Back to You (14 page)

“In here,” I answered, pulling the blanket up all the way so as not to expose any possible marks on my torso right away, not that I was hiding or anything.
Yeah, right.

Riley walked into the living room and sat down on the edge of the couch facing me. “You okay?” he asked, pushing my hair away from my forehead tenderly. It was such a simple gesture, but I could see his eyes full of adoration and dare I say, love.

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just been a long night and today isn’t going to be easy either.”

He smiled a sad little smile at me. “You know I’m always here for you, right?”

I wasn’t sure why the guilt was building up in my chest with every word of concern he offered, and I felt the need to confess rising quickly. I hadn’t technically done anything wrong, but I also had the feeling that he wouldn’t be too happy to learn about what had happened and would probably be hurt by it.

“Tyler?” He squeezed my hand gently and brought me out of my guilt-induced haze.

“Yes, you’ve been absolutely wonderful, especially in these last few days, but I think I need to be truthful about something that happened last night.”

His eyes became guarded immediately and he let go of my hand, which I took to mean he’d figured out that it had to do with Alex.

“When I got home from Mom and Dad’s last night, Alex was sitting on the porch waiting for me. He’d been sitting there for nearly six hours, and I wasn’t sure how to react to seeing him again alone. So I basically yelled at him and then kissed him which seems crazy when I say it like that but that’s how it happened.” I chanced a look up at him to see his head hung, defeated.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen, but there’s so much history there, and I had so many pent up emotions toward him that it all sort of exploded at once.”

“Is that all that happened? Did you kiss him and he left?” There was so much hurt in his voice.

“No, that’s not all that happened, Ri, and he didn’t leave until this morning.”

“Did you have sex with him?” he asked quietly.

“No, I didn’t have sex with him, Riley, but I’m not getting into the personal details of all that. I’m sorry but I’m just not.”

He got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen without acknowledging me, so I took that time to head upstairs to shower and get ready for the day. I figured he either needed a minute to compose himself or he would be gone by the time I was done, and I wanted to give him the option of leaving without feeling bad about it.

Twenty minutes later I was showered and dressed for the day in a pair of black dress slacks and a long-sleeved black button-down with a sapphire blue tie around my neck, since that was Grammy Bea’s favorite color. I carefully walked down the stairs, not knowing what to expect when I reached the bottom, but in the living room I found Riley sitting in the armchair, a lime green monstrosity that Alex had brought home shortly after we’d moved in together and insisted that he’d needed. I hadn’t had the heart to get rid of it after he’d left, even if it was just one more reminder of the lack of his presence in my life.

“Hey,” I said tentatively and he looked up at me, sadness radiating off his face. “I wasn’t sure if you’d still be here or not.”

“Well, I’m not exactly sure why I am but I didn’t want to leave, and I don’t want to fight, so let’s go have lunch and get this day over with, okay?” He was still a bit angry, I could tell, but at least he wasn’t running for the hills.

The afternoon passed in a blur of activity. Riley and I had lunch together and after that, we met the rest of my family at my parents’ house to make sure we had everything ready for the visitation and to confirm all the details of the luncheon that was taking place after the funeral the next day. My father had asked me to take care of a few last minute additions to the slideshow that would be played at the visitation that night. While I was going through those new files, I discovered a photo of Alex and Grammy that made my heart clench.

He was sitting sideways on her lap in a patio chair in my parents’ backyard with one arm draped around her shoulders and Grammy had both arms around his waist. He was still taller than she was, and he was looking down at her laughing at something she must’ve said. Her head was tilted up at him and she had her ornery grin in place, but the love that they held for each other was plain as day. With all of the crap that had gone down between Alex and myself in the past two days I hadn’t really stopped to think about how hard it must be for him. I mean, yeah she was my grandma technically, but from the second she’d met him, she’d become his too. She loved him like a grandson, spoiled his ass rotten and threatened to tan his hide if she ever saw him again after he hurt me, but she never stopped loving him. That much was obvious because she was the only one who ever really brought him up to me, knowing I could never really be mad at her, and asked if I’d talked to him nearly every time she’d seen me.

Once I’d finished revising the slideshow and had a new copy made, we all left the house and headed to the funeral home together. Riley and I took his car because I wasn’t sure I’d be in the mood to drive home later.

Stephen met us as we arrived and explained one last time how the visitation would work. Basically, we’d stand or sit in the viewing room as her immediate family while her friends and other family members would come to express their sympathy and to say goodbye. We were having an open casket viewing and funeral to give everyone that final bit of closure.

It wasn’t long before people started to arrive. Riley sat in a pew in the back of the room, though I’d tried to get him to stand with me, and just watched quietly. I’d never been hugged by so many people in one night, all of them expressing their sympathy and condolences over the loss of such a wonderful woman. I stuck close to my brother and sister because I kept getting choked up every time someone would say something about her being gone, and I hadn’t even made it up to the casket to see her yet. I wasn’t ready for that.

Before I knew what was happening, I was being tackled and squeezed in a bear hug that could only be Andrew. He was swinging us back and forth and just being goofy, which was so him. He always knew how to make me smile and that was one of his redeeming qualities from his being a forceful butthead sometimes. “Hey, bud,” he greeted me after he let me go. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m doing as well as I can, considering.” I glanced toward the casket but still wasn’t ready.

“Have you been up there yet?” he asked even though he probably already knew the answer.

“No, not yet.”

“Want me to go up there with you?” he offered which was super nice of him.

“No, I’ll go up there in a bit.”

“Okay, man, if you’re sure. I’ll be back there with Robyn and Riley if you need anything or change your mind,” he told me and then he hugged and spoke with my siblings and parents briefly before moving up to the front of the room to see Grammy.

