Before I Wake (12 page)

“Em, your tights are safe. I’m not planning to…go that far.
Tonight.” Nor was I entirely clear on how that possibility would be a threat to
her tights.

She rolled her eyes. “As the poster child for unplanned sex, I
wholly recommend spontaneity. As the
product
of
unplanned sex, I wholly recommend protection. Not that that’s a problem for you.
Either way, the tights stay here.”

“Wait, does that mean you’re
planning
my spontaneous sex?”

“
Someone
has to.”

“But if you plan it, how is it spontaneous?”

“You’re already overthinking it. You’re not supposed to do that
until afterward.”

“I wish someone would give me a list of the rules…” I
mumbled.

“There are no rules. Except the one that says you have to go
away so I can get some sleep.” She climbed into her bed, rolled onto one side,
then pulled the covers over her shoulder. “Tomorrow we’ll overthink the whole
thing together. In great detail.”

“No! No detail. There won’t be anything to talk about!” I
insisted. But she was already asleep. And for just a second, I envied Emma more
than anyone else in the world.

8

I MET TOD
in the lobby of the E.R., where he eyed my button-up pj top and shorts
with exaggerated disappointment. “Business first,” I said.

“What if my business is love? I could be—”

I put one hand over his mouth. “If you call yourself the love
doctor, I’m outta here.”

He pulled my hand away and held it. “I was going to say ‘Doctor
of Love,’ but I guess that’s close enough.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, let’s get this over with before I
chicken out.” The last time I was in the morgue, I
was
the body on the table.

We blinked into the viewing area downstairs and chill bumps
popped up all over my skin before we even stepped into the back rooms. The
morgue is a creepy place to be, even for a dead girl. Maybe especially for a
dead girl.

Tod studied a chart on an empty desk in the front office while
I hung back, trying not to remember waking up on a cold steel table in the next
room, half-covered by only a white sheet. “He’s scheduled to be autopsied
tomorrow. Drawer three,” Tod said. “You sure you want to do this? I could just
check for you.”

I shook my head. “How am I supposed to walk up to some horrible
Netherworld creature I’ve never faced before and say, ‘Hand over your soul,’
when I can’t even work up the nerve to look at a dead body?”

“You’ve seen dead people before, Kaylee.”

“Yeah.” Several of them, including a few who got up and walked
around after the fact. “But never here. It seems so much more final here.”

“Let’s hope that’s true for Scott.”

There was one employee on duty, so we had to wait for him to
take a bathroom break, after I vetoed Tod’s alternate plan. He wanted to scare
the crap out of the poor man by opening and closing all the refrigerated drawers
until he ran out screaming.

When we finally had the place to ourselves, Tod pulled open
drawer number three, and I closed my eyes, mentally steeling myself for the
worst. “Kaylee, look,” he said. So I looked.

It was Scott. And he was really dead. Peacefully, permanently,
truly dead.

I exhaled slowly and spent a moment staring at him in profound
relief. Scott and I had never been close, but I wouldn’t wish what he’d suffered
on my worst enemy. Except maybe Avari. And Mr. Beck.

Okay, there were a
couple
of
enemies I’d wish insanity, possession, and brain damage on, but Scott wasn’t one
of them and I was glad his suffering had ended, even if it ended in death.

But then the confusion set in. “So, if he’s really dead, what
did we see in his room at the hospital?”

“No clue.” Tod slid the drawer closed and leaned against it,
arms crossed over his chest, like he was perfectly comfortable in the morgue.
“Doppelganger? Clone? Bodysnatcher? Name your horror movie cliché.”

“You forgot the evil twin.”

“What was I thinking? Maybe I’m getting a fever. Why is there
never a naughty nurse around when you need one?”

“Naughty nurse? Damn. I brought the wrong costume.”

“A candy striper will work in a pinch. Did you really bring
it?”

“Yeah.” But I hadn’t yet convinced myself to actually put it
on. “Let’s get out of here.” I took his hand and blinked us into the empty
fourth-floor room I’d already scouted out and stashed the costume in. We were at
the end of the hall and around the corner from the nurses’ station, to minimize
our chances of getting caught.

Tod glanced around the room, his hand warm in mine as his gaze
skipped over the armchair, the narrow hospital bed, and Em’s costume hanging on
the shower rod, visible through the open bathroom door. “What’s all this?”

“This is what passes for privacy, in the social disaster that
is my afterlife. No parents, no classmates, no E.R. waiting-room patients…”

“They wouldn’t be able to see us, anyway.”

