All for Maddie (29 page)

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“Come on, wake up and take these,” I heard, moaning as I
rolled over, burying my head from the bright sun, pouring through the opened
curtain.

“What are you doing here? What time is it?” I asked, seeing
my step mother, sitting on my bed with a glass of water and a closed hand.

“Maddie is four today, remember?” she reminded me with a
tone. Alex already got to them. I was once again the bad guy, ruining Maddie’s
day. Ugh. I fucking hated him.

“Where is Maddie?” I asked, sitting up. My head hurt. My
head hurt like crazy. 

“It’s ready,” Alex said from the door.

“Come on, let’s get you bathed,” Dana coaxed, standing. And
once again I was the imbecile that needed to be taken care of, not Alex, not
the one who truly needed help, me, always seeking trouble Whitley.

“Where is Maddie?” I asked again. It was her birthday. I
wanted to see her.

“She’s at the Wesson’s. Your dad just ran her dress over to
them. She’s getting ready there and will be here at two for her party,” Dana
answered.

I looked around for my phone still not knowing what time it
was. I couldn’t find it. I always lost that thing after a drunk night. I didn’t
ask the time again. I could feel the tension and could only imagine what Alex
had already told my family.

I walked past Alex with a glare, looking at the clock down
the hall as I made my way to the bathroom, where evidently a bath was waiting
for me. I couldn’t believe that it was almost noon.

“Can you bring her a cup of coffee?” Alex asked, following me
to the bathroom, talking to my stepmother as if I was a child needing to be
taken care of.

“You can leave,” I demanded, undressing.

“Just get in, Whitley.”

“Did you fuck her, Alex?” I asked, removing my shorts from
the day before.

“No. What the hell is this all about, Whitley? We were doing
great. Why do you have to go and act like this?”

“Why do I have to act like this? Why don’t you look in that
mirror?” I nodded. “Did you do anything else with her?” I asked, sliding into
the amazing hot water. He looked away.

“Did you have your hands in her pants? Did you finger fuck
her, she give you a blowjob? What, Alex. Tell me what you did.”

“Whitley, I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep with her. I swear.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?” I screamed as Dana came in with
a cup of coffee. She handed it to Alex and left. Alex didn’t have to make me
out to be crazy. I was doing a good job at that myself.

Alex sat the hot cup on the side of the tub. I wanted to
throw it right in his face. He couldn’t even answer me.

“I fucked up, Whit. I let her get in the way of my thinking.
I love you. I’m sorry, and I swear on my life, I will never touch another woman
but you for the rest of my life.”

“You’re never touching me. You got that, Mr. Wesson? I don’t
ever want your fucking hands anywhere near me. Get out!” I demanded through
gritted teeth, needing him to be far, far away from me. “I’m done.”

What the hell? I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want that ass
to think he held that much power over me. What a stupid fool I was. What a fool
I was to believe that Alex and I could actually be a family. The tears just
kept coming, and the next thing I knew Dana was brushing out my hair as I
cried. She left when Dr. Pierce entered with Alex right behind. I snorted and
took the two tiny pills from his hand, declining the water. It wouldn’t have
done me a bit of good to protest. They were going to make me take them whether
I wanted to or not. I didn’t even ask what the hell I was taking. I didn’t
care.

Thank God Maddie was only four and wouldn’t remember most of
this. Hopefully she didn’t remember her mommy sitting off to the side in some
sort of valium induced coma as she played the birthday games with her friends
and family. I didn’t even want to follow her inside to see her birthday
present, hiding out in her room. Thank God for Regan. She knew what was going
on and took an abundant amount of photos for me. Regan was the only one on the
face of the planet that truly knew me, knew her brother and was there for me,
really there for me.

Maddie never left her room. She was so into her new zoo and
placing each and every animal in a particular place. She loved it. The zoo was
the biggest hit of all her gifts.

By five in the evening the party had wound down and the
party crew was cleaned up and gone. I stayed with Maddie, watching from her bed
as she talked and busied herself with her favorite new toy. I never even came
out to say goodbye to our guests. There was no need. They all knew that I was
having some sort of relapse. Lord only knew what Alex had told them.