Robyn came over as soon as Andrew was with Riley and told me how sorry she was about my grandmother. She squeezed my hand and hugged me around my waist. I thanked her sincerely and told her I’d catch up with them later.

There were more people lined up, but when I heard Andrew’s voice get edgy and loud as he practically shouted, “Aw, hell no!” over the chatter of the people in the room, I turned to the entrance to see him approaching Alex who’d shown up with a gorgeous, shaggy blond haired boy whom I presumed was Donny.

“Oh, shit,” I muttered under my breath as I rushed toward the door to intervene.

“What in the hell do you think you’re doing bringing him here?” I heard Andrew growl at Alex. “You shouldn’t even be here.”

“I’m here because Grammy was my family and he’s here because he’s my best friend and the only person who’s actually cares about how I feel during this time,” Alex snarled back. “His name is Donny. Now get out of my way.”

“I’m not letting you in here with him,” Andrew sneered.
God, this is going to get ugly.

“Andrew!” I whisper shouted, trying to get his attention without attracting anyone else’s as I reached them. “Goddamn it, Drew, let him in here and leave him alone.”

Andrew turned and looked at me like I’d lost my fucking mind. I guess I must’ve forgotten to tell him that I’d already seen Alex. “Listen,” I told him quietly. “I’ve already talked to him a couple of times since he’s been back in town. Austin called him about Grammy and he has every right to be here to say goodbye to her. Now will you stop causing a scene here, please?”

Andrew shot one final glare at Alex then stalked back over to Robyn and Riley. “Sorry about that,” I apologized to them. “He’s a little overprotective.”

“It’s okay, Ty,” Alex replied and pulled me into a hug. I inhaled deeply as he held me and let his familiarity comfort me. “How are you holding up?” he asked me quietly and I just shook my head against his chest as I didn’t have words to explain at the moment. I don’t know how long we stood there holding each other, but Donny eventually cleared his throat uncomfortably and I pulled away quickly.

Alex turned to Donny. “Sorry,” he told him softly. I could see that he cared about him and his feelings which twisted my heart a little, but then I remembered that I cared about Riley too, so I couldn’t let it get to me too much, double standards and all.

“Donny, this is Tyler,” he introduced us. “Tyler, this is Donny, my best friend.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I told him as I extended my hand toward him. He looked as if he was actually considering not shaking my hand but then he reconsidered and actually did.

“Likewise,” he stated simply before he added, “I’m sorry about your grandmother.”

“Thank you,” I replied kindly but I wasn’t sure how sincere he was or if he was just being polite because I couldn’t get a good read on him and that was bugging me.

“I’m going to go up there and see her,” Alex declared quietly. “Will you come with me?” At first I thought he was talking to Donny but then he grabbed my hand and his eyes pleaded with me. I just nodded in reply. He looked at Donny and said, “I’ll be right back, okay?” Donny’s lips thinned and he stepped back against the wall and crossed his arms.

Alex threaded his fingers through mine and held on tightly as we approached my family. My brother smiled at me knowingly and my sister raised one eyebrow at me as if to ask, “What the fuck?” My parents, though, man that was tough. My mom’s eyes welled up immediately and my father’s entire body stiffened as if he wanted to yell but he kept himself composed.

“Mr. and Mrs. Matthews,” Alex addressed my parents, extending his hand to shake my dad’s hand and then hugged my mother. “I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what you guys must be going through right now. It’s devastating for a lot of people, I can imagine.”

“Thank you, Alex,” my father responded. “It’s good to see you again.”

“I’m just sorry that it had to be under such tragic circumstances,” Alex answered.

He kissed my mother on the cheek and then hugged my sister and expressed his condolences to her also. When he got to Austin he shook his hand and then did one of those man hug things where you pull the other party in and clap them on the back with one hand. “Thank you,” he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. “Really, just thank you.”

Austin punched him in the shoulder lightly, “No problem, Alex. Just don’t hurt my brother this time, okay?”

Alex nodded and looked at me then up toward the casket. “Are you ready?”

I wasn’t sure I would ever truly be ready to say goodbye to Grammy Bea but with Alex by my side, I was as ready as I was going to get. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

And we walked toward the front of the room, hand-in-hand.

Alex

I squeezed Tyler’s hand tightly as we stepped closer.

I thought I was ready to see Grammy Bea, but even with Tyler by my side, as we reached the casket and I saw her lying there with her arms folded across her stomach, eyes closed, make up on and smiling up at us like the absolute angel she was, whatever had been left of my heart before that moment shattered completely. She was really gone and there was nothing I could do to make that a non-reality. The tears streamed down my face as I looked at her.

I heard Tyler gasp and glanced over at him. The pain and utter devastation on his face was enough to destroy me completely. He all but threw himself into my chest and started sobbing which only made my tears come faster. I couldn’t do anything to make him feel better except wrap my arms around him as tightly as possible and hold him up as he fell apart. I rubbed my hands up and down his back soothingly, trying to comfort him as his sobs turned into soul crushing, body wracking convulsions.

“I can’t do this, Alex,” he sobbed into my chest, still shaking. “I can’t handle this. Please get me out of here.”

I glanced up to see that Tyler’s mom was on her way over to him, giving me a questioning look but I shook my head slightly to let her know I had it under control.

I ushered him out of the viewing room, down a hallway toward the back of the building and found a back door that led out into the garden behind the building. There were several benches scattered around and I led Tyler over to one of them.

I figured that it must have been a place the funeral home had set up for those who couldn’t handle being inside with their deceased loved one and needed a few moments to compose themselves. I sat down on the bench and Tyler slid down next to me, pressed so tightly against my side that our legs were overlapping. He laid his head on my shoulder and kept his arms wrapped around my torso. It felt amazing to have him touching me again, but it also felt very wrong that it was under such horrible circumstances.