All for Maddie (32 page)

By one in the morning I was finished. I couldn’t drink one
more drink and needed another distraction. I moved between Jaron’s legs on the
tailgate of someone’s truck and whispered in his ear.

“Take me home.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” he admitted with a
smile.

“It is,” I assured him. “It’s what we do, remember? Come on,
let’s get out of here,” I coaxed.

Jaron was kissing me as soon as we were in the door. I
wasn’t having anymore stripping before I made it inside moments, regardless of
who might see me. I waited until we were inside, kicking off my shoes and
undressing as he walked me backwards with a hand full of my breasts and kisses
beyond belief. Yes, this was exactly what I needed for a distraction.

“Damn, I missed you, girl,” Jaron admitted, towering above
my naked body sprawled on the bed, waiting for him to come to me as he removed
his shirt and shoes.

He came to me with just his jeans, running his fingers up my
legs and straight to my throbbing, wet pussy. Ahhh…just his fingers felt amazing,
but something else didn’t feel amazing. What the fuck? I had Jaron in my bed.
Jaron was an amazing lover. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Jaron,” I panted between kisses.

“Hmmm?”

“I can’t.”

Jaron stopped all movement. His fingers slid away from my
sex and moved to my hip where he left them while staring down at me. I wasn’t
sure what to say, I wasn’t even sure what my problem was. He rolled over and
sighed. I sat up and pulled on my panties and a t-shirt, feeling bad after
noticing the massive erection lying to the left of his jeans.

“Why don’t you just call him, Whitley?” he asked, running
his hand up my back in a comforting fashion.

I snorted. “I’ve tried. He won’t answer. He won’t even talk
to Maddie.”

“Go to him.”

“I don’t want him, Jaron. I got what I wanted. I have Maddie
and he’s out of my life.”

“I don’t think that’s the case, Whit. You can’t even sleep
with me. What’s up with that? We’ve always been able to do this.”

“I don’t know, Jaron. God, I’m so fucked up right now,” I
moaned, throwing myself back to the bed, covering my face with my hands.

“You’re fucked up, because you’re in love with your
daughter’s daddy. You just won’t admit it.”

“He cheated on me, Jaron. All this time, all this fighting
and fucked up mind games, I let him win. I fell so madly in love with the idiot
that I didn’t even know what hit me. What the hell, Jaron. Why? Why would he do
that? Do you think it was just a game to him? Do you think that he was just
trying to prove a point? That he could make me fall for him. What about Maddie,
Jaron? Uh? What about her? How can he just walk out of her life after making
her too fall for him?” I wasn’t giving him a chance to answer one question. I
guess I wasn’t really looking for an answer, I was just venting all the things
running through my mind.

Jaron pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.
Blame it on the alcohol, the fact that Jaron was the one there at the time or
even the truth. The truth was I missed Alex. I missed him like crazy. I cried
and cried and cried while Jaron quietly held me, stroking my back and kissing
my forehead.

Jaron didn’t leave me that night. That was the first time
ever that he stayed the entire night. I was thankful for Jaron that night. I
needed him.

I sat on the front porch step, sipping coffee the next
morning, contemplating on what to do, not that there was much I could do. He
changed his mind. He didn’t want us. God, I hated him. Regan hadn’t called
either. Why hadn’t Regan called? I received four texts from her in the last
three weeks, all wanting to know how Maddie was and that was it. I thought we
were better friends than that. It sort of pissed me off.

“What the hell, Regan? I thought we were friends,” I yelled
into the phone as soon as she answered. I didn’t even really mean to call her.
I was just thinking about it.

“Hey, Whit. How are you?”

“I’m a freaking mess. Why don’t you ever call me?”

I heard her take a deep breath. “Alex asked me not to. He
wants you to forget that any of us ever existed.”

“Why, Regan? How can he do this to Maddie?”

“He’s quite a mess too, Whitley. I don’t think he’s left his
house since you guys left.”

“He let me leave. He didn’t fight for me or Maddie. He just
wants us to disappear and forget all that he did over the last year or so? I
don’t get it?”

“No, that’s not what he wants at all. He just won’t admit
it. He’s beating himself up for a lot of things. Letting Maddie get hurt was
the wakeup call. He knows that he can’t manipulate you into doing the things that
he wants. I truly think he’s sorry for everything, from the first day he met
you. What do you do? I don’t know, Whitley. He’s pretty down on himself right
now.”

“He should be. He cheated on me with that stupid Bambi
model.”

“I asked him what that was all about.”

“And?”

“He said he was an idiot and did let things go a little too
far with her, but stopped himself when he realized what he was about to do. He
said you and Maddie flashed across his vision and he told her to leave. I don’t
know why Alex does what he does, nobody does. He wasn’t raised that way and for
the life of me, I don’t know where he gets it, but I do know he loves you. I’ve
never seen him love anyone before. He doesn’t get close to women, and as soon
as he does; they’re gone.”

“Like Maddie and me,” I stated.

“No, I think this is the first time in his life that it was
different, that it meant something to him, and he doesn’t know what to do with
it. He has realized that taking Maddie from you, because he felt she was better
off with him was wrong. He regrets it.”