“I know, but I’m still having trouble controlling my own
corporeality, and even if I weren’t, it feels like people are watching us, even
when they can’t possibly be, and I’m not into exhibitionism, so…” I spread my
arms to take in the entire unused hospital room. “Privacy.”

Instead of glancing around the room, Tod looked straight into
my eyes. “You’re the best girlfriend ever. Seriously. If I had a trophy, I’d
give it to you.”

“For appropriating a hospital room and borrowing a Halloween
costume?”

He shook his head and pulled me close. “For being here. For
saving my afterlife and my sanity. For making me look forward to every single
day, instead of dreading eternity. And for the record, I don’t care whether
you’re wearing jeans, or the hottest, most workplace-inappropriate candy-striper
uniform to ever grace the sterile white halls of this humble public death trap.
I’m just glad you’re here.”

My stomach flip-flopped, and I let his words play over in my
head. “So, no costume?”

Tod shrugged. “Nah. Don’t get me wrong—it’s hot. But it’s hot
in an obvious kind of way. It’s not really you.”

I frowned. “Because I’m not obviously sexy?”

“Because you
are
obviously sexy.
Some girls may need costumes to make guys want them, but I couldn’t possibly
want you more than I do right now, no matter what you were wearing. Or not
wearing.”

I stared up at him. “How is it possible that every time you
open your mouth, I—”
fall more in love with you
“—melt a little more? Seriously. There’s nothing in here but mush.” I waved one
hand over my own torso.

“You don’t feel very mushy to me.” His hands slid over my waist
and up my sides slowly, his fingers whispering against the material of my shirt.
“In fact, you feel really good.”

“You, too.” I tried to say more, then realized I couldn’t speak
because I didn’t have enough air in my lungs. Because I’d stopped breathing. I
inhaled, and suddenly I sounded breathless. Which was exactly how I felt. “How
long until you have to go…reap?” I whispered as my arms slid around his neck.
Like we were dancing. Only we weren’t moving, and there was no music.

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

“Won’t you get in trouble if you miss something?”

Tod leaned down until his lips brushed the corner of my mouth.
“See my previous answer.”

“Mmm…” I said as he walked me backward slowly, arms around me
so I couldn’t stumble. “But it’s not a very good time to get on Levi’s bad
side.”

Tod groaned. “Damn your logic and forethought.” He pulled away
from me long enough to glance at the time on his phone, and his frown deepened.
“I have a dislodged blood clot in eight minutes. Be right back.”

“You’re going to go kill someone, then come back and kiss me?
Is that what forever’s going to be like? Making out between corpses?”

“Is that too weird?” He looked worried. Like I might actually
say yes. A month earlier, I would have, but now…

“I don’t know. It probably should be, but honestly, right now,
I just want to be with you, even if that means waiting through the occasional
reaping.” My frown mirrored his. “How morbid is our relationship?”

“Haven’t you seen
Corpse Bride?
We’re practically average.” Tod grinned, then took a step back. “Nine minutes. I
swear.”

I nodded, and he disappeared.

I spent the first three seconds after Tod left staring at the
space where he’d been. Then I realized I needed to use the restroom, a relative
rarity, now that most of the time, I only remembered to drink water when my
throat got dry and my voice started to crack.

Afterward, as I washed my hands, I stared at myself in the
mirror, trying to see what it was that made Tod’s irises swirl when he looked at
me, and twist feverishly when he touched me. Whatever it was, I couldn’t see it.
Except for the scar on my stomach, I looked exactly the same as I had before I
died. The same as I would for all of eternity.

That thought was still too big for me to hold in my head all at
once, but occasionally I got a fleeting understanding of eternity—it was like
glimpsing a silhouette in your peripheral vision, but being unable to pull the
form into focus. Those moments came when I was alone. When everyone else was
sleeping. When it was hardest for me to remember why I’d wanted this afterlife
in the first place.

I shook those thoughts off as I dried my hands, then froze with
a thick brown paper towel clenched in one fist when someone knocked on the
bathroom door. I threw away the tissue and opened the door, already smiling at
Tod. But it wasn’t Tod who looked back at me from inches away.

It was Thane, one hand propped on the doorframe like he was
both lounging and blocking my exit, still wearing the same clothes and
sunglasses he’d had on behind the doughnut shop. Only this time he didn’t look
scared of me.

Thane’s brows rose as he studied the surprise surely written on
my face. “What, you didn’t think you were rid of me, did you?”

