Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (3 page)

If you have high self-esteem, you'll choose relationships with nice people who won't take advantage of you. However, most Earth Angels are drawn to unhappy people who need “fixing.” This gives them a sense of purpose.

You might meet truly nice people, but not notice or be attracted to them because they're already healed. So your heart beats faster when you meet unhappy or angry people, since they present a challenge.
I can make him happy
, you unconsciously decide.

Other people can sense that you're desperate for them to be happy. So they start to take advantage of you and depend upon you for their entertainment, support, and emotional well-being. And when they're unhappy (which is most of the time, because only
they
can give happiness to themselves . . . and we're
all
unhappy when we're taking advantage of someone else, or looking outside of ourselves for happiness), they blame
you!
And you then blame yourself, and your light dims.

Part of your life purpose is learning how to have healthy boundaries with others. It's about loving people in a way that's healthy, instead of “enabling” them.

I
NTRODUCTION

What Does It Mean to Be “Assertive”?

There's a lot of confusion and misunderstandings about the word
assertive
. Some people confuse assertiveness with aggression. It's no wonder they're afraid of being assertive!

Therefore it's very important that we define our terms so that we can have a mutual understanding of what we're talking about here.

A Definition of Assertiveness

Assertiveness
means that you're aware of your feelings and opinions and that you state them to yourself and others in a way that respects other people's rights. An assertive person is kind, peaceful, and gentle yet never apologizes for his or her feelings, because feelings are to be honored and respected. Assertiveness is spiritually Divine, because it's a way of interacting that acknowledges that you are one and equal with others. Therefore, you have as much right to be happy as other people.

—
Assertiveness in personal relationships
: If you're assertive, you know that relationships are built upon revealing your true self. Otherwise you'll never feel loved, because the other person doesn't even know the real you! The only way to genuinely feel loved is to take the risk of being your true self and then find that you're accepted and cherished for who you really are.

—
Assertiveness in business
: In business settings, it's all about gaining respect. When you're assertive at work, you tell it like it is. You don't raise your voice or put anybody else down personally or attack others' opinions. You don't have to be tough or traditionally “masculine” to be assertive. In fact, assertiveness can be extremely gentle. An assertive businessperson speaks calmly and passionately at the same time.

—
Assertiveness in life-purpose situations
: As an Earth Angel, you have a very important life mission. You're here to speak up on behalf of those who can't speak for themselves (such as children, animals, oppressed people, and Mother Nature and the environment). You're here to help others hear and trust Divine messages. So this means you'll be called into doing work as a teacher, where you convey important information, either in a formal setting such as a classroom or as you meet people along the way.

As an Earth Angel, you're also expected to do advocacy or activism work. This means staying aware of what is going on in the world and making sure everyone has a voice. In practical terms this means that you'll sign petitions, speak out, spread awareness, go to meetings, contact your local representatives, volunteer, pray, and attend peaceful rallies.

What Assertiveness Is Not

Now let's contrast that assertive energy with aggression and other similar characteristics.

Aggression
means that you care only for your own feelings and rights and not about the other person. Aggression is loud, angry, and ugly. An aggressive individual wants to wear down the other person's resolve by being imposing, threatening, and obnoxious until his or her demands are agreed to.

Of course, we all occasionally lose our tempers. And hopefully we learn from this every time it occurs. The learning can be about ways to deal with anger that don't involve storing it up until we become explosive.

Aggression is different from occasionally losing your cool. Aggression means that you're selfishly pushing your will upon another person. It means that you've decided that your rights are more important than someone else's. Earth Angels are much too sensitive to engage in this type of behavior for long. The Earth Angel knows that we are all one, with equal rights.

Passive-Aggression

Passive-aggression
is often confused with assertiveness. The passive-aggressive response means that you're afraid of conflict, so you show your anger in ways that hurt other people but are so under-the-radar that you can't be blamed.

— In business settings
: Passive-aggressive people sabotage the work assignment that they don't want to do. For example, a woman I know was given a task at work that she absolutely deplored. But she was afraid of saying no to her boss, so instead she made many mistakes while completing the task to ensure that she'd never be asked to do it again.

— In personal relationships
: Examples of passive-aggression include withholding love or sex until you get your way, or saying something mean about your partner in public that you haven't had the courage to say directly to him or her in private.

