Always (Time for Love Book 4) (2 page)

If Brenna weren’t such an old and close friend, he would have wooed her hard ages ago. But their friendship was a gift as well as a curse. The fear of it being broken, or even threatened, had him holding back from expressing his true feelings. That, and the knowledge that if he did fully confess, he’d only end up hurting the both of them. He knew Brenna wouldn’t want to hurt him with her rejection, and he didn’t want to force her hand. What was more, there were his sister and their other best friends to worry about. Whatever happened between him and Brenna would most certainly affect them too.

Why, oh why, did he have to fall in love with this woman? There was nothing he could do but to keep trying to move on. Every day he wished that he’d finally meet the one person who’d make him forget about Brenna. So far, he hadn’t found her.

But he had to remain optimistic. If he wasn’t meant to be with Brenna, then there must be someone else out there for him, right?

He had to think like that. It was the only thing that enabled him to keep going—and stopped him from doing something stupid, like prostrating at Brenna’s feet and begging her to give him a chance.

Fortunately, he wasn’t exactly short on females propositioning him for dates. In fact, he’d started seeing a new one—a hairdressing salon owner he’d recently met at a colleague’s birthday party. Sophie had explicitly stated she didn’t want a serious relationship, that she was only after a fuck buddy. It suited him just fine, so they got together.

“Is the water cold, Ash?” Amanda called from a few metres away, dragging him out of his  musing.

“Yup!”

“I’ll lend you some dry clothes, bro,” Connor said, which earned the man an adoring look from Amanda.

Ash smiled. At least his sister had found herself a great guy.

“So did you manage to wake Brenna up, Ash?” Gemma asked with a grin.

He shrugged. “My mistake. She was already very much awake,” he said lightly, following the others as they resumed walking.

It was really him who needed to wake up. Brenna was dreaming of a future, and it involved another man—not him. It was never him.

So why shouldn’t today be the day he did himself a huge favour? To accept once and for all that Brenna simply wasn’t interested in him? He was sure that the moment he fully embraced that fact—no matter how much it hurt—was the moment he’d start healing, and perhaps open his heart to someone else.

Yes, the time had come. It was now.

He took a deep breath and glanced surreptitiously at Brenna. God, she was beautiful. The breeze was whipping her long black hair around her face. And from where he was standing, he could fully admire those beautiful lashes that framed her gorgeous brown eyes. It was a pity she wasn’t his. And today, he finally got it. She’d
never
be his.

Silently, he said goodbye.

His heart squeezed and heavy sadness hit him as he mentally let go of the woman he’d loved for years. They’d still be friends. They’d always be friends. And he’d always be there for her if she needed him. Always.

But from now on, he’d keep his distance.

“I think I should head home,” he said casually to the group, not wanting his melancholy to be noticed by anyone.

“Why?” Amanda asked. “Connor’s clothes should fit you.”

“Uh.” Damn. He couldn’t think of a good enough reason.

Amanda linked her arm with his. “You have to stay, Ash. We’re all here—well, except for Bec and Zach—so we could celebrate my engagement.”

He gave his sister a fake bright smile and dutifully walked with the group to Connor and Amanda’s apartment. Unfortunately, he had no choice.

Nothing different from how you usually deal with it, Ash. Pretend Brenna’s just another one of your “adopted” sisters.

Yes, he was an expert in that particular pretense. Hopefully it would be much easier from here on in. Because from now on, there would be no more hoping. Years of hoping was tiring, and his heart was tired.

B
renna smiled at Gemma as her friend fell in step with her.

“So why were you laughing so hard back there?” Gemma asked.

Brenna chuckled. “I don’t know. I think Ash just took me by surprise.”

“It looked like you were enjoying yourself. You were hanging on to him like you didn’t want to let go,” Gemma said in a teasing tone.

Brenna felt heat creep up her face.

Gemma gasped. “Brenna Ward,” she said in a hushed, shocked tone.

“What?” Brenna tried to sound innocent, but she was sure she blushed deeper.

Gemma was still looking at her with round eyes when Sarah left Jeff’s side to join them.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Brenna answered, gulping involuntarily.

“I made a comment that she looked like she enjoyed being in Ash’s arms, and her answer was this,” Gemma said, gesturing towards Brenna's flushed face.

