becoming us

Becoming Us - 1

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

Becoming Us

TOP SHELF

An imprint of Torquere Press Publishers

PO Box 2545

Round Rock, TX 78680

Copyright © 2009 Anah Crow and Dianne Fox

Cover illustration by Alessia Brio

Published with permission

ISBN: 978-1-60370-828-9, 1-60370-828-6

www.torquerepress.com

All rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information address Torquere Press.

First Torquere Press Printing: October 2009

Printed in the USA

Becoming Us - 2

Becoming Us

Anah Crow and Dianne Fox

Something smacked into the back of Zac’s head, knocking him into the beer table. Cups sloshed and Kaede yelled, “Hey! Watch it, man!”

Zac rolled his eyes. His housemate was a little overzealous in his protectiveness of the beer. It wasn’t like they’d gotten the imported shit, not for this party. The back-to-school party didn’t rate that kind of expense. Especially not when the crew team and the water polo team were out here playing volleyball with a giant beachball and aiming right for the keg with every shot.

Turning around, Zac picked up the ball that had caused all the trouble and served it back toward the net. “Be careful of the beer!”

A couple of the crew guys waved like they understood, but Zac knew better. They were all totally sloshed already. Whatever.

He grabbed a couple of the big red plastic cups filled to the brim with cheap beer and went looking for Bryce. He hadn’t seen Bryce since the first partiers had shown up hours ago. Used to be, Bryce was the quintessential party guy, always ready to have a good time.

Used to be, Bryce was Zac’s best friend. All that had changed, though. Zac just hoped they could get some kind of friendship back. He couldn’t face a whole year of distance between them, like there had been since since an article about ‘out’ athletes in last month’s back-to-school issue of
Game On
had included interviews with Zac and their friend Perry. Perry was gone, graduated, but Zac still had to deal with the repercussions of their decision.

He slipped through the front door, looking for Bryce inside the house, but it was mostly empty.

Just a few people using the bathroom or getting pizza from the kitchen. No Bryce.

Becoming Us - 3

The party stopped at the back door, but Zac found Bryce in the backyard, sitting alone on the old swing. Swallowing his nervousness, and his pride, he headed over to make a peace offering.

Zac flopped down on the swing uninvited, setting it to swinging with a loud creak and a shiver.

They’d pulled it out of someone’s trash and put it together right around the time they’d moved in, back in sophomore year. Amazingly, two years later, it was still in one piece.

He held out one of the cups. “Beer?”

Bryce sighed and took the offering. “Thanks. Shouldn’t you be partying?”

“Shouldn’t you?” Zac countered, taking a sip of his beer.

“I am. See?” Bryce waved his cigarette and beer, sloshing beer all over him.

“Godfuckingdamnitsonofabitchmotherfucker,” he said, without much heat behind it, like he’d given up.

“Dude.” Zac snorted and reached out to take the cup back. “You okay?”

“Fuck it.” Bryce tried to shake the beer off and ended up dropping his cigarette. He stomped on it, in spite of being barefoot, and slouched back in the swing. It was probably already out, thanks to the beer. “This is Not Right,” he snapped, taking his beer back.

“What’s not?” Zac had his suspicions, but he wanted to hear Bryce say it.

“Me not knowing. Why did Perry get to know and not me?” Bryce sloshed beer again, but the cup was already a quarter empty and it only went over his hand and wrist.

“Bryce...” Zac wasn’t sure what to say to that. That wasn’t what he’d expected, not at all. He’d known things with Bryce would change, but he hadn’t thought about how coming out together in that interview would make it obvious Perry had known all along. “Because it wasn’t really...

relevant.”

“Not relevant?”

“Well, it’s not like you welcomed Perry with open arms when
he
came out to you,” Zac pointed out before he could censor himself. Bryce wasn’t even looking at Zac anymore. It was just like before, when Perry had come out to the swim team and Bryce had started flinching away from his touches, avoiding spending time alone with him. Bryce had never
said
anything, but Zac knew that Perry being out had changed things for Bryce.

Bryce stopped draining the cup to sputter, “It was just... I was surprised.” He flailed his arms until he was standing. “I mean, all that time, and he never said anything. And then I’m supposed to act like I knew all along?” The cup and whatever was left in it went into the too-long grass with his next flail.

Becoming Us - 4

Zac stood up and caught Bryce’s arm, intending to pull him back to the swing, but Bryce leaned back against his grasp. “Dude.” Perry had been totally patient with everyone on the team, letting them get their bearings around him again, but it had seemed everything Perry tried had just made things worse between him and Bryce.

“It’s just. Not right. It’s not. Nothing’s
right
.” Bryce wasn’t just being an ass about it; he was actually upset about something.

“What’s wrong, man?”

“Nothing.” Bryce pulled away and stumbled as he went to get one of the bottles of beer he’d stashed at the base of the swing. Of course. Zac had to wonder how many had been there to start with. “Just. Nothing. It’s just all wrong, that’s all. I need another drink. Maybe I should get laid.” If that could’ve fixed things, Bryce would’ve been cured of everything by now, though. He could get laid just by looking like he was thinking about it.

“Maybe.” Zac shoved his hands in his pockets. “This really bugs you, huh?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s just...” Bryce popped the cap on his beer and dropped it into the grass, then took a drink. “Forget about it. I’m a fucking buzz-kill tonight. Go inside.” He slumped down on the swing and fumbled for whoever’s cigarettes he’d snagged.

