An Ideal Wife (12 page)

‘Stop stop,’ god aspirant primo asked me to stop the film after Jimmy said this at the party.

‘Keep these bills with you. If after one year of the marriage you still say that Payal is your ideal wife then I will gladly pay you every single penny.
’

Everyone looked at the god aspirant primo, as they were still confused.

‘What do you mean, buddy?’ I once again asked for clarification.

‘Didn’t you hear that Sameer will win the bet only after a year when he will agree that he got his ideal wife?’

‘So??’

‘This means till then you haven’t completed your task!’ god aspirant primo twisted the tale in his favour.

I didn’t know how to react to this new twist so I looked at Bhagwaan Dada with an innocent face. Bhagwaan Dada looked around and found everyone was looking at him. Allegations of favouritism were still fresh in his mind so he played safe in order to avoid any more controversies.

‘I kind of agree with the logic put forward by the others. I think your work is not complete yet.’

Just one line from Bhagwaan Dada turned the situation upside down and left me wondering about my future. All others in the conference room were beaming and secretly congratulating god aspirant primo for coming up with the brilliant logic.

‘You can stay here for sometime but if anything goes wrong with their marriage then you will have to go down to Mrityulok to sort things after out,’ he continued.

I heaved a sigh of relief hearing this, as I was confident that nothing could go wrong now.

‘Also remember, apart from not having any god powers, this time you will have to make your own arrangements in Mrityulok. You can’t stay with Sameer anymore,’ Bhagwaan Dada decided to up the punishment to pacify the others.

‘No chance for that to happen. I got him what he wanted.’

I replied excitedly and just like Sameer, I had an ear-to-ear smile.

Everyone left the conference room smiling. This was a very peculiar situation where everyone felt they’d won. Bhagwaan Dada was happy that he saved himself from any further criticism and his initial choice of promoting me to god was not wrong. I was elated thinking that I had achieved something that no one else had achieved before. Other gods and god aspirants were happy to know that my work was not yet complete.

11

The honeymoon drive

B
ack in Mrityulok, Sameer and Payal were enjoying the drive on the newly constructed Mumbai to Goa National Highway 17. It took them barely five hours to reach Ratnagiri, a port city on Arabian Sea, while covering over 320 km.

Sameer was at the wheels of his BMW 3 series convertible whereas Payal was sitting in the navigation seat with her head on Sameer’s shoulder. Payal pressed the button of the car music system and the most soothing romantic Hindi song ‘
Do Lafzo Kee Hai Dil Kee Kahani’
from
‘The Great Gambler’
started playing. The cool coastal breeze made the atmosphere even more romantic.

Both Sameer and Payal were thoroughly immersed in the song when Sameer’s mobile phone started ringing. He picked up the phone quite reluctantly.

‘What’s up dude?’ Jimmy spoke from the other side.

‘Doing great, just reached Ratnagiri.’

‘Quite a start but will you be able to control your urge before reaching Goa or planning to stop somewhere in between?’

‘Apne jaisa samjh rakha hai kya?’

‘Buddy, I can start anywhere if I have a sexy wife like Payal,’ Jimmy started laughing as soon as he finished talking.

Payal chose that very moment to start running her hands all over Sameer’s body. Sameer started getting excited and made some strange noises. Jimmy could easily hear Sameer’s noises over the phone.

‘Hahahaha,
I am not like you!
I told you all men are the same,’ Jimmy poked fun at Sameer.

‘
Chal phone rakh,’
Sameer tried to cover his embarrassment but Jimmy started laughing again.

Sameer disconnected the phone and looked at Payal who was still busy exploring his body.

‘Wait, we might meet with an accident.’

‘Who cares?’

She continued to move her hands up his thighs.

‘Wait wait, we are reaching Goa soon!’

‘Who wants to wait for soon?’ fearless Payal continued.

She now started kissing him all over. Sameer tried to stop her but she was unstoppable. After a few futile attempt of stopping her, Sameer gave up. He took the car a little away from the highway, got the hood up and drove up to a secluded beach.

As soon as he stopped the car, they started kissing each other passionately. Both got extremely excited but before they could proceed further they heard rude knocks on the car window. Sameer looked up and was shocked to see a policeman ogling at them.

‘Jamaila, kya chalu hai idhar?’
a heavy Marathi-accented voice pierced through his ears.

Sameer was stunned to hear the heavy tone.

‘Roll down the window glass,’ the heavy voice continued.

Sameer did as told and the policeman put his neck through the door unceremoniously.

‘So these days you people have found this place,
haan?’

‘What?’

‘Ae what what, chal bahar nikal,’
angered, the policeman raised his voice.

‘It’s not what you are thinking?’ Sameer tried to reason with him.

‘I very well know what’s happening. Just come out!’ the policeman snapped his fingers impatiently.

Sameer came out of the car and got even more scared to see the size of the policeman. He was more than 6 feet tall and his chest would have certainly measured 45 inches at the very least.

‘I had heard of this kind of shady business being carried out near the highway but never thought it could happen right under my very nose!’

‘No sir, you are getting it all wrong,’ Sameer replied, regaining his composure.

‘So now you are going to teach me what’s right and what’s wrong?’

‘Sir, sir, I think there is some misunderstanding.’

‘I can understand uneducated people doing this but people like you??’

The policeman shook his head in disbelief.

