All for Maddie (24 page)

“Wayne, he’s moving out this weekend.”

“Moving out?”

“Yeah, he’s getting ready to graduate. He’s heading back
toward Wyoming, I guess.”

“Is the apartment for rent?”

“It will be. My dad wants to paint it first. Wayne’s lived
there for almost four years now.”

“How much would the rent be?”

“Why? You know someone looking?”

“I didn’t until just now.” I could do that. I was only three
blocks away from Maddie. I could see her every day. I needed that apartment. “Me,
I would love to rent it. How much is the rent?”

“I’m not sure, but I’m sure my dad would work it out with
you.”

“Where is your dad? Why doesn’t he ever come around here?”

“He’s busy. He doesn’t really need to. I keep the books and
the store just fine without him.”

“What are you going to do when you finish school?”

“I will more than likely keep working for my old man. I
wouldn’t even be getting a business degree had he not insisted. I can run this
place with my eyes closed.”

“How many bedrooms are upstairs?”

“Two, it’s decent sized, and there is a washer and dryer
hookup. You wouldn’t have to carry your laundry up and down the stairs.”

That was great. I just hoped the washer and dryer were also
included. I didn’t get that many hours. There was no way I could afford it.

“Can I see it?”

“Yeah, let’s wait until he turns the key in. I don’t want to
bother him now. What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have no plans until Sunday. Tomorrow would be great.”

<><><> 

“Where are you going?” Alex asked as I emerged from the
bathroom looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself. I wore tattered jeans with
black knee boots and a black tight fitting sweater. My hair looked better than
it had in quite some time. I guess I sort of let myself go over the last few
months. It felt good to cleanup and look nice for a change.

“Why do you do that? You know that I am just going to tell
you to go fuck yourself. Maddie’s not here, I’m not your concern.”

“You are my concern. I promised your dad that I would take
care of you.”

“You shouldn’t make promises you can’t keep. I’ll see ya
around.”

“You can’t drink alcohol, Whitley,” he demanded.

“Watch me,” I smirked, walking away from him, sensing him following
me to the door. I didn’t care. He could watch me get in with Regan and know
exactly where I was going. Whatever turned him on, didn’t much matter to me.

“Oh my God, I feel like we haven’t been out in years,” I
said as soon as I got in with Regan.

“Me too, and lord knows I need it. Vince has been on me all
week. I’m ready to kill him.”

“I’ll help you burry him if you help me plant your brother,”
I offered. I wasn’t exactly joking.

“What’s going on with you two? Are you okay?”

“Regan, I told you, I’m not discussing this with you. I’m
not going to come between Alex and his family. This is between him and I, and
we’ll work it out.”

“But what is your plan, Whit? You can’t keep going like
this. It’s obvious that you don’t want to be with him.”

“I’m working on it. Let’s forget men and go kick some biker
ass on the pool table. I need someone to buy my drinks. I have to buy a zoo.”

“You’re buying a zoo?”

“Yup, it’s going to take up the whole floor in Maddie’s
room, but that’s all she has been talking about.”

Regan laughed. “Trenton has a whole bag of zoo animals that
she hasn’t played with in years. I’ll have to dig them out for her.”

“Are there any bunnies? She wants bunnies at her zoo,” I
explained, smiling and thinking about her excitement over this zoo.

“Actually there are about twenty of them. Trenton went
through an animal phase where we had to buy some sort of animal every time we
were out. Her dad brought her home something every time he was out of town.
That was when she was going to be a veterinarian. Now, she’s going to be a
horse racer.”

“Has she ever been on a horse?”

“Yes, once last summer. My parents took her to a ranch for
the weekend. She loved it. She’s going to live on a ranch and race horses.”

“God, I would love to have nothing to worry about but what I
was going to do when I grow up.”

“Me too. I have a suggestion. Let’s go in here and worry
about how drunk we can get.”

“We’re going to have to call for a ride home again,” I
reminded her. I wasn’t calling Alex. I would walk first.

“Stop, we’re not worrying about anything. Remember?”

“Got it.”

