All for Maddie (26 page)

“I’m just trying to show you how things could be if you
would let your guard down.”

“And you think expensive attire, fine dining, and limousines
are what I want?”

“I don’t know what you want, but I’m dying to find out.”

I want to get drunk and straddle you in the back seat of
this car.
“It’s not you,” I assured him. He didn’t falter. He only smiled
with that sexy ass grin that was going to be the death of me tonight.

We were seated at a table overlooking the Missouri River in
a very romantic atmosphere restaurant called Fresh Jazz. It was dark with red
walls, black table coverings, and crystal candles. Alex ordered us both a glass
of wine and I sat across from him in disbelief. This was crazy. He was acting
like we were a couple. We were far from being a couple.

“You do look amazing,” Alex smiled over at me.

I grunted. Why did I keep doing that? Why was I nervous? I
picked up my wineglass and chugged about half of it. He took it from my hand
and moved it away from me.

“Easy, my little lush,” he teased.

“I’m not a lush. I hardly ever drink,” I defensively responded.
“Besides, I’m going to need that and a few more,” I admitted.

“You don’t drink often, but when you do, you think you have
to get drunk. Why are you going to need it?”

“Because you’re scaring the hell out of me. You’re up to
something.”

“You’re not getting drunk tonight.”

 I made the same grumble noise.

Alex snickered and stood, coming to my side with his hand
out for me to take it.

“What?” I asked, looking up. I wasn’t taking his hand. I
knew what he was suggesting.

“Dance with me and stop making that noise.”

I placed my hand in his right after I grunted again. What
the hell?

He held me close with his hand on the small of my back. This
wasn’t good. I didn’t want him to feel like this. He couldn’t feel like this. I
couldn’t feel like this. He planned this whole night. What did he think I was
going to do? I couldn’t forgive him. No way could I do that.

“Relax, I’m not hurting you, am I?”

I tried to loosen my stiff posture, right after that
annoying grumble that kept surfacing from somewhere. “Alex,” I tried to protest
before he stopped me with his lips on mine.

“Shhh, just be with me. I’m not asking you for anything
more.”

“I don’t know what this is all about,” I opposed.

“It’s not about anything. Stop making it out to be.”

“You just kissed me, Alex,” I reminded him. It was about
something. He knew it as well as I did.

“I want to kiss you for the rest of my life.”

“Jesus Christ,” I spat out, dropping my arms from around his
neck. I had to get away from him. He was the one that needed medication. I
walked back to our table and chugged my wine, held it up to our waiter and sat
with my arms crossed.

“Why is this so hard for you, Whit?” Alex asked once our
waiter filled our glasses.

I chugged mine. I needed to be drunk to deal with this
insane asshole. “Do you really want me to answer that? Why don’t I start with
our first meeting?” I angrily said.

“You’re not doing this, Whitley. Stop. We’re not fighting
tonight.”

“We’re not?”

“No, let’s talk.”

“Talk?”

“Stop doing that. Yes, let’s talk. Tell me something that I
don’t know about you.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope, tell me what life was like growing up on a campground
by the river.”

“Ha, it was great,” I replied with nothing more. I’m not
sure how we made it through that night. He was trying his best to be romantic
and break the barrier between us. I wasn’t having it.

That night was the end of me. That night might not have
broken the barrier but it left a hell of a crack. I wanted to stay downstairs
at the hotel and drink. He wouldn’t hear of it. We went up to the room with no
alcohol. How the hell was I supposed to make it through the night with him
being sober?

“Do you want my t-shirt? I just put it on,” he offered,
knowing I didn’t come prepared for this.

“Sure,” I replied, watching him unbutton his white dress
shirt. I grabbed it out of his hands and walked to the bathroom. I couldn’t
stand the sight of him shirtless.

“Nice,” I said out loud, slipping the thin white t-shirt
over my head, eyeing my perky nipples through the mirror. I shook my head,
pulled down on the bottom, walked out, and practically jumped under the covers.

