Allegiant (22 page)

My expression twists. “No!”

My phone rings from my back pocket
interrupting us. I reach for it automatically as I mentally kick
myself. I was supposed to call my parents when I got back.

“
Gee, I wonder who that
could be,” James says sarcastically.

“
It’s my parents,” I snap.
I look down at the phone to answer it and find that I’m wrong. It’s
not my mom and dad. I stare at the phone as it continues to ring,
afraid to answer it.

James crosses his arms and leans forward,
taunting me. “What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

I open my mouth to speak and nothing comes
out. What do I say? I know Dane is only calling to make sure I got
back safe, but James won’t believe that.

“
What are you waiting for?”
James asks.

I narrow my eyes at him, and the call goes
to voicemail.

“
Oh, I get it. It’s a
private conversation,” he says sardonically. He takes a few steps
backward. “I won’t keep you.”

Anger and sadness battle inside me. “Don’t
go. I don’t want to fight.”

“
Really?” he asks,
irritated. “You started swinging the minute you walked in the
door.”

“
That’s because I caught
you and Meg in my apartment!”

“
Caught us doing what,
exactly?” he challenges me. “Talking?”

“
She was this far from
you!” I hold my thumb and forefinger an inch apart.

“
And that’s a crime?” he
asks in disbelief.

How can he not see what a double standard
this is? “If you found Dane and me like that in your place you
would be just as pissed.”

James eyes me. “Ah, newsflash. I already
found you two together.” He leans forward. “I am pissed.”

My phone sounds again, this time with a text
message. I resist the urge to look down at my hand and continue to
stare at James. I understand that he’s upset. Why can’t he see that
I am too?

“
Unbelievable,” he mutters
as my cell continues to chime.

“
He just wants to make sure
I’m safe.”

James sets his jaw. “I thought that was my
job.”

“
Is it?” I ask,
exasperated. “Because you’re not acting like it!”

James opens his mouth to speak, but then
stops. He blinks at me and suddenly his face goes slack. “You’re
right,” he says without any real emotion. His head snaps to the
left, clearly hearing something I cannot, and he begins to fade in
front of me.

“
Wait!” I reach out toward
him, but he vanishes in the blink of an eye.

I stand there frozen, with my arm extended
in front of me, staring at the space he just left. My mind races,
and I’m taken back to the last time we fought, to the night he
died. When he walked out on our argument. Just like now.

My heart aches at the memory. I wait for the
familiar feeling of tears behind my eyes, but strangely, it doesn’t
occur. Mechanically, I walk over to my discarded backpack, pick it
up, and head to the bedroom where I find LB on my pillow, curled up
and comfortable. I pet her for a few minutes and then walk through
the motions of getting ready for bed in a daze. Once tucked beneath
my sheets, I listen to Dane’s voice mail and read his text. They’re
similar.

Did you make it back yet?

I send him a quick
message.
Made it. Tired. Going to
bed.
I call my parents next, waking them to
tell them the same. After I hang up, I lie down with LB for what
I’m sure is going to be a restless night. I pet her absentmindedly
as James’ words replay in my mind and weave through her purr. What
I once felt justified in defending seems defenseless now, and my
heart feels heavy.

My phone chimes on my nightstand, and I
reach over to grab it. Dane is still awake.

Ok. Dream of me ;)

I give my phone a sad smile. If only it were
that simple.

“
Okay.” Garrett slams his
Ethics textbook shut. “What’s wrong?”

I snap back to reality. “What?”

“
You haven’t been yourself
since you got back. What’s bothering you?”

It’s been four days since my fight with
James. Four days. And he hasn’t visited once, no matter how much I
think about him or how much I’m hurting. All I can do is assume the
worst and picture him frolicking in the Intermediate with Meg. I’ve
been trying to come to grips with the fact that I pushed him away,
that my kissing Dane drove him straight into her arms. I have no
one to blame but myself, and it depresses me.

“
Emma?”

“
What?”

Garrett crosses his arms and gives me an
irritated stare. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on or do I
have to make you?”

I frown. “You can do that?”

Garrett pauses. “No.”

I stare at him and notice his bright
turquoise eyes have faded to a more subdued shade of blue. He told
me they will eventually turn brown, his original eye color, once
his transformation is complete. He has a little less than three
months to go now.

“
So?” he asks.

“
It’s complicated,” I say
and go back to reviewing my notes. I don’t want to get James in
trouble.

“
Would a certain Guardian
have anything to do with this?”

I shoot him an annoyed look over my paper.
“Have you forgotten that we have a midterm tomorrow?”

He reaches across the coffee table and grabs
the top of my notebook, pulling it from my hands.

“
Hey!”

“
Listen, normally I
wouldn’t pry,” he says. “But the only thing I can think of that
would put you in this type of mood would have to be something to do
with James. And seeing as how anything that happens with James is
my business, I think I have a right to ask you –”

“
How do you know it’s
James?” I snap. “What if it’s something at home? What if it’s
something to do with my family?”

Garrett blinks. “I…I stand corrected,” he
says and starts to slide my notebook back to me. “I’m sorry.”

I reach out and grab my notes, slamming them
down in front of me. I know he’s wrapped up in his own little
world, but the majority of people on this planet have other issues
to deal with besides Guardian ones. Let that be an important lesson
in humanity.

I try to concentrate on studying, but the
words start to blur as I feel Garrett staring at me. After a few
moments of awkward silence, I raise my eyes to meet his. Can he
tell I’m lying?

“
Do you want to talk about
it?” he asks quietly.

Yes
, I think. This is exactly the kind of thing I need Shel for,
the type of situation where you need your best girlfriend. I need a
female perspective, someone who can empathize with what I’m feeling
and help me sort through what’s happened. But I can’t talk to her.
Not about this.

