becoming us (21 page)

Bryce bit his lip, feeling a sudden wave of heat. “Zac...” He grabbed Zac’s hips harder, heels digging into the mattress as he tried to fuck Zac deeper. He’d thought he was in total control and, suddenly, he wasn’t. He couldn’t even keep from crying out. He was so close and he didn’t want to let go, didn’t want to stop. Zac didn’t want him to stop.

“Oh, God. Yeah, Bryce.” Zac let Bryce move him, let Bryce
have
him. “Fuck, yeah. Just like that. Wanna feel you like that.” And then Zac was coming, arching and spattering Bryce’s chest and belly with his second orgasm of the day.

That was too much. Zac’s first orgasm had taken Bryce completely by surprise; this one was even more intense, and he got to see it. He was so close to coming already, he couldn’t stop it.

He bucked up as the first wave of his orgasm hit, his head fell back, and he couldn’t stay quiet and he couldn’t stop driving into Zac, writhing and trying to get more of what felt so amazing.

Zac rode him through it, fucking himself on Bryce’s cock until they were both well and truly spent. Then Zac slumped over, resting his forehead on Bryce’s chest, and mumbled something unintelligible, something that sounded happy, pleasure-drunk and satisfied.

Bryce didn’t remember having sex like that before. Ever. “So good,” he whispered. So worth missing practice.

“Mmm,” Zac rumbled, rubbing his cheek against Bryce’s chest and then kissing him there. “I think I actually came my brains out. God. I’m not sure I can
move
.”

“Me either. Wanna sleep?” Bryce was ready for it. A nap sounded good. He was going soft inside Zac and the condom wasn’t comfortable, but he didn’t care.

“Yeah.” Zac stretched up to kiss the side of Bryce’s neck, then settled down again. “Sleep sounds good.”

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Bryce would put up with almost anything for more of this. This was bliss. “We can do that again anytime,” he murmured. He hugged Zac to him. “I love watching you come.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” Zac murmured, kissing Bryce’s neck again. “We’re good together, Bryce. I like being with you, any way.” He sounded drowsy already, nuzzling against Bryce’s chest and making sleepy little sounds.

Bryce loved every minute of cuddling as Zac fell asleep. He kissed Zac’s temple and luxuriated in knowing how
good
they were together. Hell, they were
perfect
.

They slept soundly, with Bryce waking only when they shifted enough for him to slip the condom off and get it into the trashcan. Then he cuddled Zac up again and fell back to sleep in the sun.

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They had a blissful day, but Steve and Kaede were home by dinner, so they decided to sleep apart. Even the evening wasn’t bad, though; the four of them got to hang out for once and Steve and Kaede hassled them mercilessly about missing practice. They did get to hold hands in the cold morning on the way to the natatorium and stole a few kisses on the path through the pines.

Even that was good.

The extra laps sucked. Bryce was showering off, after, just feet from Zac, careful not to look at him. “I’m gonna talk to Coach,” he said in a low voice. “So, you don’t have to wait for me.” Part of him wanted Zac to wait for him; he had no idea how he’d feel after the discussion.

“I’ve got some studying to do. I’ll... Maybe I’ll hang out in the lounge upstairs?” There was an athletes’ lounge near the swimming and diving coaches’ offices, with little desks for studying and couches for relaxing. “Um. If you want to come find me there, after.”

“Sure.” Bryce slicked his hair back and looked at Zac over his shoulder just once. “I’ll find you.” He wanted Zac to come with him, but he turned away and went to get dressed. He slowly pulled his clothes on and shouldered his bag. Taking a deep breath, he headed for the coach’s office.

The door was open and so he knocked on the frame and stopped at the threshold.

Coach McGill looked up from his desk and saw Bryce standing in the doorway. “Tellier. Bryce.

Good work at practice today.” He waved Bryce in. “Come on in. Everything okay?”

“Um.” Bryce walked in and closed the door. “Kinda. Sorry I missed practice yesterday.” He’d been off lately, in weird ways that weren’t like him. Even when his times were improving and he was losing weight, there were other things, like lousy starts and lagging behind mentally. Didn’t matter how much better he got physically, it wasn’t worth it if his mind wasn’t in it.

That was why Bryce had to say something; he had to quit letting Coach down and the only way to do that was to talk to him. He came in and bit his lip, debating whether or not to sit down.