I switched off the lamp on my side and turned away from him,
ignoring the sound that I knew was him sliding out of his slacks and into the
king size bed. Thank God, the bed was big enough to keep us from touching.

I froze in panic when he moved over to me and ran his hand
up my hip and to my ribs. I couldn’t even speak long enough to protest. What
was he doing? Was I going to let him do it? The instant pulsating between my
legs said I was.

“Roll over, baby,” he whispered to my hair. I did. Fuck I
did.

“What are you doing, Alex,” I rasped.

“I’m going to make love to you.”

“No, you’re not,” I replied in a soft, hoarse tone.

“Yes, Whitley, I am. I should have done this months ago. I’m
done waiting for you.”

“Alex, you can’t control me,” I tried as I felt his lips on
mine.

“I know. I’m working on it. Let me do this, Whitley. I need
to do this,” he spoke warm words to my lips. “Please,” he begged.

“Okay,” I replied, giving in. Just because I needed sex
didn’t mean it meant anything else, right?

Wrong
….

Alex slid my panties over my hips while I rose, helping him.
He moved his shirt over my head, and I caught a whiff of his cologne as it
brushed across my face, landing on the floor. He ran his hand up the inside of
my thigh and straight to my already wet sex. I moaned and closed my eyes.

“Look at me,” he whispered as his fingers did amazing things
to me. I opened my eyes and tried to look at him. I couldn’t, I turned away.

“Whit,” he coaxed, wanting me to look at him.

I turned toward him. “I can’t, Alex. I can’t look at you
while you do this to me. I can’t.” What the hell? I wasn’t thinking about
crying. I was thinking about getting laid. Where the hell did all this emotion
come from?

He moved between my legs and kissed my eyelids. “I’m sorry,
Whitley,” he whispered. I knew that he was apologizing for more things than one
as he moved into me. I closed my eyes again, I had to. I couldn’t look at him
while he did this, while he made love to me. Alex was making love to me and I
was letting him, feeling my barrier that kept him at a distance being cracked
even more.

I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t make love. I
hadn’t been able to do that since, well, ever. I’d never made love. This was
more emotion than I could take, and I cried while Alex took me, trying to tell
me how sorry he was. At least that’s how it felt anyway. Alex could turn on a
dime. I didn’t know where we would be the next morning.

I’m not sure what happened, but when the two of us released
together, I felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders. Years of
betrayal, hurt, and anger exuded from my heart and soul. Was I in love with
Alex? Could I love him or was this all part of his game?

We talked that night, really talked, laying naked in each
other’s arms. Alex confessed his cancer and I listened, pretending not to
already know. He acknowledged Karma for his sickness; he felt that he deserved
it for what he did to me at that party. He told me how when he saw me on the
sidewalk at Kylie’s bachelorette party, how something happened and he knew he
had to make it right. He showed up at the resort wanting to talk to me. His
then girlfriend was the one to plan the weekend couple thing. He had wanted to
come alone. He confessed how it made him feel when he saw Maddie after she’d
ran smack into his car. He knew she belonged to him the moment he saw her.

He told me how angry he was that I hid her from him and
didn’t tell him, but had recently understood that he had no right. He admitted
to me that he had no right to come into my life and take my daughter the way
that he had. He did it out of anger and control. He wanted to show me that I
was nothing, up against him. I heard him apologize at least twenty times that
night. He traced my stomach, my fingers, kissed me a million times as he
confessed his deep dark secrets to me. Could I forgive this man? Did I even
want to? It all seemed so surreal, just the night before I was drunk, looking
at an apartment, and trying to be jaded with another man.

I’m not sure what time it was when we finally dozed off. I’m
sure it was near daylight. Alex was asleep first, and I laid silent, thinking
unbelievable, crazy thoughts. We woke to the sound of a lady calling, “Housekeeping,”
over and over.

