Read Baby It's Cold Outside Online
Authors: Kerry Barrett
âThen a few weeks ago, she rang me to say she'd made a few enquiries and she'd found an adoption agency for witches,' Harry said.
âYou're not serious?'
She nodded.
âOh yes,' she said. There's a whole infrastructure out there if you'd bother to look for it.'
I ignored her barbed comment. My reluctance to embrace my witchiness had always bothered Harry.
âSo is it an adoption agency for witches who want to adopt or an agency for witches' children?' I asked.
âBoth, I guess,' Harry said as we turned into the lane that led to the loch. âWe've been accepted by them, and so now they're just waiting for all the paperwork from the council. Then they'll try to match us with a child.'
âA witch?' I said.
âYes, well probably. It's like any other adoption agency really,' Harry explained. âThey match all sorts of kids with all sorts of parents. It's just they have an understanding of witchcraft and they know how to look after those children.'
I thought about it. Harry was so dedicated to witchcraft that I couldn't imagine her bringing up a child who didn't share our talents. And I remembered discovering my powers as a child and how Mum and the rest of my family had guided me and helped me.
âImagine being a kid like we were, living in a home with parents who didn't know what you were about, or didn't want to know,' I said, shivering and not just from the cold.
âExactly,' Harry said. âWe've talked about it loads and we've read all the info the agency gave usâ¦'
I had a sudden memory of Lou stuffing a leaflet under her pillow that first night in Claddach. Now her secrecy made sense.
âSo if everything goes to plan, we'll be adopting a little witch,' Harry said.
We'd reached the café. I paused.
âAre you scared?' I asked.
Harry bit her lip.
âAbsolutely terrified,' she said. âBut also thrilled and excited and completely sure we're doing the right thing.'
I grinned at her. âI'm proud of you,' I said, pushing open the door of the café. âI hope me and Jamie are as happy as you and Lou are.'
Harry made a face at me as we went into the warmth. Clearly I'd crossed the line when it came to the slushy stuff.
Louise was sitting at the counter, latte in hand and her short blonde hair tousled from her hat. She smiled at us both.
âHello wanderers,' she said. âYou've been ages. Do you want a drink?'
I made a face.
âWe've drunk our own bodyweight in tea,' I said, clambering up onto one of the counter stools that were not designed for shorties like me. Harry â who was a good four inches taller than me â draped herself elegantly onto the stool next to Lou.
âI've told Esme,' she said, anxiety clouding her pretty features. âHope you don't mind. I told her about our plans.'
Lou pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.
âWhat do you think?' she asked me.
I smiled.
âI think it's bloody brilliant,' I said. âI'll help in any way I can.'
Lou reached out and squeezed my hand.
âWe'll take you up on that,' she said with a broad smile.
Harry had taken her iPad out again. Apparently she'd had enough of the lovey-dovey stuff and was back in business mode.
She filled Louise in on what was happening with the food and the dresses.
âGosh you've done loads,' Louise said, impressed. âI've been busy too.'
âPhotographer?' I asked hopefully. I'd been uber-fussy about my wedding photos. I'd looked through dozens â tens of dozens â of portfolios online, spoken to many on the phone and eventually settled on a woman who was based in Edinburgh and who took beautiful, candid shots â quite different from traditional wedding photographs. We'd agreed to pay her well over the going rate to come up to Claddach as well as covering her travel and a night's accommodation. But now there was no way for her to get here and I was devastated. So I was really hoping Louise had managed to sort something out â I knew the alternatives wouldn't be as good as our original choice, but surely there was someoneâ¦
Lou gave me a smile. The sort of smile that said “hey, what could I do?”. I didn't like that smile.
âDouglas came up trumps again,' she said. âAnother one of his contacts.'
âOkay,' I said. At least the photographer wouldn't be more used to funerals, like Kirsty was. No one had a photographer at a funeral.
âHe's more used to doing funerals,' Louise said apologetically. âBut Doug said he's really good.'
âFor goodness sake,' I muttered. Harry laughed.
âYou can speak to Doug about him later,' Louise said. âBut I've got his card, here.'