Coach had been patient about all his screw-ups so far, for more than three years now, praising the stuff he got right and ignoring the stuff he got wrong. Truth was, that was making Bryce nervous, too. He didn’t want to lose Coach’s respect.

Coach McGill gestured toward the chairs positioned beside his desk. The desk itself was pushed up against the wall on one side, opposite the floor-to-ceiling windows that let Coach look out over the pool. The chairs were far enough from the windows that no one could see who was there, which made Bryce feel a little better.

“Have a seat,” Coach said. He took one chair, leaning forward and bracing his elbows on his knees. “You already apologized about practice, Bryce. Two times.” Once on the phone and once at practice. “So I know that’s not why you came up here, or at least, not the only reason.”
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“My dad...” Bryce sat down in his chair and rubbed at the knee of his jeans where they were almost worn through. He’d gone down on the asphalt playing basketball last spring. “He read that article in
Game On
, the one about Perry and Zac. A few weeks ago. He... um. He was saying he doesn’t want me living in the house now, ‘cause Zac’s still there.” He couldn’t look at Coach.

The memory of the conversation made him want to cry all over again, or put a hole in another wall. Worse, now. It was pure frustration, nothing more. “I haven’t talked to him since.” He’d been letting the phone go to voicemail and not listening to the messages the last couple weekends.

“I see.” Coach nodded slowly. “You don’t want to move out, I take it? You never seemed to have any problems with Perry or Zac in the past.”

“No. Neither. I just.” Bryce felt his throat tighten more. “He’s always been like that. Him and my brothers. He acts like...” He shrugged. “...you know. I keep not answering my phone. He’ll get pissed whenever he has the time.”

“He doesn’t want you living there. Did he say anything about what he was going to do about that?” Coach pulled a Rolodex toward him on the desk and flipped through it, but he kept glancing up at Bryce; he was still paying attention.

“Stop paying for it, he said.” Bryce sighed and slumped back in the chair, feeling sick. “Or didn’t say. He’s not paying for me to live in a house with Zac, that’s what he said. He wasn’t pushy about it. He just expects me to move. He’s used to me doing what he says. But I’m not moving out. I can’t. I don’t want to, but I also
can’t
, you know? I’ll just... I don’t know. Get a job, probably.”

That was going to be a new one. Bryce had always worked for his father, at the firm or on the boat, or as a caddy, whatever was there to be done in the summer. It always seemed like a cool thing, working for the family and getting paid really well for it. Bryce was just now starting to see that it was also a way to make sure that he wasn’t getting anywhere in life without his family’s help.

Coach McGill copied something from a Rolodex card onto a piece of paper, then passed the paper over to Bryce. “Go down to the athletic department offices. You want Linda Post; her office number and information is on there. I’ll give her a call, let her know to expect you. Linda handles the scholarship and work-study funding; she should be able to find something for you.” He looked at Bryce seriously. “If you can promise me you’re going to be here --
here
, with the team, focused -- for the rest of the season.”

Bryce took the paper and looked at it, nodding, then looked up at Coach, taking in his words.

This felt like the real big step. “I’ll try and keep my mind on it,” he said quietly. “I gotta... you know... take care of things with my family. Just. Find the right time and get it over with.” Then he’d be alone. He couldn’t believe it had come down to this. He really felt ill. He was going to say he wasn’t moving out of the house. He needed to come up with a good reason to
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stay or his dad would draw the line and that would be it, he’d be cut off. All the good reasons in the world didn’t make him less scared. But... he couldn’t lose Zac or his freedom or his integrity.

“It’s going to be okay, Bryce.” Coach reached over to squeeze his shoulder. “My door’s always open. I’ll do anything I can to help, and you can always come by to talk, understand?”

“Yeah.” Bryce put the paper in his pocket. “I hope when I tell him I’m not leaving, he doesn’t freak and I can make it through the year like normal. If he finds out about me and Zac, he will,” he added, in a rush. It felt like if he told Coach, it’d be safer, somehow. He felt clammy and terrified as soon as he said it, and he could feel the blood drain from his face. He was usually a blusher, and he hated it, but he felt white now.

“You and Zac?” Coach McGill’s eyebrows went up, and then he just nodded, like it made sense.