“He changed his phone number.”

“Yes, I know. He wants you to get back to your happy life
and forget him. He says that he can’t hear your voice right now, and if he
hears Maddie’s he’s afraid of doing something stupid to repay himself for all
the hell he’s put you through.”

“I can’t believe he’s willing to punish Maddie for all of
this. She doesn’t understand any of it.”

“Honey, he’s not trying to punish you or Maddie. He’s
punishing himself and doing a damn good job at it.”

“I have to go, my dad is beeping in my ear. You can’t stop
being my friend.”

“Okay, I promise.”

“Good morning,” I answered, trying to move on with my life
and get back to where my dad and I used to be, when we were close.

“Come and get her,” he spoke. I could hear Maddie screaming at
the top of her lungs in the background, but it was muffled and got quieter. She
was being carried out by someone.

“What is wrong with her?” I asked, walking into the house to
dress.

“She’s throwing a fit, because I wouldn’t let her put fruit
loops in the fish aquarium. The dining room is full of guests. I don’t need
them seeing my granddaughter act like this.” His comment was directed right at
me, like I was the one who gave her whatever she wanted all the time. I didn’t
respond and told him I was on my way.

I brought her back to the house still screaming, because I
wasn’t going to reward her and let her drive the golf cart back. I did
something I had never done before that day. I punished Maddie. I took her in,
slid a chair away from the table, and sat her on it.

“You can’t act like that, Maddie. You’re going to sit in
time-out for four minutes.”

She screamed and threw herself to the floor. I picked her up
and put her back. She screamed that I was hurting her boo boo, that she had to
potty, and even tried to tell me that she was going to throw up on the floor. I
didn’t falter and held her accountable for the tantrum. This went on for at
least twenty minutes before she realized she wasn’t going to win. I sat the
timer on the microwave once she calmed, heaving in breaths from making herself
hysterical, and told her she could get up when the timer dinged.

“I want my daddy,” she whimpered, quivering her bottom lip.

“Shhh,” I beckoned with my finger over my lips, reminding
her that she had to sit quietly until she heard the timer. What was I supposed
to say? I wanted her daddy too. No, I didn’t. Where the hell did that come
from?

<><><> 

And so it became Maddie and me once again. I hadn’t heard a
word from Alex in almost three months, other than the monthly checks that
arrived by the first of every month. I spent a lot more time with Maddie and
less time working. I didn’t need much money to survive anymore. I could buy
what I wanted at the grocery store. I didn’t need an extra night of waiting
tables to buy Maddie a new pair of cowboy boots. My house no longer had a
mortgage and the twenty-five hundred dollars a month child support was more
than enough to live comfortably.

I started taking some graphic design classes on-line, Maddie
started tap dance, and I filled our days as full as I could fill them. Working
on my classes after Maddie went to bed helped fill my nights. I was okay as
long as I stayed busy. I didn’t really talk to Regan. I guess I was afraid of
hearing how he was doing. Part of me was afraid that he was still locked in his
house, feeling sorry for himself, and the other part was afraid that he had
moved on. It was easier to not know.

We were surviving and little by little Maddie was starting
to forget him. I was proud of standing up to whoever got in my way with her.
She wasn’t going back to being the evil little princess that ran the resort. I
pissed off a few people along the way, including my dad, Dana, and even Jaron,
but I was sticking to my guns. Bottom line, she was my child and I wasn’t going
to let her act like a rotten terror anymore. I had even started making her
repeat her baby talk and say complete sentences the way Alex would. She was
doing great and sometimes I didn’t even have to stop her, she realized it on
her own and corrected herself.

Maddie’s injury was nothing more than a splat of shiny skin
on her chest and had healed up nicely with no other complications. I still had
to apply the cream once a night to keep her skin soft, but that too would end
with the last tube of medicine.

“What you doing?” Maddie asked, crawling to my lap as I went
through my daily lesson on my laptop.

“Excuse me?” I replied, kissing her head.

“What
are
you doing?” she rephrased.

“Mommy is designing a game for school.”

 “Daddy does that,” she reminded me.

“Sort of,” I replied not really knowing how to explain the
difference.

“Where is he?” she nonchalantly asked, twisting her hair
around her finger.

“Stop doing that. You make tangles in your hair. Do you want
spaghetti for supper?”

“Um…” she thought. “No, me want. I want white spaghetti.”

“Chicken Alfredo?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, hop down. You get your bath and I’ll start supper.”

“I can put my animals in there?”

“If you say it right you can.”

“CAN I put my animals in the bath tub?”

“Yes,” I smiled, kissing her cheek.

I stood at the bathroom door staring at her briefly before
leaving her to make supper. Some of her expressions reminded me of Alex so
much. Her long lashes and dark eyes made it hard not to think about him, but we
were doing it. I had back what I wanted. We were good. I had my family who
seemed to be respecting my decisions with my daughter more and more, and of
course Jaron. He was my rock more than once when I needed a friend. He never
tried to be more than that. That part of my life had changed too. I was moving
forward, not backwards and he respected that.  

<><><> 

I pulled the golf cart to the side of the front office
when I saw his car. Nobody had that car. Alex was there. Why? What was he
doing?