That is exactly what we did. We drank mixed drinks, and I
have no idea how many shots of different whisky. I needed that night more than
I knew. It felt amazing to just let go without Alex looking over my shoulder. We
didn’t talk about what was going on once. I wasn’t going there with Regan.
Every time she mentioned Alex, I ordered another shot. I wasn’t thinking about
Alex. I refused, until he called at almost midnight. What the hell? I only
answered to make sure everything was okay with Maddie, and he wasn’t calling
for something important. He wasn’t.

“Hello,” I answered, walking toward the window so that I
could hear over the noise.

“Where are you?”

“Drunk, where are you?” I smartly replied.

“You know you’re not supposed to be drinking with your
medication.”

I laughed. It didn’t piss me off a bit. I was too drunk to
let Alex Wesson get to me. “Yeah well, you see the thing is….I have never taken
one of those stupid pills. I don’t need them. The only pill I need is the magic
kind that will make you disappear. What do you want?”

“Are you done? I’ll come and get you.”

“I don’t need you to come and get me. My daughter is not
there. I have no reason to come there. I’ll see you when she gets back on
Easter Sunday.”

“I think not, Whitley. Are you at that biker bar?”

“We were. I’m leaving now, just getting ready to climb on
the back of a Harley with some guy named, um, oh hell, it doesn’t matter what his
name is. I’ll see ya later.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me!  You’re not going anywhere
with anyone. I’m on my way.”

“I’m not going to be here, you’re wasting your time.” I said
to myself. Why the hell did he always hang up on me?

“Hey, I’ve got a ride. Alex is on his way to take you home,”
I lied, walking back to the pool table where Regan was running the game.

“What do you mean you have a ride?”

“A friend from work, she’s here now. I’ll call you
tomorrow,” I lied again, grabbed my jacket and walked out to the dark, empty
parking lot. Now if I just had a friend from work to give me that ride I would
be just fine. What the hell was I thinking? I couldn’t walk. Where was I going
to walk to? I could get a room for a couple days till Maddie came home. No, I
couldn’t spend the money. I had a zoo to buy.

Wait a minute, I did have a friend. I walked behind the bar,
not wanting Alex to pull in and see me, and dialed Matt. Shit, it’s after
midnight, I noticed as his phone rang.

“Hey,” he answered on the first ring. Good he wasn’t
sleeping.

“Hey…uhm, are you busy?”

“Nah, just watching
Little House on the Prairie
.”

 “Excuse me?”

“You know the old black and white TV show with Michael
Landon.”

“I know what it is. Why are you watching it?”

Matt laughed. “Relax, I’m not a weirdo. I have to do a
presentation on it for my public speaking class. I kind of like it. I’d love to
live back in those days.”

“Do you think maybe you could come and get me?” I asked,
jumping out of my skin from the cat that ran right between my legs. Holy hell,
I was sure I just had a heart attack.

“Come and get you? Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little drunk. I’m at the Blue Moon.”

“What the hell are you doing there? That’s a biker bar.”

“Just trying out my wings. Can you give me a lift?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in about ten minutes. Stay inside.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Shit, ten minutes. That’s about when Alex should be pulling
in. Wait a minute, I don’t give a fuck. He can go to hell. He doesn’t own me.
He got what he wanted.

I stood leaned up against the side of the bar peaking around
the corner, praying that Alex got here after Matt. I wanted to be out of here
before he came, even if I did just say I didn’t care. I kind of cared. Or at
least I didn’t want trouble anyway. He needed to hurry. I was drunk. I needed
to sit down before I fell down.

I was sure the ten minutes took around fifty. Thank God, I
saw the jeep before I saw Alex. I practically ran to his jeep. I wanted out of
there….fast.

“Go, get out of here,” I said, jumping in as I saw
headlights. I was sure they were Alex’s even though I couldn’t see the car yet.
I could tell by the Japanese style headlights.

“You didn’t rob the place did you?”

I ducked when we neared Alex. Yup, that was him. “No, just
hiding from Maddie’s dad.”

“Where’s Maddie?”

