Allegiant (23 page)

I raise an eyebrow. Jack and Meg were
together? He’s so gruff and she’s so not. Talk about an odd couple.
“I take it she gets around?”

Garrett smirks. “If you call a 25 year
relationship ‘getting around’.”

This whole Guardian-hook up thing has my
mind reeling. That is a long time to be together. “But what about
their true loves? What about being released?”

“
I’m pretty sure my brother
never had a true love. And as for Meg, who am I to speculate on her
motives? Maybe she knew her David wouldn’t release her. He chose
eternity after he drowned. Without her.”

Okay. I have to admit that fact makes me
feel a twinge of sympathy for Meg. But, I still don’t like her
coming on to James. He can spend unlimited time with her; there’s
no way I can compete. I think about my idiotic move with Dane, and
my heart plummets.

“
What are you thinking
about?” Garrett asks.

“
That I have no one to
blame, but myself.” I slam my book shut. “I suck at
relationships.”

“
I could say the same
thing.”

James’ voice startles me, and my head whips
around.

Garrett pushes himself to stand and gathers
his things. “I’ll take this as my cue to leave,” he says and tucks
the items under his arm. He walks around the coffee table toward
the door, making eye contact with James for a brief second. “Let me
know if you want to go over anything else,” he says over his
shoulder.

“
I will.” When the door
closes behind him, I study James. “Where have you been?” I ask and
flinch. I think I already know the answer to that
question.

He walks forward and sits on the floor in
front of me, crossing his legs to match mine. He reaches for my
hands, and I allow him to take them. Our eyes meet, and his
expression couldn’t be more serious. I think to myself that this is
it. This is where he tells me that he’s had enough and we’re
through.

“
You’re blowing this Meg
thing way out of proportion,” he says.

I study our hands. “Am I?”

“
Yes,” he says, his tone
firm. “She’s a friend. Nothing more.”

“
I take it you were
eavesdropping on my conversation with Garrett?”

“
Just the last part,” he
admits. His hand appears beneath my chin, and he lifts my gaze.
“I’m serious. There is nothing romantic between me and
Meg.”

My mouth twists. “I think she wants there to
be.”

He shrugs. “Oh well for her.”

I move his hand away from my chin and lace
my fingers through his. “So, where have you been?” I ask again.

“
Trying to sort out what to
say to you. Trying to figure out how to apologize.”

“
It took you four
days?”

“
Em, I screwed up. Like,
massively messed up. You were so angry; I didn’t know if you would
want to see me.”

I give him an incredulous look. “How could
you think that? Haven’t you felt how upset I’ve been?”

“
I know you’re upset, but
the emotion is all I feel. I don’t know the exact cause unless I
physically check on you and –” he stops.

“
And what?”

His shoulders fall. “I didn’t want to find
you with Dane again. What if you were with him and he was upsetting
you? I would have ripped his head off. Or what if you were thinking
about breaking things off with me? I wanted to give you time to
sort out your feelings.”

“
I would never break up
with you! And I haven’t seen Dane since last weekend. I’ve been
putting him off, telling him he can’t visit, because I’m busy with
midterms.”

James looks wary.

“
Look, I know I started
something with Dane that I shouldn’t have. What I did was stupid
and reactive and part of my being upset is trying to figure out how
to fix that. Another part is imagining you spending time with Meg,”
I hesitate. “But, the main reason I’m sad is because we fought and
you left. Just like the night you died.”

His face fills with remorse. He lets go of
my hands and quickly collects me in his arms, pulling me forward
and into his lap. “I’m so sorry,” he says against my hair.

“
I love you,” I speak
against his chest. It’s the only thing I can think to say. “Please
don’t leave me without at least saying goodbye.”

He leans back, so he can see my face. “I
will never leave you. Everything I’ve done has been for you.”

“
But it hasn’t been easy,”
I say. “It’s been hell. Not that I like it, but I can understand if
you would want something easier, something with Meg.”

He frowns. “I don’t want something with
Meg.”

I give him a condescending look. “She’s
always around…”

“
I have to talk to
someone,” James says gently. “She gives good advice; she listens
when I need to vent. She helps me. She’s the one who pulled me out
of Dane’s car before I said anything else to hurt you or before I
took my anger out on him.”

I study his face while I process what he’s
said. “I guess tell her thanks,” I say insincerely, “even though I
don’t like her knowing my personal business.”

“
Do you expect me to stay
mute?” he asks. “I have to deal with these feelings that I’m not
supposed to feel somehow.”

“
What about me? I have no
one to talk to about this. I would do almost anything to get Shel’s
opinion of how I should fix what I started with Dane. But I can’t
ask her because she would just tell me to go for it because she has
no idea that you still exist. I can’t rationally explain my
feelings without mentioning you.”

“
What about Garrett? You
seem able to talk to him.”

“
It’s not the same. He’s an
ex-Guardian who can’t seem to comprehend why you’re having a hard
time dealing with your connection to me. He seems to think you
should be able to get over it and that I should move on with my
life.”

James frowns, but then his eyes light up. “I
know. What if I asked some of the girls to come by and you could
talk? Like Joss or Jenna?”

I make a face. More Guardians?

“
You could ask them some
questions, discuss your Guardian frustrations.”

I hesitate. “I don’t know.”

“
At least they’re female,”
he offers.

This is true. “Joss does seem really nice,”
I concede.

“
Do you want me to ask
them?”

I shrug. “I guess. But if they can’t, it’s
okay. I don’t know how I feel about revealing my problems to
strangers.”

He holds me closer. “They won’t be strangers
for long,” he assures me. “The girls are really nice.”

I can’t help it. “Especially Meg.”

“
Would you cut that out?”
James squeezes me. “As I recall, we had a very similar conversation
this past summer, only in the reverse.”

