Before I Wake (25 page)

I exhaled, my thoughts racing. “Fine. We tell
everyone—including Levi and Madeline—what Thane told us, but we make it sound
like we pounded the information out of him, and we don’t mention my promise to
get his soul back from Avari. I don’t think we can keep Sabine from finding out,
for obvious reasons—”

“I can keep a secret!” Nash shouted from the living room.

“We all know how good you are at keeping secrets,” Tod said,
and I elbowed him. “What, he can take shots at me, but I can’t return fire?”

“Exactly,” I said.

“Why?”

“Because you won the war, and he’s still nursing his wounds,”
my father said softly, glancing pointedly at Tod’s hand, which was wrapped
around my own.

“There was no war,” Tod insisted, and I knew from the intimate
resonance of his voice that Nash wouldn’t have been able to hear it even if he’d
been standing right next to us. “We didn’t fight over Kaylee. She made a choice.
And no one feels worse about how that happened than she and I do.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that…” my father whispered, glancing
down the hall toward the living room to drive home his point.

“You know, just because I can’t hear you doesn’t mean I don’t
know you’re talking about me,” Nash snapped.

I swallowed another upsurge of guilt. Then I pulled us back on
track. “So, you’re not going to tell Madeline about our deal with Thane?” I
said, where everyone could hear me.

My dad only hesitated a moment, then shook his head. “No, but I
reserve the right to change my mind, at my own discretion.”

I nodded. That was the best we were going to get.

“Sabine’s bringing Sophie over,” Nash said when we rejoined him
in the living room. “And Emma’s bringing Luca straight from school.” They’d cut
the school day short because of Brant’s death—a hauntingly surreal déjà vu for a
student body that had already lost several members since the start of the school
year—but Luca’d had to stay to talk to the police and school officials. “My
mom’s dropping by before her shift starts at eleven.”

“I expect to hear from Madeline any minute, and I’m about to
text Alec,” I said.

My father sighed, resigned, already heading for the home phone.
“Another full house. I’ll order a giant sub.”

* * *

“Okay, here’s what we know,” I said, leaning against the
half wall separating the kitchen from the living room, where six of my closest
friends—plus Sophie—watched me, listening, and for just a second, the surrealism
threatened to overwhelm me. What qualified me for the position I’d somehow
assumed? Nash, Sabine, and Tod were all better fighters. My father had way more
life experience. So why were they all looking to me? What if their trust was
misplaced?

What if I got us all killed?

I glanced at Tod, suddenly unsure of myself, and he smiled and
nodded for me to continue. There was no doubt in his eyes. None at all. He had
more confidence in me than I’d ever had in myself.

“Um, Avari will be back, and he may not be alone. We don’t know
how many other hellions currently have the ability to cross over, but we know
that when they show up, they’ll look like…well, like the person whose soul
they’re wearing. And since you can’t fight an enemy you can’t see, I’m thinking
the best way to start is by familiarizing ourselves with what the enemy might
look like.”

“What does that even mean?” Sophie asked. Her face was still
swollen and her eyes red from crying.

“The hellion you saw this afternoon is named Avari. Avari
looked like Meredith Cole because he was wearing her soul, kind of like a
costume. So what we’re going to do is make a list of souls—potential
costumes—Avari and his demon buddies could be wearing.”

Behind me, cellophane crackled in the kitchen as my dad
unwrapped a massive sub sandwich and set a stack of paper plates on the island.
He’d set several six-packs of soda into a chest of ice. But I’d caught him
eyeing the whiskey he’d confiscated from Nash.

He’d had a rough month, too.

“And how do we do that?” Em asked. “Wander through the cemetery
playing ‘knock-knock, who’s there’ on the headstones?”

She was upset. Maybe as upset as Sophie was. She’d known Brant
as long as I had, and she knew firsthand what kind of damage a single hellion
could do, even without crossing into the human plane. The thought of several of
them turned loose in our world was almost too much for her to think about.

I could totally sympathize. Her life would have been so much
safer if she’d never met me.

“I thought we’d start with the obituaries instead,” I said at
last. “That seems less disrespectful of the dead. Levi sent over this list… .” I
glanced at Tod, and he held up a stack of printed pages Madeline had brought
when she’d come to pick up the dagger. “It contains everyone in the local area
who died on schedule in the past month. We’re going to compare this list with
the local obituaries covering the same time period. What we’re looking for are
people who died but are not on Levi’s list.”

“Why?” Sophie asked, but Sabine beat me to the answer.

“Because those are the people who weren’t supposed to die. And
if they weren’t supposed to die, their souls weren’t turned into the proper
authority by your friendly neighborhood reaper. Which means their souls are MIA.
You see where I’m going with this…?”

Sophie nodded. “Any missing soul could be worn like a costume
by a hellion like the bastard who killed Meredith.”

