Accidental Love (Accidental Crush #2) (8 page)

If I
glance to the right or left, I can see down the entire length of the statue straight to the bottom. I am so nervous I don't even know what I'm saying. I just keep talking because, if I don't, I will cry.

"
Maybe you forgot I'm wearing heels? Heels that I don't wear very often and am not comfortable in. Oh, and you forgot to mention that you can see all the way down to the bottom of the statue, so I can see how high I am. That is not really comforting for someone afraid of heights. And how is it possible for anyone to walk on these steps? I mean, my foot doesn't even fit on them and my foot is not very big."

I
'm so focused on my nervous rant that I don't even notice my feet are now on flat ground. Todd turns around, gently grabs my face, and turns me towards the arch shaped windows that make up her crown. "Look, we're here. You made it." He's biting his lower lip, trying not to laugh.

"
We made it? We made it!" I wrap my arms around him and kiss him. I'm so happy. Then I turn toward the windows.

H
e's right; the view is incredible. I feel like I can see the whole world from here. It's a clear, beautiful day and the water is sparkling like diamonds down below. I can't get enough of how enchanting everything looks from up here.

"
Worth it?" he asks, basking in my awestruck gaze.

"
Yup," I say, moving down the line of windows, not taking my eyes off the unbelievable view.

Once we are finally back on safe ground
, I reach up and wrap my arms around Todd's neck. "Thank you. You were so right. It was worth it. I was really scared, but it was amazing once we got up there. Thanks for convincing me to do it."

His smile melts my heart along with all of my fears. I
'm extremely grateful I trusted him enough to go. I feel incredible. I survived!

By the time we are back on the ferry
, the sun is setting. There are streaks of pink smeared across the light blue canvas of sky. The sun looks like a golden glow dripping down as it melts away, giving the buildings in the skyline the most incredible backlight.

Night is
near, the city's lights are coming to life. The twinkle gives the city an entirely different look than it had on our boat ride to the statue. It is vibrant, pulsating, alive. With the glow of the sky and the twinkle of the lights, tonight is wrapped in romance.

I look up at Todd,
enormously grateful he's in my life and for all of the thought he's put into today. I've always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty, but I've never imagined it would be like this, with Todd. His beauty takes my breath away. He's just as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside.

His arms are wrapped around me from behind
, and I revel in his warmth as the cool breeze blows through us while the boat pushes its way through the water.

"
It's beautiful," he says, looking out at the view, the golden hue from the setting sun washing across his face. "Just like you." He kisses my cheek.

I feel the
affection from both his touch and his words, and I smile. "I was just thinking the same thing. I mean, about you, not me." I laugh.

Todd leans down and kisses me, his tongue
brushing against mine. I relish in the feelings that spread through me. Everything about this moment is perfect with the city as our backdrop and the gorgeous sky surrounding us in a blue, pink, and golden-orange glow.

"
Just wait. It's still a day of firsts."

***

The next thing I know, we are sitting in a little Italian restaurant for dinner. It's almost as tiny as the steps at the Statue of Liberty, almost. Our table is lit by a small candle in the center of it, the restaurant is so dark it's really the only light we have. Todd is sitting across the table from me, our fingers intertwined as we eat the freshest, most delicious pasta. It is, by far, the best Italian food I've ever eaten.

"
Thank you for today. This really is the best birthday ever. I don't know how you kept this all a secret. Don't expect this for your birthday," I add with a laugh.

The most gorgeous
, crooked smile spreads across his face before he pulls out a long, narrow box. "You didn't think I wouldn't have a present for you, did you?"

"
But you did so much already," I gush. "This whole day has been the most incredible gift."

As
he pushes the box to my side of the small table, my heart begins pounding at double speed. I look up and my eyes connect with his. In this dim light, they take on more of a greenish-blue.

I can
't hide my smile as I run my fingers over my gift. This whole day has been unexpected, but this present, that he clearly wrapped himself because it's a bit of mess, is unbelievable.

"
Open it." He smiles. I love his smile. I love sitting this close to him with only a candle separating us, his knees brushing up against mine under the table.

"
I still can't believe it." I shake my head as I start to open the present. Seeing Todd's smile is better than anything that could be in this box. I finally get through the fifty-seven layers of tape, and inside the box is the most beautiful gold bracelet I've ever seen. It's very delicate with a series of long, gold tubes and little balls. "I love it," I say as my eyes meet his.