Zac didn’t feel right about that. He couldn’t leave his best friend out here to stew, even if he wasn’t sure they were still best friends anymore, especially now.

He sat down beside Bryce and said, “Since when do I take orders from you?”

“Since I can kick your skinny ass,” Bryce mumbled around the mouth of the beer bottle. He wasn’t usually a grumpy drunk. Bryce was
never
grumpy unless he had an exam, and not like this. Even his grumpiness usually had that classic, good-natured, all-American air to it.

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to start kow-towing just as soon as that happens.” Zac nudged Bryce’s shoulder with his fist.

“What, you want me to try?” Bryce tried to scowl, but it didn’t work. “I couldn’t hit you.” He slumped over and put his head on Zac’s shoulder. “You’re all little and everything.”

“I’m not little,” Zac said, gently ruffling Bryce’s soft, dark hair. “It just looks like that ‘cause you’re huge.” He was the smallest guy on the team, Bryce was the biggest. They balanced each other out. Bryce was the rich kid; Zac was there on scholarship. They were supposed to fit together. It had been that way since they’d been assigned the same dorm room freshman year.

“You guys were all close and everything.” Bryce sighed heavily. “And then you go and come out in that article, and...”

Becoming Us - 5

“And what?”

“And now I know you guys must’ve been, like, together, that’s what.” Bryce shoved himself away to slouch against the arm of the swing. “All that time, and you never said anything.”

“We used to mess around a little,” Zac allowed. “Nothing serious.”

“Oh, sure.” Bryce took another drink of his beer, glaring drunkenly at Zac with nothing but hurt behind it. “The whole fucking world is queer and no one told me.”

“It was nothing,” Zac said, shifting his weight and shoving his hands under his thighs. “I mean, we were just fucking around.” He looked over at Bryce, trying to gauge what was going on in his friend’s head.

Bryce was purely out of sorts. All he did was grunt and stare at his bare feet stretched out in the grass. Usually, he would’ve said something like
aww, that’s cool, man,
and something sympathetic but crude about Perry not being around for convenient sex. Now, he just took a drink of beer number too-many and stayed silent.

Maybe honesty hadn’t been the best choice. “You wanna tell me what you’re thinking, man?

You’re kinda freakin’ me out, here.”

“Nothing. It’s cool.” Bryce took another drink. “Sorry. I’m just...” He waved the bottle vaguely.

“Nothing’s right. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Bryce...” Zac eyed him for a long moment, and then sighed. “What’s up with you, man?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with
me
.” Bryce drained the beer and tossed the bottle off into the grass, then discovered that he’d sloshed beer on the cigarettes. “Just. Nothing. I’m
fine
. Same as always.”

“Bullshit. Bryce, you’ve been weird since we came back to school,” Zac snapped. “What, are you pining for Perry or something? It’s not like he’s your type, man, what with the dick and all.

Did you have a thing for him? Because you’re totally more his type than I am.” The look Bryce gave Zac was angrier than Zac had ever seen. “Fuck you.” He pushed himself to his feet and stalked away.

Shit.
“Bryce.” Zac scrambled to his feet, dodging the obstacle course of beer bottles and crab apples littering the grass. “Bryce, man...”

“
Jesus
.” Bryce’s long stride came up short. Somehow, drunk as he was, he managed to stand on one foot. “Son of a
bitch
.”

Becoming Us - 6

“What happened?” Zac asked, and then he saw Bryce yank something out of his foot and throw it away into the dark, almost overbalancing and putting his bad foot down to keep from pitching over. Maybe they should have cleaned up better after the ritual ‘killing of the old barbeque’ that had come before they’d put together the new one earlier tonight. “Oh, shit. Bryce, man, you okay?” He caught up with Bryce and slid his arm under Bryce’s shoulders.

“I’m fine.” Bryce didn’t pull away. “Just fucking up again. I just need to wash it off. The one fucking time I don’t have a fucking beer in my fucking hand...” He leaned on Zac, but headed for the house.

Zac was quiet on the way up to the house, thinking. Maybe that
was
the problem? He’d thought Bryce was straight, but. Well, Bryce had probably thought Zac was straight, too, before that interview. The entryway at the back door was empty, so Zac was able to get Bryce into the downstairs bathroom without too much commotion from anyone else. “You up to date on your tetanus or whatever?” he asked, closing the bathroom door behind them.

“Yeah. I cut my hand open working on Dad’s boat this summer, scraping the hull clean.” Bryce thumped against the far wall, leaning there so he could put his foot in the sink to wash it clean. It was bleeding pretty badly, but he didn’t seem to care. “Bled all over his fifty-foot Goetz. Thing cost more than this house. I’m such a fucking loser sometimes.” Bryce snorted and shook his head as he turned on the cold water. Dark pink swirled around the drain and was sucked away.

“Nah, man, you’re just--” Zac caught sight of all the blood still welling from the cut and winced.

“Jesus. That’s gonna suck. Lemme see if we’ve got bandages or something.”

“It’s not deep.” Bryce twisted, but couldn’t reach the toilet paper without falling over. “Just give me some of that and go grab my shoes from the hall. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to bother with this, man. Go have fun. Look, it’s already slowing down. Blood’s good. Cleans it out.” Bryce wasn’t one to let anyone take care of him; he was usually looking out for everyone else, in his slightly clumsy, oversized-puppy way.