Sarah frowned in question before understanding dawned, her face registering deep surprise similar to Gemma’s reaction. “Really?”

“Really what?” Brenna asked, her discomfort increasing as the two girls continued to stare at her. “I didn’t want Ash to drop me in the water,” she said weakly.

“Why are you blushing so hard?” Sarah whispered—almost excitedly, Brenna thought.

“No reason,” she answered with a nonchalant shrug, her gaze darting a few metres ahead to land on Ash’s back as he walked with Amanda and the other guys. “Um, did you know Ash is really strong? I mean, muscular. As in hard and... strong.” She gulped again.

“Anyone could tell that just from looking at him,” Gemma said, narrowing her yes at her. “So...?”

“So...” she said with a deep sigh, “I think... I think he’s sexy.”

Gemma and Sarah gasped as one.

“Because he’s, you know, strong... and hunky,” she babbled.

Her friends looked at each other with delight.

“You’ve suspected, haven’t you?” Sarah asked Gemma.

Gemma nodded gleefully. “For a long time.”

“Suspected what?” Brenna asked.

A call from Amanda from up ahead interrupted them. “Hey, girls! Hurry up! We need to discuss what to have for lunch since these guys are of no help. ‘Anything’ is all I can get out of them.”

“We’ll have to talk about this later,” Gemma whispered insistently as they walked faster to catch up with the group.

Brenna nodded. For some reason, her heart thumped hard in anticipation.

*****

“S
o was the water cold, Bren?”

Brenna glanced sharply at Amanda as they all entered the apartment. Amanda sounded too nonchalant, and hadn’t she already asked her brother the same question?

“Yeah, it was cold. You should make sure Ash gets out of his wet clothes. Fortunately, only my feet got wet, and only because he dipped them in the water,” she answered, a smile forming from the memory.

Amanda laughed in response—a giggle that was suspiciously too high pitched.

Brenna frowned. Did Amanda notice her reaction to Ash, too? Oh no. Had she been too obvious? Had Ash himself noticed?

She needed to know the answers, but first she had to attend to her full bladder. “I need to use the bathroom,” she said, just in time to see Greg go in the one nearest the living room.

“Use any of the others,” Amanda said. “I’ll be in the kitchen to start preparing some lunch.”

“Okay.”

Brenna made her way to a corridor leading to the three bedrooms in the sub-penthouse. She walked into one of the guest rooms with an en suite and used the toilet. As she washed her hands, she mulled over her reaction to Ash on the beach.

His playful actions had addled her brain to the extent that she was still thinking about how hunky and attractive he was.

Stop
, she said, then tugged her earlobe.

But the memories of being in his arms kept on repeating. And she felt like swooning again.

Argh!

This was not a simple case of liking a guy and letting him know she was interested. Her close friendship with Ash made it complicated. She could very easily imagine him avoiding her altogether if he knew how she felt and he didn’t feel the same. She wouldn’t want that. She’d never want to lose Ash.

So what should she do?

She shook her head, having no clear answer, and went for the door. As she turned the knob, she checked herself in the mirror for the first time since entering the bathroom. Ugh! Her hair was a mess! She pulled out a tie from her pocket and combed her fingers through her hair, taking her time and ensuring she looked all right with a ponytail. Nah. She looked better with her hair down.

What does it matter, Brenna?
she chided herself, rolling her eyes.

She untied her hair just the same and smoothed it with her hands. It would have to do. Ash wasn’t likely to notice anyway.

She turned around to leave the bathroom, then froze.

The door was slightly ajar, and there was a small gap—enough for her to see what was happening in the bedroom. Creeping closer to the gap, she leaned in to have a better look, careful not to touch the door lest it moved and gave her away.

There was Ash, stripping out of his wet clothes, his back to the bathroom door. Fortunately, he wouldn’t be able to tell she was playing Peeping Tom unless he paid attention to the narrow slit she was looking through.

But Ash was facing the built-in wardrobe. And it had mirror sliding doors. So nothing was hidden from her
. Nothing.

She couldn’t look away.

Because Ash had taken off his boxer briefs.

And. She. Could. See.
Everything
.

Holy hell. He was stunning.

Her breathing shallowed as moisture pooled between her legs. She’d seen Ash without a shirt on a few times before, but this was the first she’d seen him fully naked.