He leans in closer.
"It actually says something. It's Morse Code." His fingers stroke the fragile gold beads for a moment before his eyes connect back with mine. "You see this," he places his fingers over the first set of gold tubes and balls, "spells out T-H." The bracelet looks especially small in his big hands, and I'm not sure where he's going with this. "And this here, spells out L-O-V-E-S." While his fingers flow across the beads that represent each letter, I feel as if my heart has just jumped out of my chest it's beating so fast and hard.

His eyes are focused on the bracelet
, and he's still wearing my favorite smile as he continues, "And this says A-T.". His fingers caress my wrist as he gently places it on and closes the clasp. Then his eyes finally make their way back to mine. "It's true, Ash. What it says. I love you."

My heart feels like it
's on the same roller coaster as my stomach. I could swear it stopped and dropped to the floor. I don't know what to say. I feel the same way—I know I do—but I don't know if I can say it. I don't know why. They are just words, but they are
big
words.

"
Surprised?" he asks.

"
You could say that."

"
You don't have to say it back just because I said it. I only want you to say it when you feel it."

In this moment
, I feel like I could get lost in his eyes forever. I feel so many things: love, shock, excitement. I can't believe this gift, what he just said, this entire day. It all feels like a dream.
Maybe it really is a dream.

"
What?" He notices my bewildered expression and presses his lips together to hold in his smile. "Say something just so I know you're okay."

"
I love you, too." I keep my eyes on his. I do love him. I love him with every fiber of my being. I've felt it for a long time, and in this moment, I know it's real.

He rubs my cheek with the pad of his thumb.
"Ash, it's okay, really. I just wanted you to know how I feel."

"
No, it's true. I feel the same way. I wasn't sure if I was ready to say it. But I love you. I love you!" I say a little too loudly, and the couple sitting next to us gives us a not so pleased look. We both start to laugh.

I grab his hand and lock my fingers with his.
"I love you. And I love my bracelet. I love what it says and that you thought of it. The entire day has been amazing. Thank you for everything," I say, stroking the bracelet. I wait for our eyes to re-connect. "And I really do love you." It's true, all of it. I will never take this off, either. It's the most incredible birthday gift anyone has ever given me.

"
Thank you, Ash. For being you. I love you." He leans across the table and kisses me. I fear for his shirt being so close to the candle, but I just go with the moment, and it is truly the most incredible kiss—all the wonderful things from today are sealed in this kiss. And Todd just said the three most amazing words I've ever heard, and even better, I have them spelled out and wrapped around my wrist to wear as a reminder every day.

Chapter 8: Spring has
Sprung

We are lying side by side on a big blanket spread across the grass, and I can feel the soft blades underneath the coarse wool of the blanket. We are sprawled out on what has become our field, the one we both knew well as kids; Todd from playing sports and me from avoiding watching them play sports. However, in the past few months, it's become our special place. I've grown to love something I used to despise. It's where we come to talk, really talk, or just be alone.

As we
lie here, I feel the warm sun on my face, my skin extremely happy to drink it in. This is the first really warm day after a long, cold winter. I'm beyond thrilled to say goodbye to the below zero temperatures, although I'll miss seeing Todd in his knit beanie hat and the excuse to wear his letterman jacket.

"
I have something to tell you, Ash." His tone is serious, catching me off-guard.

I
've been looking at him this entire time, but I just noticed the concern written all over his face. I can suddenly feel his stress and see the worried look in his eyes. My heart starts to pound and beads of sweat begin forming on my skin from the sun I was loving a second ago.

Todd is lying on his side, facing me
, so I roll to match his position.

"
I got invited to another kicking camp this summer. It's right after the Penn State camp, so I'm going to be gone the entire month of July and a little of August."

My heart sinks. I don
't want him to see my disappointment, though; I want to be supportive. I knew this was coming, and no matter how much I try to avoid thinking about it, I know the summer I have visions of in my head is never going to happen.

"
That's great." I smile through it to give him the response I know I should.

"
Is it?" He leans back with his hands behind his head, looking up at the sky.