“Alex let her go with my dad for a couple days.”

“And you didn’t want her to?”

“No, she’s fine there.” I could tell I had just confused the
hell out of him, but he didn’t say anything.

“Where do you live?”

“I don’t want to go there. Let’s go drink some more.”

“Um no, you’ve had enough. Did you have a fight with
Maddie’s dad?”

“I always have a fight with Maddie’s dad.” I wanted to ask
him if I could sleep on his couch, but couldn’t seem to work up the nerve.

“Do you want to see the apartment? I have the key.”

“Yes!” I said with a little too much excitement. I’d sleep
on the floor there.

Matt drove us to the back side of the coffee shop. It wasn’t
like a back alley where it was dark and I would be afraid. The back side wasn’t
much different than the front side and had a one-way street with other business
on the other side of the road. It felt pretty safe.

“You sure you’re okay to walk up the steps?”

“Are you trying to tell me something?” I smirked. I felt a
little excitement about the apartment. Could I really do this? I’d have to get
another job.

“Yes, you’re drunk.”

I laughed and got out.

Matt followed me up the encased stairwell and unlocked the
door. He pushed it letting me go first and flipped on a light. It opened to a
kitchen that took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting it to be as big as it was.
It needed work. A lot of work. I wasn’t sure I could handle living in it like
that. The linoleum was blood red with hunter green countertops.

“It hasn’t been cleaned yet,” Matt said, catching my
expressional hesitation.

“I think it needs more than cleaning. This place is ugly,” I
laughed.

“You can buy a big rug.”

“I would have to.” I walked into the living area, wondering
why they would make the kitchen so big and the living room so small. It led to
two bedrooms, one on each side of a wide hallway with the bathroom all the way
at the end. Maddie would have room to play in the hall anyway. The bedrooms
were small as well, but would do. I could live with that.

“How much is the rent?”

“I talked to my dad and he said he would rent it to you for
three fifty. It’s a hundred cheaper than what he was charging. I told him you
were a friend, but I just want you to make sure first. Maybe you should answer
that,” he said after I hit end on my phone for the fifth time in ten minutes. I
wasn’t talking to Alex. He didn’t need to know where I was.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just turn it off.” I could probably do
three fifty. It really wasn’t worth more than that. I’d never lived in such a
rundown place, but I could make it mine and Maddie’s. It was better than having
to live with Alex.

I was in a daze thinking about what to do when I looked up
to see the look in Matt’s eyes, the same look that I had noticed more and more.

“You know I like you, right, Whitley?”

I smiled at him. “Matt, I don’t want to be in love.”

“What do you want?”

“What I want and what my options are, are two different
things.”

“Why do you let him control you?”

I shrugged my shoulders thinking about it. I couldn’t tell
him. “I guess I do it all for Maddie.”

“You can’t let him hold her over your head, Whit. You have a
right to your own life.”

I didn’t want to talk about it with Matt. I was drunk and
had other uses in mind for him. I walked toward him and slid my arms around his
neck. He wrapped his around my waist and I kissed him. He backed away. Damn.

“You’re drunk, and I’m not going to do something that you
are going to regret in the morning,” he assured me.

I walked back to him with a smile. “It’s already morning.
I’m not regretting anything.”

Matt held my hands when I started taking my clothes off. He
wouldn’t let me.

“No, Whitley. I need to take you home.”

I let out a disgusted puff of air and backed off. I wasn’t
having sex with Matt. Matt wanted more. I didn’t want more. I wanted sex. “I’m
not going home. You go ahead and go. I’ll just crash here.”

“I’m not leaving you here. There isn’t even a bed.”

“This carpet will do just fine. Just go, please,” I begged.

He left me. He really just turned on his heels and left me.
I couldn’t believe it. Alex would have never done that. Shit, who cares what
Alex would do? I slid down the wall and I’m not sure what happened. I cried. I
cried like Maddie did when she was really upset. It wouldn’t stop. I could feel
the tears running down my face as I heaved in breaths of stale air. What was I
doing? How did I get into this mess? Why? Why? Why?

