duck out early. Joe offers to drive me home, but I decline. From the look in Kitty’s eyes, I’m not sure I want to be the one to delay whatever filthy things she has planned in her mind for her husband tonight.
Hell no.
A horny woman is bad enough. A horny, pregnant woman is going to be next to impossible to argue with.
Poor Joe.
Ever since they spilled the news about the baby she’s been looking at him like he’s her favorite toy to play with.

I rush my goodbyes, make arrangements for Joe to drop off my new stuff tomorrow, and slide out of the booth. Unfortunately, life isn’t done torturing me for the day and I slam right into the last person on earth I wanna see. He grips my shoulders, forcing me level before my face can get overly comfortable with the floor.

“Careful, Lydia.”

I snap my gaze up to my father and he smiles. It’s all crap, I can see the annoyance there and the hatred burning just behind his eyes. I pull myself away from him and wrap my jacket tighter around myself, willing the infernal itch of my illness to fuck off. I mumble a quick apology and make an attempt to step around him, but he places his hand onto my folded arms. I freeze, inside and outside.
He’s touching me.

“Lydia, I’m glad I bumped into you actually.”

My brain rattles in my head, making me unable to really rationalize what he’s saying to me. I can’t hear past the screams deafening me, can’t focus on anything but his hand on me. I will myself to breathe, beg and plead with my own sanity to make a glorious appearance, but it’s too late. I’m lost in a maze of my own conflicting thoughts, nightmares and memories blurring into a haze of confusion over my conscious. Somehow I manage to pull enough sense together to mumble a barely audible response which lacks the usual sarcastic charm I use when conversing with the devil.
The enemy.

“I think we should have dinner. Why don’t you come over to the house Tuesday night?”

Hell to the fuck no.
Even in my current state of dysfunction, I can see how much of a truly awful idea that is. Why the hell is he even asking? He hasn’t wanted to be alone with me in a civil environment for a long fucking time. Hell, I’m almost sure he
never
has. Why now? Why do I even care? I have no fucking interest in whatever games he wants to play. I can’t. I can’t fall into that trap. It’d be like free falling head first into the rabbit hole. I’d make a lousy Alice, and that house is definitely no Wonderland. 

“I have to go,” I mutter, then push past him and out of the door.

I speed walk away from diner and in the direction of Roy’s. I shouldn’t be drinking on my new medication, logically I know this, but I’m about desperate for the numbing pleasure of vodka right now. I mean, I’m sure just one won’t hurt. I’ve definitely done a lot worse. Being young is all about making crappy decisions, right? Plus, it’s not like I can get any more fucked up. I’m alright pretty high up there on the Crazy Scale.