Assertiveness for Earth Angels: How to Be Loving Instead of Too Nice (2 page)

Awkward silence. My energy fell. My face grew hot.

Then Esther Hicks saved the day. She looked directly at the psychic and said with perfect strength: “Well, maybe that's because you haven't yet had the experience of unicorns and rainbows!” There wasn't an ounce of sarcasm or placating in Esther's voice or energy. She was speaking purely from a place of fearless and centered power.

Everyone at the table was quiet. I wanted to run away or duck under the table.

Then the psychic shifted her body weight, sighed, and replied, “Hmm, perhaps you're right.”

I looked at Esther with gratitude for teaching me one of my most important life lessons that evening. She showed me how to maintain dignity and inner peace in the face of harsh energy. Since then, I've devoted myself to studying and practicing this spiritual art. In this book, I'll share with you everything I've learned.

I discovered that there's a vast difference between being “nice” and being “loving.” I had lived my life as a “nice girl,” covering up my feelings to protect others, and sugarcoating what I said to avoid conflict. “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all” was my philosophy. I respected authority without question, and stuffed down my feelings. Then those pent-up feelings would become unbearable and I'd either confront the person who triggered them or leave the relationship.

I thought I was being nice.

I wasn't.

I was being fearful, which is the opposite of love.

As I prayed for help with my relationships, I began to receive important life lessons. I'd hear them as intuitive “downloads,” meaning that a knowingness or
Aha!
insight would suddenly appear. Sometimes the lessons would be accompanied by visual or auditory teachings. I'd see visions or hear a voice in my right ear, which is the way the angels have communicated with me since I was a child.

The first lesson I learned was that sensitive people like you and me were “sent” here as Earth Angels with an important mission: to defuse and reduce conflict on this planet. Our mission doesn't involve ignoring conflict. It involves
resolving
it.

We Earth Angels are like loving-but-firm parents sent here to express God's benevolent power to help others. Here's an example by way of analogy: If a child wants to only eat candy and says that doing so makes him happy, would a good parent allow this?

Of course not. Even if the child cries or gets angry, a good parent must say no to the request to continually eat candy. The parent may moderate this response by occasionally allowing candy, or may substitute healthier treats. However the situation is handled, though, it comes down to the parent being strong enough to say no.

That metaphor is applicable to our life mission. When there's conflict on the planet—whether it's an argument between partners or feuds between countries— it's akin to little children throwing tantrums because they're not getting their way. We as Earth Angels need to assume the parental role, bringing about a peaceful resolution.

Managing conflict can be uncomfortable because Earth Angels are so attuned to energy. We can feel when others are stressed, angry, sad, or uncomfortable. Their emotional energy affects us directly. Fortunately, we can use our awareness to shift this discomfort in a healthier and more peaceful direction.

Remember the metaphor of the caring parent: she gets involved in her child's conflict because she loves him. With a loving heart, you step in and tell the truth—whether it's with your child, a friend, your spouse, or a co-worker. You reveal your real feelings, because you know it's the only route to a long-lasting and healthy relationship.

Holding your feelings in is like putting a steadily increasing amount of air into a balloon. There's a limit to how much air the balloon will hold before it explodes!

Making Peace with Conflict

Adversity pushes us to become stronger, and I've had my share of adverse experiences! I've been tricked, manipulated, sued, gossiped about, betrayed, lied to, abandoned, stalked, used, abused, and subjected to just about every other painful situation you can think of. Yet, instead of being bitter, I've grown stronger and wiser with each experience.

In fact, I've learned that when your back is pushed up against the wall (metaphorically), you find your inner strength. A couple of years after Esther Hicks defended me, I was going through a divorce in which my ex-husband's lawyer was viciously going after every penny I'd ever earned . . . and
would
ever earn. They were demanding my home, my entire retirement savings, and half my future earnings for life.

My conflict-phobic self normally allowed angry people to take whatever they wanted from me, in exchange for peace.
But this time I had no choice but to stand up for myself
. I had to face the conflict head-on. I prayed constantly for help, and I clearly heard Archangel Michael say that he was watching over me.

The situation was frightening and enraging. I endured process servers, depositions, and courtrooms. I felt emotions that I'd never previously experienced. I remembered past lifetimes of persecution.

At first, I was angry with him for “doing this to me.” I felt like a complete victim.

I finally awoke from my Earth Angel “bubble” and realized that these negative things were happening in my life because I wasn't listening to heaven. I realized that God and the angels had tried to forewarn me of every one of those painful experiences, and if I'd noticed their red-flag warnings, I would have avoided a lot of pain. So I had to do major forgiveness work to come to peace with myself for ultimately betraying my own self.

Once I forgave myself for getting in the situation that I was in, I found my inner power and strength. I stood up for myself and took charge of the situation! It wasn't about the outcome of the divorce. It was all about me learning how to face adversity with grace, poise, and peace.

Now I want to pass along this exciting information to you! You, too, can learn how to peacefully and lovingly take care of yourself in harsh circumstances.

I've learned so much from each painful occurrence, and this book is my opportunity to share this hard-earned knowledge with you. So my knowledge comes from firsthand experience, as well as working with people around the world.

I've interviewed, counseled, and taught thousands of Earth Angels across the globe. I've learned about the fears that drive us to act in self-sabotaging ways. And more important, I've learned how to
overcome
those fears and behaviors!

