Read Anubis Speaks!: A Guide to the Afterlife by the Egyptian God of the Dead Online
Authors: Vicky Alvear Shecter
Tags: #Spirituality, #History
Keep Your Fingers
and Toes in the Boat—
the Crocs Are Here
Don’t be alarmed to hear the splashing of
crocodiles. In this hour, Sobek, the crocodile-headed god of water makes an appearance. The Nile crocodile was one of the most ferocious predators in Egypt, weighing up to 1,500 pounds and growing up to nineteen feet in length.
It’s no surprise, then, that temples dedicated to Sobek were built in almost all of the regions near the Nile where the crocs liked to snack on humans.
Fishermen, in particular, prayed to Sobek for protection. But Sobek didn’t always listen.
“Tame” crocodiles were often kept in Sobek’s temple pools where priests decorated them with gold and jewels. Yes, my people bejeweled the beasts. Hey, it made Sobek happy to see his ugly brutes all shiny and pretty. And whatever made Sobek happy, made the crocs happy. Or, at least, that’s what my people hoped.
Another fearsome creature that often attacked my people was the “river horse.” You moderns call it a hippopotamus. These beasts often attacked boats, and stomped on anybody who got too near their territory.
Lucky for you, we won’t see any river horses on this boat trip.
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The Pharaoh Parade
The people who passed my test are not the only ones regenerating in this hour. Ra also awakens all of Egypt’s dead pharaohs so they can join us in combating the dark side. My people believed that pharaohs were semidivine while they ruled, and became full-time gods when they died. Once they joined the divine team, it was their job to help Ra fight Apophis on his nightly journey.
Oh, look, here they come now!
Do you see that woman over there? Yes, I said woman. Don’t let the beard fool you. She wore that beard to show her kingship. Though women enjoyed more rights than in other civilizations, it was rare for a woman to rule as pharaoh. Her name is Hatshepsut, and she was a magnificent queen. She expanded Egypt’s territories, improved trading, stabilized the economy, and built great monuments and temples.
She is buried in her tomb near the entrance of the Valley of Kings, which later became a popular tomb spot for many pharaohs. Decades after Hatshepsut’s death, her successor had her statues toppled and her name struck from all the records. Why? Nobody knows. But she got him back in the end. Today most people know
her
name, but not his!
And look, there is Ramses the Great, who ruled for more than sixty years, and built extraordinary temples and monuments. He fathered more than 65
one hundred children. He also claimed that he
personally
defeated the entire Hittite army in one battle that actually ended in a draw. Yeah. Like all good politicians, the man knew how to spin a good story. However, he is most famous for coming up with history’s first peace treaty. He made peace with his enemies the Hittites, so they could gang up together on an even bigger enemy, the Assyrians.
There are other pharaohs you might recognize—
Akhenaten, the ruler who tried to impose a new religion with a belief in only one god; Tutankhamun, the boy king; Taharqa, the Nubian pharaoh who saved Jerusalem from the Assyrians; and even Cleopatra, the last pharaoh of the dynasty of Greek rulers.
Pyramid Power
There’s one pharaoh, though, that you won’t want to miss. Here he comes now! Khufu was one of Egypt’s early pharaohs and the man who built the Great Pyramid at Giza. At fifty stories high and thirteen acres wide, his is the largest pyramid ever erected. It’s the only one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World still standing.
Many of the stones used in the pyramid weigh more than a
car
. And yet my people cut, carved, and moved these immense stones without the use of wheels, and with only the use of hand tools such as chisels and saws.
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For a long time, your people thought slaves built the pyramids. They did not. The pharaoh gave jobs to his people as a way to keep them busy during the long months they couldn’t farm and had no other work. You moderns might call that a “public works” program.
In return for their hard work, Khufu housed and fed them, and even paid them in oil, bread, and beer.
Buried around the pyramids were two solar
boats for King Khufu’s ka to use after death. Since my people believed Khufu became a god after death, they thought he might as well have his own solar boats, just in case Ra needed backup.
Each boat—measuring almost one-hundred-fifty feet long—was carefully taken apart and buried in layers in the sand around the pyramid. It took ten years for you modern geniuses to figure out how to put just one of these boats together. My people, they could build boats like this in their sleep.
Although the pyramid was supposed to be Khufu’s tomb, neither his mummy nor his treasure were found inside. In fact, neither has
ever
been found. But I know where his mummy is buried. In fact, I know where to find
all
the missing mummies and their treasures your dirt-diggers are always seeking. But I’m not telling.
Why should I? Nothing gives me more pleasure than watching you people wander in clueless circles around our deserts. Seriously, I wouldn’t trade that laugh-a-thon for anything.
67
Meanwhile, our lovely hour of regeneration is coming to its end. Ra is restored, the pharaohs of old are regenerated, and all of the blessed dead are reborn. What an hour!