"
Sure. It's another chance at a scholarship, right?" I stroke his cheek and notice telling me hasn't relieved any of his stress. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to add to his stress, either.

"
Yeah, it is that."

"
Then why don't you seem happy?"

He just shrugs his shoulders without taking his gaze off
the bright blue sky above us.

"
Talk to me," I say as I trace his jawline with my finger after a long moment of silence.

"
It's just that I don't know if I want to play ball in college. And I'm not really looking forward to leaving you here all alone for the summer." His eyes make their way to mine, and he gives me a small smile.

"
First, it's not the whole summer. Second, I do have other friends. And third, why don't you want to play?"

"
Oh, is that all we are now, friends?" He reaches up to grab me and starts tickling me behind my knee, which is, by far, my most ticklish spot, and he knows it. It's a weakness he uses to his advantage whenever possible.

I can
't stop laughing as I try to pull away from him. "Stop trying to avoid the question," I say through breaks of laughter, trying desperately to regain my composure and take on a more serious tone. "Why don't you want to play?"

"
I don't know." He shrugs and finally stops tickling me to lie back with his arms resting behind his head.

"
But it could be a free ride to school." I can't believe I'm trying to convince him to go to another camp.
What am I thinking?

"
Yeah, that's why I can't say anything to my parents. My dad already has me kicking in the NFL."

"
What do you want to do?"

He shrugs
again, his eyes still locked on the clear blue sky above us as I resume tracing my finger over his face and chest; partly out of nervous habit and partly because I just love touching him.

"
I don't know. That's the thing. I mean, I love music. For me, when I'm on stage with my guitar or performing in a play, that's when I feel the most alive." He finally turns toward me and gently strokes my cheek. "Other than when I'm with you." His lips turn up into a smile, then he lies back down with his hands behind his head, staring back up at the sky. "But I can't say that to my dad." He shakes his head. "No way. Besides, I know college is expensive, and if I have a shot at a full ride, how could I not go for it? I know Sid is going to be going to school in a few years, and it's a lot of money for my parents to have two kids in college."

"
Todd, you have to tell them. You need to do what makes
you
happy, what you are passionate about. One thing you know is football takes up a lot of time, and it's going to be even worse in college with traveling across the country for games, and there's so much practice time. If that's not what you want, you shouldn't do it."

"
It's not that easy, Ash."

"
Why?"

"
Because it's just not. My dad, it means a lot to him. There are a lot of people counting on me."

"
What about what you want? Do your parents have any idea how you feel?"

He turns to make eye contact with me.
"I've never really told anyone except for you. This is the first time I've ever actually said it out loud."

I can
't help grinning at that. "Well, you need to tell them. Even if you play ball, you could still be in a band or major in theater."

"
It would be tough. You need to be in school productions, and I don't know if I could do both."

"
You did it in high school."

"
Yeah, but like you said, this is college. It's a different level. Besides, that's another thing. Baseball season is starting, and I really want to be in the spring musical, but I can't do both. There are too many games in baseball; it's not like football."

"
So you don't want to play baseball this year?"

"
Not really." He shrugs again.

"
Did you talk to your coach?"

"
No," he says sharply, then he softens and apologizes with his eyes. "I can't. Coach said a lot of college scouts have expressed interest already, and he thinks I have just as good of a shot at a baseball scholarship as football. Plus, he wants me to be a starting pitcher this year."

"
Really? That's great!" It slips out, and he looks at me like I haven't heard a word he's said. "I mean, if that's what you wanted, it'd be great. A starting pitcher is a pretty awesome opportunity. Does Brian know?"

"
Yeah, Coach wants him to be our closer."

Brian
's incredible arm translates extremely well in baseball, too. He's an amazing pitcher. But the concentration and thought Todd uses on the football field as a kicker makes him an unbelievable pitcher. He's a really strong kicker; however, his real sport is baseball. The funny thing is, even though they both pitch, there really has never been competition between Brian and Todd. I guess it's because they never really play at the same time and have always been on the same team. It's also unbelievable that the coach is going to have them both in key positions even though they are only juniors. Todd really is talented on the field and on stage, and I don't think he ever gives himself enough credit. If anyone could do both, he could.

"
What about Ry?"

"
Coach is starting him on first. I'm surprised you didn't know."

