Beautifully Twisted (46 page)
Prologue
Broken
I’m lost.
I’m drifting away…drowning in a sea of sorrow and pain as waves of regret keep pulling me down where an undertow of resentment won’t let me break free.
Maybe I should just give up?
As I stare blankly into Dr. Pajaree’s beautiful dark eyes, listening to her prognosis in her pragmatic, yet friendly voice, I can’t help wondering where the magic has gone? Is real life contaminating our fairy tale of a romance with all its ugliness?
Yes…maybe.
“…It’s better known as habitual abortion… recurrent pregnancy loss… RPL…three or more pregnancies that end in misca…”
With my arms tightly wrapped around my stomach, I rock back and forth as I try to listen to what she’s saying, her words drifting in and out of my consciousness.
I know I should be paying more attention because she’s explaining to me why I’m not woman enough... why I can’t keep a baby in my body long enough to be able to hold it in my arms, but all I want to do is shake off the cold blanket of numbness that enfolds me.
It’s not working. I’m still so very cold, so very dead inside. Feeling Ben’s strong arm wrap around my shoulder stops the manic rocking, but even his warm embrace can’t help me get rid of this feeling, this helplessness that threatens to take over.
I wonder why doctors wear white robes? It’s such an ugly color.
Sterile.
Ben gives my shoulder a supportive squeeze, waking me from my drunken-like stupor.
“Tell us what to do, where to go, who to see...it doesn’t matter. We will do it, Dr. Pajaree. No matter what the cost is,” Ben says, not letting go of me. Focusing my gaze on Dr. Pajaree’s face once more, I listen to her next words.
“Yes, Ben.” Dr. Pajaree looks at Ben with understanding in her eyes for a moment, then turns in my direction. “Cathy, since this is your third miscarriage I think it’s time we ran some tests on both of you. I’m talking about parental chromosome testing, blood tests for thrombophilia, thyroid function, ovarian function… If we can identify the cause for RPL then we can look at treatment options.
“E-Excuse me. I need to use the ladies’ room. Sorry.”
The chair makes a horrible scratching sound as I forcefully push it backwards and leave the room, but I don’t care. Running to the bathroom, I lock myself inside and stand in front of the sink. I notice a sheen of sweat covering my forehead and my entire body seems to be shaking slightly.
Swallowing hard, I close my eyes as I try to compose myself.
I can’t have another panic attack…I can’t.
“Cathy! Open the door, Cathy! Please, let me in.” Ben pleads as he bangs on the door.
“Please, Cathy. Open the door…” There’s a hint of desperation in his voice.
Not wanting to draw more attention to us, I open the door and let Ben in. As soon as he walks through, he enfolds me in an air robbing, soul crushing hug and buries his face in the curve of my neck.
“Babe…please… don’t give up. It will be okay. I promise you, I’ll leave no stone unturned. There's no place in the world where I won’t take you, there's nothing I won't do until we have a child to call our own. I promise you, Cathy.” Tightening his grip around me and pulling me closer to him, he roughly whispers, “For you I will do anything, anything.”
As I return his embrace, I believe the earnest prayer he’s chanting in my ear and I believe his words with my whole heart, but even Ben can’t stop the numbness settling around me… settling around my heart.
I can feel myself withdrawing from him.
From his love…
From my marriage…
And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Nothing.
Beautifully Twisted started out as a short story I was writing in between novels from the Sunflower trilogy. The character of Scott Patrick invaded my thoughts and dreams and refused to release me until I put him on paper (he’s very demanding like that).
Through the help of my beta readers, many of whom are friends, the story of Scott and Alexa evolved into the full length novel it is today. I’d like to thank them all individually and tell them how much they mean to me but it would take up several pages just to do that, so I’ll just say this–you have my heartfelt thanks and gratitude and you know who you are.
There were a few times when the words just weren’t flowing and I was ready to ditch this project. This group of women rallied around me and through input and encouragement, gave me what I needed to push forward. In no particular order, my thanks goes out to these ladies: Beth, Megan, Jen J, Jen H (the500 Jens!), Jodie, and my Drinking Divas clique. You ladies are the bomb.com.
I want to thank the blogger community for their support and enthusiasm of this book. I can’t imagine the amount of time it must take to read, review, blog, and pimp all the books that come your way but thank you so much for doing it and for showing my project some love.
I simply can’t forget to comment about the best book club ever–Triple M. Let’s just say, that there are a few scenes in this book directly inspired by late night conversations on the page. Thank you for your support of my books and for your friendship of me. This book club is an author’s dream and a reader’s paradise. Thanks for being the beautiful book whores that you are.
Finally, the people who help me look good. My editor, Second Gaze Editing, my photographer, Sarah Lorimer Photography, and my cover designer, Joy R. McNamara. Together, a beautiful book and cover was created. Much love to you ladies.
Jennifer Domenico lives in Phoenix, Arizona with her husband and pets. She is the author of
Turn Towards the Sun 1 & 2
(The Sunflower Trilogy) and
Have My Heart
, a novella. Her third book in the Sunflower Trilogy is expected Summer 2013.
Visit her at
JenniferDomenico.com
and these other fine locations:
Facebook.com/AuthorJenDomenico
Facebook.com/AuthorJenniferDomenico
Facebook.com/BeautifullyTwistedbyJD
Twitter:
@jendomenico
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Look for these titles from Jennifer Domenico
Now Available
Turn Towards the Sun, book One
Turn Towards the Sun, book Two
Have My Heart
Coming Soon
Turn Towards the Sun, book Three