Alex was making sure things weren’t awkward between us when
we finally stirred and crawled out of bed. He talked on and on about Maddie’s
zoo and how he couldn’t wait to see her face. He talked about eating his
mother’s ham the following day and yes, he kissed me multiple times. I laughed
at his chattering all the way home. He never shut up, nor did he let go of my
hand.

<><><> 

“What happened?” Regan asked, as she handed me a drink while
the two of us cleaned up the dining room table, carrying dirty plates to the
kitchen where Connie and Dana cleaned up the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” I feigned ignorance. I knew what she was
talking about. Alex hadn’t taken his eyes off me the entire day. I would have
never guessed there was so much power behind a look.

“Don’t play dumb with me. You look… I don’t know, happy, I
guess,” she assumed, collecting silverware from around the table.

“I don’t know. I guess I am. We’ll see.”

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

I smiled. I was in love with him. When did that happen? Had
I always been in love with him?

“We need to celebrate. That makes me extremely happy,” she
taunted.

I laughed. “You always want to celebrate. I’m not getting
drunk, it’s Easter Sunday.”

“So? You don’t have to get up and go to work and neither do
I.”

“Mommy, I spilled this,” Maddie said, showing me the red
stain down her brand new dress. Crap, I wanted her to be able to wear the too
expensive dress one more time at her birthday party.

“Come on, we’ll change, Mommy will see if we can get it
out,” I coaxed leading her to the bathroom.

I slipped the dress over her head, leaving her standing in
her shiny black shoes, pink lace socks, and white panties with a ruffled butt.
I smiled, looking down at her as I read the tag. She looked just as cute like
that as she had in her dress.

“Come here, Munchkin,” Alex said, picking her up and
standing her on the sink. I was a little taken aback that he took it up on
himself to get her clothes and came to help. He slid her shirt over her head
and leaned over to kiss me while I was staring at him.

“No, I not wear a shoes,” she ordered when he slipped off
the dress shoes, trying to replace them with sneakers.

“I not wear a shoes?” he asked, giving her a silly look.

“I don’t want to wear shoes,” she rephrased.

 He kissed her little lips. “That’s better. Go get Trenton
and skate down the hall. I bet it’s really slippery with your socks,” he
suggested, lifting her to the floor.

“Put her pants on,” I ordered as she ran off, yelling for
Trenton to slide down the hall with her.

“Uh-uh,” I love her little butt in those things, besides
she’s going to grow up too fast anyways. I’m not going to be letting her run
around in shorts before you know it, let alone her panties.”

I smiled as he took Maddie’s dress from my hands. “I’ll drop
it off to have it dry cleaned. What about you? You wearing panties,” he teased,
moving me backwards to the counter.

“Alex stop, we’re in your parent’s house,” I demanded,
knowing the look in his eyes. He reached around me and locked the door.

“Alex, no, what are you doing?” I asked as his hands slid my
dress up.

“I’ve been watching you in this sexy ass dress all day. I
can’t take it anymore. I need you,” he whispered, landing soft kisses on my
neck and lifting me to the sink.

“I am not having sex with you in your mother’s bathroom.”

“Good, I don’t want you to,” he admitted, moving his fingers
between my legs. “I just want to make you come,” he said, kissing my lips. I
was doomed. I was doomed as soon as he slid my panties to the side and abruptly
moved his middle finger inside me. Damnit if I didn’t moan.

“I hate you,” I pouted, giving into him. I had to. I was
past the point of return. He giggled to my lips. I swear the man already knew
everything about my body. I think it took all of maybe two minutes before my
head was dropping. He pulled me back to him, covering my mouth with his as I
moaned an unbelievable, satisfying moan.

“I love doing that to you,” he admitted as my breathing
regulated becoming stable again.

“What about you? You planning on walking out there like
this?” I asked, rubbing the erection, laying off to the side in his constricted
dress pants.