She handed me a business card which was, I was pleased to see, lacking in any black borders, lilies or crosses. It had a very nice photo of Loch Claddach on one side and on the other it simply said William Walters, photographer, and a mobile number and website.
âThank you,' I said to Louise, feeling happier about it all. âI appreciate it.'
My phone rang in my pocket and I pulled it out. It was Kirsty, sounding very flustered.
âSorry, sorry, sorry,' she said. âI know I'm meant to be meeting you in fifteen minutes, but my dad's gone out to a sudden, and I'm on my own and I can't leave the shop.'
I gulped.
âA sudden?' I said, not liking where this was going.
âDeath,' said Kirsty, cheerfully. âI never know how long they're going to take. Can you meet me here instead?'
âThere?' I said, shuddering. âAt the funeral shop?'
âWe can talk in my office,' Kirsty said.
âOkay,' I said reluctantly, knowing how much of a favour she was doing us. âI'm just at the café. I'll track Jamie down and see you there.'
I ended the call and looked at Louise and Harry, who were both laughing now.
âI'm going to the funeral home to talk about my wedding,' I said. âI hope this isn't a sign.'
âMaybe it's like tarot,' Harry said. âDeath means new beginnings, remember?'
I shivered again. Harry and I hadn't had a lot of luck with tarot cards in the past.
âAt least Jamie will be there,' I said. âI won't be dealing with the Addams family on my own.'
âThe Addams family weren't undertakers,' Louise pointed out helpfully as my phone rang again. It was Jamie.
âSorry,' he said. I rolled my eyes. âI know we're supposed to meet Kirsty. But Dad's been called out to deliver a baby so I said I'd take over at the surgery.'
âIn the midst of life we are in death,' I said.
âWhat?' Jamie sounded confused.
âNothing,' I said. âI'll go and meet Kirsty on my own, then, to talk about OUR wedding.' âSorry,' Jamie said again. He did sound sorry, which was something, I supposed. âIt's crazy here, Dad's frantic and I just don't want to drop him in it. He was supposed to have retired, not be dashing around delivering babies.'
âI know,' I said, feeling guilty for being mean. âYou're doing a brilliant job. I'll go through everything with Kirsty and tell you all about it when we're both back home.'
âI love you,' Jamie said.
âLove you too,' I said, ending the call. I looked at Harry and Lou.
âSo it's just me, Kirsty and a load of dead people,' I said. âSee you later.'
I slid off the stool, pulled on my coat and headed for the door. I was lucky enough never to have been inside a funeral home, so I wasn't sure what to expect from Kirsty's. I rang the doorbell on the glass door, and waited as she came to let me in. She was back in her bank manager gear and looked a world apart from the girl on stage the night before.
âHiya,' she sang, locking the door behind me. âSorry to drag you here. Dad's really strict about having someone in the shop all the time.'
âWhat about overnight?' I asked, interested despite myself.
âBen lives upstairs,' she said.
âSomeone lives here?' I said. âHere?'
âIn the flat, upstairs,' Kirsty said. âBen's Dad's assistant. So if anyone comes in person, he's normally here. Hardly ever happens though. Mostly people phone â and we've got a rota for that.'
She led me into her office, which was nothing like I'd expected a funeral home to look.
At one end was a beautiful wooden desk, with a closed MacBook on top and a pot of pens. At the other end were two cream sofas with a low coffee table in between them. A long bookshelf lined the wall. The carpet was thick, ivory wool and the curtains a shimmery brown fabric.
âSit down,' Kirsty said, pushing a box of tissues and what looked like a brochure for coffins to one end of the coffee table out of our way.
I sat down on one of the sofas and looked round.
âThis is really nice,' I said in surprise.
âWhat were you expecting?' Kirsty said with a smile. âHard chairs and lots of velvet?'
âWell, yes,' I admitted.
âI made some changes when I took over,' Kirsty said. âShook it up a bit. I think if people are looking to us to help them through a horrible time, then we should at least give them somewhere nice to do it.'
She was still smiling â not a false, customer service smile, but a genuine smile.