“Take her,” I told the office girl when I heard the
yelling and commotion coming from the parking lot.

“Dad! What the hell are you doing?” I yelled, jumping
between him and Alex. Alex was on the ground, wiping a bloody lip.

“He raped you?” he angrily asked, with tight fists and a
rage in his eyes that I swear I’d never seen on my father before.

“NO!” I yelled, going to Alex. “Alex, what the hell are
you doing?”

“I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago. I’m
making it right by you.”

“Alex, stop. You don’t have to do that,” I demanded,
pulling him to his feet.

“I’m sorry Mr. Bradshaw. I’m sorry for the past year, and
for what I did when Whitley was just a girl. I love her, and I love my daughter
more than anything on this earth,” he continued, ignoring me.

“Alex, please stop,” I begged. I couldn’t believe he was
here. He was doing this? Oh my God, he was really doing this.

“YOU GET THE FUCK OF THIS PROPERTY AND DON’T YOU EVER
COME BACK! YOU HEAR ME?” Dad screamed at him.

“I hear you, and I don’t blame you a bit, but I’m not
leaving without Whitley and my daughter.”

Jaron grabbed my dad just in time.

“Alex, what the hell are you doing? Stop, you’re going to
get yourself killed.”

“I don’t care, Whitley. I love you. I can’t live without
you or Maddie. I’ve tried. I’d rather be dead than not have you in my life.”

“You stay away from my daughter and my granddaughter. I
will have you thrown in jail so fast your head will spin,” my dad continued to
threaten in a very loud voice, angry skewed face, and a straight finger right
toward Alex’s nose.

“Dad! Stop. Just go. Jaron get him out of here,” I
begged.

“DADDY!” Maddie yelled, running full force toward Alex.
My dad swooped her up.

“Get him out of here, Whitley,” he ordered. Maddie looked
distraught. She didn’t know what to think. Her daddy was finally there and her
papaw was mad.

“I want to go to my daddy, Papaw,” Maddie said, looking
at him in a peculiar manner. She was confused as much as I was.

I walked over and took her from his arms. “Oh my God,
Dad. He’s not going to hurt her.”

Maddie was in her daddy’s arms in a split second. I
couldn’t help my watery eyes when I watched him with closed eyes holding her so
tight. His love for her was undeniable. I turned back to my dad, wanting him to
give us some time and leave us alone.

“Dad, please just go.”

“Whitley, is this shit true? He has no right to Maddie.
He made you out to be the unstable one. He’s a psychopath. I don’t want neither
one of you around him. He tricked you into moving in with him? Why didn’t you
come to me? Why didn’t you tell me, Whitley? I would have helped you. I thought
we were closer than this.”

“Dad, I will talk to you about it in a minute. Please,
go,” I pleaded again.

“I’m going home with my daddy, okay, Papaw,” Maddie said,
turning to face us. She knew her papaw was upset. She was trying to make it
better for him.

My dad turned on his heels, jerking his arm from Jaron,
and walked away.

“Jaron take Maddie for me,” I requested.

Maddie wasn’t going. She wasn’t letting go of Alex to
save her life. Alex sat her down and squatted to her level. “You go with Jaron
for a minute, let me talk to Mommy, and I’ll see you in a minute,” he promised,
patting her on the bottom and sending her to Jaron.

Alex stood and looked at me. I didn’t know what I was
supposed to say. Once again, Alex Wesson flips my world. We stood in an awkward
silence staring at each other.

“Alex?” was all I could manage to get out. I had no idea
what to say. For the first time since Alex had walked into our lives, I was at
a loss for words. I didn’t want to scream and call him names. I wanted to run
to him. When the hell did that happen?

“Come here, Whitley,” he ordered.

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Come here.”

My feet moved on their own. I didn’t want to go to him. I
didn’t want to feel his arms around me. My hands automatically moved around his
neck as he pulled me close to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Whitley,” he whispered to my
hair as my tears too flowed all on their own.

I loved him. I missed him and I missed our little family.

“Whitley, I need you. I need Maddie. Please, let me try
this again.”

My words seemed to flow on their own as well. “You can’t
be with other women, Alex.” I blurted. I couldn’t help it. That was what came
out, that was what hurt me the most. Of all the things that he had done, seeing
him with another woman after making me fall deeply in love with him was what
wounded me the most.

He snickered. “There isn’t a woman on this earth that
could bring me to my knees the way you have, well, maybe Maddie. I don’t want
anyone but you, Whitley.”

“You let me leave, Alex. You let me take Maddie and walk
right out of your life,” I accused.

Alex held my face and made me look up to him. “I hurt
Maddie. I left her alone with a pan of boiling water, and then hurt her more by
ripping her shirt off. I deserved for you to take her away from me. I never
deserved her to begin with. She was my eye opener, Whit. You don’t know. You
weren’t there. Her screams, the pain in her eyes, the shaking of her little
body in my arms from excruciating pain that no little girl should ever feel was
in my hands. I did that to her. I had no right. You’re a great mom, you’ve
always been a great mom, and I never had the right to challenge that.”