“Sometimes,” he offered, “it’s different when it’s your own child. He’s your father, not Perry’s, not Zac’s, and I’m sure he loves you.” He squeezed Bryce’s shoulder again. “But that’s not something you have to tell anyone until you’re ready.”

“I’m not telling him. It’s just... he finds things out. That’s why we’re not telling anyone else. I hate not being honest, but you don’t know him.” Bryce shook his head. “I know how he feels.

Guess there’s nothing I can do about it. Just hope for the best.” He rubbed his hands against his thighs. “I’ll concentrate better now, though,” he said, making himself breathe slower. “I can focus. I promise.”

“I believe you.” Coach gave him a smile that was real, like he actually did believe Bryce.

“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Bryce. And you can come talk to me whenever you need to. My door’s always open.”

“Thanks, sir.” Bryce still felt off, but he felt better. Now he wanted to go hide in bed with his boyfriend and order Chinese, even if it was fattening, even if they had to say they were playing video games to get to be alone. He got to his feet and shoved his shaking hands in his pockets. “I better get going. I’ll see you next practice.”

Coach nodded and stood up with Bryce. He gave Bryce a one-armed hug, just enough to be comforting without being smothering. It was startling, but it felt good. Bryce realized that he hadn’t expected anyone to touch him after they knew, and the thought made his chest twist.

“Tomorrow,” Coach said. “Go get some rest. I want to see you in top form at practice tomorrow.

And don’t forget to go see Linda Post at the athletic department if you need to. She’ll be expecting you.”

“I will, sir. Thanks. I’ll try and sleep.” Bryce didn’t even blush at that. He hadn’t been lying about the bad night’s sleep. “Thanks again,” he said, with his hand on the doorknob. He closed the door behind him and his feet took him off to find Zac while his head was processing everything.

***

Zac was in the lounge, as he’d said he’d be. He was sprawled out on the biggest couch, but somehow he’d managed to turn himself upside down. The book he was reading wasn’t exactly gripping material to start with, and his mind kept wandering to worrying about Bryce, so his body wandered, too. When Bryce walked in, Zac peered at him from upside down.

“Hey.” He tried to wiggle around to sit upright, but just ended up falling onto the floor. “Um.

Hey,” he said again, when he’d righted himself. “How’d it go?” Bryce didn’t even laugh at his antics. “Okay.” He looked pale, maybe even a little green, like he was sick. “He’s going to set me up with some kind of finance counselor in case my dad cuts me off when I tell him I’m not moving out. She’ll help me find work. I realized on the way down that I could just sell the car. I don’t need it right now.” He swallowed and shrugged. “Do you think we could go home?”

“Yeah, sure.” Zac scrambled to his feet and dumped the book into his backpack. “Let’s go.” He walked over to Bryce and, hiding the motion with his backpack, he took Bryce’s hand in his, whispering quietly, “You okay, Bryce?” Bryce didn’t look okay, not at all, and it was making Zac’s stomach twist up into knots.

Bryce’s hand was cold when Zac took it and he held on tight. “I... not right now. I mean.

Probably later, right? I just want to go home.” He took a deep breath. “We can talk there.” He looked crappy, but not quite falling apart, at least.

“Okay.” Zac gave his hand a little squeeze and then, reluctantly, let it go. “Let’s go.” This time, he meant it. He led Bryce home, holding his hand along the seldom-used paths and staying close the rest of the time. He was glad Bryce had gone to talk to the coach, that someone other than him knew what was going on and was trying to help, but he didn’t like the way Bryce was looking right now.

Bryce seemed to relax a little on the way home, but he held Zac’s hand tightly. They had to let go when they got to the house; Steve was sprawled on the couch, on the phone with someone.

Bryce kicked his shoes into the closet, hung up his jacket, and turned toward Zac. He still looked drawn, but not quite ill.

“Wanna play Mario?”

“You kicked my ass last time,” Zac said, ditching his own shoes and coat, but keeping his backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s play that racing thing, instead. My turn to win some.” He aimed a wave at the couch and headed for the stairs, hoping Bryce would follow. “I’ll come down for popcorn and Hot Pockets later.”

“I feel like Chinese.” Bryce tagged along at his heels. “And beer.” Zac looked back over his shoulder, surprised. “Yeah?” Bryce never ate Chinese anymore, because he was always watching his weight, but he’d slimmed down a lot with drinking less beer
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