âYou love it, don't you?' I said, bemused.
âI do,' Kirsty said. âIt's brilliant. Well, that's probably not the right word for it. But it's very satisfying and I think it's important too.'
I nodded. That was how I felt about my job. I felt a sudden kinship with Kirsty, despite her strange job and her chameleon appearance.
She picked up a notebook, opened it to a clean page and sat, poised, with her pen at the ready.
âRight,' she said. âTell me what you want.'
We sat for about forty-five minutes, chatting easily as I told her our plans for the ceremony. We had two readings, I told her. One was being read by my wayward brother â whereabouts currently unknown â and the other by Jamie's quietly spoken cousin Annalise, who thankfully lived close to Jamie's parents on the outskirts of Claddach.
âSo we'll have the first reading then I say a few words about marriage and you and Jamie,' Kirsty said. âThat's my favourite bit actually, finding out about the deceased, erm I mean about the couple, and their life, erm, lives.'
She made a face at me.
âSorry,' she said. âI promise I won't get funerals and weddings mixed up on the day.'
I giggled, struck by how ridiculous the whole thing was.
âI trust you,' I said. âWhat happens after that?'
âThen it's the ceremony,' Kirsty said, pulling a sheet of paper out of the back of her notebook. âYou can choose any of these vows, or you can write your own.'
I took the sheet.
âI'll speak to Jamie,' I said. âI can't imagine he'll want us to write our own â he's not very poetic. His would all be about me letting him watch the Six Nations in peace.'
And not minding when his ex-fiancée turns up with his son, I thought to myself. I wondered if that was the sort of thing covered by “for better or worse”. I hoped so. I wasn't sure if I could take things getting any worse than they already were.
âOkay,' said Kirsty, shutting her notebook after we'd talked about every aspect of the ceremony and agreed that she should pop into the gallery before Saturday to have a look round.
I stood up.
âThank you,' I said, feeling unexpectedly emotional. âI'm not sure what we would have done without you.'
Kirsty pulled me into a hug.
âThank you,' she said. âI'm so pleased you asked me.'
There was a knock on the door of her office and Douglas stuck his head round.
âEsme,' he said with a smile. âI was hoping to catch you. Louise said you need a photographer?'
âWe do,' I said. âDo you think your friend William could help?'
âI've left him a message,' Doug said, coming into the room properly. He was wearing a black suit and a black tie and looked very funereal.
âIn the meantime, have a look at his website. He's really terrific.'
On the whole, I reflected, as I trudged through the snow on my way home, it was rather lucky Mum had met Douglas. My first reaction to her having a boyfriend â if you call him a boyfriend seeing as he was in his sixties â seemed to have happened so long ago, to someone else, even though it had only been a few days ago. Before the avalanche, before Tansy arrivedâ¦
I told Mum that when I finally got home after the long trek up the snowy hill.
âI'm sorry I was so horrible to him,' I said. âHe's a good one.' I peeled off my coat for what felt like the twentieth time that day. âI'm so sick of this cold,' I wailed, hanging my damp gloves on the radiator to dry out. âI'm going to tell Jamie we're moving to Africa. It's hot there, right?'
âSweltering,' Tansy said, coming out of the kitchen into the hall. âAnd it's a dry heat, that gets in your throat.'
I scowled at her.
âAustralia,' I said to Mum. âWe'll go to Australia. Or Spain. Or California.'
Mum laughed.
âDon't you dare,' she said. âI didn't even like it when you lived in London.'
She bustled me into the living room, with Tansy following. Parker was sitting close to the television, watching what seemed to be a David Attenborough documentary on insects.
âHi Parker,' I said.
âEsme,' he said, not taking his eyes off the screen. âDid you know honey bees have hair on their eyes?'
âI did not know that,' I said truthfully. âGoodness.'
Tansy smiled at Parker proudly.
âHe loves bugs,' she said. âLoves them.'
I ignored her. I knew I was being childish, but I was still so angry with her, and so mixed up about how I felt about Parker, and Jamie's relationship with him, and I wasn't ready to deal with it yet.