“Come on, get up,” I heard from my fetal position on the
nasty brown carpet in what would be my new bedroom.

“Alex? What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came to take you home. Let me help you,” he offered,
taking my arm. I let him pull me up and caught a glance of my image through a
mirror from across the room. I looked horrible. I had make-up smeared all down
my face, my eyes were puffy, and my white camisole was covered in something
red. Where was my shirt? I had a shirt when we came there, didn’t I? It was
still dark out. What time was it?

I turned when I also saw Matt’s reflection. I was confused.
He called Alex? Why would he do that? He smiled a warm smile at me and slid his
hands in his jean pockets. He didn’t leave me at all. He called Alex. What the
fuck?

“Let’s get you out of here,” Alex said, taking my elbow and
leading me out.

Alex took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders.
I was so confused. I remembered going there. I remembered being rejected by Matt.
I remembered my breakdown and crying. I vaguely remembered Matt leaving me, but
everything else was unclear. I must have been drunker than I thought.

The confusion that I felt before was nothing like I felt
when I got home. Why was Doctor Pierce there? Why was Regan there? I turned
back looking over my shoulder at Alex in question.

“You’re okay. Doctor Pierce is just going to give you
something to relax. Regan, start a bath, would you?” He beckoned, turning to
his sister.

“I don’t need anything to relax. I’m fine. What do you mean
something to relax? Why is he here?”

“I called him,” Alex replied, answering his phone. I knew it
was my dad. I could tell by the way he explained that he had me, and I was home
safe. He told him not to worry, that he would take care of me and that the
doctor was there too.

Regan led me to the bathroom where an inviting tub of water
was filled with bubbles.

“Regan, what the hell is going on? How did Alex find me?”

“What the hell were you thinking, Whitley? By the time we
got back to your house, Matt was here. He left his friends there to keep an eye
on you while he came for help.”

“Help? I didn’t need help? What do you mean help?”

“Matt said you went off the deep end. He said you were
trying to get him and his friends all to, well, you know.”

“What friends, we were alone?”

“No, you weren’t; there were three guys there.”

“There wasn’t anyone else, Regan. I swear.” My God. I was
crazy. Or was she crazy.

“Alex is never going to let you out of this house with me
again. He’s blaming me. You told me a girlfriend was picking you up. What the
hell are you doing getting in a car full of men you don’t know?”

I was so disordered. Why didn’t I remember that? “There was
only Matt,” I protested. “He told me he was just sitting home alone watching
television, Little House on the Prairie. I laughed at him.” I knew I was right.
He came alone. There was no one else. Was there?

“Why didn’t someone tell me you were on medication? Alex is
livid with me for letting you drink.”

“I’m not on anything. I have never taken them,” I assured
her sliding out of my jeans. I wasn’t wearing panties. I was wearing panties
when I left. I was sure of it. What the hell was going on?

“Alex knew you weren’t taking them. He’s been giving it to
you in liquid form three times a day. I had to listen to Doctor Idiot out there
lecture me for twenty minutes on the dangers of mixing alcohol with your meds.
Hell, someone could have freaking told me.”

I eased into the hot water. “Like what happens when you mix
the two. I want to know what Alex has been giving me.”

“According to your doctor, it can make you do exactly what
you just did. You don’t remember any of it?”

“Any of what? I remember looking around the apartment and
then trying to get frisky with Matt. He turned me down and left me there. Alex
showed up after that.”

“Jesus, Whit, you were trying to get all three of them to do
you. They all turned you down. You took your clothes off and when Matt tried to
calm you down you went off screaming and crying. They left you. His friends
waited outside while he came to get Alex.”

Oh God, how was I ever going to face Matt? He would think I
was crazy too. Hell, maybe I was. Everything seemed to be so out of this world.
This wasn’t my life anymore. What happened to my safe little life with my
little girl by the river? I wanted it back. I was going crazy. I couldn’t take
this anymore.

“What time is it, Regan?”

“Almost three in the morning. Do you need help? I need to
get home. Trenton has a ballgame in the morning.”