“Please stop touching it,” he begged. I laughed and pushed
him away before I ended up bent over the bathroom counter. I kissed the corner
of his mouth and straightened my dress, leaving him to deal with his little
problem.

“What the hell? You just disappear until the works all done?
Why is your face all red? Why do you have beard burn all over your neck?” Regan
ranted as I returned to help clean up.

“I just fucked your brother in the bathroom,” I teased.

“You slut,” she accused.

I laughed. “I’m kidding. We were just making out a little.”
That wasn’t a complete lie.

We all went out to the back yard once the two proud grandpas
had all the Easter eggs hidden for the girls. Maddie quickly pulled on her pink
sweatpants with the bunny rabbit in the front instead of the butt where it was
supposed to be. Regan handed me a drink as I smiled, watching Alex hold her
hand and look for eggs.

“Geesh Dad, she is still only three,” I accused when Alex
took an egg from inside the grill.

“Yeah, I wasn’t trying to make it hard for her, just him,” he
accused, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. Regan sensed some needed privacy
and walked over to her mother.

“You doing okay?” he asked, kissing the side of my head. I
think that was the first time in a long time that I didn’t get mad at him for
asking me if I was okay. There was a different meaning behind it this time.

“Yeah, I’m good, Dad,” I smiled.

“You look good. You look happy and that makes me very
happy,” he smiled.

We both laughed when Maddie sat on the ground not worried
about eggs anymore. There was something in that plastic egg. She had to get it
open. Alex peeled the paper from the chocolate egg and she popped it in her
mouth, ready to find more candy.

My dad and Dana left to head home right after the pumpkin
pie and coffee. Regan and I were on our third drink and sat outside while the
girls played with the toys from their Easter baskets. Regan walked in to fill
them again when Alex sat beside me.

“You’re not getting drunk,” he ordered. “Last one, okay?” he
said, trying not to sound like a controlling dick.

“No Alex, that’s not okay. I want to be drunk.”

“I don’t want you drunk. I need to finish what we started in
the bathroom and make love to you later.”

“That’s why I want to get drunk. I don’t like to make love
when I’m drunk.”

“Then I definitely don’t want you drunk.”

“Do you know why I don’t like to make love when I’m drunk” I
asked, leaning in and kissing him, letting my tongue brush his bottom lip.

“Uh-uh,” he mumbled.

“I don’t like to make love when I’m drunk because alcohol
has some sort of effect on me that makes me want to fuck. Can’t I get a little
intoxicated, leave love out of the equation, and fuck you?” I teased.  

“Hmm mmm,” he mumbled with wide eyes. “Are you drunk yet, we
should go,” he tried.

I laughed. “Not yet.”

We stayed until almost nine with Regan, Connie, and myself
very intoxicated. I continued to give Alex the eye the whole evening. I even
went as far as placing my lace panties in his hand after returning from the
bathroom. That did it. He was done. He wanted out of there. Maddie whined, not
wanting to leave.

“Let her stay,” Connie slurred. Reagan and I laughed at her
loud outspoken response.

“She’s going home, Mom,” Alex protested.

Maddie sat on the floor and whaled. “I wanna stay wif Twenton,”
she cried.

Alex picked her up and she arched her back, squirming from
his hold. “Maddie, stop. It’s almost bedtime. You can play with Trenton next
time,” he said, like that was going to help. She screamed louder as he picked
her up, screaming and kicking. She was quickly ruining my sizzling for Alex
mood. I hated when she didn’t get a nap.

Maddie cried the whole way home. I could tell that Alex was
getting irritated at her but didn’t say anything. He took my hand and smiled at
me. I hoped the mood was salvageable.

Alex walked in holding Maddie’s hand as she continued to
whine, wanting to stay with Trenton. I smiled at the way he was with her.

“Didn’t you get a new book in your Easter basket?” he asked.

“Uh-huh, it about a bunny and a little baby chicken,” she
explained, whipping her eyes with the backs of her hands. “You read it, okay?”
she asked, finally forgetting about Trenton.