"
He tells me nothing. That's so perfect. That's what he wanted."

"
Yeah, I know. It's awesome he's starting him as a junior."

"
You could say the same thing." I push him in the chest. "It's just as huge for you."

"
Yeah, exactly. That's the problem. And if coach is right and the season goes well, I can't exactly turn down two opportunities at full rides to school for something that doesn't even seem realistic."

"
What do you mean? You are an amazing singer; don't sell yourself short. I love watching you on stage," I say with a smile at even the thought.

He sits back up to make eye contact with me
. "Thanks, Ash, but you don't really count." He gives me a sly smile.

"
Um, excuse me?"

"
You are a little biased."

"
I totally disagree. I'd tell you if I didn't think you were any good," I say emphatically. I want that to be clear. Even though he's probably right; I am a little biased.

We both
lie back down, mimicking each other's poses with our hands behind our heads.

"
So, do you really think you're not going to play baseball?"

"
No. I'm going to play. I have to. I'm not sure who would kill me first if I didn't: Bri and Ry or my dad. And I can't let them down or my coach or the rest of the team. Part of me loves the game, but I don't know… part of me is over it."

"
I had no idea you felt that way," I say, almost in a whisper.

He just shakes his head and shrugs
. There is silence for a long while; not uncomfortable silence, just silence. Todd is the first one to break it.

"
I don't know. One second I love it; I love the pressure, working as a team with the guys, and just being out on the field. But then, when I perform with the Sour Lollipops or even in a play, the feeling is different. It's a different kind of passion. I breathe it. It feels like that's where I'm supposed to be."

"
That's how I used to feel about swimming when I was in a race." He turns to me and brushes the hair off my face with an understanding smile. "I really think you can do both. If anyone can figure it out, you can. I feel like you really do love both. I've seen you on the field, and you play with so much passion. Do you think you're just nervous? I mean, that's a lot of pressure: being a starting pitcher, applying to schools, trying to get scholarships. And I know you don't want to disappoint your dad or your coaches." I think back to what he said when we were in the hotel at State.

Our eyes connect
, and he really looks at me. "I never thought about it like that before. You are right; I've always loved it." He shakes his head. "Maybe I'm shutting down because I'm scared." It's almost a whisper. He gives me a pensive look like he's really digging deep to figure out his feelings, and this isn't something he has considered before. It's as if a light bulb goes off, and he's just realized every problem isn't always black and white; sometimes it's the gray areas that trip you up.

"
Well, fear is probably not a feeling you're familiar with," I say with a smirk. "It's a feeling I know pretty well, though. Maybe you've been right this whole time and you're not perfect."

Todd laughs as he wraps his arms around my body. Before I know it
, he rolls me over and is now on top of me in one stealth move. His arms are pressed down on either side of me to avoid pressing his full weight down. His hair is hanging around his face, brushing against my forehead.

"
Thanks, Ash. You're right; why can't I do both?" As he kisses me deeply, I can feel his tension dissipate.

"
You're going to be an amazing starting pitcher," I whisper to him as his kisses move toward my neck.

He gives me that confident smile I love so much as he looks into my eyes with his crystal
, bluish-green pools of beauty as he strokes his hand over my hair. I'm studying the flecks of green and grey in his eyes, the way the sun is hitting them almost makes them look like clear blue glass.

"
Did you know you have eight freckles on your nose?" His question is so out of left field it makes me giggle.

"
I knew I had freckles."

"
You have eight. And did you know, if I played connect the dots, they'd make a heart."

I look up at his beautiful face and smile. I knew I had freckles
, but I've never counted them. Is it possible he studies me as much as I study him?

When h
e rolls off me and lies on his side, I turn so we are facing each other. "Did you know that, when you wear this gray hoodie," I rub my hand over it, "you have flecks of grey in your eyes?"

He smiles and gives me a sweet kiss.
"Did you know that, when I touch you right here, behind your left knee," he reaches for the exact place he's mentioning, "that it is your most ticklish spot. And that I love the sound of your laugh when I tickle you here." He gently strokes his fingers over that spot, and I try my hardest to hold in my laugh, but I can't.

"
Stop." I finally push him away. "Did you know I can tell how you feel by the color of your eyes?"

He gives me a smirk that says go on
.
I kind of like this game.