“No, I’m fine. You can go.” three in the morning? I left the
bar around midnight. Where did the three hours go? I literally lost three hours
of my life that I couldn’t account for. I wanted to relax in the hot water and
try to regain some of the last few hours of my life. Alex didn’t let me do
that. He opened the door and sat on the toilet with two pills and a drink of
water.

“Take this, it’ll help,” he offered. I was pissed. He had
been drugging me for months. I wanted to know what the hell I had been taking. Why
was everyone making me out to be wacko? I wasn’t crazy. I slapped his hand,
trying to send the pills flying across the room. He tightened his fist and held
on to them.

“You can either take them or we can hold you down and give
you a shot. It’s just a couple of valium. Take them, Whit.”

What choice did I have? I took the two pills against my will
and swallowed the water. “You can go now,” I snapped with a dirty look.

I thought he was leaving. He didn’t leave. He only opened
the door to let the doctor know that I was an obedient little girl and took his
stupid pills, dismissing him to leave.

“I don’t need you in here while I bathe,” I assured him as
he leaned against the countertop, facing me.

“I’m not leaving you until this alcohol wears off. Just bathe.
Wash your face, you have makeup all over yourself.”

I angrily scrubbed my face with the cloth and pulled the
plug. “You need to watch me get out and dress too?” I yelled.

He handed me a towel and held up the clothes that he had
already brought in from behind him with a smirk. I jerked the towel from his
hands and covered myself, jerking the clothes from the counter as I walked out.
He turned me when I headed toward my room to dress in private.

“You’re going upstairs.”

“I am not!” I demanded. No way in hell was he making me
sleep in his room. I wasn’t the one that needed to be put in a rubber room. He
was.

“You are. Don’t fight me. I’m tired. I’ve been up all night
worrying myself sick about you. Let’s go to bed. We’ll talk about it when we
wake.”

I wanted to protest. I wanted to fight him tooth and nail. I
couldn’t. My body suddenly felt the effects of the two pills. I wasn’t sure my
muscles were going to make it upstairs, and my eyelids unexpectedly felt like
they were being weighted down.

Alex grabbed my arm when I stumbled. I needed to lie down.
Maybe the alcohol was still being mixed with my new drugs. I stepped up the one
step and lost my balance. I couldn’t pull myself up. “What the hell did you
give me, Alex?” I groggily asked as I was being scooped into his arms in
nothing but a towel. He kissed my forehead and shushed me as he carried me up
the stairs. That was it. I don’t remember anything else past the first couple
of steps.

“Hey,” I heard Alex say as he sat on the bed next to me. It
took me a minute to comprehend what was going on. It was pitch black and I was
in his bed. Alex switched on the lamp and I flinched from the brightness.

“What time is it?” I asked sitting up, holding the sheet
close to my breasts realizing I was naked.

“Almost one. You hungry? I made some lunch.”

“Why are you doing this, Alex?” I asked. I had a right to
know.

“I’m just worried about you. I feel like you’re spiraling
out of control.”

It was all I could do to keep my cool. I took a deep breath
to calm my anger. I didn’t want to be forced into taking something that I
didn’t know what it was. “I am spiraling out of control because of you. You’ve
managed to take my daughter, my house, my transportation, and now you’ve turned
my family against me,” I spoke softly.

“Your family is not against you, Whit. They love you.
They’re only concerned about you. And you still have your house and your old
truck. You just need to get better so that you can go home for a visit.”

“Get better?” Oh my God, I was going to be in prison for
murder. I knew exactly what he meant. He meant quit the job and earn his trust
so that he would allow me to go home. He was afraid I was going to run. I
wouldn’t. I tried that and he found me. I was screwed. I had no other choice. I
had to do what this man wanted me to do. He had the control, not me, and there
wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I was at his mercy.

“Yes, Whitley. I want you to get better and try to make this
work for Maddie. Don’t you think she deserves a mommy and daddy that respect
each other? My father always told me the best thing a man can do for his
children is love their mommy. I believe that, Whit. Let me love you.”