“The monkeys need trees, Mom,” Maddie said more to herself
than me, looking for trees to place with her monkeys.

I got up and went to the floor with her. “There are some
trees in here,” I explained, looking through the box with all the accessories.
She smiled the biggest smile ever when we found them, placing them in the
corner for her monkeys.

“Hey, Maddie Bug, come and say goodbye to Papaw and Nana,”
Alex said to the door, looking at me and not her.

“I have a play wif dis,” she assured him, ignoring him.

“You have to what?”

“I have to play with this,” she corrected. I gave him a
dirty look. She was four. My baby would lose her baby talk by the end of the
year. Why couldn’t he leave her alone?

“You can play in a minute. Come and say goodbye.”

I got up when Maddie ran out to see my dad off, knowing I
was about to create another battle, or so I thought anyway. “I’m going home,” I
told Alex, walking past him to tell my dad that I was leaving with him. He
grabbed my arm.

“You’re not taking Maddie,” he threatened. I jerked away
from his grasp.

“You win, you fuck face. I will be the weekend mom. I will
do whatever I have to do to get the fuck away from you. I hate your fucking
guts and every last thing that you’ve ever done to me. You know one thing, Alex
Wesson. I will get my daughter back, and she will be living back at the resort
with me. That’s not a threat. That’s a fucking promise,” I assured as I glared
and walked past him.

It broke my heart into tiny little pieces when I hugged
Maddie goodbye, promising to call her later and I’d see her in a few days.

“I go too,” she said as I held her on my lap.

“Daddy wants to play with your new zoo with you, and you
have more toys to open yet. Don’t you want to stay here and play with your zoo
and open your toys?” I looked up to Alex with a look that I wasn’t sure of. He
looked scared yet pissed. He never fought for me a bit. He let me walk out the
door and climb into the backseat of Dana’s car.

“Whitley, I don’t think this is such a good idea. You belong
right here with Maddie,” my dad started in on me as soon as we were in the car.

“Don’t worry. Maddie will be with me soon,” I assured him.
She would be with me. Somehow, someway, I was getting her and our life back.
I’d figure it out.

“I’m not sure you’re stable enough to take care of Maddie
right now,” he admitted. That pissed me off.

I looked at him through the rearview mirror with a scorn.
“You have no idea who the fuck Alex Wesson even is.” I spouted.

“You’re not going to talk to me like that, Whitley,” he
ordered. I was barely twenty-two years old and had never in my life talked to
my father like that. I couldn’t help it. He didn’t know Alex. He knew the wolf,
wearing the sheep’s clothing Alex. I didn’t reply and stared out the window,
hiding silent tears. Wishing I could go back to before Alex showed up. I
thought about my life and how he’d turned everyone I knew against me, except
for his own sister.

My dad asked if I wanted a sandwich when he drove through a
fast food joint. I declined. I’d be home to my cozy little cabin in less than
an hour. I could wait, not that I had any food there, but still.

“If you need anything, I’m just up the lane,” my dad offered
as I exited the vehicle. I only smiled. I was angry with him. He of all people
should have been there for me, not be the first person to jump on Alex’s band
wagon.

My cozy little cabin didn’t feel cozy at all. It smelled
musty and hollow, as if it had lost its soul. Maddie; that’s what it was
missing. Maddie needed to be there, running around being silly. Her laughter
was missing, her toys needed to be strung about, I needed to clean the mess
from her cooking something in the kitchen. What the hell was I supposed to do?
I knew I could never live without her, but I refused to live by Alex’s
dictations for one more second. I couldn’t do it anymore. There had to be away
to figure this out. I would do it right after I plopped to the sofa and cried
for forty-three minutes straight. I know the exact time because I watched the
digital numbers change on Maddie’s pink DVD player.

“Hello,” I said, trying to pull myself together. I didn’t
want to answer that call. I had to. As long as he had my daughter I would
always have to answer Alex’s calls.

“Whit? Are you crying?”

“No, Alex. What the hell do you want? Where’s Maddie?”