Damn it, she was getting hot and bothered. And right now she wanted to lick his...

Brenna!

She shook her head vigorously to stop her lustful thoughts. But her eyes had other ideas. They didn’t want to stop roving Ash’s body. Gosh, he was seriously well hung.

Ash finished wiping himself dry with a towel, then he put on a new shirt—presumably one of Connor’s. The bottom part of his top must have gotten wet too. Then he stepped into a pair of denim jeans. He was going commando! Oh no, how could she face him during lunch knowing that? Without wanting to undo his fly and reach in? Especially when she’d love to see him hard...

Argh! Brenna! Stop it!

She shut her eyes and tried to normalise her breathing, but opened them again when she heard a rustling sound. Ash was stuffing his wet clothes in a plastic bag, and then he left the room.

Exhaling gustily, she turned around and leaned back on the wall. She almost laughed out loud when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her mouth was hanging open, her eyes dreamy. Yes, she looked aroused. Oh Lord, what should she do now?

*****

B
renna swallowed her frustration as the conversation among the group got funnier. Not that she wasn’t enjoying herself, but she and the girls hadn’t had the chance to talk in private yet. Connor and Jeff didn’t seem to want to let their fiancées out of their sights, and Amanda and Sarah seemed happy to either sit on their men’s laps, or cuddle with them. It made her envious, of course, and the fact that Ash seemed to be avoiding her since getting back from the beach was starting to upset her.

If Ash had noticed her reaction to him, or had overheard her conversation with the girls earlier, it could be bad news. It could mean he didn’t want to encourage her.

Disappointment zipped through her at the thought. It was so acute she had to get up and escape for a few minutes.

“Coffee or tea, anyone?” she asked. “I’m happy to make them.”

“I’ll help you,” Amanda said, rising from her seat.

“Stay here, Amanda,” Gemma said. “This is your little party. I’ll help Bren.”

The two took everyone’s orders and headed to the kitchen.

“Oh, I’ve got ice cream in the fridge, too!” Amanda called out.

“In that case, I’ll help them scoop,” Sarah said, following Brenna and Gemma.

In the kitchen, Brenna found herself in front of two inquisitive faces.

“So let’s talk about you and Ash, Bren,” Sarah said.

Brenna breathed deeply. “Okay. But have you noticed that he seems to be avoiding even looking at me? Do you think he noticed something and he’s uncomfortable with it because he couldn’t imagine the two of us together?”

“So you’re imagining the two of you together?” Gemma asked, eyes wide.

“Even
I
am surprised by this, but for the last hour, the idea just keeps playing in my mind,” she said with candour, wondering for the umpteenth time what had gotten into her. She kept her mouth shut about seeing Ash naked, though. That was only for herself, no one else.

Gemma and Sarah glanced at each other.

“What if Ash thinks you see him as a brother, and he’s uncomfortable because he feels something, but thinks you don’t?” Gemma suggested.

Brenna’s eyes grew wide as the possibility hit her square in the chest. “You think he might be interested in me?” she whispered.

“Well, I don’t really know. I’ve suspected for a long time that he might be, but I haven’t really asked him.”

“Yeah, same here,” Sarah murmured.

Brenna’s brows furrowed. “Really?”

“Oh, Bren. You’re the one who always brings up the ‘brother’ thing with Ash. And you never notice his hurt look when you do so,” Sarah said.

“Oh my God,” Brenna said, her hand flying to her mouth. “Since when?”

Sarah sighed. “Well, I first noticed Ash looking at you differently when we were in our late teens. When guys came to hang around with us, he seemed to chase off your admirers first before he dealt with the others. I know he made it out as if it was a protective big-brotherly thing to do, but like I said, somehow it seemed different with you. When you started dating seriously, I thought Ash started spending less time with us.”

“I thought it was because he was busy dating other women himself,” Brenna answered, her heart galloping in her chest.

“I noticed what Sarah noticed, too,” Gemma said. “But you were oblivious to the whole thing, Bren. When you started going out with Darren and gushed about him, telling all of us how in love you were with him, I thought Ash looked crestfallen. I resolved then that I wouldn’t mention my suspicions to anyone—because it might wreck your whole relationship. If you didn’t feel the same, I couldn’t see the point of bringing it up. I thought it would hurt him more.”