A Seal Upon Your Heart (48 page)

They were in her office and she was in the same chair that she used to sit in when she was a little girl. Somehow that comforted her. The sister looked at her with concern.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” She responded honestly. “Everything you taught me I ignored.”

Sister Louise was shaking her head, a serious expression on her face. “You came to God when you needed help. You knew what to do, just like I taught you.”

Martier felt herself smile. “Yes.” She put down the tea and gripped the older woman’s hands. She looked deeply into her eyes.

“I’m sorry Sister Louise. I was so angry with you when I left. I blamed you for not understanding me but it was me that didn’t understand you. You did take care of me, you educated me and kept me fed and clothed. You also loved me.”

Sister Louise’s eyes watered and she looked away.

“You made a fine mother. I never told you that. You are every bit my mother and I do love you.”

Tears dropped from the older woman’s eyes and she released Martier’s hand so that she could grab tissues and blow her nose.  After she had collected herself she took Martier’s hand again.

“I know that I made mistakes. I’m not too old to learn from them. I love the girls and I want the best for them but I don’t know enough about what’s out there to prepare them. I need to listen and to learn. But I’m working on that. What I want to know is what happened? Are you okay?”

Martier stared at her and then began from the beginning, telling her everything that had transpired over the last year. When she got to her memories about her family’s brutal slaying Sister Louise said a quiet prayer. When she explained about missing her period the sister didn’t even flinch and then she explained that she had gotten her period earlier today she still didn’t flinch. She talked about Linda who she felt was spiraling downhill and the sister closed her eyes momentarily. When the story ended she gave Martier a hug.

“Martier, you know that I wasn’t born a nun, right?”

Martier chuckled. “I’m sorry, I guess I just thought that you always wanted to be a nun.”

“It’s okay, I’ve known the love of a man. I was a girl just like you.” She nodded when Martier gave her a surprised look. “I didn’t always have this calling. Once upon a time I dreamed of a little house, a white picket fence, children and a husband. But then one day I knew that I wanted a relationship with God more than I wanted those things.”

Martier looked down. “I want a relationship with God
and
I want a husband, children, and a home.”

“The beautiful thing is that you can have both. But a wish for that is like a wish for anything else; you have to make it happen. Now you can do it the way that you began and you might luck up and find the right person or you can follow God’s plan for you. Now, I won’t tell you which way to go.”

“You won’t?”

She smiled. “Because I watched you pray for three hours and I know you already have the answer. You just have to believe what’s in your heart.”

Martier sighed and felt her spirit lift. She looked at Sister Louise. “I need time alone. I need to think without Tim’s influence. Sister, he’s not bad. It wasn’t him that wanted a sexual relationship. I promised him that it would be okay—and then it wasn’t. I mean, I don’t want you to think that he coerced me-”

“I’m not thinking about him at all.”

“Okay. It’s late. I guess I should go home.”

“Will you call me?”

“Yes. I will. And I’ll see you at church.” They hugged and Martier drove home wondering how she was going to tell Tim that she had made a mistake—a very bad mistake.

Chapter 40

Tim stared at the
cell phone and frowned. He had already called Martier five times over the course of the afternoon and evening with no response. What the fuck?! Where was she? He had called the office but no one had seen her since lunch. It was not like her to just leave work without telling him. Even if he wasn’t in the office, she would at least leave him a message stating where she was going.

He pulled into his drive and then drove right past his house towards the cottage. The porch light was out—so she hadn’t been home. He parked haphazardly and then used his key to let himself in.

“Martier?” Of course she wouldn’t be here; the Cadillac wasn’t outside. He dialed her cell phone once again. “Hey baby, you need to call me right back. I’m worried.” He disconnected, his brow furrowed and then he blew out a stressed breath.

He remembered her history on her telephone and scanned it until he came upon Dhakiya’s phone number.

“Hello?”

“Hi Dhakiya, is Martier there?”

“Tim? No she’s not here.”

His shoulders slumped. “Do you know where she is?”

“What? You don’t? Well hallelujah!”

“What are you talking about?” He asked angrily, not appreciating her attitude.

“Let me just be blunt, Tim. I got your number. I know your type, I’ve met plenty of men like you.”

“What in the hell is your problem?”

“You men that can’t think beyond your stiff penises! Hopefully she left your ass!”

“What?! I don’t have time for this-”

“I know you knocked her up.”

He was just getting ready to hang up the phone when he stopped. “What did she tell you?”

“She told me that she didn’t get her period. And she told me that you don’t want to get married and that you don’t want children.”