“Playing with her zoo for three hours straight. She loves
it. She hasn’t played with anything but that.”

“WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT?”

“Whit, can’t we talk about this? I miss you, Maddie misses
you. Please, come home.”

“I am home, Alex. I don’t want you, and you’re not running
my life anymore.”

“I don’t want to run your life, Whitley. I want you to be my
equal. I want to share everything with you. I love you.”

“You don’t love anyone. I’m not doing this, Alex. Tell my
daughter I will call her in a little bit.”

“Whitley, will you just listen to me? I swear to God nothing
happened with Mariah. It was nothing, a stupid kiss. Please come home to me.”

“Nope,” I said after hitting the end button. There was
nothing that he had to say that I needed to hear. He could go to hell.

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The first couple of days without Maddie were the worst. I
talked to her three times a day or more, but it wasn’t the same. I missed her
like crazy. The first couple of weeks I avoided my dad and Dana, spent a lot of
time at our little beach, and drowning in my sorrow with a bottle of Jack. It
never helped, not even when I was drunk. I had to shake that off and start
living. I was never going to get my daughter back by living on booze and Cheerios.

I was going to spend the weekend with Maddie at Regan’s, and
then start working at the resort again the second I got back. I wanted to go
and get her for the weekend and bring her home with me. Fuck face, Alex
wouldn’t let me, but did agree to let me see her at Regan’s. I would take it. I
had never gone that long without seeing her.

I started praying about half way there when the check engine
light came on. I couldn’t break down. Come on old truck. You can do it, I
coaxed, babying it the rest of the way. I had to get it looked at before I headed
back, but I had no money, Vince was a pretty boy, he knew nothing about cars,
and I wasn’t about to ask Alex for one silver nickel. I’d walk home first.

Maddie ran to the truck as soon as I pulled in. I had spoken
to Regan and had her go pick her up, not wanting to see Alex. I talked to him
on a have to basis and that was it. He was slowly catching on, figuring out
that we were through.

“I missed you so much,” I said, picking Maddie up and
kissing her all over. I swear she grew in that two weeks.

“I did too,” she replied with the happiest smile ever.

Vince was out of town and Regan planned the entire weekend
for a girl’s only fun holiday. She wanted to go out of town to her in-laws lake
house. Alex wouldn’t let her take Maddie out of the county. He was such a dick.
I fucking hated him more now than I ever did.  

We went out to eat, skating, and to a movie Friday night. I
did have a blast. Maddie wouldn’t let me out of her sight and held my hand the
entire day. It made me feel like a horrible mother for leaving her, but I was
getting her back. I had the prior two weeks to sulk and get my shit together. I
was going home, getting back to work, and hiring a lawyer to help me. I didn’t
want to bring Regan in the middle, but had already decided that if I needed to,
I would subpoena her to court.

Rex came over and put a new water pump on my old truck on
Saturday, assuring me I could drive to New York and back now. I was thankful
that Regan had biker friends. Saturday was bitter sweet. We spent the day at
Regan’s around the pool. I should have been enjoying my daughter while I had
her. I wasn’t doing that. I was sad that I was going to leave her again the
following day.

I kept her awake way past her bed time, talking and being
silly with her. I didn’t want to read the book that she insisted I read. She
was going to fall asleep. Finally, after her third request I read her the story
and then rubbed her sleeping back after she fell asleep half way into the book.
I kissed her head, her eyes, her nose, her pouty little lips, and every part of
her little body. God, I just wanted to put her in the truck and run away with
her again.

Maddie didn’t understand it the next afternoon when her
daddy came to pick her up. She wanted me to come home too. I promised that I
would call her later and held her tight, quickly wiping away the tear, not
wanting her to see it.

“You go home with Daddy and I will talk to you in a little
bit, okay?”

“Okay,” she whined, walking to her dad’s car. I watched her
walk to him, knowing he was staring at me. I didn’t return the look. I wasn’t
giving him the pleasure.

I left, headed back to the resort shortly after, needing to
get home and drink away my sadness. No. No, I wasn’t doing that. I was finished
with that. I was getting my child back if it was the last thing I did.