When I don’t respond, Garrett starts to look
uncomfortable. “Look, I’m just trying to help. If this is a bad
time, I can come back to study.” He starts to gather his
things.

I let out a heavy sigh. Now I feel bad. If I
don’t come clean about what’s going on, I’m sure karma will turn on
me and something horrible will happen. “Stop,” I tell him and set
my hand on top of the papers that he’s organizing into a pile.
“You’re right. It is about James.”

He lets go of the papers and eyes me
suspiciously. “Why the line about your family?”

“
Because.” I toss my notes
to the side. “I don’t want to get him in trouble.”

Garrett raises his eyebrows. “Why would he
be in trouble?”

Since I’m seated on the floor next to the
coffee table, I lie back, rest my hands against my stomach, and
talk to the ceiling. “We had a fight.”

His face appears above mine. “About
what?”

I continue to look at the ceiling. “Dane.
And Meg.”

“
What about them?” he asks,
confused. When I don’t immediately answer, his tone grows
frustrated and he leans closer. “Am I going to have to pull every
little bit of information out of you?”

I prop myself up on my elbows, and he leans
back. “I ran into Dane when I went home on Saturday.”

“
And?”

“
James appeared
unexpectedly with Meg. He challenged me to kiss Dane.” I push
myself to sit up straight. “So I did.”

Garrett stares at me, his mouth falling open
a little.

“
Then, when I got back on
Sunday, I found him here with Meg in my apartment.”

“
Doing what?” Garrett
frowns.

“
Who knows?” I scowl. “They
were all up in each other’s personal space. James said they were
just talking, but seeing the two of them made me more upset.
Especially after they showed up in Dane’s car the way they
did.”

Garrett looks at me as if he’s having a hard
time comprehending what I’ve told him.

“
I haven’t seen him since
we fought,” I say and look away. I can feel tears begin to creep
behind my eyes, so I reach over and open my textbook as a
distraction. “That’s everything,” I finish as I pretend to redirect
my attention.

Minutes pass. I read the same paragraph
three times before I hear Garrett’s voice. “James made a
mistake.”

I continue to look at my book. “So did
I.”

“
I don’t think you
understand,” Garrett says and leans forward to try and make me look
at him. “Your decisions are yours to make. James is supposed to
guide you in those decisions, not influence them.”

My shoulders slump. “I know why he did it,”
I say, trying to be rational after days of entertaining every
irrational thought imaginable.

“
You do?” Garrett asks.
“Because I sure as hell don’t.”

I look at him sarcastically. He should get
this; it’s not that hard to figure out. “I was with someone he
doesn’t like, someone I told him I was mad at. Someone who hurt
me.”

“
So?” he asks, perturbed.
“What’s it to him as long as you’re not in danger?”

My face twists in confusion.

“
Were you in
danger?”

“
No!”

“
Then James should have
kept his mouth shut and stayed out of your business.” Garrett sits
back. “He’s not allowed to be jealous.”

I sigh. “I should never have gone with
Dane.” I rub my forehead to try and ease the dull ache that has
been there all week.

“
Why not?”

I look at Garrett like he’s bumped his head.
“Because none of this would have happened! James wouldn’t have
gotten jealous, I wouldn’t have kissed Dane, and I wouldn’t be so
worried about Meg!”

He raises his eyebrows. “Are you sure about
that?”

I open my mouth to speak, but then close it
again. I’m starting to hate this conversation.

“
Look, I’m an outsider,”
Garrett says and leans forward again. “Do you want to know what I
see?”

This is what I would ask Shel if I could, so
I nod.

“
James shouldn’t be jealous
of anyone you’re with or anything you do; his duty is to guide and
protect you
in
your decisions. Period. As for Dane, I have the feeling that
you would have kissed him anyway –”

I open my mouth to protest and Garrett holds
up his hand to stop me.

“–
if not now, then later.
I know you’re confused about him, and that’s okay. You need to have
a life. As for Meg, she’s just flirtatious by nature.”

My mouth falls open. “Does that give her
permission to come on to my boyfriend?”

Garrett laughs. “So, if you can’t have him
no one can? Is that how it works nowadays?”

“
He’s still
mine!”

He rolls his eyes. “Emma, how can you be
with a Guardian? Surely you’re not that delusional.”

“
One day he won’t be a
Guardian,” I remind him. “Surely
you
can’t be that
delusional.”

My comment stops him short and he stares at
me, dazed. How could he have forgotten that simple fact? Talking
about this would be so much easier with Shel; by nature women tend
to remember even the smallest of details.

“
We’re going to have a
human life together,” I say adamantly. “Whether you think so or
not.”

Garrett blinks and looks away, clearing his
throat. “You’ll have to make up first though,” he says quietly. His
assured tone is gone, and his voice sounds a bit hollow. He moves
to sit opposite me and starts to organize his papers spread on the
table. It’s clear he’s uncomfortable and tension now fills the air.
What does he know that I don’t?

My mind races and my thoughts immediately
turn to Meg. Her relationship with James must be more serious than
I imagined and Garrett knows it’s going to difficult for us to move
past this. If James can be human again and Meg can too…

“
They’re already together,
aren’t they?”

He looks up. “Who?”

“
Don’t play dumb. James and
Meg.”

“
What? No. I mean, I’ve
heard some rumblings that they might be starting something, but I
doubt they’re anywhere near marriage.”

I stare at him stupidly. “From who?
Shouldn’t you have told me?”

“
My brother,” he says. “And
no, because he’s a little biased when it comes to Meg. It’s hard to
believe the accuracy in what he says when it comes to
her.”

“
Why is that?”

“
Jack and Meg have a
history.”