Meredith was killed by a reaper, not a hellion, but… “Close
enough,” I said. She was catching on pretty quickly for a traumatized human.
“Okay, everybody grab a sandwich and pick a partner. Each partner gets a laptop
and you’ll go through the online obituaries in pairs.” Tod and I had already
made lists of the local papers and paired them as best we could with sections of
the list Levi had sent, which was organized by geographical zones.

Nash and Sabine settled onto the couch with his laptop, their
portion of the reaper list, and a plate piled high with food. Sophie and Luca
took her laptop and claimed the kitchen table. Tod sat between me and Em and our
laptops at the bar, checking off names as we read them to him, while Em munched
on her sandwich and I picked at mine with no real interest.

“You know, it’s amazing how much of this Netherworld creepy
demon crap winds up involving a bunch of teenagers armed with laptops and a
wireless connection,” Em mumbled as she scrolled.

Tod chuckled. “We’re the twenty-first century’s Mystery
Inc.”

“Well, that’s comforting, right?” I said, summoning a grin in
spite of the circumstances. “Scooby always gets his man… .”

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out to find Alec’s
name and number on the display. I accepted the call and held the phone up to my
ear, swiveling on my bar stool to face away from most of the talking at my back.
“Hey, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Yeah.” The tension in that one syllable rang sympathetic notes
of fear down the length of my spine. “We have a problem, Kaylee.”

I excused myself with a glance at Tod, then blinked into my
room and closed the door. “What’s wrong, Alec?”

“I need your help. Now.”

My chills became icicles growing in place of my bones, freezing
me from the inside out. “Where are you?”

“My place. And, Kaylee? Bring your dagger.”

16

“DID HE SAY
who it is?” Tod paced at the end of my bed while I typed furiously on my
phone with both thumbs.

“No. He just said to bring my dagger, which I can’t do until
Madeline brings it back.” I hit Send on the text to my boss.

My room. Need dagger. Now.

“Who do you think it looks like? It has to be someone you
know.” Tod stopped pacing and the fear in his eyes no doubt mirrored my own.
“Someone you both know. How else would Alec know it’s actually a hellion?”

My phone slid through my grip and thumped to the floor at his
feet. I hadn’t thought of that. Alec would have to know whomever he’d seen well
enough to know that person was acting strange. “There are only a few people on
that list, and most of them are in this house,” I said, grasping at that fact
for what little hope I still clung to.

Tod knelt for my phone, then handed it back to me. “So who’s
not here? Your uncle?”

I nodded slowly and squeezed his hand when it slid into mine.
“And your mom.”

“No.” His denial surfaced as a furious burst of pale, pale
blue, churning within the brighter cobalt in his irises. “I’ll kill the bastard
myself if he’s touched my mother.”

“You won’t have to.” I’d do it. That was my job. I’d thought I
was being resurrected to save souls, but so far I felt more like a murderer than
a savior, even though I knew in my head that I was only doing what had to be
done.

Tod pulled his own phone from his pocket and started to dial
his mother’s number, but before he could place the call, Madeline appeared on
the rug behind him, holding my dagger. I was off the bed in an instant and took
the knife from her so fast I almost grabbed the blades instead of the hilt.

“Thanks. Don’t tell anyone where we’re going. We’ll explain to
everyone all at once, when we get back.”

“Where
are
you going?” Madeline
demanded as Tod stood and took my hand.

“Be back soon.” I squeezed his hand, then blinked us both into
the living room of Alec’s apartment, about half a mile away.

I’d only been there a couple of times, but the minute my feet
touched the carpet, I knew something was different. Everything looked the same,
but felt…wrong.

The TV was off. Alec left the TV on all the time when he was
home, and I’d always assumed that was part of his ongoing quest to integrate
with the twenty-first century, after having missed a quarter of the previous
one. Sports, cartoons, infomercials—he’d watch anything. But this silence was
new. And creepy.

“Alec?” I called, then immediately wished I hadn’t. I couldn’t
limit my audibility to him if I didn’t know where he was, and I really didn’t
want to alert the hellion to our presence.

The tiny galley-style kitchen was empty, but an open bottle of
beer stood on the counter, next to a half-eaten chocolate cupcake—Alec’s
favorite snack food.

A second later, I realized that television sounds weren’t the
only things missing. “Where’s Falkor?” I whispered as Tod headed across the
living room toward the short hall. Alec’s half Nether-hound—another littermate
of Styx’s—was named after a flying dog-creature he’d loved in some movie from
his childhood in the eighties. And like Toto, Cujo, and Baskerville, he’d
growled every time he saw me since my unfortunate demise.

But now Falkor was silent.

“Stay here,” Tod said, and I could tell from his bold volume
that no one but me could hear him. “I’ll check the back rooms.” Which included
the only bedroom, the bathroom, and a single small storage closet.