“Yeah. Kinda.” Which was why I’d decided to ask Luca to find
him. And why I couldn’t just blink out of the room, which seemed like the smart
thing to do. Fortunately, Tod would be back any minute.

Being that close to the reaper who’d killed my mother
completely creeped me out, but I couldn’t back away from him without looking
scared. As a reaper, he could theoretically take my soul and end my afterlife.
But the reverse was also true, which made this whole encounter feel a bit like a
deadly game of chicken—we were waiting to see who would swerve first.

“What are you doing here?” I said.

“The real question is what are
you
doing here?” Thane glanced over my shoulder at the costume hanging on the shower
rod. “Is this trick-or-treat, or show-and-tell?”

“It’s none of your business. What do you want?” I could see
myself reflected in the lenses of his sunglasses, and that unnerved me. I could
see my own eyes, but I couldn’t see his.

“I want the soul you stole from me.”

“It wasn’t yours.”

“It wasn’t yours, either,” Thane said, still blocking the
doorway, and I nodded. Then I realized I wasn’t stuck in the bathroom. I blinked
out, then reappeared in the hospital room behind him, wondering how long it
would take for my new afterlife abilities to become second nature.

“Which is why I didn’t keep it,” I said, and Thane spun to face
me, brows furrowed over the rims of those stupid sunglasses. “I turned it
in.”

“Then I’ll take yours instead.” He stalked closer and I backed
away, the game of chicken forgotten. “And if you don’t give it up, I’ll take the
rest of you, too. The boss will be so pleased.” He reached for me and I struck
out. He threw an arm up to block my blow, and my ineffectual fist ricocheted off
his wrist to graze his temple. His sunglasses fell off and clattered to the
floor.

I had a second to stare in shock at solid white orbs where his
eyes should have been before he lunged for me. I backpedaled, suddenly terrified
to realize that if he was touching me when I blinked out, he’d go with me.

“If I haul you into the Netherworld, your boyfriend will come
after you, right?”

Thane reached for me again and missed my arm, but when I took
another step back, I bumped into the bed and had nowhere else to go. He grabbed
a handful of my shirt, and when I tried to roll away, I felt several little pops
as most of the buttons tore free. But he didn’t let go, so I kept moving, and
the underarm seams of my shirt dug into my flesh. He reached for my arm with his
empty hand and I shoved him away with a grunt of effort. More threads popped,
and suddenly I was wearing half a shirt.

I backpedaled again, scanning the room for a weapon, and
briefly I wondered how long it would be before our noise alerted the nurse on
duty.

Then Tod appeared just behind Thane and to his left. His eyes
widened, but it took him less than a second to process the scene, and he swung
at the side of Thane’s head before the rogue reaper even realized he was there.
Thane stumbled and started to turn, and Tod swung again. His fist crashed into
the other reaper’s temple.

Thane crumpled to the floor, and Tod kicked him in the head for
good measure.

“You okay?” he said, and I nodded, staring at Thane’s unmoving
form. Tod stepped around him and lifted a loose flap of material from my torn
shirt. “What the hell happened? Why didn’t you just blink out?”

“Because we need to deal with him. How can I ask Luca to find
him, when I just let him go?”

Tod’s irises swirled unevenly in confusion, and it took me a
second to realize that meant he didn’t know whether to be angry or relieved.
“Swear you’ll never do that again. Swear to me that next time you’ll run.”

“No! You broke the rules for me, and I’m not going to let you
go down for that just because I’m too scared to face the guy whose existence
threatens yours. Besides, I’ll be confronting bigger and badder things than
Thane soon. I need to learn how to handle myself, not run.”

“You need to
survive.
Your friends
and family need you to survive.
I
need you to
survive.”

“Got it. Survival is the prime directive.” But surviving didn’t
always mean running.

“Now that we’ve established that, would it be completely
inappropriate of me to say that you look
really
hot
in half a shirt?”

“Probably.” I couldn’t resist a smile, and I might have
actually been blushing. “But say it, anyway.”

“You’re beautiful.” He stepped over the unconscious reaper and
took a long look at me, and to my complete surprise, I had no urge to cover
myself. I wanted him to look, and I wanted to know that he liked what he
saw.

“He could
not
have picked a worse
time to show up,” Tod said, and when his hands found my waist, one landed on
bare skin, exposed by the torn material. His mouth found mine, and the sense of
urgency in that kiss lit me up on the inside.

And suddenly eternity with Tod didn’t feel long enough.