In my undergraduate psychology classes, I learned about and studied assertiveness in intellectual ways. I knew that assertiveness was a way to communicate my feelings and needs while respecting the rights of others. What took me years to learn was how to respect my own rights.

Are You an Earth Angel?

Earth Angel
is a term I use to describe people who:

• Are highly sensitive
  
• Have an innocence in their outlook on love and life, which others may call naïve
  
• Believe in God's loving power (but aren't necessarily religious)
  
• Are gentle and caring
  
• See the best in others, including their hidden potentials
  
• Are trusting and optimistic
  
• Have been taken advantage of by those who use the Earth Angels' niceness for their own gain
  
• Have had painful relationship experiences, but still believe in true love and friendship
  
• Cherish the magical parts of spirituality, such as manifestation, unicorns, fairies, mermaids, and the like
  
• Feel called on a mission, with a sense of duty and stewardship toward others, including strangers
  
• Want everyone to be happy
  
• Are unhappy when others are upset
  
• Believe in fairness
  

Does that sound like you or someone you love?

Everyone is God's creation, and everyone has a purpose in life. Earth Angels are those who feel “sent” to Earth to bring about peace and create lasting positive change. Earth Angels use prayer, kindness, and love to help others. They can be any gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion. The common denominator is that Earth Angels feel compelled to help people and “make” them feel happy. In fact,
they
only feel happy when others are happy.

Sometimes Earth Angels are called
lightworkers
, which is a related term for highly sensitive people on a spiritual mission to bring peace to the world. To me, Earth Angels are a subcategory of lightworkers. They are the sweet, caring, and giving lightworkers of the world.

In my books
Earth Angels
and
Realms of the Earth Angels
, I describe the various realm origins of lightworkers, including that of the
incarnated angel
. In this book, the term
Earth Angel
encompasses all the realms. It also includes rainbow, crystal, and indigo children and adults.

In the ultimate sense, Earth Angels are performing an important mission collectively by walking around smiling and uplifting everyone with whom they come into contact. They are natural healers whose very presence heals people, animals, and plants. Earth Angels are highly connected with the Divine, and they're naturally intuitive. In fact, they're
so
connected that they're frequently ungrounded, spacey, and forgetful.

If you're an Earth Angel, you're obsessed with other people's happiness. If anyone you love is
un
happy, you become upset. You may blame yourself for his or her un-happiness, which creates the Earth Angel cycle of codependency, where your happiness is dependent upon another's. And since you can't control others' happiness, you feel unable to predict or control your own, as it's contingent upon someone else.

Earth Angels are usually “conflict-phobic,” meaning that they fear arguments and confrontations. Angry people are the opposite of happy people to an Earth Angel. So if faced with such an individual, Earth Angels will shut down and usually comply with the other person's wishes, feeling at fault if someone is unhappy or angry. They are convinced they've failed in their mission to bring happiness to others. As a result, Earth Angels will do practically
anything
to keep the peace!

Their conflict phobia makes Earth Angels targets for manipulative people who take advantage of others' niceness. Before they learn their earthly lesson about holding boundaries, Earth Angels usually fall under the spell of narcissistic individuals who only care about their own needs. (We'll discuss this topic in depth throughout this book.)

Earth Angels find themselves in a bind because their life purpose is to bring peace to the world. They are lights sent from heaven to shine peace and happiness and lift others' consciousness and vibrations—so they're usually the world's kindest, nicest, and gentlest people! In fact, they pride themselves on being sweet in the roughest of situations (although Earth Angels do lose their tempers when pushed to their limit).

Earth Angels view themselves as tough, even though they're highly sensitive. They shoulder other people's burdens and rarely ask for help. If help is offered, they won't accept it. They're afraid of “bothering” anyone. An Earth Angel thinks:
If I allow this person to help me, I'm making him go to a lot of trouble, which might result in him feeling tired or sad. I don't want to inflict that on another person, so I'll just do everything myself
.

Because Earth Angels can see everyone's hidden potentials and inner light, they tend to overlook other people's hurtful behavior—especially toward
them
. An Earth Angel will make excuses about someone who's mistreating them, saying, “Oh, she didn't mean it . . . it wasn't that bad,” or “He was just having a rough day.” The person who's acting hurtfully doesn't need to expend any effort in justifying him- or herself, because the Earth Angel does it
for
him or her!

How are such people supposed to learn about the effects of their behavior if Earth Angels are constantly making excuses for them? How are others supposed to take responsibility for their lives, if Earth Angels are offering to do everything for them?

As an Earth Angel, you're here to bring more light into the world, not to enable people's egocentric behavior! By constantly giving in all of your relationships, you may suffer from symptoms of imbalance, including:

— Resentment.
Feeling used for being nice, and not having the niceness reciprocated, you may find that the resentment builds up, becoming a toxic, acidic energy that sours you and can lead to health consequences.

—
Fatigue.
Constantly giving is draining on your time, energy, finances, and other resources. You may stay up late and get up early to have enough time to give to others.

—
Money issues.
Are you paying for everything? This is an unhealthy imbalance in your relationships.

—
Health issues.
You may develop serious health concerns from your energy imbalances. These can range from skin problems (repressed anger) to weight gain (protecting yourself with body fat) to throat ailments (fear of speaking up) to breast issues (nursing everyone until you're drained).