I stomped after him. “This is
my
job! I’m not gonna stay behind while you—”

“Kaylee, wait!” Tod tried to hold me back from the bedroom
doorway, but it was too late. I saw it over his shoulder as he wrapped his arms
around me and tried to walk us back into the living room. I saw it all. Blood
streaking the walls and Alec’s unmade bed. A small lump of bloody fur on the
floor, too mangled to recognize.

“Falkor…” I buried my face in Tod’s shoulder and he led me
toward the living room, holding me up when I backed over my own foot and nearly
tripped. “Who did this?” I whispered, blinking back tears I didn’t want to let
fall.

“It was him or me,” a familiar voice said from behind me, and
Tod stopped walking as I twisted in his arms.

Alec stood in the middle of his own living room, a bloodied,
broken broom handle in his right fist while his left arm dripped blood onto the
floor from the jagged, gaping wound on his forearm. Only it wasn’t really Alec.
It couldn’t be.

Avari couldn’t take Alec’s shape unless he already had Alec’s
soul.

Alec was dead.

“No…” I whispered, and this time I couldn’t stop the tears.
“No, not Alec,” I said through teeth clenched against an agony I couldn’t
possibly express in mere words.

Alec, who’d helped me rescue my father and Nash from the
Netherworld. Alec, who’d made me tie him to a chair so he couldn’t hurt me if
Avari possessed him in the middle of the night. Alec, who’d proofread my history
term paper, and listened to my French recitation, and shared the last
chocolate-chip pancake with me, even though he’d called dibs fair and
square.

Tears pooled in my eyes until I couldn’t see clearly,
mercifully blurring a face Avari had no right to wear. They poured down my
cheeks, scalding against the cold of my own shock and denial.

Alec couldn’t be gone. Not after everything he’d already
suffered at Avari’s hands. Lost youth. Dead parents. Avari had used him to kill
three teachers just a couple of months earlier.

Alec was supposed to be okay now. He was living the life he’d
missed out on. He was supposed to get a happy ending, not death at the hands of
a hellion who stole his soul and wore it like a costume.

Then Avari smiled coldly at me with Alec’s beautiful mouth,
displaying malice where there had only ever been kindness before. His dark eyes
shined with greed as he drank up my pain and abused the memory of my good
friend.

I choked on sobs, trying to collect myself and my thoughts so I
could do what needed to be done. The only thing I could still do for
Alec—reclaim his soul from the monster who’d stolen it.

“Alec…” Just saying his name brought more tears to my eyes, and
I blinked them away. “You soul-stealing bastard,” I hissed, and the Alec-monster
shrugged.

“Is this about the dog? He was a ferocious little beast—tougher
than his size would indicate. He reminded me of you, and I didn’t want to kill
him, either. Not that quickly, anyway. But he gave me no choice.” Avari held up
his injured left arm. Both his sleeve and his flesh were shredded, and still
dripping blood. “Your true death will last much longer. I’ve given the matter
serious thought, yet I can only imagine it one way. Your pain will be elegant
and beautiful, your screams crystalline and fragile in tone, but robust in
volume. I have always wanted to hear a
bean sidhe
scream in pain. I’m positively glowing with anticipation.”

“Kaylee, give me the dagger,” Tod said, his voice low and
dangerous, threaded throughout with a thin ribbon of fear. But I pulled the
knife out of his reach.

“No.” This was
my
job. Alec was
my
friend. The least I could do was give his
soul some peace.

“You shouldn’t have to do this. He was your friend, and I can’t
watch you do this.”

“Then close your eyes.” I stepped away from him, and he let me
go, but I could feel how badly he wanted to pull me back again. To protect me
from what I was about to do.

“I warned you,” Avari said with Alec’s voice. He stood his
ground as I advanced, knife gripped tightly, eyes still wet. “You could have
prevented this.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Tod said at my back, and I realized he
was closer. Within arm’s reach. He wouldn’t interfere with my job, but he
wouldn’t let me assume the risk on my own, either.

“A stranger in the mall. Then a boy from your class. Now a
personal friend. Can you see the progression at work here?” Avari lifted one of
Alec’s dark brows at me in question. “It’s a crescendo of death, all building
toward that powerful note at the finale that makes the audience gasp and hold
its collective breath. You are that last note, Kaylee. You are my finale, and
the symphony of pain we create together will echo throughout eternity before
finally fading into an agonized silence. Much like the
bean
sidhe
’s wail itself. Unless you’d like to cut this whole production
short and skip to the end.” The hellion shrugged with Alec’s shoulders, still
holding his injured arm. “Normally I’m fairly patient—I suppose I have eternity
to thank for that—but there
is
something to be said
for instant gratification.”

“I’m gonna be gratified the instant she shoves that knife into
your gut,” Tod said at my back. “And if you even look like you’re gonna touch
her, I’ll take your head off myself.”