I almost choked. “Let you love me? Are you serious, Alex?
You make me sick. I can’t stand you or your manipulative ways. You don’t earn
love by being controlling. You can’t force love. There is no way I could ever
love you the way you are insinuating. Look how we started out for Pete’s sake.
You forced me then too.”

“You don’t have to love me in that way, but you are going to
be around our families and our daughter. You’re not going back to that job, and
you will sleep right here from now on. I’m not going to force you to do
anything that you don’t want to do.”

“That is exactly what you’re doing. You’re forcing me to do
what you want me to do. I don’t want to do anything you just said.”

“Come and eat. It’s not up for debate.”

That was it. He once again had the upper hand. He stood and
left me as I stared after him with my mouth agape. Now what?

<><><> 

Alex was in the kitchen dipping us both a plate of pasta when
I emerged. He nodded towards the barstool. I picked up the fresh cup of coffee.
I had it to my lips ready to sip it when I stopped, got up, and walked to the
sink with him watching me and dumped it.

“What’d you do that for?” he asked.

“I’ll pour my own, thank you. I won’t be needing you to take
care of that for me anymore.”

He snickered. “You don’t have to take anything as long as
you behave.”

“What the hell have you been giving me anyway? That’s why
I’ve been feeling so tired, isn’t it?”

“Nothing that would hurt you. I knew you weren’t taking the
medication that Dr. Pierce prescribed.”

“That’s because I don’t need it. I’m not crazy!” I yelled.

“Lower your voice, Whit. You sound like you are when you go
off the deep end like that. Sit down and eat.”

It was official. I was crazy. He was making me crazy. “Where
is my phone? I need to call Matt and let him know that I’m not going to be
allowed out of this house today.”

Alex handed me my phone from the top of the microwave with a
smirk. I’m sure I have never wanted to punch someone as much as I did him. I
didn’t have to worry about calling Matt. I had a text message from him wishing
me well, and letting me know that he didn’t think I was a good fit there, and
it was in the best interest for all of us if I part ways with his company. I
was sure that Alex had something to do with that. I knew he did. He had been
flirting with me the entire time I’d worked there. I remembered him telling me
just the night before that he liked me. Why couldn’t I remember anyone else
being there?

I thought about what I remembered from the night before. I
remembered waiting for Matt, willing him to get there before Alex. There was no
one but Matt and me. I was sure of it. I was drunk but that was it. I wasn’t
out of it. I remember walking around checking out the apartment that I would
never live in. Thanks to my keeper here.

“You okay? Where’d you go?” Alex asked.

“Trying to figure out what the hell happened last night. I
don’t believe you. I don’t think I took my clothes off for anyone. I don’t
believe there was anyone else there. It was only Matt and me. I’m sure of it.”

“Now what are you doing?” Alex asked as I texted Matt.

Matt, what the hell happened last night?
 

“Nothing, Alex. Don’t worry about what I am doing,” I
snapped.

I can’t talk to you, Whitley. I hope you are well and I wish
you the best
,
Matt responded with his own text.

What do you mean? You can’t talk to me? Please answer one
question. Were we alone last night?

Yes. Please don’t tell your boyfriend that I told you
that. I don’t want any trouble.

Tell me what he said. I need to know, Matt. I’m not going
to tell him. I need to know what the hell happened.

Take care, Whitley.

MATT!?!?

That was it. He didn’t text me back and I had a feeling I
wouldn’t be hearing from Matt again.

“Will you please eat?” Alex begged.

I took a bite and dialed my dad, wishing Maddie had her own
phone. I didn’t want to talk to my dad or listen to him ask me how I was.

“Hi, sweetie,” my dad answered.

“Hey, Dad. Where’s Maddie?”

“She’s up at the house with Dana. How are you?”

“I’m fine. I’ll call Dana.”

“Whitley?”

“What?” I replied, not meaning to snap at him.

“You okay?” I felt bad hearing the concern in his voice.

“Yes, Dad. I’m fine. I just want to talk to Maddie. I’ll
talk to you later, okay?”