I lift my head and look at him, scrunching
up my nose.

“
About Dane? That he was
only being nice and wanted to be your friend?”

“
You know how that turned
out,” I say sarcastically.

“
But I believed you,” he
stresses. “Because I knew that’s what you truly
thought.”

“
Fine,” I huff. “I believe
that you’re friends. But, for the record, I don’t trust
her.”

One side of his mouth quirks up.

I sigh and then lift my face to plant an
innocent kiss on his lips. “I’m glad you didn’t wait any longer to
come see me.”

“
So am I,” he says and
kisses me back, his kiss stronger than mine. That relaxed, calm
feeling I always get when he is here takes over, and, when we part,
I unexpectedly yawn.

“
Am I boring you?” he
laughs.

“
No. Our conversation has
been riveting.”

“
But my kiss put you to
sleep?”

I smile and shake my head.

“
I must not kiss as well as
Dane,” he teases.

My mouth falls open. “Shut up! You know why
I did that!”

“
Oh, I know,” he
smirks.

My face flushes red. “I already feel
terrible. Don’t make me feel worse!”

He grins then plants a kiss on my forehead.
“You’re forgiven, although I might have to bring it up from time to
time.”

I roll my eyes. “I would expect nothing
less.”

“
What about me?” he asks.
“Am I forgiven?”

I pretend to ponder his question, but of
course I already know the answer. “Yes, but –”

“
But what? Your forgiveness
has conditions?”

I give him a stale look. “I forgive you for
being jealous and disappearing on me, because those things I
understand. But does Meg have to follow you wherever you go?” I
look around the room cautiously. “Is she here now?”

He moves one arm beneath my knees and wraps
his other arm tightly around my back and smiles. “No, she’s not
here now.” He shifts his weight and stands with ease, holding me
against him like a child.

My eyes widen in surprise as his lifts me
off the floor. “This is new,” I say in awe and then narrow my eyes.
“Are you trying to distract me?”

“
Let’s just say Meg has a
vested interest in what happens between us,” he says as he starts
to carry me toward my bedroom.

“
And why’s
that?”

“
I’m not allowed to
say.”

“
Really?”

“
Really.”

We enter my room and he sets me on the bed
next to LB. I swing my legs off the side and turn to face him as he
leans over me, placing his hands on either side of me against the
mattress. “Come on,” I press. “Obviously I’m good at keeping
secrets.”

“
She’s trying to make sure
I don’t screw up again,” he says.

I cross my arms and search his face. “I
already know that. Tell me what I don’t know.”

His expression twists, and I look up at him
innocently. “It will put my mind at ease,” I say. “You would do
that for your Ward, right?”

James smirks. “When did you start to play
dirty? That’s not fair.”

I raise my eyebrows and shrug. After a
moment, when he doesn’t offer any information, I pout.

He rolls his eyes and stands. “Fine. How can
I put this?” He looks to the ceiling in thought.

I wait impatiently. I’m about to have a
concrete reason for Meg’s persistent presence other than my own
suspicions. These last few days have been torturous.

He finally turns to me. “Listen. This is all
I can tell you, so don’t ask me for anything more. Okay?”

I nod.

He steps forward.
“Meg
is
helping
me,” he says. “But, she is also looking out for the best interest
of her Ward.”

My conversation with James runs through my
mind on an endless loop. I can’t turn it off. I redirect my focus
and try to concentrate on the Ethics exam in front of me. I have
one more essay to finish. I need to compare the five self-interest
philosophies and, if I’m not careful, I might end up writing a
paragraph about why I think Meg is Dane’s Guardian.

I start to write and catch Garrett out of
the corner of my eye. He looks at his paper, perplexed. Guilt
washes over me. We didn’t study enough. My personal problems got in
the way last night, even though he was the one who pressed me about
them. I’ll have to be sure to apologize after class. Garrett didn’t
sign up to be my therapist.

I finish my test as quickly
as I dare, briefly mentioning each philosophy. A few missed points
shouldn’t hurt my grade any; I was rocking an A before this exam. I
gather my things and turn my paper in to Ms. Johnson, then head out
to the hallway to wait for Garrett. I place my backpack against my
feet and lean against the wall as James’ voice replays in my mind
–
“She’s looking out for best interest of
her Ward.”
I sigh. Meg has to be Dane’s
Guardian; who else would my relationship with James effect?
Naturally, I tried to get James to tell me if I was correct, but he
would neither confirm nor deny my assumption. Then, when he decided
to stay the night, I got completely sidetracked. It’s hard to ask
questions when your mouth is connected to someone else’s, Guardian
or not.

My cell vibrates in my pocket, bringing me
back from the memory. I pull it out to read the text message.

Are you finished with midterms??

Aw, hell. It’s Dane. I’m going to have to
think of another excuse as to why I can’t see him. I stare at the
phone and silently wish I could just tell him the truth.

“
What’s up?” Garrett asks,
appearing in front of me.

I lift my head, and my shoulders slump.
“Dane wants to know if I’m done with midterms.”

“
And that’s a bad
thing?”

“
I can’t see
him.”

“
Why not?”

I’m at a loss for words. We’re supposed to
be friends, but we can’t hang out. James would have a conniption
fit; not to mention, I kind of kissed Dane the last time we were
together. “James wouldn’t like it.”

Garrett’s expression twists. “I told you
that’s none of his –”

“
Yeah, yeah,” I interrupt
him and push myself away from the wall. I pick up my backpack with
my free hand and toss it over my shoulder. “Let’s go.”

Garrett follows me out of the building, and
we head across campus. “So, how’d you do?” I ask.

Garrett shrugs. “Okay, I guess.”

“
I’m sorry. We should have
studied more. I’ll definitely make it up to you for the
final.”