Passivity

And then there's just plain old
passivity
. This means that you don't acknowledge your feelings to yourself or others. Being passive means that you have numbed your feelings so that you no longer care about yourself, others, or the issues in the world. Passive people have run away from responsibility and their emotions by “checking out” through drug use or other addictive behavior, spaciness, depression, isolation, or running from job to job or relationship to relationship.

—
In business settings
: Passive people go along with their bosses' whims and wishes without question. In life in general, passive people are like corks floating on the sea, without any control or opinions. They have dreams, but they never expect to realize them. Dreams are for “lucky, rich, or famous people.” The passive person believes that fortunate people were born that way, without realizing that the same opportunities are available to everyone through determination and hard work.

— In personal relationships
: Being passive means that you allow others to control what you do. This is often called “being a doormat.” People who are passive frequently become depressed, in a state that is referred to in psychology as
learned helplessness
. It's almost as if your spirit has been beaten out of you. Fortunately, your soul is alive and well, and ready to be reignited.

Some people are passive because they're afraid of being seen for who they are. This usually stems from a childhood where they were teased or punished for speaking or acting up, or from a past life in which they were killed or tortured or faced some other painful outcome. While passive people desperately want to be effective in this world, they're afraid of taking that risk. So in my teaching and Angel Therapy work, I help them see that they
aren't
living in their childhood or that painful medieval life they remember—and that life is about taking risks!

Homework from Heaven

Occasionally I will meet people who will argue with me about their passivity. They'll tell me that they're being passive in relationships and in the world because they're using the Law of Attraction. Their argument is that what you think about comes into being, so they're only going to
think
about goodness and peace and happiness.

And it's wonderful to put your whole focus on the positive! But it's not enough. Covering negativity with positive affirmations is like throwing a new rug over a dirty floor. The dirt's still there!

If prayers and positive thoughts were enough, you and I could have just stayed in heaven and sent positive energy to the people here on Earth. When we truly pray (and don't just mouth the words), we always receive “homework from heaven,” which are action steps we're Divinely guided to take.

Homework-from-heaven action steps include reading a book, making a call or driving across town, teaching others about a topic, starting a new project, and so forth.

The reason why we're in physical human bodies is because there's a need for our human voice, our human efforts, and our human action steps.

Think of the different archangels as the heavenly counterpart to this:

• Archangel Michael
  is constantly effecting his purpose of eradicating fear by taking angelic action steps. He uses his signature sword and peaceful warrior energy to clear away lower energies.
  
• Archangel Ariel
  is very active in helping heal and preserve the environment.
  
• And then there's
  Archangel Gabriel,
  whose actions involve delivering messages and encouraging human messengers such as writers, teachers, and artists.
  

These angels offer perfect examples of ways for us Earth Angels to take action. Sometimes we need to put up a fight like Archangel Michael. Sometimes we need to stand up for the environment like Archangel Ariel. And at other times we need to speak up like Archangel Gabriel. These are all very powerful action steps!

Sending light and love doesn't mean mouthing words and saying a quick prayer. It means going deep within yourself and calling upon the power of God and the universe to fill you up and then sending that power outward. This doesn't have to take a lot of time, but it does mean blocking out external distractions. So close your eyes and breathe deeply, and call upon the light and the love of the universe to build within you and strengthen your resolve.

PART I

A
SSERTIVENESS BASICS

CHAPTER ONE

IT ALL BEGAN
WITH THE
ORIGINAL TRAUMA

B
efore you were born, you had an ideal life in heaven.
(Heaven
refers to a high-vibrational non-physical existence. It's where we live in between our physical lives.)

In heaven, there are no bills to pay, no urgent deadlines, and no stress. You spend your time helping earthly people and animals, learning how the universe works, and growing in your understanding and elevating your vibration.

On Earth, the ego rules the roost because the physical body demands to be fed, clothed, and sheltered. This sets up a system of competition where people maneuver to get their needs met. The belief is:
I better get mine before someone else does
. So there's a lot of rushing around, scurrying to compete and earn money.

Now let's take a deep breath and let all that energy go as we focus upon heaven. In contrast to Earth's materially competitive focus, in heaven every need is automatically met. There's no physical body, so there's no competition for food or jobs.