“I have no intention of stopping her, but that has nothing to
do with your useless threat.” Avari’s focus shifted to me then. “Eliminate this
form, and I will see you again soon, in another, even more treasured one. Or you
can come with me now and spare the life of someone you love. What will it be,
little
bean sidhe?
”

My teeth ground together and my fists curled around the handle
of the knife in my grasp. My free hand wiped tears from my face. He’d already
killed someone I loved—Alec was the closest thing to a brother I’d ever had. The
closest I would
ever
have.

My mouth opened, and a bellow of rage burst from me, lower and
more raw than any sound my
bean sidhe
lungs had ever
produced. I lunged forward and shoved the double-bladed knife into his stomach
and up beneath his sternum, going for the heart—for the quick kill—out of some
instinct I hadn’t known I possessed.

Avari’s eyes widened. A sound of pain caught in his throat,
like he was choking on it. He swallowed thickly, then smiled at me in spite of
obvious pain. Blood poured over my hand, gruesomely warm and wet. Avari fell
forward, one hand grasping weakly for my shoulder, and I stumbled beneath his
weight.

Tod was there in an instant, trying to pull him off me, and
cold horror unfurled deep inside my stomach. This wasn’t right. None of the
others had died like this, with weight, and staggering pain, and blood gushing
over my hand and onto my clothes, pooling on the floor between us.

Tod pulled, but Avari clung to me with what had to be the last
of his strength, and whispered into my ear. “I didn’t kill Alec, Ms. Cavanaugh.
You did that yourself. And it was magnificent…”

Then he let go, and Tod shoved him to the floor.

Avari sucked in a shocked gasp and stared up at me, blinking in
confusion, dark skin waxy with pain and blood loss. “Kaylee?”

And that’s when I understood. Avari wasn’t wearing Alec’s soul.
He was wearing Alec’s
body.
Alec had only been
possessed. And I’d just killed him.

“No!” I dropped to my knees next to him, and my hands shook
over the hilt of the knife. I didn’t know whether to pull it out or leave it in.
Which would be worse? Did it even matter? He couldn’t survive this. No one
could.

I hadn’t.

“Alec!”

“What happened?” His lips moved, but there was no sound, other
than the wheezy breaths he pulled in slowly, and exhaled even more slowly.

“Avari.” I couldn’t see through my tears. “I’m so sorry. Oh,
Alec, I’m so sorry!”

“Kay.” Tod tried to pull me away, but I wouldn’t go. “Kaylee,
let him go.”

“No! We can save him. Just… Just don’t take his soul. Then he
can’t die, right?” With no reaper there to end his life and take his soul, he’d
be okay. The doctors could still work their miracles. I stood and took his hand,
staring at him through my tears. “Call an ambulance. No, take him to the
hospital yourself. Please, Tod!”

“Kaylee, it’s too late.” He turned my head gently so that I had
to look. So that I had to see Alec’s soul, pale and clean, already wrapping
around the hilt of the blade still in his stomach. “He doesn’t need a reaper—the
dagger took his soul. He’s already gone.”

“No.” I closed my eyes, so I wouldn’t have to see Alec staring
at the ceiling, his eyes empty. Dead. “No! This wasn’t supposed to happen. This
isn’t how it works! I don’t kill people. I rescue souls. This can’t be…”

I dropped onto my knees again, sitting on my feet. My hands
fell into my lap and left dark, sticky smears of blood on my jeans. The world
started to lose focus.

“Kay, look at me.” Tod tried to pull me up with one hand, but I
wouldn’t stand. I couldn’t. So he lifted me by both arms. “This is not your
fault. Avari did this. He fooled us both. Alec’s fate was sealed the minute
Avari possessed him, and you saved his soul from eternal torture.”

“No.” I shook my head, blinking through tears. “My knife. I
stabbed him.”

“Kaylee, don’t do this to yourself.”

“How can I…?” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I didn’t have the
words. How could I live with myself, knowing what I’d done?

I couldn’t. I wasn’t living, anyway. But I wouldn’t even be
unliving when Madeline found out. She’d kill me for real, which was no less than
I deserved, but my father would be devastated. Em would be devastated. Tod would
be…

And it was all my fault.

Tod started to let me go, but my legs buckled beneath me.
“Kaylee, hold it together. I need you to stand up.”

I stood, and distantly I saw him pull the dagger from Alec’s
stomach and wipe the blades on his pants, where they left dark smears. “Come
on.” He wrapped one arm around my waist and slid his hand beneath my shirt so
that his skin connected with mine. “I’m going to take you some place safe, so
you can get yourself together. So we can deal with this. I need to think.” He
squeezed me so tight my ribs ached, and as the world dissolved around us, his
last words echoed in my ears. “I won’t let them take you away… .”