‘Lagta hai maa baap ne kaan ke neeche bajaye nahin shayad bachpan mein,
’ he continued his tirade.

‘Sir, we are husband and wife.’

‘That’s what everyone says when they get caught.’

‘Sir, we just got married yesterday!’

The policeman started laughing.

‘Shukar hai yeh nahin kaha kee abhi abhi car mein shaadi kee hai!
’

‘I am telling the truth sir, we are going on our honeymoon to Goa.’

‘But you decided to start here, right? Don’t even try to fool me. You know who I am? I am sub-inspector Shikre! Who? Shikre.’

The policeman seemed pretty adept at blowing his own trumpet.

‘Sir, please let us go; I am telling the truth that we are married.’

‘That’s why you decided to do this in a public place?’

Sameer knew it was getting tough to deal with the man so he decided to go with the world famous Indian
Jugaad.
He took out a bunch of thousand rupee notes from his pocket and placed it on the policeman’s right palm.

‘Rishwat, Shikre ko rishwat……chal thane!
’

Sameer was not sure what exactly hit the policeman, as the famous Indian
Jugaad
had never failed before.

The policeman wrapped his right arm around Sameer’s neck and Sameer struggled like a child to release himself from his clutches. Payal got extremely worried, so she immediately came out of the car and tried unsuccessfully to untangle Sameer from his grip.

‘Sir, I made a mistake. I didn’t know you are an honest policeman,’ Sameer could barely speak with policeman’s arms around his neck.

‘You mean we are all corrupt?’

‘That’s not what he meant!’ Payal intervened.

‘I am sorry sir, it won’t happen again,’ Sameer continued to struggle.

‘It will only happen again if I let it happen.’

The policeman started dragging Sameer towards his jeep. Unable to do anything to save Sameer from the policeman’s clutches, Payal bit his hand with her teeth, which loosened his grip over Sameer. Sameer pushed him and ran towards the car. Payal followed him. The policeman tried to follow them but his huge structure proved to be the biggest impediment. With no choice left he took out his gun.

‘Stop or I’ll shoot!’ he fired a bullet in the air.

Sameer and Payal had already opened the car door. But they got scared and stopped after hearing the gunshot. Without wasting any more time the policeman took out his wireless set and asked for backup.

‘You will go inside for few years for assaulting a police officer on duty,’ he grunted sternly and walked slowly towards them while keeping his gun pointed.

Sameer wanted to speak but couldn’t as he was too scared to see the anger in the policeman’s eyes. After a few minutes, a police jeep carrying two male and one female constable arrived on the scene.

‘Shikre pe haath uthaya!
You will pay for it tonight in the lock-up.’

The policeman threw both of them into the police jeep and sped off to the police station.

At the police station, Sameer and Payal were kept in different lock-ups. Sameer kept pleading to allow him to make a phone call but no one budged. As soon as Shikre left for some work, one of the policemen agreed to help him only after the world famous Indian
Jugaad.
Sameer made a few quick phone calls.

After an hour, Shikre came back wearing his heavy black boots for the special treatment, looked at Sameer with vengeance and moved very slowly towards him, just like a villain moves when he is about to give royal treatment to the hero.

Shikre’s gait sent shivers down the spine of several others in the lock-up who had seen his special treatment. Shikre opened the door of the lock-up and pulled Sameer up by the collar. Sameer tried to resist but he was no match for the mighty Shikre.

Fearing the worst, few policemen ran towards the lock-up to save Sameer from Shikre. Shikre was surprised at this unexpected turn of events. During the scuffle with his colleagues, a few thousand rupee notes fell to ground from one of his colleague’s pocket. Shikre immediately understood that Sameer had bribed them.

‘So you are behind this disobedience,
haan?’
Shikre thundered at Sameer.

Shikre threw Sameer to the floor and was about to hit him with his special boots when the police station phone rang. A constable picked up the phone and realised it was the Senior Inspector on the other side of the line. The Senior Inspector ordered Shikre not to touch Sameer and let him go as soon as someone came to post his bail. Shikre had no option but to obey. He banged the receiver down in anger and left the police station.

Sameer was completely shaken up and kept praying to God the whole night that Shikre should not come back to take revenge. God was kind and the night passed uneventfully.

Next morning Jimmy came to the police station along with a few of his colleagues. They brought along the wedding pictures and other details to prove that Sameer and Payal were married. The Inspector on duty looked at the pictures and was convinced with the evidence.

‘Sir, I am ready to post bail for Sameer and Payal,’ Jimmy said.

‘I wish I could let them go without bail but can’t as my hands are also tied to the law of the land.’

‘I can understand sir.’

Jimmy finished some formalities for their bails.

‘Ae Pande,
get them out of the lock-up,’ the Inspector instructed his junior.

Sameer and Payal were brought out of their respective lockups. Sameer was relieved to see his colleagues and almost ran to hug them.

‘Thanks boss, you called the Senior Inspector on time otherwise I would have been in hospital by now,’ Sameer almost cried to Jimmy.

‘Please sign your bail documents,’ the Inspector told Sameer.

Sameer and Payal both signed the required documents for their bails.

‘You should be ashamed of yourself. Goa was only few hours away but you couldn’t control your urge. Do you even realise that because of you she also had to spend a night in jail?’ the Inspector admonished Sameer.

Sameer didn’t know how to react to it whereas Payal was smiling slyly. Only she knew that she was the one who had wanted to make out in the car.