“What?! That’s crazy!”

“So you do want to get married and you do want to have children with her?”

He huffed. “Look…that’s between Martier and myself—”

“Just what I thought.”

“Why would she think that I wouldn’t want to be married to her or to have our baby?”

“Have you asked the Catholic girl, that you’ve been fucking and that you’ve knocked up, to marry you?”

Tim rubbed his face and shook his head. “I…I gotta find Martier,” he muttered. “This is not like her even if she is pissed at me. And you know what? I don’t give a shit what you think! What have you done for her since she got her memories back? Nothing! You haven’t encouraged her to talk about it or to go to thera-”

“What did you say? Martier got her memories back? When?”

Tim hung up the phone on her and then wondered who else he could call. He thought about Claudette and was scanning the phone’s history for her number when the phone rang. He answered it quickly.

“Tim! Don’t hang up! Please tell me when Martier got her memories back.”

“When we were in New York, okay? We saw an African dance troupe and she remembered.”

“Tim…she really doesn’t need to be alone right now.”

“No shit. Why do you think I’m freaking?”

“I’m sorry. I—Look, Martier called me the other day because she felt as if she was a bad influence for Linda.”

“What? Why would she think that? Linda is doing very well.”

“Well she said that Linda wanted to be just like her and that she wasn’t good enough because of the way that she was living her life.”

“Damn.” Tim said. “Did you take a minute from bashing me to tell her that she’s amazing?”

“Yes I did! Look, I told her to talk to you about her feelings. I told her to demand that you place a seal upon your heart!”

“A what?”

“Song of Solomon?” There was quiet. “Do you know anything about the bible? Do you even know that it’s Martier’s favorite book of the bible—perhaps even her favorite book?”

“Sorry we don’t spend much time talking about the bible. What is this seal that you’re talking about?”

“There is some interpretation here but basically a very beautiful black woman was admired by a man that had money and the power to give her luxury. But he talked about sensuous things instead of valuing the fact that she had contracted with God to remain pure. It didn’t mean that she couldn’t fantasize about it—but she kept her legs closed despite the fact that this man kept offering her his wealth and feeding her with compliments concerning her beauty.”

Tim scowled at her not-so-subtle jab at him. She had no idea and he had little desire to fill her in on the actual facts concerning their relationship. First was that he had not been the one trying to open her legs.

“So one day she is in this man’s vineyard and she says; look, I don’t want your money or your wealth, I want your commitment. I want to know that I above all others have a firm place in your heart and that you are not afraid to wear me on your arm and show me to the world!”

“This is your interpretation-”

“It’s Martier’s interpretation at the moment.”

Tim sighed. “I see. Is there anything else?”

Dhakiya spoke. “Well…that’s basically it. If I hear from her I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you.” He said briskly. “I’ll do the same.”

“Tim-”

“We’re done here.” He hung up the phone. Then he scanned down the list of numbers again for either Bartholoma or one of the sister’s—fuck! He would dial every number on the list if he had to. And then he heard the sound of the car and he hung up the phone and rushed to the door.

The Cadillac pulled up next to his truck and he sighed in relief—more than that, the shattered pieces of his psyche seemed to reform. Tim hurried to the car just as Martier stepped out, looking at him in confusion.

“Tim-?”

“Where the hell were you? Why didn’t you answer your phone?!”

Her eyes grew wide and she quickly rummaged through the car. “Oh no! I left my purse at the church.” She had been in such a rush and then later so preoccupied that she had completely forgotten about it. She ran her hand through her hair tiredly.

“I have to go back and get it.”

“Martier, are you crazy? It’s after eight. We can get it in the morning. What were you doing there anyway?”

She walked past him with a sigh. “I’m tired Tim. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

He followed her, resisting an urge to grab her arm and turn her around. “Martier, I was very worried about you.”

She sighed. “Why, because you couldn’t keep tabs on me for five or six hours?”

“Lets try eight or nine.” He snapped. “And I don’t keep tabs on you. You always tell me where you are and when you didn’t answer or return my calls I got scared.”

She turned to him. “I’m sorry,” She said apologetically. “I’m okay, I promise. I just got sidetracked.”

She gave him a hug and the last of his anger faded away. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to snap.” They went into the house arm in arm but he sensed that she seemed a bit stiff. He locked up while she hung up her coat and took off her heels.

“Martier. I wanted to talk to you about something.” And then he saw that her eyes were puffy. She’d been crying. Alarmed he sat down on the couch with her. “You were crying! What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

She sighed. “Something did happen.”